Is there any sketch about ancient themes? Please pay attention. It must be hilarious.

New skit about Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai

Act 1

(Liang Shanbo and his book boy appear together.)

Liang: You carry the burden, and I lead the horse (like leading a horse, but one person can pretend to be a horse), welcome the sunrise, and bid farewell to the sunset...

(The person pretending to be a horse is extremely depressed, so he takes the opportunity to sing the lyrics below Knock down the beam)

Horse: smooth the rough road and become a great road... (step over Liang)

(Liang gets up and subdues the horse with force, fighting scene)

Liang: After fighting the difficulties and dangers, we set off again, and set off again. (Liang uniformed the horse and made a proud gesture, and the bookboy walked with him to the center of the stage. The horse made a depressed gesture and then got off the side of the stage)

(Liang walked to the center of the stage and was about to say hello to the audience. The left part of the stage The audience used the sign of "Journey to the West Fans" and began to applaud enthusiastically and shouted: "We are fans of Journey to the West! We are fans of Journey to the West!") (Note: Only use slogans if the subtitle brand cannot achieve an eye-catching effect. Otherwise, do not use it. . )

Liang: (Stunning on the sidelines) Dear readers, I want to explain that I am not Sun Wukong, and I don’t know martial arts (music and lyrics). My younger brother is from Hunan. His surname is Liang, and his name is Shanbo. ...

(Part of the audience on the right side of the stage, holding the sign "Water Margin Fans", interrupted Liang's speech with enthusiastic applause and shouting. One of them sang: "The river flows eastward, and the sky in the sky... The stars join the Big Dipper...")

Liang: (I almost fainted, but quickly stopped me): Wrong, you all made a mistake. This play is not "Journey to the West" or "Water Margin", but "Butterfly Lovers"!

(There was sudden silence in the audience. After a while, someone whispered, "Hey, apart from the four great classics, have you read any other books?" Answer: "No, you said "Butterfly Lovers" is What the hell!”)

Liang: (Hearing this, he was furious and yelled) Screenwriter, screenwriter, screenwriter, get here, quickly, quickly!

Screenwriter: (running up quickly) Brother Liang, please give me any advice!

Liang: (He grabbed the screenwriter and beat him, punching and kicking him) You stinky cobbler, I wrote a script that smells worse than your feet. I told you not to make it up like this, but you turned a deaf ear to me. Look at me. If I don’t beat you to death, I will beat you to death.

Screenwriter: (crouching to avoid) Oh, don’t fight, don’t fight, how did I know that the cultural level of college students today is so low!

Shu Tong: (putting down his burden and hurriedly stepped forward to dissuade him and pulled the beam apart) Stop hitting him, stop hitting him, it hurts my heart when you hit him!

Liang: (backs up, walks aside silently, ponders for a moment) Why are today’s college students so depraved, addicted to computers, games and the Internet, and why do they even have such nasty things? Hey, I am now going to study at the Dream Miracle MBA Academy, the number one business school in China. Will my ending be the same as theirs? Will my ending be the same as theirs? ...(Muttering quietly, turning around and walking towards the stage) The road is long and long, I will search up and down, and search up and down...(fading away)

(The book boy helps the screenwriter, ambiguous Separately, pick up the burden, catch up to the beam, and get off from one side of the stage)

(On the other side of the stage, Zhu Yingtai and his maid come up together.)

Zhu: Male Rabbit. The legs are twitching, the female rabbit's eyes are blurred, and the two rabbits are walking next to each other. How can they tell whether I am male or female?

(The audience in the middle of the stage was about to shout) Zhu: (Hurrying to stop) Damn, wait a minute, I am not some Mulan, I don’t want to be stuck in a pile of sweaty old men and hold my breath. live! snort!

Waitwoman: That’s right, can you keep your voice and breath in such an environment? It’s so smelly, it’s so bad that it’s ruining our beautiful young lady...

Zhu: (stopping the waitress) Xiaolan, how many times have I told you not to call me young lady? There was huge ambiguity among the Guangzhou generation. The key point is that we are going to a college to study. Women are not allowed to study there. Otherwise, why would my father spend a lot of money to buy the qualifications to be a college student?

Look at me dressed up like this now, don’t reveal my secret and spoil my good deeds when the time comes!

Waitwoman: Miss (seeing that Zhu’s face was wrong) Master, why do you think you have to suffer so much and take such risks to study in an academy?

Zhu: Hey, you don’t understand this! In today's era, women have no status. It is this evil society. On the surface, men and women are equal, but in the final analysis, it is still a society where men are superior to women. (Music and lyrics) Do you still remember the opera troupe my old man invited to my house the month before last? It's the one on Broadway in New York. Do you remember that show called "Yentel" starring Barbra Streisand? Isn't it the story of a woman in medieval Europe who took the risk to study despite the church's regulations that women were not allowed to study? In the process of concealing her gender while studying, she still reluctantly gave up on love and continued studying! I was so moved that I washed away the "Baolai" moisturizing lotion I had just applied on my face with tears, so I decided to become China's Yantel! However, if I can find someone who is handsome, tall and mighty, and knows how to care about me and take care of me, he will comfort me when I am sad, encourage me when I am depressed, and accompany me when I go to the store to eat. It would be better to have a new and good boyfriend when you have to let me, let me go, be willing to wait, follow, and obey. (Looking like a nymphomaniac, meditating while walking forward.)

(On the other side, on Liang.)

Liang: (Swaying his head up and down, muttering in a low voice) Up and down And searching, searching up and down... ("touch", Liang and Zhu collide.)

Zhu: Oops.

Liang: Hey.

(The two fell down in an extremely embarrassing scene.)

Wish: Ouch, ouch, the ghost hit the wall, the ghost hit the wall! (He kept making signs of pain on the ground.)

Liang: (Grinding his teeth, he climbed up and looked at Zhu on the side, puzzled) It’s really weird, this brother, it’s obvious that someone hit someone. Well, how do you say it's a ghost hitting a wall? Why is a good person just messing around like this? I really don’t know if I am a ghost or a wall? Forget it, it’s my fault that my walking posture was too forward just now, so just give him a hand! (Going over and extending his hand to Zhu) Brother, I'm really sorry. I was just practicing the dazzling and dazzling walking method. What's even more embarrassing is that I have been a pervert since I was a child. Ah, no, no, I have been color blind since I was a child. Haha, what you were wearing happened to form a "protective color" effect against the background just now, so in an instant, we bumped into your face. It was really an embarrassing situation for us. (melody lyrics) Are you okay?

Zhu: (turning his face angrily) Damn it, you bumped into someone and didn’t apologize properly, and you even insulted my idol “Xueyou”’s song, look at that person’s waist...

(While speaking, he turned his face and met Liang's eyes. Both of them were stunned and were silent for a long time)

Liang: (opened his mouth for a long time) Yingtai...

Screenwriter: Wait a minute! (The screenwriter rushed onto the stage, grabbed Liang and beat him violently.)

Liang: (hiding and shouting) Oh, hey, why are you beating someone? What, you want to bully others and avenge private revenge!

Screenwriter: (stopped his hand and pointed at Liang angrily) I asked you to familiarize yourself with the script. If you are not familiar with the script, you are making a mistake now! Even before she introduced herself, you and I already knew her name was Yingtai! ?

Liang: Huh, (stands up and points at the screenwriter angrily) I have the nerve to say, as for those ants on Guawa Island in your script, I can read them. He is a world-famous archaeologist. Until now, I have relied entirely on my own performance. I just saw that this guy is really handsome, so I was a little distracted and omitted a few words from "handsome brother" and called him "yingtai" directly. Yes, this is called "shortcut" in English, do you understand?

Screenwriter: (still wanting to say) Who called you the abbreviation, who called you the abbreviation...

(Everyone on the stage came over and kicked them.): Get off you!

(Everyone returns to their previous appearance.)

Liang: Handsome brother, I wonder what happened to your waist?

Zhu (turning around, shy) No, no, it’s nothing, I just let youth bump my waist. (The hand that connected Liliang moved smoothly)

(The bookboy on the side of the stage came on, greeted the waitress, and talked happily.

)

Liang: The miracle of dreams! (Discovering the badge mark on Zhu’s chest) Oh, are you also studying at the Dream Miracle MBA Academy, China’s number one business school, which is known as the home of IBM in China, the cradle of GE, and the hometown of Microsoft?

Zhu: (surprised) What, you too?

Liang: Yes.

Zhu: (Happily) Ah, ah, that’s really great.

Liang: That’s right, then we’ll be sharing the same bed, no, no, we’re classmates, so we’ll be together. What do you think, brother?

Wish: Great!

(Both of them turned around, only to find that the bookboy and the maid were chatting happily and walking further and further away.)

Butterfly Lovers said in unison: (sigh) It seems that they are better than each other. We are much faster.

(Everyone comes off the stage.)

Act 2

On the stage manager’s armor, a roll of paper is pasted on his chest, he slides it slowly to the middle, opens it, and writes It said: "I am a marquee." Then he turned around and put a piece of paper on his back: "One year later." Stage Manager A walked off the stage from the other side with his back to the person.

(On one side of the stage, Ma Wencai appeared. On the other side, a classroom was arranged, with many students sitting in it, including Liang Yuzhu. An old man was talking incessantly on the podium.)

Ma Wencai: I live on the outskirts of Suzhou, my family has a house, fields, and thousands of dollars. Dad came to be an official and lived a happy life. He had eaten bear paws, deer antler, shark fins and abalone more than a hundred times. But who knows, I still have a regret in my heart. I am twenty-three this year, but I have never held the hand of a beautiful woman. I wish a daughter in the family has grown up, so she comes to see her. Unexpectedly, Zhu Yingtai was so bold and meticulous that he concealed his identity and read the book. In order to pursue this red line, I can only pursue her boldly and fearlessly, reading a book while pursuing the beauty. No matter the wind and rain, my will is firm, and I will hold her hand, hand in hand. (Music and lyrics)

(Ma Wencai was shy and walked outside the classroom. He was blocked by the door because he was too fat. After a lot of effort, he finally squeezed in.)

Ma Wencai: Who is Zhu Yingtai?

(Everyone was in an uproar. The old man had been paying attention to him for a long time, and now he was staring at him even more dissatisfied.)

Ma Wencai: Who is Zhu Yingtai, who is Zhu Yingtai? ? Why don't you speak?

Old man: (steps down) Xiaoya, you are new here!

Ma Wencai: Ah, I am new here. I just look like Pan An, I am smarter than Zhuge, and it is Ma Wen who is the top pick in this year's draft pick of the Dream Miracle MBA Academy!

Old man: May I ask this classmate, are you really here for class? You look like a college student, but why do you talk like a member of society? You must not have been sent by God to play with me!

Ma Wencai: (looking at the old man for a long time, he suddenly realized) Ah, you are the dean, right? I'm really blind, I can't see the mountain! I really came to class, but people often gave me the nickname "passionate scholar".

Old man: What’s the explanation?

Ma Wencai: I am a red-hearted person. I am prepared with both hands. I come to both classes and to find people.

Old man: Oh, well, let’s do this, there is only one seat left, why don’t you go there and sit down first!

(Ma Wencai walked down, holding a photo in his hand, looking around for people, and finally saw Zhu. He was overjoyed. He was about to sit down, but found that there was a beam between his seat and Zhu. After thinking for a moment, he sat down.

Ma Wencai: (Raised his hand suddenly after a while)

Old man: Tsk, what’s the matter?

Ma Wencai: Dean, I have been suffering from night blindness since I was a child. It may be due to the difficulty in adjusting the aperture of the lens of my two eyes. The classmate next door is sitting too upright, which just blocks the sunlight coming from the window. Based on the adjacent relationship, this should be correct. This building blocks my legitimate right to light, so I request the dean to remove the obstruction.

The old man: What do you want to do?

Ma Wencai: It’s not difficult. I am a tolerant person and a kind-hearted person. I don’t need to force him to lower his height or expel him from the classroom. I just want him to change seats with the classmate next to him.

Old man: Liang Shanbo, Zhu Yingtai, could you two change seats? Although this classmate’s reason seems a little ridiculous, it doesn’t hurt to change it, right?

Liang Yuzhu: (stand up and look at each other) Yes, students obey!

(The two pretended to stand up and change seats, but after turning around in a circle, they sat down in their original seats.)

Ma Wencai: (I was secretly proud just now, Seeing this, I was shocked and stayed there for a long time.) Why didn't you change?

Liang and Zhu: (turning their heads together) Didn’t we just change?

Ma Wencai: But you still blocked my light!

Liang: Oh, this is not simple. (Stand up, move the seat to the side of Zhu, and sit down closer to Zhu.)

(Ma is still about to speak, but sees that Liang has stood up) Liang: Report back to the dean. , now both parties and your Excellency can witness that my optical projection has not blocked any sunlight on the other party's desk, that is, the fact of infringement complained by the other party is no longer established, so I hope the dean will pronounce a verdict on this.

(Ma Wencai is extremely depressed, but doesn’t know what to say.)

Dean: (nodding slightly) I pronounce the verdict and this case is concluded. Let’s continue with poetry. (Walks back to the podium) Ancient Chinese poetry has always been about cherishing words like gold...

(The following starts to whisper)

Ma Wencai: (asking Liang and Zhu) Wei, Wei, classmate , ask. Haven't you already been studying here for a year? Why, can we already say that he knows astronomy from the top, geography from the bottom, is rich in knowledge, and has great talents?

(Liang sighed deeply when he heard this. After looking at the horse, he turned away and said nothing. Zhu looked at it hesitantly and thought about it.) Zhu: You will know.

Old man: (raises his voice and continues talking) Now let’s do a class assignment, which will be included in the usual grades! You are to compose an impromptu poem according to the example I have given. Can you understand this? (Everyone understands.) Okay, I will go ahead and compose a poem as a teacher: (Waving my fan, holding it in for a long time) Mountains, so high!

Ma Wencai: (Waiting for a long time without seeing the follow-up text, shocked) Dean, is it over?

Old man: It’s over!

Ma Wencai: (Shocked and at a loss) This, this, what kind of poem is this? It’s too difficult!

Old man: This poem cherishes words like gold and uses the shortest words to describe the biggest feature of the mountain, high! Now, all disciples can use this as an example to compose poems!

Zhu: (busy answering) The Yangtze River is so long!

Old man: (Xu Hu nodded) Not bad, good observation!

Liang: (After being pulled a few times by Zhu, he answered reluctantly) The sea is so big!

Old man: Not bad, not bad, courageous!

Ma Wencai: (Opened his mouth and was speechless. When it was his turn, he fell asleep and woke up after a while) Everyone...

Old man: (quickly asked) What happened to us?

Ma Wencai: (raises a thumbs up) What a pig!

(Everyone was stunned, the old man was about to get angry, but the bell rang, and all the students packed up like a tornado and left. The old man was left alone on the stage.)

Old man: (embarrassed) , sigh) Hey, today’s students, let’s get out of class!

(Exit the actors.)

Act 3

(Staff B, same as Stage Manager A, first, "I am also a marquee!", second Book "Two and a half years have passed!")

(On the side of the stage, the dean's wife enters.)

Madam: (pacing back and forth anxiously) What should we do, what should we do? , how good is this! (Paces back and forth again) Hey, I just had a video call with Mrs. Zhu. I didn’t expect that Ma Wencai would act like a gay in school and pester Zhu Yingtai without saying anything, but actually ask his father to come to ask for a kiss. Although the Zhu family is a wealthy family, the Ma family is a high-ranking family with backing from the central government and protection from the local government. They cannot afford to offend them! When Xiaoying comes, we must make a calculation with her.

(On the side, congratulations to the women’s clothing.

)

Zhu: Madam dean...

Madam: Xiaoying, eh, Xiaoying, why did you come dressed like this tonight? Did no one see you outside?

Zhu: (crying) Madam dean, I...I know everything. I just received a message from my mother on the plane. I know everything!

Mrs.: (Surprised) Isn’t it the same as flying pigeons that send messages by plane?

Zhu: (wiping eyes) The Ma family ate and drank as soon as they arrived at our house, and caught all my pigeons to make cheese pigeons, so my mother had to use this. (Pulls out a small model airplane from his sleeve and hands it to the dean’s wife.)

Madam: (Looking through it suspiciously) This, can this send a message?

Zhu: (crying) Madam dean, what should I do?

Mrs. Dean: (putting away the plane) Well, I have called Liang Shanbo here. If not, you can explain your identity to him tonight, and then see how he expresses himself before making any plans?

Zhu: I also had this intention, so I came here to pretend like this tonight. But I don’t know what he was thinking!

(Beside the stage, on the beam.)

Liang: (Knocking on the door, the dean’s wife was busy arranging for Zhu to hide after arriving, Liang knocked on the door again) Dean Madam, Wansheng came here specially to answer the call. No, no, Wansheng said wrong again (palms his mouth). Wansheng came to see you specially at your request.

Mrs.: (Opening the door and scolding) Xiaoliang, how many times have I told you, don’t just soak in the Sutra Pavilion all day long, come out to communicate with others, don’t always use your words when talking. Your "shortcut" is very ambiguous. Communication skills are very important for your future work.

Liang: (walking forward) Please keep this in mind, late students. I wonder what the dean’s wife has to do when she calls Wansheng here so late. Is it because Wansheng is applying to Liu School to continue his studies in the library?

Madam: Look at you, are you still thinking about this graduate student in the library?

Liang: The student believes that what I am studying is the library and information direction of information management. If I continue to study in the library, I can not only read a lot of books, but also combine research theory with practice, and improve people's character. Sexual cultivation is the best for people's self-improvement and life development. Besides, (changing the way of speaking), people who live in the street have to die before their families can get the "settlement allowance". In the future, when you go out to find a job after graduate school, no one will give you tens of thousands of "settlement allowance" first. (Shocked and speechless, coughing wildly, bowing and retreating.)

Madam: You! Alas, pay more attention to your diet and your body, you are so thin! By the way, (thinking) you should pay more attention to your personal issues!

Liang: Food! ? (suddenly) Madam dean, I am about to complain. I am about to complain to the Civil Affairs Commission about the food problem in the dining room?

Madam: What problem do you want to complain about?

Liang: Firstly, I don’t complain about the cooking chef’s loss of weight, and secondly, I don’t complain about the cooking chef stealing pork. What I want to complain about is that the food is poisonous!

Mrs.: (Surprised) It’s poisonous, that’s impossible!

Liang: Really, every time I eat, I feel very uncomfortable. It usually takes more than an hour to feel better.

Mrs.: What are the symptoms? Are you sure it is poisoning?

Liang: Yes, this symptom only occurs every time I eat. The symptoms are: chest tightness, shortness of breath, elevated blood pressure, dizziness, anxiety, difficulty controlling emotions, and some indescribable symptoms. Additional symptoms, etc.

Madam: (confused) Who do you usually eat with? Do you think something is wrong with them?

Liang: Madam dean, I always have meals with classmate Zhu Yingtai every day, but classmate Ma Wencai comes over to set up a table with us every meal. But strangely enough, the symptoms seemed to be more severe every time classmate Ma Wencai helped classmate Zhu Yingtai pick up food.

(I wish I could hear it later and be secretly happy.

)

Mrs.: (also secretly happy, pretending to touch Liang’s forehead) Xiaoliang, I don’t think you have food poisoning, are you lovesick?

Liang: Lovesick, who do I miss?

Madam: It is classmate Zhu Yingtai you miss!

Liang: (Shocked, looking up to the sky and screaming) God, I don’t want to fall in love with the screenwriter!

Madam: (hurrying to stop) Let’s see who she is first, right?

(Zhu comes from the background.)

Liang: (Looks up, shocked) You, you, are you Zhu Yingtai’s sister?

(Zhu Hanxiao was shy and did not answer.)

Madam: Alas, she is Zhu Yingtai. She has been hiding her gender and studying in the academy. Her mother and I are close QQ friends. , so we arranged for her to come in.

Liang: (steps forward to grab Zhu’s hand) Yingtai, is that really the case?

(Zhu turned his head shyly, withdrew his hand, then turned his head shyly and nodded again.)

Liang: (Looking up to the sky and roaring again) God!

Audience: (surprised) What’s wrong?

Liang: No, I have a cold. . .