Who can tell me some cold jokes and pleas about um?

On a dark and stormy night in January, Daming was working the night shift alone at a highway toll station when a sudden gust of wind came!

With the low roar of the engine, a black car slowly stopped at the toll gate. Daming looked up and took a closer look! There's no one in the driver's seat! !

The panicked Daming hurriedly raised the railing to let him go! The black car drove slowly by...

What happened next? Later... the car slowly drove into "Kaifeng Mansion".

2 On the bus, a man held up one hand with his fingers spread apart, as if holding a bowl. When he was tired, he changed hands carefully, as if he was holding an invisible ball.

Everyone was wondering what he was asking for, and finally someone couldn't help but ask: "Brother, what kind of incredible magic are you practicing?"

The man replied: " My wife asked me to buy her a bra because I was afraid she would forget the size..."

3. Cao Cao suffered from a headache. Hua Tuo believed that the cause of Cao Cao's headache was in his skull, so he told Cao Cao to cut open his brain.

After hearing this, Cao Cao was furious: I have a headache to death, you still dare to sing, come here, drag me out and behead you.

Hua Tuo, died

4. "Doctor, sometimes I feel very stressed."

"When does it usually happen?"

"While cooking."

"Oh, what's your name."

"Pressure cooker."

5. Customer service is actually responsible for The main reason for constipation is because they often say to users: I'm sorry for the inconvenience~

6. Yesterday, I was taking the bus and an uncle next to me was holding a mobile phone. Suddenly the phone rang and the uncle answered it immediately. Started: "Hello? Hello?"

The voice became louder and louder. Just when everyone was looking to see what was going on, he put down the phone and said to himself: "Oh, it's a text message!"< /p>

7. The unit holds a sports meeting and the 400-meter race is about to begin. On the field, colleagues are all optimistic about Xiao Zhang.

What surprised everyone was that the thin and thin Xiao Wang actually won the championship.

Colleagues gathered around him and asked: "What is the power that allows you to exert such miraculous power."

He said sheepishly: "I am holding my pee, and I am in a hurry to go to the toilet." . ”

8. I was on the phone with my grandma while buying fruit today. Grandma asked "What are you doing?"

"Buying fruit"

"Oh! Be sure to wash it before eating!"

"It's okay with me. "Bought bananas."

"Oh! Be sure to peel them before eating!"

"..."

9. I bought them a few days ago. I drove the car back today and wrote on my QQ signature: The car has been received~~ Hahaha. . .

Unexpectedly, a netizen commented: A bit like a thief reporting to the boss.

10. What I saw on TV is that nutritionists say that you should eat fruits and vegetables first, then staple foods, and finally meat, because fruits and vegetables are digested the fastest, followed by starch, and protein the slowest.

I thought it made sense. After I ate a cantaloupe and a bowl of noodles, I found that I couldn’t eat my beloved roast duck. . .

You nutritionist, you liar! ! ! !