Joke story

Lazy people wash less, but they don't know how to clean themselves. Walking with the village one night, I couldn't get rid of the ghost in the graveyard, so I waved something. When the ghost saw it, he quickly withdrew. When the village asked what musical instrument it was, the lazy man replied, "smelly socks."

be late

2. A person lives alone in a tall building and will arrive in the middle of the night. Tell him that tomorrow night will be very fascinating, please bring your own things. The next day, after a long time, the cow's head and horse's face arrived, and people accused: Why are you here? Cow's head and horse's face gasped, the elevator stopped and climbed upstairs.

3. Scared me to death

A tourist went into an old house in the mountains to shelter from the rain. Ghosts were doing harm, which coincided with the strong wind destroying the old house, and both people and ghosts fled. The man asked his chest, which scared me to death! The ghost also asked about his chest, which scared me to death! Monster: What did you die for? Ghosts are ashamed to go.

4.

Die an ugly death

When a person meets a ghost at night, he is shocked, picks his tongue with his hand, looks beyond, and his face is extremely distorted and dies. The ghost looked up and vomited.

5. Ask the spirits anxiously

Several people asked the gods to let them ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask them to ask for help. Ask him why he was late. A: I just went to the toilet.

6. irrelevant

Corrupt officials died suddenly and went to the underworld to write off their accounts. When the ghost judge saw someone following him, he asked, "Who didn't make good use of Yang Shou to come here?" ? A: The unit accountant came together because the officials had emptied their accounts and had nothing to do.

Step 7 consider

The ghost successfully crossed the Naihe Bridge, and Meng Po was the only one who weighed. A group of ghosts are suspicious: do ghosts have weight? Meng Po answered: This man has a big face and an empty heart, and he has never been aware of the importance. Now, I want him to know how good he is.

8. overslept

A man was very ill and the hospital gave him first aid. After several tossing and turning, everyone was so tired at night that everyone fell asleep. The doctor who got up early shouted, Mom, I overslept and forgot to give him first aid. The nurse woke up: Mom, I overslept and forgot to give him an intravenous drip. Family members also woke up: Mom, how can you still be alive if you don't change the intravenous drip and give first aid all night? I only heard a negative voice: Mom, I overslept and forgot to be heady!

9. Do as the Romans do

A literati ghost felt on Naihe Bridge that his wife was still alive: Naihe Bridge is boundless, when will the beauty come again? Not for 30 years. I watch the bridge, you watch the house. The ghost slave was impatient and pushed him away. He replied, there are no old ghosts on Naihe Bridge, so don't come here to pretend to be old onions.

10. Know your father like a child.

An old man died, and the dutiful son invited a group of monks to cross over, but he had a special order to ask the old man's soul to go to the East. The monk wondered: going to the west is a paradise. The dutiful son replied: My father had better twist his arms and thighs in this life. People say that he leans towards the west. Just read it to the East, and he will go to the West as soon as possible.

1 1. Far away

Yan ordered a census and found that there were many birthday girls in the mountains. He asked the ghost why the sentence was unfair, and the ghost judge faltered: it's too far, and it's very tiring to go once. ...

12. Different division of labor

Horse face suddenly arrived, trying to hook Lao Zhang's soul. Lao Zhang was so scared that he paid a lot of money for cigarettes and tea. He wished he couldn't give anything for his birthday, and Ma Mian left with a bag full. Not long after, another horse face was heady again. Lao Zhang said very grievance, didn't you let me celebrate my birthday? Xinma sneered: silly, you have been fooled, it doesn't care about this area. ...

14. I forgot half.

One person died, but Heqiao drank Meng Po Tang, and suddenly kissed Meng Po nearly half an hour later. The old woman was ashamed and angry: why tease the old woman? Victim: I wanted to kiss someone before I died, but I forgot who I kissed when I was eating soup just now. Only you.

15. Respect art

The singer made many curtain calls before the audience dispersed with satisfaction. The only person who doesn't leave calls himself heady. Why wait? A: You must finish singing.

17. ism

A professor gave a lecture: It is romanticism to turn a dead person into a butterfly. Being asked to leave by a horse face is classicism. Being cremated is realism. Being frozen and resurrected is surrealism. Besides, you can't imagine me dead, can you? This is ridiculous. ...

18. Accurate calculation

Mr. Guagua (seeing the sign): You will make a small fortune today. ...

Soothsayer: Yes, I feel it, too. ...

After the fortune teller left, onlookers pointed out Mr. Guagua: That was a thief just now, and your wallet is …

Squeeze

After the painter died, his agent always sold new paintings.

One day after drinking, I finally told the truth: "Shh … he is still painting in the studio. I didn't tell him that he was dead. "

20. the price is cheap

When Yise Weng died, his son burned two papery wives and buried them together. He bought a poor paper cheaply.

After a while, Weng had a dream: "stingy, that young lady has skin disease ..."

2 1. Masquerade ball

At the end of the masquerade, the guests took off their disguises as required.

A "mummy" asked someone next to him to help him untie the shroud ... in the end, everyone only saw a pile of shroud.

22. Stupid ghost

Someone is stupid. He is often hit on the road. He says, "Watch your step, blind man!" " "There is news.

In the end, he died in a car accident, his soul wandering was no longer blocked, and he was comforted by a fat ghost and knocked to the ground.

"Watch your step, blind man!" The fat ghost roared.

23. Look at the document.

Yan is reading the report on the death of a new ghost, and he talks about it while watching it:

It's lucky to be killed.

………………

Well, the guillotine is very enjoyable.

…………

It is still happy to die of old age in bed.

………………

Killed by a car, did he go to hell on crutches?

………………

............. this, this, was cut by 178 and groaned for three hours before he died ... God, this unlucky guy met action art!

24. Limited conditions

A friend is watching "Midnight Bell" on the computer. An outsider asked: the computer effect is poor, why not use VCD?

A: You don't know, the computer screen is small, and Zhenzi can't climb out. ...

25. Excellent location

The son of the deceased cried and said, "Bull's head and horse's face, burn more money, please take my father's soul to Shanghai."

Cow's head and horse's face are strange: "How far, why is it the ghost of working father?" "

The son said, "Shanghai has a good location. When my father goes, he can get a sky-high room. "

26.4 GREAT GHOST imps and old ghosts

GREAT GHOST: Tonight we are going to scare people, whoosh, quack, click.

Child: Why do you have a problem with people?

Old ghost: Leave him alone. This guy died of a split personality.

GREAT GHOST: The threat plan didn't work tonight.

Child: It's all you. You don't choose a place to scare people. Why go to the blind massage parlor? ...

Old ghost: Kid, where's the paper money your family burned the other day?

Kidd: GREAT GHOST and I have invested together.

Old ghost: Did you make any money?

kid:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………”

Child: I won the lottery and can go to heaven for five days!

GREAT GHOST: Fool, angels will tell you that heaven is being decorated.