A long classic joke

People who can tell jokes are people with good popularity, so we should get closer to some joke kings. Now I am also the king of jokes! I collected and sorted out long classic jokes for everyone. Let's laugh together and collect popularity together!

Long classic joke 1: You are really amazing, young man. It can cure hemorrhoids. There are two lovers in the garden. They are very sweet. The girl spoiled her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked, Does it still hurt? The girl said no! After a while, the girl coquetry said: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurts this time. The girl said happily: it doesn't hurt! An old lady stood by and watched for a long time, but there was nothing she could do. She stepped forward and asked the young man, young man, you are really something. Can you treat hemorrhoids?

A classmate loves to fart, and they are all tonal. We think he can be included in the unsolved mystery of the human body. When the self-study was quiet last night, he suddenly came, and the students burst into laughter. After a few times, the Chinese teacher finally patted the table angrily: "You can't get lucky and get burped!" "

One day, the wife came home to get something, only to find her husband and one of his buddies lying in bed. She left in a hurry disapprovingly, and received a short message from her husband halfway: "Come back early from work at night, and let's talk!" I was just about to reply when I received a text message from that buddy, "Sister-in-law, I'm sorry!"

He fell in love with the goddess in the class, and because he couldn't express himself because he didn't have the chance to be alone, he secretly put medicine in her water and decided to wait for her at the door of the unmanned toilet. When she appeared, he greeted her, bowed his head and blushed. She said, "I like you. Can you stay with me? " ? "She replied firmly," No! " "Ha ha, I won't let you shit if you don't agree. "

My daughter just went to kindergarten and was assigned to class 3. I also participated in a sports meeting. I heard several teachers in the class shouting slogans, the sky thundered: Come on, ladies, come on; Little three, little three, the tiger went down the mountain. ...

Dragon classic joke 2: I am a bird! I am a bird. In this lonely world, except for 10086, who will send me messages on his own initiative, and 10086, who will answer my phone call immediately, and 10086, who will care about my phone bill, will send blessings every season, except 10086.

Take a bus and hear a conversation in a crowded and noisy environment.

A young woman: "Look at you, you don't fart when you step on my foot."

A man said calmly and slowly, "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot." If I fart to you again, am I still human? " "。

One day, all kinds of poultry had a meeting, and chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys and crows all came. At this time, the penguin passed by the door and saw that people were so busy, so he said, "I want to join in!" I want to participate! " The chicken at the door doesn't know penguins, so it slams the door. The penguin cried sadly outside, "I am a bird!" " I am a bird! " .

A village held a meeting to discuss funeral reform and save land resources, and the villagers expressed their opinions. A said: I suggest! No coffin, save money and land.

B said: I think vertical burial can save more space.

C knocked on his pipe and said slowly, I think it's only half buried vertically, even the tombstone is saved. You can tell who is dead at a glance!

A buddy was walking on the road and snorted, "You are the most beautiful cloud on my horizon".

A bicycle sister paper passed by and answered "Let me leave my heart to you".

Then, the buddy chased him like chicken blood and chased the sister paper to the corner.

My sister was so scared that she took out her pocket and said, "I'll give you both the money and the mobile phone." Please let me go. . . "

The buddy said calmly, "Next time you sing, start by yourself." .

Dragon classic joke 3: I said my girlfriend changed clothes in the morning, and her wife said to herself in the mirror: Today's skirt seems a little short. I was more open, so I said to my wife, nothing, it looks good! As a result, my tough wife said, so I changed my beautiful underwear today. ...

W: I am married and have a house in Beijing. I want to give it to my parents. The transfer fee is too high. How to reduce the cost? Lawyer replied: divorce your husband, give him the house, and remove your name from the real estate license. Parents divorced, husband and mother got married, and mother's name was added to the room card. Husband divorced his mother again, gave her the house, gave her husband's name, remarried separately, added her father's name to the house, saved the transfer fee, and got the first suite discount. * * * Divorced and married for six times, with a charge of 9 yuan and 54 yuan. It's nb. Who the fuck is a lawyer?

Listen to a friend-when he was a child, he once played with friends and played with water guns. As a result, several guys formed an alliance to beat him. As the saying goes, two fists are hard to beat four hands, so he can't escape to the broken house. After a long war, he has run out of ammunition and food. At this critical moment, he also showed his extraordinary strategy, took out his little JJ and scattered water guns all over the floor, fighting his way out in the screams, winning more with less.

I went on a blind date with my friends yesterday. The other person is a beautiful girl. As a result, my friend asked, do you play this? Then put the left and right index fingers on both sides of Zhang Cheng's O-shaped mouth ... My sister said, "Sorry, I have something to do ..." Then she took the bag and left. I said, what were you thinking when you kissed? ! This 2B looks aggrieved: I just want to sell it and ask her if she plays lol. .....

Leader: Why not report this in advance? Me: I did. Leader: I answer so many calls every day? You should send me an email! Me: I sent an email. Leader: There are so many emails every day that I can't read them at all. Can't you report to me? Me: You are not in the office. Leader: Should I report to you everywhere? I think your attitude is very bad! Me: ... such a leader can't afford to be hurt!

When it comes to marriage, I think of Forever; Now when it comes to marriage, I think, "How long can it last?" Before marriage, men wait for women in "restaurants"; After marriage, women wait for men in the "living room". When you are in love, "kiss" as soon as you meet; "bicker" as soon as they meet after marriage. I will get married at first, saying it is "fancy"; Later, I will divorce, saying that I was "wrong"?

Every day before I go to bed, I ask my son, "How's mom?" The son replied, "OK." I asked again, "What's so good about mom?" The son will habitually answer: "Mom looks good." Then I told my son a story with satisfaction. One night, when I asked this question again, my husband muttered, "Always asking this question affects my son's aesthetics."

Girls like him very much, and he also likes girls. He is always considerate of girls. On Valentine's Day, he sent her roses and had a candlelight dinner with her. He kissed her deeply and the girl smiled and threw herself into his arms. The two of them went to the spring night. Seeing her lying in his arms, he felt very happy and secretly vowed to do better and give her more love. He stood up, went to the door and opened it. "Brothers, come in!" " .

Once I went to my classmate's house, registered QQ, and forgot to return it when I left. Then something wonderful happened: those two guys used my QQ to send "I like you" to the girl he secretly loved ... Five minutes later, the woman replied, "I like you, too." And then ... and then this guy broke up with me. ....

The buddy at the next table cried while drinking. I asked him with concern what had happened. He said, "My girlfriend and I broke up. We've been together for seven years. I also bought a house and a car. I really can't figure out why she left me! " I said to him, "Let's make a romantic proposal!" He gave me a strange look: "Propose? I have a fucking wife! I am talking about my girlfriend! "

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