Ask a cold joke

Hungry. . This one is older. . Is this it? .

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1) ghost killing

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loves her more than anyone in the world.

But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly without even giving him a reason.

Watching his girlfriend go shopping arm in arm, he was in great pain and lost his mind.

Finally one day he killed his girlfriend.

He was going to kill her and then kill himself. But when I was dying, I felt the value of life.

Since then, he has been haunted by nightmares every day, in which his girlfriend is naked and has long hair.

Red tongue hanging on the ground, fingers like a hook to kill him.

Nightmares tormented him like needles, and one day he found a Taoist priest and begged to get rid of him.

The Taoist asked him to do three things.

First, give his girlfriend a good burial.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend wore before her death.

Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes.

Everything must be finished before midnight, or you will be killed!

He did everything carefully according to the orders of the Taoist priest, but he couldn't find the bloody dress.

Not here.

It's almost midnight. Beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet.

He found the bloody clothes in the middle of the night, but no matter how he wiped them, he couldn't wash them off.

At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The window was shaken from side to side by the strong wind, and the glass was broken.

This crack is even more terrible. Suddenly all the lights went out and the whole room was dark.

In the lightning, I saw my girlfriend wearing bloody pajamas, with blood dripping in her eyes and a ferocious face.

He pointed at him and snapped, "Do you know why the blood won't wash away?"

He was too scared to say a word.

The girlfriend continued: "Because you are useless to Diao brand washing powder, idiot."

(2) Meet a female ghost at night

It was late at night, and a taxi driver decided to take another passenger home, but the road was already closed.

There are not many people left.

The driver drove aimlessly and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, waving to him. It was very quiet.

Suddenly at night

Killing people is against nature, and this situation has to remind people of something that people don't want to think about.

Things, that's a ghost! ! !

But in the end, the driver decided to give her a hand. The man got on the bus and said in a sad hoarse voice, ""

Please go to the cremation factory

. "The driver Ji Ling made a cold shiver. Is she really ... he can't think of further, and he dare not go further?

Yes, I did. He regrets it, but now he must send her to him as soon as possible.

The woman's face is comely and pale, and she has nothing to say all the way, which makes people feel creepy. The driver really can't hold on.

Keep driving, distance

When she was almost where she was going, he made an excuse and stammered, "Miss, that's not good."

Meaning, front

It's hard to turn back. You can walk there by yourself. It's very close. "The woman nodded and asked," how much is that?

? "The driver said quickly," forget it, forget it.

You are a woman, but it's not easy to come here so late. Forget it! ""How dare you? " "just

Tell you what! "The driver insisted.

Women can't help it. "Well, thank you!" Say that finish, opened the door. ...

The driver turned to start the car, but he didn't hear the door closing, so he turned his head. ...

How did that woman disappear so quickly? He looked and sat down, no! The front, left and right sides of the car

There's nothing back there! Did she just disappear?

The driver's curiosity, so he wanted to find out. He got out of the car and came to the open door.

"that woman

Don't leave so soon, or she just ... "He is going to collapse and just wants to get out of here.

Bloody hands

Patted him on the shoulder, he looked back, and the woman stood in front of him, her face covered with blood, and she spoke.

"master! Please don't stop at the ditch next time you stop ... "

(3) There are two people.

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path, which is strange to say.

People are always here.

Something happened. Soon a man and a woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot. One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi

Go back to his mother

Passing by on the way home, Xiao Zhi suddenly said, "Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole." Mother took him by the hand.

Go away quickly and say:

"Don't talk nonsense, son!" But it soon spread. One day, a reporter came to interview Xiao.

Let him take him.

To see the place where the accident happened, Xiao Zhi generously led him. The reporter asked: "Where is it?" Ash Ketchum

Pointing to it, the reporter looked up and saw a sign hanging on the telephone pole.

It says: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

(4) three ghosts complain

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They told God that they all died miserably.

I hope they can go to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But now

There are still places! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost began to say ...

I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude!

On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying!

But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of the balcony.

It's on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover!

Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now!

However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life!

I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure!

But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it.

. As soon as I entered the door,

I see my wife's hair is unkempt and unkempt. There must be an adulterer. So I filled the room.

I looked in the kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find them. When I reached the balcony, I found two hands on it.

On the railing, I thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death!

As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the house and entered the door.

In the kitchen, I found the refrigerator big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy.

! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house.

Shake it! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So the kitchen took a look,

I also looked for the toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't know.

Bai, her husband

How did you know I was in the refrigerator? He threw it from 13 floor!

I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

(5) The toilet is haunted

Chu Yang wants to visit the countryside. When chatting with relatives, relatives told him that there was a ghost in the toilet here, but there was no one.

Yes, you don't answer.

If you are possessed by a ghost, it won't hurt you. May be the cause of acclimatization, in the evening, Chu Yang came.

talk nonsense

It hurts like hell. No way out, Chu Yang had to bite the bullet and go to the toilet on tenterhooks.

ChuYangGang to squat down, then hear the sound of the ghost:

"Red toilet paper or white toilet paper?"

Chu Yang knew that ghosts could not be accepted, so he replied:

"I always use newspapers."

Well, it seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again. However, this

The second time, he was no longer afraid.

Ghost see ChuYang backward, held out his hand and said:

"Youth Daily or Central Daily?"

"I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time.

"Youth sports or central sports?" Asked the ghost.

"... I ... I just want to pee. "

(6) Ghost mobile phone

I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you help me?

Call the police 1 19? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

The man said, "I can only call 444-4444, not others." 」

Xiao Ming was scared to death and hung up the phone quickly.

You can only call 444-4444? Is it a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming was afraid to answer it.

But the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me? I'm fine.

Damn it!

.............., my finger is stuck in the telephone dial! 」

damned

Two men walked home after a Halloween costume party. ..

When they passed a cemetery,

On a whim, I want to go through this cemetery.

When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming.

The sound came from somewhere in the dark, and they trembled with fear.

Then they found an old man chiseling a tombstone with a chisel.

One of them said, "My God, sir, we thought you were a ghost.

It's so late. What are you doing here? "

The old man scolded, "* * *, they misspelled my name. ! ! ! "

(8) Jack-o 'lantern

On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard at night. The breeze blew and the surrounding sounds rustled.

It makes people sweat.

The hair stood on end, and the scalp looked at first sight. Just then, he suddenly found a little red light flashing in the distance.

His first thought was

It's a "ghost fire". So he carefully picked up a stone and threw it at the lamp. I saw the fire.

The light drifted to another grave.

In the back. He was even more afraid, so he picked up a stone and threw it at the fire, only to see that the light turned into another piece.

The grave flew away.

At this point, he is close to collapse. So he picked up another stone and threw it at the lamp. At this time, just listen.

Walk behind the grave

A voice said, "Shit, who is it? Shit is not fun. A pack of cigarettes cut me three times.

. "

(9) Dolls

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. One night, he drove past a desolate place.

Four-person seat

It's dark on Monday; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He is puzzled about this.

When is it in the room?

When I was building such a building, I saw a lady on the roadside waving to take his car home, and the lady sat on it.

In the back of the car, he just

Close the car door and start driving.

Car, after a while, he felt very strange, why the lady didn't speak, as a result, he looked back at the mirror.

At first glance, where is it?

Miss, there is only one doll there. Scared to death, he grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window.

, come back.

Houjiajiu

Seriously ill for three months.

...

...

...

...

...

After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You are really dissatisfied."

Think about it,

there is a

This beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to ride in your car last time, but she just threw the doll in, so you just

Close the car door and drive away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest ... most terrible road. ...

The taxi driver drove there. ...

A woman beckoned to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way. ...

Until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "The apple is for you ... It's delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... and took it ...

Then I took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ………………………………………………

"... but what about me? I don't like it after giving birth! …