Ask a question. You ask a boy if he wants tea, and he replies, "Don't waste money." [

There is no such diary in my space, but I can post some for you. 45 jokes that make you laugh. If your laughing organ is very sensitive, don't look at it, and you are not responsible for laughing to death! Hehe, see which one you can take. Don't laugh!

1, the bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

2, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up xxx and said, xxx, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . .

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

9. Oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "Then I began to look at the topic and said," Now. . 。” At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I started (shit) still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? "

12 I heard a mm shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

13. One day when I was at school, a classmate called me and handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you." As I took it, I casually said "men and women". Everyone laughed. I was laughed at for four years.

14, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

15, once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I want to say "he's out". The result was: "He ... left."

16, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

17, my sister and I went to Li Ning Shoe Store, and my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

19, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, dad asked if he wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a bag from me and gave me a good K.

2 1, a leader of the education bureau inspected the class exercises. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

23, a colleague, one day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

24. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

27. On one occasion, when we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, the tour guide only introduced that the Hundred Steps Ladder was a scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted.

28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room. Then I shouted to turn down the channel. The channel is wrong, and I am speechless. My face was red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

29. In my high school, I go home with my mm after school. I saw a barbecue at the school gate. Mm said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that mm then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer mm very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

30. I quarreled with my MM. She turned on the TV so loudly that I was annoyed and said loudly, "Turn it off for me!" " "Now that I think about it, it's cold!

3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We were just saying that they were wasting their time when two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

32. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, mm asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. Mm: oh. The next morning, I saw mm on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . Mm said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

33. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

34. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

35. In the past, we had an economics teacher who was very fond of talking! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He said, "Do you know why only the US dollar is called' Dollar', but you have never heard of it as' British Gold' or' French Gold'?"

36. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your side door ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

37. The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know why I made the following mistake: "Thank you, not recently, please eat more!" " At that time, everyone was spouting rice. .

38. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, you can sit on me!" " I laughed until I got off ~!

39. I used to be crazy about online games, and I often killed myself in Internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of friends, and the train was about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "md, why isn't there even a coordinate here?" ~ "The elder brothers burst into laughter after hearing this ~ ~

40. When I used to live on campus, I used to have bunk beds. A needs to be recharged. But there is only one socket in a bed, so reading with a lamp can't be recharged. As a result, A plugged the charger into B, and B wanted to listen to music at night. When he saw A's charger, he shouted, "Hey, I said, why are you always on?" Why don't you go down? "After a commotion, sweating like a pig ~ ~

4 1, when I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

42. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, when the meal arrived, two people went into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly: Hey, give me two bowls ~ ~ Lamian Noodles said: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually called by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to be a fritter. )

44. The roommate boiled water with hot water. After the water boiled, the fellow read leisurely and motionless. He couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Do you want to unplug it?" It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's easy to break down all the time. " 。" Nothing happened. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. "That what, shoot. Spit out a lot of things louder and louder, and if you insert them again, you are afraid it will harm people. . Are you sure you won't pull it out? " . . . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ~45, friend, if you find it funny, help me. Write down your feelings in the comments. The incident on the bus today, a man and a woman collided on the bus because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

This is met by a friend who works in Zhujiang Road.

The bus was so crowded that a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed out of the car from the rear,

Say "sorry, get off" to the woman, and the woman will move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was so fierce that she scolded "You are crazy!" You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to see.

GG has been silent, so he can't get off the bus. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! . . . . . B said, "You repeat the machine. " .。 . . .

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM wanted to get off the bus, too, and squeezed over and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!"

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side, "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~! I found that there are two kinds of people who will read my post ...No. 1 issue: people who laugh after reading my post ... such people have a smooth love, a happy career, a harmonious family and a happy life ~ ~

Of course. Such people are also very generous ... don't mind helping me ... happiness is priceless ~ ~

The wolf committed suicide in front of the pig. Who is the name of pig A, where is the name of pig B and what is the name of pig C? One day, pig a and

Pig is at the door, and pig C is on the roof. A wolf found them and wanted to eat them, so he rushed to pig A. ...

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig A: Yes!

Wolf: What?

Pig A: What's on the roof?

Wolf: I mean what's your name?

Pig A: Who's my name and what's on the roof?

The wolf asked pig B again.

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig B: Who am I? (Pointing to pig A)

Wolf: You know what?

Pig B: Hmm.

Wolf: Who is it?

Pig B: Yes.

Wolf: What?

Pig B: What's on the roof?

Wolf: Where?

Pig B: Where am I?

Wolf: Who?

Pig B: Who is it? (pointing to pig head a again)

Wolf: How should I know?

Pig B: Who are you looking for?

Wolf: What?

Pig B: On the roof.

Wolf: Where?

Pig B: It's me.

Wolf: Who?

Pig B: I'm not who, but who.

Wolf: Good heavens!

Pig A Pig B: "My God" is our father.

Wolf: What, it's your father?

Pig B: No.

The wolf couldn't stand it any longer and sighed, "Why?"

Pig ABC: Do you know our grandfather?

Wolf: What?

Pig A: No, why our grandfather.

Wolf: Why?

Pig A: Yes!

Wolf: What's this?

Pig A: No, it's why.

Wolf: Who?

Pig A: Who am I?

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig A: Yes, who am I?

Wolf: What?

Pig AB: On the roof.

……

Finally, the wolf committed suicide. I hope you are satisfied.