Classic humorous campus jokes

Classic humorous campus joke: primary school loves to sleep. Once the Chinese teacher assigned homework and wrote an essay entitled "If I were a spider". I asked my classmates after class and racked my brains at home at night to write a sensational "If I were a pig". The following is my carefully arranged classic humorous campus jokes for reference only. Welcome to reading.

Classic humorous campus joke 1 1, in the dormitory at night.

"Plug in the power supply? Where are you plugged in? "

"I can't get in!"

"Push!" ……

Then the dormitory was dark in an instant, and Nima was short-circuited!

Chatting with long-lost college classmates on the phone. Me: How are you, brother? Recently?

He said: at first I thought I would make a difference with the housekeeping skills I learned at school!

Me: What about now?

He said: now I am a janitor of a factory!

There are many mosquitoes in summer school, and the male students sitting in front of me are always bitten by mosquitoes. He said angrily, "I've been biting your father!" "

The result was heard by my deskmate. After a while, the mosquito bit my deskmate. The deskmate photographed a gay man and said, "Take care of your children and keep biting me!" " "

Classic humorous campus jokes 2 1. If I pass all the exams, please don't call me a bully, call me a gambler!

2, so distressed, I failed to do my homework every day.

In high school, the teacher transferred the boys to a table and the girls to a table to prevent puppy love. In fact, he didn't realize the more serious problem!

4. Xueba is generally divided into three realms: everyone sleeps and I wake up alone; I don't regret that the bags under my eyes are black. I'm fine when others pass by; Three years at the same table, suddenly looking back, that person seems familiar!

5. Did your math score exceed your weight? -This is really a bloody question!

6. It is strongly recommended that school study rooms be divided into four types: lovers show their love, singles seek to meet, peers in gay friends, and students learn to bully purely academically, so as not to injure others by accident and harm others!

7, exercise book detection is normal! The pen test is normal! The answer is in place! The seat safety test is normal! The brightness of the desk lamp is normal! Cell phone isolation is normal!

Homework countdown 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3 ... Drop it! Drop it! Mobile phone isolation failed! Warning! Warning! Don't touch the phone! Warning! Warning! ..... Fingers touch the phone, and the system crashes! Failed to write homework!

8. "Actually, the geography I just took is not difficult." "The examinee ..."

The third paragraph of the classic humor campus 1, the senior: "Are you a freshman?"

Senior sister secretly rejoiced after listening, thinking that she was praising her youth: "How do you know?"

Senior: "Look at your skin!"

Senior sister was even happier after hearing this, thinking: I didn't expect my skin to be so good!

She waved her hand and said, "Actually, I'm a junior."

The senior mused, "Look at your skin, I thought you had just finished military training."

2. Roommate lamented that people who have known each other for so long have only two "empty" words in their names!

Me: Which two?

He: A the Monkey King, a hole!

Me: Then what?

He: One is a childhood dream, and the other is a teenager's fantasy.

3. Xiaoli was wearing a hot low-cut dress when she suddenly heard someone whisper, "I think it's B."

"No, it must be A."

Xiaoli is angry. She walked over and spat, "Don't answer the questions in the exam!" "

4. In the girls' dormitory, a roommate came to her aunt, and another roommate said that when a girl comes to her aunt, her breasts will get bigger. Roommate sighed with emotion: "If only she would come to have her period every day!"

As a result, another roommate said, "If you are a freshman every day, your breasts will be of great use!" " "

5. Freshman: Brother, is there a beautiful woman in your buckle? Introduce me to one.

Sophomore: Brother, is there a woman in your buckle? Introduce me to one.

Junior: Brother, is there anyone else in your buckle?

Senior: Brother, come here for a moment. ...

The last question in the fourth professional course exam of classic humor campus: Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turns out that everyone writes the name of the tutor ... what a world!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the scenery on the balcony, and I found a beautiful girl in the opposite girl's dormitory waving to me with a handkerchief, and I waved to her. Then she ran to another window and waved to me, and I waved to her; Then she left again, and I didn't realize it until she waved to me at the third window. It turned out that she was cleaning the window. ...

MM looked for Tsinghua and got lost. Fortunately, I met a gentle professor with some thick books in his arms. "Excuse me, how can I get to Tsinghua University?" The professor pondered for a while and said earnestly, "Study, you can only go to Tsinghua if you continue to study hard."

A student in Tsinghua squats in a corner of the zoo with a broken bottle every day to watch bears. His mother went to the hospital to ask if there was anything wrong with the child's nerves. The doctor said that to judge whether he is ill, we must start with knowing him. So the doctor took a bottle to see the bear every day, and the two of them squatted for a month without saying a word. Finally, one day, he said, "Excuse me, are you, are you going to throw sulfuric acid at the bear?"

The only girl in the department came to watch the basketball game. Suddenly, the MM skirt was blown by the strong wind, and the foreign boy shouted, "God, spring is missing!" " "The boy in the department said with a calm face," Please, this is dirty clothes! "

When a man got married, he swore to God that he would be faithful to the marriage, but soon after the marriage, he cheated. After a few days, he found that there was no retribution, and he forgot. Until one day, he was sailing by boat and was caught in a storm. He suddenly realized that this was God's punishment, so he quickly knelt down and prayed: Please forgive him for other innocent people. At this moment, I heard a deep voice in the sky: Do you think I am free these years? Can I easily fill this boat? I ...

The classic humorous campus joke 5 1 turned out to be everlasting, just a misunderstanding.

It is said that one afternoon in class, there was thunder and lightning, mixed with wind and rain, and the weather was bad. There are not a few students who skip classes. The teacher walked into the classroom and said slowly, "Thank you very much for so many students coming to my class in such bad weather today." Please call a name!

3. Qian Shan is always in love, so it's not good to give one more.

I can't stand the fleeting time, but I can't escape the teenagers here.

5. Buy good things with reasonable prices, not inferior things with low prices.

6. Caterpillars are very similar to maggots, but butterflies and flies are by no means the same.

7. Looking for a job after graduation: Age is precious, relationship is very important, and ability is for reference.

8, the school left a bangs to find parents, and it depends on my hairstyle if my grades don't go up?

9. You are beyond my imagination, and I am beyond your imagination.

10, I think that year, I wore a red scarf and a school uniform and walked into the Internet cafe smartly.

1 1, flip a coin: surf the internet head-on, sleep on the other side, and stand up to do your homework.

12, my mother said: even if you are jealous, you should pretend to play soy sauce, and you can't look down on it.

13, I miss being a child. When it's hot, I can go shirtless like a man.

14, also holding a telescope, was called a general on the battlefield and became a rogue at home.

15, I studied sacred knowledge, and you actually measured the score, which is simply an academic stain!

16, Student: Teacher, you are so beautiful today. Teacher: Thank you. Student: You're welcome. I lied to you.

17. Adolescence love is spiritual opium. Whether you smoke or not, there are always countless Lin Zexu standing behind you.

18, don't fail, I want to; If I don't review, I will; You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving.

19, I heard that there is no distinction between arts and sciences in high schools now, and arts occupy memory and science burns chips. So should I collapse now?

20. When I was a child, my deskmate asked me what monsters looked like. I took a mirror and told him to look inside. Two seconds later, he cried.

2 1, God deceived everyone, because hell is the most beautiful! The Buddha knew the truth, so the Buddha said: If I don't go to hell, who will go to hell?

22. One day, the teacher scolded the classmates: You are too stupid, and your IQ is negative. My IQ is one hundred times that of you! Student:

23. A teacher said: You are more unjust than Chang 'e! The students thought for a long time but didn't understand. After a long time, they realized that the teacher wanted to say that you were more wronged than Dou E, and there was nothing they could do.

24. We should show our own style, develop our sexual interests and hobbies, and don't be playthings in parents' hands. This house is so messy that I dare not think about it. The more I think about it, the more chaotic it is. )

25. I have been trying to copy every exam for more than ten years. For what? Is it for yourself? Not just to improve the class average! For the teacher's face! For the evaluation of the grade director, first evaluate the excellent! It's a shame for the headmaster to go to the Education Bureau for a meeting! I feel scared and sweaty every time I copy it. Did I mention complaining? I'm so selfless. What else do you want from me?

Classic humorous campus joke 6 1, the whole semester was completely abandoned, and I was heartbroken when the exam approached. I haven't slept for a week. I memorized it before the exam and collapsed when I walked into the examination room. I cried when I got the paper, but I didn't pass the exam. I can't do anything.

2. The girl followed the boy and asked, "Do you love me or not?" The boy turned back angrily and said, "My mother gives me three yuan a day, and both of them buy you food. Do you think I love you? "

3. In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination, and the stool was used as a laboratory product, and then everyone took a little. An alumnus put it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box ... and then walked halfway ~ someone took it away on a motorcycle.

4. Teacher: "If you have one yuan and ask your father for another, how much money do you have?" Student: "One yuan." Teacher: "Can't you do arithmetic?" Student: "You won't understand my father."

W: How many suns and moons are there in the sky? Man A: A sun, a moon. Man B: I know this question, too! W: Well, let me ask you, how many stars are there in the sky? Male b: ......

6. In the evening, my classmates said in their sleep, "Love the princess, love the princess, don't leave me." I'm stunned! After a while, "Tang Daqing perished like this, I am not reconciled, I am not reconciled." I just collapsed.

7. Speaking of triboelectricity, the physics teacher said: When we take off our sweaters in winter, there will be a creaking sound and lightning. But not in summer. Why? Boy in the back: Because I don't wear sweaters in summer.

Classic humorous campus joke 7 1, three school girls talk about a man who came to school to propose marriage.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he? Is he handsome?

B (Master): What does he do and what's his monthly salary?

C (Ph.D.): Where is he?

Daming said, "I found that with the growth of age, the form of queuing will be different." For example, primary school students are always in teams, and middle school students are in piles. "

Xiaohua asked, "What about college students?"

Daming said, "You don't have to ask, they are right!" "

Xiao Qiang returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet."

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Qiang: "What did the ants say?"

Xiao Qiang looked blank ... suddenly smiled and said, "The ant ... didn't say anything ..."

4. One day, a professor suddenly stopped teaching and seriously said to everyone:

If the students sitting in the middle chatting can be as quiet as the students sitting in the back playing cards,

Then the students who sleep in front will not be disturbed.

5. A pair of lovers are whispering in the grass on campus.

Boyfriend: "If you are near Zhu Zhechi, you will be black if you are near Mexico". I am with you. What are you?

Girlfriend: My name is Zhu.

6. Student: "Teacher, I think there is something wrong with the probability formula!"

Teacher: "Oh, tell me your reason?"

Student: "There are 33 students in our class. According to the calculation, the probability that I am asked is 1/33. But in this class today, you let me answer almost all the questions! "

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