I like it best.

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?

X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ... "Colleague:" Last week. " Friend: "I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a lift …" Colleague: "Never mind, just go down and find him?"

Friend: Ah, you are really joking. ...

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend: ... this is inconvenient ...

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 4. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you." 6. Anonymous had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted on his head and farted so that he could smell it. I didn't expect that I pushed too hard and directly pulled a pile of shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up and slapped him in the past. ...

8. A gentleman went to Man Bar and rented A Jin Tianyi. As soon as he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which day he drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "

I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and kill the leader." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 10, two children are talking:

A said: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes. 1 1. A customer walks to the front desk.

Customer: "Give me a small bowl."

Me: "Huh?"

I didn't know it was a sundae until the customer pointed to the menu.

Me: "sundaes? What flavor do you want? "

Customer: "Apple's."

Me: "Ah? Sorry, I have never sold apples. "

Customer: "What's that green one?"

Me: "Oh, that's aloe."

Customer: "Aloe? Isn't that a flower! Can you eat? "

Me: "Yes!"

Customer: "Forget it, I never eat blindly." I want coffee. "

Me: (at a loss) "Sorry, I have never sold coffee."

Customer: "What's the dark black one?"

Me: "That's chocolate."

Customer: "forget it, chocolate is too sweet." I want the red one. " It's strawberries. "

Me: (super happy, I can guess right once. ) "Yes, how many do you want?"

Customer: "one, but I don't eat sesame seeds." Please help me pick out all the strawberry seeds. "

Me:! @~#$%^&； & amp**~! @#$%^&； * 12, examiner; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland?

Me: 5 yuan.

Examiner: Get out, next.

The word "give up" has never appeared in my dictionary.

I kept throwing and throwing,

Finally got an interview with Google.

However, when I went to google for an interview, I answered a question and was kicked out. ...

Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview?

Me: Baidu

Examiner: Get out, next.

I am depressed, but I still have to support myself first.

Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. .

But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs.

At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child.

So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine!

Examiner: Go out ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

McDonald's failed in the interview.

My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service.

Mom says you don't need technology. You try it first. I agreed without thinking.

The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me:

You are very kind. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work.

Me: "132 ..."

Examiner: Get out. . . .

My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home.

My family looked at me helplessly.

I walked to a shopping mall and saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan.

Me: Just do it.

Examiner: Get out, next.

Repeated failures have not dampened my confidence.

So I settled down to study hard, and finally I was admitted to our local civil servants with excellent results.

Still, there is a fucking interview.

During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job.

When I am happy.

The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best?

I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang!

Examiner: Get out.

This failure, I have a very important consideration for life, looking back,

I finally found out that the most important thing is that I have some wrong answers.

However, I have made the best preparation for this interview.

Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work.

Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented.

The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow.

At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". 13 one day, the teacher came into the classroom and the students stood up and shouted, "good morning, teacher!" " "

The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "

So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "

The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "

Teacher: "The weather is fine today."

Student: "The weather is terrible today."

Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."

Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."

Teacher: "I found a dollar."

Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."

Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "

Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "

Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "

Teacher: "I was wrong."

Student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "

Teacher: "You are so stupid."

Student: "We are very smart."

Teacher: "Stop!"

Student: "Go on!"

Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "

Student: "Go on now! Say it! "

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "

Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "

Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "

Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "

Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "

Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "

Teacher: "Are you endless?"

Student: "We finish what we started!" "

Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "

Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

..... Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms. 14, people from four countries traveled by plane, and the plane suddenly overloaded. The pilot said, "Our plane is overweight now, and we must jump off a person." The Americans shouted, "Long live the United States of America" and then jumped off the plane. The pilot said, "It's still too heavy, but we still have to jump off an Englishman, shout" Long live the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland "and then jump off the plane. At this time, the pilot said that he was still heavy. China came out after the dance. The Japanese held China's hand affectionately and said, "I will never forget the kindness of the people of China." At this moment, China shouted "Long live the people and country of China" and kicked the Japanese down. The next day, people from four countries flew to other places. Unexpectedly, the plane broke down. Americans say there are three parachutes here, and one of us must jump off the plane. The American said, "I'll give you a question, and whoever can't answer it will jump." Three people agreed. Americans ask China people, "How many suns are there in the sky? China: An American asked an Englishman, "The sky and the moon? "Englishman:" an American asked the Japanese, "What are the stars in the sky? Japanese: "…" The Americans kicked him down. On the third day, they traveled by plane again, and the plane broke down again. The American said, "There are only three parachutes here. Someone must get off the plane. Generally speaking, this is still my problem. Americans ask China people, "A few years ago, a huge passenger ship crashed. What's its name? "China people: Titanic" The Americans asked the British: "How many people died in that accident" The British: "1503 people" The Americans asked the Japanese: "1503 people's names? "Japan:" ... "The United States kicked the Japanese in the face and was kicked off the plane. The fourth day, the four of them went on a trip again. Similarly, the plane broke down again. Before I could speak, Japan let out a cry, "Forget it, you don't have to kick me, I'll jump off the plane myself. Then the American shouted at the door, "Damn it, you are sick. You got on the plane today.