Humor dominates discipline.

The next day, the gentleman was working in his office. The servant said that a boy had come and asked to meet the gentleman. So the boy was called in. The boy is shorter than the boy who sells matches and is dressed in rags. I'm sorry, sir. My brother asked me to bring you the change. " "Where's your brother?" The way of a gentleman. "My brother was seriously injured by a carriage on his way back to find you after changing the change, and he was lying at home." The gentleman was deeply moved by the little boy's honesty.

How does the monitor manage discipline humorously? Find two students who have a good relationship and perform a sketch about making trouble after quarreling. Just try it.

Humor encyclopedia 1, I looked at your sexy body that day, twisted in front of me and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I want this fish!

2. You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am worried because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, and I am rich because I sold you. .............................................................................................

3. When I was down and out, you were by my side; You were by my side when I was sick and injured; When I am frustrated in love, you are still by my side ... it's bad luck to be with you.

I held you that night and asked you to put that thing on your ear. It's cool that you don't wear it. It's a safe period now, nothing ... what should the traffic police do without a helmet?

I have a crush on you. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the only thrill in my life, but my only regret was .......................... Sorry, I sent it to the wrong person.

6. I was in pain when you left me silently. I don't know what to do. I hate myself when I watch your back go away. It's all my fault ... I got up early and caught the bus.

7. Do you know? I miss you every day and every night. I want to eat, sleep and work. I really want to tell you to pay back the money quickly.

8. I really love you, and I don't want to leave you. I am so deeply hurt by you. If you really don't want to upset me, please hurry up ... the stock market.

9. You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as brilliant as a butterfly, as diligent as a bee, and like everything. No wonder everyone calls you ...

10, the first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are the goal of my life, I want to pursue you and hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB.

1 1. Without you, life becomes uncomfortable. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I want you to give it back.-wallet.

12, don't ask me why I am crying, my tears flow for you and my heart is broken for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me ... thief.

13, shy, always afraid to confess to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: When will you invite me to dinner?

14, if there is no wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

1' s colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?

Once I borrowed money from others, and I wanted to say, "I'll pay you back when I get the money."

Say, "I'll take you when I have money."

anxious

A classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the doorman of the dormitory shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: A letter of dried cold rice noodles!

Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan.

The whole class is dizzy, and the teacher is nicknamed "money addiction", hehe.

Once a friend watched a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. The friend said, "Why are there so many Marx?" It took a long time to realize that he was referring to Massek!

6 a buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely.

I said, that won't do. Once a year, be sure to bring it.

7 junior high school role reading "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy …

When cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said, a potato.

Aunt asked: cauliflower?

I continued to point to cauliflower and said, potatoes

Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?

I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?

Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. I'm sorry, aunt who sells rice

When I went to buy cakes, I wanted to say "two yellow pears send an egg tower", but the result was "two orioles sing an egg tower"

What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understood. ......

10 University There is a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. The word "Yun" in the lower half of the word "Yun" on the envelope has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and let out a cry, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

1 1 There were rats at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but none of them were cured. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison in the janitor's corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

12 English teacher teaches grammar. Before class, she asked everyone, "I have finished. Do you still understand? " We replied with one voice: "No!"

Until I raised my glass to ask the bright moon and sank into the water, I suddenly remembered home.

14 once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so we had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another interface: "I can't open it, it will blow out the candle."

15 as the saying goes: kill and set fire to pay off debts.

In physics class 16, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away!

17 Spit grape skins if you can't eat grapes.

18 received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that it would make uniform clothes for a big company and so on. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out, "Our company can't be unified!"

The other party whispered for a few seconds and said "I'm sorry" to end the call.

Teacher of our university: I'm looking for three students, a man and a woman. ...

The class began to look around, looking for Chris Lee.

20 nights self-study back to the dormitory, Lu Yu fairy mm one day, and then follow.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

2 1 Allen class, the teacher is passionate: how many heroic children are lingering underground? ...

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When that classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix burned us to death! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

When I was in junior high school, my teacher called recite Mulan words (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.

When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he slashed his knife at his parents (pigs and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~

Heaven and earth, Dou E is more unfair than me!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "

At the age of 25, my father watched me write my composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b

Twenty-six soldiers came to earth to cover up the water.

My mother once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the bank said that you don't have enough money. This is the second page. This should also be handed in.

My mother: What's the second page?

Staff: Sewage

My mother: My family never drinks sewage.

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for being inhuman if you do this again!" "

29 math teacher's signature action

Put up two fingers and say to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words!" " ! Do more exercises! "

On the 30th day, I said that my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig. She twisted me, and it was painful, and she never let go. When I was in a hurry, I said, "I told your mother that you abused pigs!" "

3 1 One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and younger brother.

I didn't wake up, just come forward to say:

Suffering Guanyin ...

Mom and Dad:->-|||

Brother:->-||||

Bodhisattva: T _ _ _ _ T ||||||

When I was in FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher began to count how many people were in our class.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick ...

One day, my dear mother asked me to buy pepper.

Mommy: "Go and buy a catty of peppers."

Even: "A catty! Why buy so much? "

Mommy: "nonsense ~ for cooking!" " "

I was depressed and surprised when I went out to buy it. When I left, I specifically asked, "Are you sure you want to buy a catty?" ! "

Answer my eyes! anxious ...

When I arrived at the vegetable market, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I was. Why did you buy a catty of peppers? Too many, isn't it? ! Take out your cell phone.-Confirm again!

The answer is still the same: a catty of pepper!

28 yuan, a kilo of peppers, the boss weighed and bagged me. I was about to pay when the phone rang ~ ~ ~ Mom? !

I only heard the roar on the phone: "Wrong! No! Not a catty, not a catty, but one or two! "

Sweat!

When the house was just delivered, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions.

Originally, I wanted to say that I am the landlord, but I often say that I am the landlord.

I ran away while the security guard was short-circuited

Humorous criticism of examples of poor discipline My wife likes long-distance running, but some dogs often bark at her. When the wife is running, the husband should ride a bicycle behind her and beat the dog with a stick in his hand.

One day, a driver watched his wife running in front of him and his husband riding a bike behind him, and couldn't help crying. This was real abuse.

How to control the classroom discipline of evening self-study with humorous language? My son was repaired by his father and went to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Son" ... "

A humorous draft campaign for the Disciplinary Committee. Mom plays mahjong, and dad watches. Dad hasn't seen enough and wants to touch it.

But my mother doesn't want to get up, and my father is helpless. Well, just pour water for my mother politely.

He even said softly, "drink some water, drink some water, and don't be thirsty." Make mom look good,

After a while, mom went to the toilet, and dad quickly took the seat. Why didn't my father get up when my mother came out?

My dad is so witty!

How can a pig leave its nest alive?

Watch the headmaster dance yangko!

Look at the left → Funny scale This is the right.

Your homework has exhausted your energy!

Zhang Chou has a sweet mouth and a dangerous face without money.

Sister Rong is also a flower *

Dynamic light wave biubiubiu~

Humor joke: A puppy climbed onto the dining table of the army and onto a roast chicken. The army was furious and said, "If you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you." As a result, the dog licked the chicken and the army fainted. The puppy said happily, "Look who is cruel."

Making fun of the teacher: (1) In math class, a boy was picking his nose. The teacher said, "xx, stop digging. There are more and more such things. "

(2) Chinese teacher: I killed pigs in my last life, taught in this life, killed people in my last life, and taught Chinese in this life.

(3) teach you that I will live at least five years less. If my annual salary is 0.2 million/200 thousand, it will be 6.5438+0 million in five years, dear! In the future, you can publish a book called How We Murdered a Millionaire.

(4) There is a saying that "Huashan has been a road since ancient times." Going up the mountain is this way, going down the mountain is this way, and if there is any other way, it is free fall.

Ok, let's laugh quickly. I want to continue. By the way, I want to remind some students that although the teacher speaks very well in class, you must not be reluctant to upgrade. As far as I know, there are students in this class who have been listening to my class for three consecutive years and are still in Grade One. Do you want to sign? If you want to, just say so. ...

(6) The geography teacher asked: Where does the river flow? A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and then asked, How many stars are there in the sky? Students sing: The stars in the sky join Beidou. The teacher was out of breath: get out. The student said, let's go. The teacher is very helpless: you are sick. Student: You have everything. Teacher: You are singing a quiz. Student: The road is rugged. Teacher: You shout.

At the beginning of a school roll call, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I read the student number.

Say your name so that everyone can get to know each other, ok? "

"No.001""Report teacher, my name is Jiao, my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "This?"

Who bought it for you? ""My dad ""What does your dad do? " "He opened a pig factory! "

"002" A girl stood up. "Report teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003" "Report teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother, and my name is Zhang Panda Kai." "Who is this?

You named it "My Dad". He sells pliers. "The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004" "Report teacher, my surname is Qu (this word is pronounced" Oh "), my name is Qu Ye, and this is?

My mother named me. She said that when I was born, I just played a computer game "Teacher's".

I feel a little uncomfortable.

"No.005" "Report to the teacher, fuck you" "How do you curse?" "No, teacher, I mean.

My last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. "The teacher ate a pill.

"No.006" "Teacher, my name is Gou, and my name is Gou Wuli" "Does your father own a steamed stuffed bun shop?" "Old.

Teacher, you are so clever! "The teacher is a little unstable.

"No.007", "My name is Kuai (Kuai, three times), and my name is Kuai Goods", "Don't tell me that your father runs a warehouse"

Teacher, you are too square. My father is a pimp. "The teacher's mouth has oozed blood.

"008" "Go to hell, teacher" "What? What did you say! " "I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple.

My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? ""interesting, interesting. "

The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009" "Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why say it next time, you say it now." "No .. teacher,

My last name is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher has felt very dizzy.

"0 10" "Teacher, my last name is Gao, and my name is Yin." "My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate." "My last name is Mao Rongrong." .......

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "Blood gushed from his mouth and he fell to the ground and died.

"Qinyuanchun? Buy a ticket ":"Spring Festival travel rush is coming again, China has money for the plane, but no money for the station ticket. Look inside and outside the Great Wall, big bags and small bags. Up and down the river, migrant workers surge. Get up early, stay up all night, and strive to compete with ticket sellers. Need money. Look at the sea of people, one vote is hard to protect. Tickets are so hard to find, attracting countless heroes to compete. Yesterday, Qin Huang Hanwu fled when he saw this scene; Tang Zong Song Zu, also didn't recruit! A generation of arrogance, Genghis Khan had to ride his back. "

Have fun!

Fifty-word humor encyclopedia 0 1. In Chinese class, the teacher told an idiom; "Rome was not built in a day." In history class, the teacher asks questions; "When was the Roman Empire founded?" The students all replied: "Evening!"

02. On a whim, Qin Xiao looked in the mirror and found that his face was so ugly that he couldn't help crying. Xiao Lai, who was sitting next to him, curled his lips and said, "Look in the mirror once in a while, and you will be very sad. We watch it every day. What should we do? "

03. The teacher asked: What are you wearing on your feet? Student A: Leather shoes. The teacher asked: Where did the skin come from? Student: It comes from cattle. The teacher asked: So, what are the animals that provide you with shoes and meat? Student: It's my father.

04. The teacher asked in class: "/kloc-How many wars happened in Spain in the 5th century?" "Six times!" Answer once in a lifetime. "Which six times?" The teacher asked. The student replied, "The first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time, the fifth time and the sixth time."

05. Father: "Son, did the composition I wrote for you win the Excellence Award?" Son: "No, the teacher said it was too beside the point." Father: "Impossible! Isn't the composition topic my dad? " Son: "Yes, but you wrote about my grandfather."

06. Teacher: "Are you aware of the shortcomings of sleeping in class?" Student: "I know." Teacher: "What are the shortcomings?"

Student: "The disadvantage is that it is not comfortable to sleep in bed."

07. The teacher said, "Now, my children, I want you to be absolutely quiet, so quiet that you can hear a pin drop to the ground. After a while, everything was quiet. A little boy screamed, "Teacher! Throw the needle! "

08. A male fly and a female fly flew into a toilet. The female fly asked the male fly, "Husband, why do we always eat shit every day?" The male fly replied angrily, "Oh, don't ask such disgusting questions when eating!" " "

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