Humorous stories and jokes

1, it's dark and windy in the month. Daming is working the night shift at the expressway toll station alone, and suddenly the evil wind blows!

With the low engine roar, I saw a black car slowly stop at the toll gate. Daming looked up and looked intently! There is no one in the driver's seat! !

Panicked Daming quickly lifted the railing and let go! The black car passed slowly. ...

What happened afterwards? Later ... the car slowly drove into Kaifeng House.

2. On the bus, a man holds it in one hand and his fingers are separated, as if holding a bowl. When he got tired of holding it, he changed hands carefully, as if holding an invisible ball.

Everyone was curious about what he had in his hand, and finally someone couldn't help asking, "Dude, what are you practicing?"

The buddy replied, "My wife asked me to buy her a bra for fear of forgetting the size ..."

3. Cao Cao has a headache. Hua tuo thought that the root of Cao Cao's headache was the skull, so he told Cao Cao: cut his brain.

Cao Cao was furious after hearing this: I have a terrible headache. How dare you sing? Somebody, drag it out and behead it.

Hua tuo, a chess piece

4. "Doctor, I feel a lot of pressure sometimes."

"When is it usually?"

"When cooking."

"Oh, what's your name?"

"Pressure cooker."

5, customer service is actually the main cause of constipation, because they often say to users: I am sorry for the inconvenience ~

6. I took the bus yesterday, and an uncle next to me was holding a mobile phone. Suddenly the phone rang, and the uncle immediately picked it up: "Hello? Hello? "

His voice is getting louder and louder. Just when everyone was looking for a look, he put down the phone and said to himself, "Oh, it's a message!" "

7. The unit will hold a sports meeting, and the 400-meter race will begin soon. On the court, colleagues are optimistic about Xiao Zhang.

To everyone's surprise, Xiao Wang, who is thin, actually won the championship.

Colleagues surrounded him and asked, "What makes you play so magic?"

He said shyly, "I'm in a hurry to go to the toilet."

8. I bought fruit when I was talking to grandma today. Grandma asked, "Why?"

"Buy fruit"

"oh! Remember to wash before eating! "

"Nothing, I bought bananas."

"oh! Then remember to peel it before eating! "

"……"

9. I bought a car a few days ago and wrote on my QQ signature when I drove back today: I have got the car ~ ~ hahaha. . .

I don't want to have comments from netizens: it's a bit like a thief reporting to the boss.

10, I saw on TV that nutritionists said to eat fruits and vegetables first, then staple food, and finally meat, because fruits and vegetables digest fastest, followed by starch, and protein is the slowest.

I think it makes sense. After I ate a melon and a bowl of noodles, I found that my beloved roast duck could not eat any more. . .

What nutritionist? You are a liar! ! ! !