If a husband sends a cake to his wife.

Last winter, I received a call for help from my female friend Xiao D. Xiao D's Capricorn husband actually sent a cake to a female classmate!

The thing is this: Little D and her husband have been married for 10 years, with stable feelings and loving husband and wife. Little d wants to buy something, and her family wants to do something. Her husband never says anything. Make a lot of money and wear it on weekdays 199? Uniqlo of 299. Capricorn's husband is also a good hand in life. He won't spend too much money. He has been with little D 10 for many years. On holidays, especially on little D's birthday, he won't send a flower or buy a cake for the whole romance. Although Xiao D is somewhat dissatisfied, he thinks that her husband is real and can live, so he doesn't say much to her husband.

Until this year, Xiao D's husband began to attend classmates' reunion in the same city. It is said that there is another female classmate, Xiao D's husband has been writing love letters since the second day of junior high school. Xiao D's husband wrote a love letter to this female classmate for eight years, and as a result, she married someone else. The wedding was witnessed by little father-in-law D.

On this day, when Xiao D was playing with her husband's mobile phone, she accidentally found that her husband sent a red envelope to her female classmate's mobile phone to buy a cake, wishing her a happy birthday. There are no other chat records on the mobile phone screen. Looking at this bare red envelope record, Xiao D felt that the screen of the mobile phone was bright and spicy, and his heart suddenly seemed to be blocked by a big stone. An anger was "rubbed?" Jump ...

When Xiao D woke up, he said all the harsh words and quarreled with her husband. They both ignored each other in the cold war. Early the next morning, little D contacted me to tell me about it, and then asked me:

"After so many years of marriage, my husband has never sent me a cake to buy flowers. Now he has sent cakes to the female classmates he once pursued. Shouldn't I quarrel with him because of this anger? "

This is something that makes people angry and worth arguing about. (Recommended reading: My husband sends cakes to female classmates. Should I quarrel with him? )

Of course, you have a third choice: you can choose not to be angry.

? The nature of anger

We take it for granted that the other party's improper words and deeds have caused our anger and pain. As we all know, the words and deeds of others may contribute to the generation of emotions, but they are not the root cause. The root of our anger and pain are some unreasonable beliefs-these are the seeds and roots of anger.

The third option mentioned here: you can choose not to be angry, not to completely eradicate the emotions and feelings of anger and pain from the heart, because it is completely impossible, but to know how to take good care of this emotion and turn this energy into your own use when anger and pain arise. Because when the energy of anger rises, people who don't know how to deal with anger are easily overwhelmed by this emotion.

? Why are you so angry?

I have to mention "selective irrigation" here: in one's mind, there are two kinds of seeds: the first is the seed of "anger" and the second is the seed of "love and pity". Identify positive seeds, irrigate continuously every day, and avoid irrigating negative seeds. This is "selective irrigation", which is a way of self-improvement.

If you are particularly angry, there are several possibilities, because the seeds of inner anger have been irrigated for a long time. People who are irrigated, whether you or others, are irrigated with your permission anyway. You can't reach an agreement with the people around you, just irrigate the good seeds and protect yourself. If you can't protect yourself, you can't protect the people you love.

Accordingly, if you irrigate the positive seeds in your lover's heart with your heart, TA will not bring you so much pain. Therefore, you must be partly responsible for your pain.

? Why take care of your anger?

Anger is an emotion. When a person doesn't know how to deal with his emotions, emotions will spread to people around him. Emotions are contagious. When you suffer from "anger", the pain will also spread to the people around you.

Many people have an injured child in their hearts. These scars may come from their parents. They may have been traumatized in childhood. Because they don't know how to treat it, they can only pass on the pain to us. If we don't know how to reform and treat the inner trauma, we may continue to pass it on to our children's grandchildren. Therefore, we must go back to the injured child and help her recover from the pain.

Therefore, learning to deal with emotions is actually the first step to love others.

Just four simple steps:

? Perceive anger

? Meet with anger

? Beware of anger

? Convert anger

Before four steps, there is a question that must be unlocked first. Who is the "who" who discovers, welcomes, cares and transforms "anger"? Each of us has several "I". In other words, there is more than one' I', just because we are usually too busy to realize our dreams and goals, to observe ourselves quietly, and to have a good talk with ourselves. Here, by the way, have you ever thought that when you do anything on weekdays, there is actually an' I' watching all this quietly, just like there is an' I' above your head, overlooking your daily behavior, thoughts and even inner monologue.

Of course, you can also understand the role of this observer as your "angel", "Buddha" or even a special image for you, such as your mother.

Let's talk about the first step:

Low anger consciousness:

It is very simple to realize the emotion of "anger". You can quickly find anger and other emotions by paying attention to your body.

Take the small D at the beginning of the article as an example. When seeing her husband sending a cake to a female classmate, Xiao D only felt his eyes burning, and his heart was suddenly blocked like a big stone. A nameless fire rushed out of his abdomen, passed through his heart and "brushed" the bottom of his head. Just rush out ......

When you pay attention to your body, you can easily find emotions. At this time, please say hello to anger: hello, my little anger?

● Encounter anger

When you find anger, the second step is to embrace it.

Some people hold fears and anxieties about their emotions, as if it is wrong to be angry. Just like little D at the beginning of the article, he will struggle whether he should be angry or not. Anger is an emotion, which is natural. There is no "should". So, please eliminate the fear of anger itself and embrace it completely.

The way you look at anger is the key to whether you can be "not angry": when you are angry, anger is your crying child. No matter what you are doing, you should put down what you are doing, hold the child in your arms and take good care of it.

When you gently perceive and embrace anger, the effect will begin to appear slowly, and your heart will be slightly relieved. Although you are still angry at this time, it is not so painful.

Let's take Xiao D as an example, greet the child angrily with open arms, touch TA's head and say, "Son, I will take good care of you".

● Take care of anger.

The third step is that the child is "angry" in your arms. At this time, the situation is not as bad as when the crying child is ignored. The mother is taking care of the child and the situation is under control. You can give your child a massage and ask TA what he thinks.

At this time, you can ask "anger" in your arms. What makes you so angry?

"Angry" answer: Angry is not that my husband bought cakes for female classmates, but that my husband did romantic things for other women that he didn't like to do. The needs of being spoiled by her husband are not met, and the needs of being spoiled by her husband in a different way are not met at all, so it is special. No? Anger! !

● Transform anger.

Anger is an emotion, and there is no difference between good and bad emotions. Anger, like love, has the essence of transformation Love can be transformed into hate, and anger can also be transformed into resources and motivation to solve problems.

Our partner is like a flower. We promised to TAke good care of TA, so we should be responsible for ta. Take good care of TA every day, and the flowers will grow beautifully, otherwise they will wither gradually; In order to make a flower grow well, we must know its habits, such as how much water and sunshine TA needs. If you don't understand, you won't know how to really love ta. If you don't understand your love, it may only make the other person feel pain.

How can we really understand each other? Very simple, you can ask each other directly through communication.

One thing to note here is that a great man once said that a person will not exist completely until he is seen and blessed by another person. To really understand a person, please "see" and "bless" each other first, and tolerate each other with a curious heart. To feel and discover the positive intention in each other's behavior, and to connect with each other's inner goodwill.

Taking Xiao D as an example, I chose to stand in the same trench with my husband and asked with a blessing of curiosity: "Husband, let me ask you, what is the reason for you to send this red envelope to send cakes?"

Our lover is our flower, not to mention the flower that has been raised for more than ten years. We must take some responsibility for him now. Think about it, this flower is so important to you because it is our own flower. If you don't even want to TAke good care of TA, who will help ta?

When you understand each other's situation and pain, and understand the reasons behind each other's behavior, anger will inevitably disappear and turn into the power of love. Love is a flower blooming in understanding.

Let's take the story of Xiao D at the beginning of the article as an example: Ah, I understand why my husband sent cakes to female classmates, and I also think about what my husband has done for himself in recent years. Alas, why are you still angry? Go home and hug your husband and fuck his balls.

summary

When anger occurs, we can choose to "quarrel" or "get angry", or we can take the third way:

Deal with your emotions and choose "Don't get angry".

To this end, there are four steps:

? Perceive anger:

? Meet with anger

? Beware of anger

? Convert anger