Funny and deceptive routines (funny dialogue jokes will keep you laughing throughout the holiday)

Nowadays it is difficult to have a normal chat. Some people say that the most touching sentence in the world is: "The other person is typing..." However, life is full of routines and it is really hard to guard against. You have no idea what the other person is typing. Classic deceiving sentences in chat

Don’t move! Look at this text message quietly! Look at the top, look at the bottom, don’t forget the left and right! Have you read it? Delete it after you read it. !

What happened? Dial your mobile phone, and the voice prompt says: You are calling a lazy pig from out of town. Please add the pig pen area code before the number you dial. I couldn’t believe it. I called again and the voice prompt said: The owner of the phone has been slaughtered.

The most romantic thing I can think of is to watch you slowly get fatter. Then I'll have pork to eat. Oh yeah!

I heard that eating garlic can prevent influenza A, and I think it makes sense. Think about it: if you eat garlic, others will think you smell bad and won’t be close to you, and the influenza A virus won’t be able to get close to you. I'm pregnant! Haha, don't forget to take two cloves of garlic before going out!

Meeting you is the beginning of my heartbeat, falling in love with you is my happy choice; pursuing you is the starting point of my happiness; Having you is my most precious treasure; stepping onto the red carpet is my eternal motivation! Unfortunately, I sent it to the wrong person!

Are your ears itchy? That means I am thinking about you. Are your eyes itchy? That means I want to see you. Does your mouth feel itchy? That means I want to kiss you. Does your body feel itchy? That means... Stop thinking about it, you're about to get lice. Go take a shower!

I have three I have a few words to say to you, including the following sentence, thank you. I’ve finished.

"I miss those days very much. You walked coquettishly in front of me on the country road with your head lowered. When the villagers saw us, we all praised you: Hey, you are beautiful and clean! They also praised me: What a good kid, he comes out to herd pigs at such a young age!"

This time I sent a message for three main purposes: first, to connect with each other; second, to pass the time; third, I tell you very responsibly. : The weather is getting colder, remember not to wear crotchless pants anymore. ”

Don’t eat when I’m hungry! I did it; don’t sleep when I’m sleepy! I did it too; don’t put on clothes when I’m cold, I did it again. It’s a pity that I am such a strong person. , I didn’t do it without telling you when I miss you.

1.

Compliment like this:

I think you are too much. You are narcissistic,

To be honest, you look like this,

The most you can get in a beauty pageant is the top three.

I found out that you are a liar,

Because I look much better in person than in the photos

2.

"You must be short-sighted, right?"

"Why do you say that?"

"If you weren't short-sighted, how could you not tell that I like you?"

He asked me what I was doing, and I said I was drawing on my eyebrows.

He said, let me. Let me take a look, the eyebrows are dark and dark?

(The first half of the poem is "After putting on makeup, I asked my husband in a low voice")...

I melted at that time

3.

On the way back with my boyfriend, he hummed a few times and I said you looked like you were on drugs

He joked and said, "Look at me, I'll show you." What is taking drugs?"

Then as soon as I turned my head, he kissed me and started chatting with 5 classic jokes

(1)

The disciple asked the teacher: "Can you Talk about something weird about humans? "The teacher replied: "They are eager to grow up, and then lament their lost childhood; they exchange health for money, and soon want to use money to restore their health; they are anxious about the future, but ignore the happiness of the present. Therefore, they live neither in the present nor in the future. They live as if they have never died; before they die, they feel as if they have never lived. "

(2)

One day, the dog asked the wolf: Do you have a house and a car? The wolf said no. The dog asked again: Do you have three meals a day and fruit? The wolf said No. Do you have anyone to play with and take you shopping? Wolf said no.

The dog said with disdain: You are so incompetent, why do you have nothing! The wolf smiled: I have the personality of not eating shit, I have goals that I chase, I have freedom that you don’t have, I am a lonely wolf, and you are just a dog that thinks you are happy!

(3)

When a drop of ink falls into a glass of water, the water immediately changes color and cannot be drunk; when a drop of ink melts into the sea, the sea remains a blue sea. Why? Because the belly capacity of the two is different. The unripe wheat ears stand straight up, while the mature wheat ears hang their heads. Why? Because the portions of the two are different. Tolerating others is magnanimity; humbling oneself is weight; together, it is the quality of a person.

(4)

The old man said to his child: "Clench your fists and tell me how you feel?" The child clenched his fists and said, "A little tired." The old man said: " Try to use more force." Child: "I'm even more tired. I'm holding my breath!" Old man: "Then let it go." Child said, "It's much easier!" "When you feel tired. , the tighter you hold it, the more tired you will be. If you let it go, you will feel more relaxed. "It's such a simple truth, it's easier to let go.

(5)

When a person is angry, his IQ is zero; when a person is impatient, his actions will be deformed; when a person does not give the other party trust, nothing he says is of any use; When a person loses his direction, he has no motivation to do anything; of course, the most important thing for a person is self-knowledge, self-awareness, and self-reliance. Only with self-awareness can we leverage our strengths and avoid weaknesses, only with self-awareness can we stand on our own, and only with self-reliance can we stand upright.