Chatting funny jokes.

Talking about funny jokes is particularly popular in real life, and it is not fashionable not to say the last paragraph at ordinary times. Especially funny jokes bring a lot of fun to our lives and promote the distance between people. Here are some funny jokes.

1 1, a female colleague got drunk at the company dinner, so I had to drive her home. I didn't tell my wife about it for fear of misunderstanding. The next morning, I drove my wife to work and suddenly found a woman's shoes at my feet, so I quickly picked up the shoes and threw them out of the window while my wife was looking out of the window, which was a sigh of relief. When I arrived at my wife's office, my wife shouted, "Hello? Where's my other shoe? " (@ bobo-hoo)

2. College students can add three credits to get a marriage certificate, but it's hard to understand why. A senior sister beside me said: of course, it is the national certificate plus credits,,,,,,, national certificate,,,

My mother always said that boys will marry their daughter-in-law and forget their mother. After I married my daughter-in-law, I bought her a computer in order not to forget my mother. Every time I marry a daughter-in-law, I give my mother a little game or the next TV series. In less than a year, my mother's 500G hard drive was full. . . It's full. . . (@ Laugh too much and it will get thicker)

In English class, the teacher asks the students to talk in English. The students are very obedient, and they all meet the requirements of the teacher. The class is almost over, and a classmate can't help it. He burst out laughing. At this moment, another classmate stood up and said to the teacher, "Teacher, she smiled in Chinese!" " "

5, a friend's cousin, looks obscene, has poor taste, is penniless, is short and frustrated, but the beauty is constant, and changing girlfriends is faster than changing TV channels. Finally, we met one day, drinking wine and laughing, and listened to this trick. The man's face suddenly became serious and slowly spit out three proverbs: 1, with your heart! 2, wholeheartedly! ! ! If all else fails, use money! (@ Ma)

When Xiaoming took out his pocket, he dropped a key. He didn't find it then, so he went back to find it! There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it? Xiao Ming quickly said: mine, mine, mine! Later, Xiao Ming learned that it was the woman who was pregnant.

After 7.80, the couple had a lovely baby. The husband was deeply moved to see his wife teach his children to call "dad" every day. He thinks his wife is very kind and teaches his children to call him "father" first, not "mother" first. He felt very happy. On a cold winter night, the child kept crying and calling his father. At this time, the couple were sleeping soundly, and the wife pushed her husband and said, "Your son has been calling you. Let's go At this time, the husband realized that "so it is." . .

8, weather forecast TVB body, look at today's forecast, the most important thing is to be happy. When I went out in the rain, my mobile phone was struck by lightning. What if this happens? Nobody wants it. Don't worry on such a day. Tonight will be fine, either cloudy or sunny, and don't be as knowledgeable as tomorrow's thunderstorm. The so-called auspicious people have their own nature, and the villains have their own nature. Hey, are you hungry? I'll cook you a bowl of noodles. Look at the weather forecast for next week when you are full.

9. In my opinion, the fact is this: No matter how many new girls are put on the shelves every year, the first-year girls are childhood friends in high school, the second-year girls are excellent seniors, the third-year girls are going abroad to study or work, and the fourth-year girls are all schoolmates who go to your sister, and there will never be places for schoolmates and schoolmates, so they are all excited in vain.

10. Four freshmen introduce themselves to their roommates in the dormitory of a key university. "My name is XXX, the college entrance examination 650. I am from Shandong. " "My name is XXX, from Zhejiang." "My name is XX, the college entrance examination 630. I am from Hebei. " "My name is XX, the college entrance examination 490. I am from Beijing! " The other three people said in unison. Peking man scratched his head strangely and asked, "Hey, how do you know?"

Chat funny jokes (classic)

1. When the old man was walking home, he suddenly found a beautiful female thief stealing from his house. Ha! I can catch you, the old man picked up the phone and called the police! The thief begged, please don't call the police, suit yourself. Anyway, the old man wanted to deliver it to his door. It's not for nothing. The old man said, well, take off your clothes and go to bed. But the old man spent a long time trying, but he still couldn't, so he got up and said, hey! No, let's call the police! (@ Little Rogue Girl)

I must be caught in the door. A boy stepped on me on the bus, and then he was expressionless and indifferent. I'm quite right. "How did you do that? I don't know how to say thank you when I step on people! " So the poor guy looked at me for a long time and said, "thank you!" ! "

3. A: "What horse has only two legs?" B: "? Don't know. " A: "Oh." What kind of mouse has only two legs? I don't know. A: Mickey Mouse B: A: What duck has only two legs? B: "Donald! ! ! "Answer:" Wrong, all ducks have only two legs. " B: "vomiting blood! ! ! "

Once my three-year-old daughter went to her uncle's house to play. Her aunt is playing games online. Her daughter was curious and asked, "Aunt, what are you doing?" Menstruation replied, "I'm playing a game! Can your mother play? " Daughter: "No, she will hit me."

Robles: Sorry, Liu Xiang. Sorry, it's my fault. I just want him to remember me all his life.

6. For hurdles, the most important thing is to be happy. Breaking the world record and winning the gold medal can't be forced. We only practiced track and field and lower limb strength, and today's competition was finally ruined by Cubans with triceps. What about this? Nobody wants it. Hey, are you hungry? Go home to Haidilao, interview after the game, can it not be Dong Rina? (@Luthur_Lee)

7. Holding hands to comment on radishes is Liu Xiang's way of dealing with people. Socialist countries, third world countries and developing countries flirt with each other, and it is fucking Americans who finally make cheap money. (@ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫)

8. "You can't die during the summer vacation! Can't die! What should I do if you die? I don't want to go with that graduate! I don't want it! " "Mr. School, are you going to abandon me ... how can I live?" "Mr. Graduation, stay away from me!" "Mr Gong you you you ... you stop it! I'm not going with you! Don't! "

9. Chat with friends and fall in love. "Love fails once, love fails once, I really envy you." "What's wrong with me?" "Love succeeds once, love succeeds once,,," "What's the difference?" (@ Female Rogue Digest)

10, the headmaster gave a speech in the school auditorium: "In order to communicate with young people better, I read seven books of Harry Potter in the summer vacation, and the school-running concept of Hogwarts is worth learning." The students under the stage are very happy. The principal sighed with emotion: "What a great school. No matter whether it is haunted, students die, teachers die, parents die, principals are killed or influenced, it can't stop it from starting school on time every year. "

Chat joke 2 1, traveling by plane, sitting next to a couple. When I handed out the set meal on the plane, I said to my husband: Look at the one next to others, the woman can't finish it, and the man eats the rest. It's so loving. Husband said faintly: Will you be dumped?

2. My uncle came to my house as a guest, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." . Mother growled at once, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. What zoo are you going to? "

My wife bought a hamster and a cage. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complain that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied: "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price?"

4. In high school, I was the penultimate in my class, never came to school, and spent all day in Internet cafes. But the strange thing is that he comes to every exam and is never absent. Later, we found that the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give it to the penultimate member 10 yuan before each exam, begging him to take the exam. ...

When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later reply: "Not me, but my brother ..."

6. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

7. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

8. When walking with my boyfriend, I like to hug his waist and pull his clothes. Walking one day, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you have a baby when you talk to me?" Then he said, "Don't pull my baby's clothes, okay?" Me: "..."

9. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. The wife was not only not afraid, but also said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

10, "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? "

"I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. "

1 1. I went home at night and heard crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go ... "I said," Why are you crying? " The young lady replied, "because ... that pervert actually said it was unlucky to hug a man." "

12, the boss sat there depressed after work, and the secretary asked why? Boss: "I received a letter from a guy yesterday saying that if I don't leave his wife, he will kill me!" " Secretary: "Just leave his wife! "Boss:" But that guy didn't sign! " "

Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man." Then there was a long silence, and the eunuch couldn't help asking, "What's next?" Ji Xiaolan replied, "There's nothing down there!

14, one day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother."

15, late at night, my husband didn't return. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "

16, a buddy next door moved to a foreigner. One night, a foreigner knocked at the door for help and said, "My TV is broken and I can't change the channel." The buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be fine after 7: 30"!

17, once borrowed a relative's horn, put a heart-shaped candle in the boys' dormitory to express his confession, pressed the switch and was about to shout. A voice came from the loudspeaker: "recycling, refrigerator, color TV, washing machine, gas tank." . . "Then I started crying. . .

18, I saw an old man carrying heavy things upstairs, and I wanted to say, Grandpa, let me help you with your things! Open your mouth and become: Grandpa, let me help you with your old things!

19, my boyfriend and I quarreled to the point of breaking up, and both sides were very excited. I sent an angry message saying that I would roll my own package. When I was excited, I wrote "I would roll my own corn". My boyfriend sent a message "Goodbye hamster".

20. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They are eating watermelon. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it. . . The face I lost at that time has not been found yet.

Talking about the funny joke 3 1, the stupidest thing in the world, I didn't find my beloved motorcycle after work, had a quarrel with the company security guard and called the police. When I watched it with the police uncle, I remembered that I didn't ride a bike today. . . ?

2. "Dad, what will you do if I never come back?" The daughter asked, "I will always wait for you." Father smiled and replied, "Why do you always wait for me?" "Silly girl, who told you that you were my only daughter?" "Dad. . . . . . Next time I go out for a walk, would you please pour yourself some water? "

3. A buddy went to the toilet at home and later found that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. He panicked, looking for his cell phone, ready to ask for help. He found that there was no mobile phone in his pocket, but he found a 25-dollar bill, so he used it to make a move! Afterwards, I said happily, "Nothing can be solved with money!" I ... Silence!

Girls walk around in swimsuits, which shows that they like to bask in the sun. The boy rolled up his trousers and caught fish in the water. A teacher who looked after these children lamented, "I don't even remember whether girls were so mature when I was in junior high school." "Sure, but you are busy catching small fish!" Another teacher said drily. . .

When I was in college, a girl in the dormitory ate a diet meal, and the menu of a meal needed a piece of meat. The sisters went to the deli at the school gate and said to the boss, "Give me fifty cents of meat." The boss didn't say anything unusual, so he cut a piece and chopped it up quickly. Kindly said, "Feed the tortoise and I'll chop it up for you."

6. The senior sent a female student home by bike. When she got off at home, she said shyly, "Senior, can the back seat of your car only belong to me in the future?" After that, he bowed his head in shame, and the senior suddenly froze, and then smiled and said, "No problem, I'll go home tonight and open it for you."

7. In the supermarket, a man approached a beautiful woman and said to her, "My wife is lost. Can you talk to me for a few minutes? " Women are confused. The man explained, "I can never find her, but every time I talk to a beautiful woman, she always comes out of nowhere ..."

8. There is a boy in the junior middle school class who is always funny. Once in a political class, he tore off the gold paper from his cigarette case and stuck it on his front teeth. The teacher is giving a serious lecture. He suddenly raised his chair and smiled at the teacher, who sprayed it on the spot …

9. My girlfriend is a bank teller and says all day, "How much do you save? How much do you take? " It has become an occupational disease! One day, when we went downstairs to sell waste products, she saw someone's booth with a catty and wanted to weigh it herself! After standing up, I committed an occupational disease! Open your mouth and say, "Boss, look at my money." ? "The boss paused and said slowly," Sorry, we don't accept it! "

10, the art teacher asked the students, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" . The student said, "I drew it! I painted cows eating grass. " The teacher asked, "What about the grass?" He said, "It was eaten by a cow." The teacher asked, "What about the cow?" He said, "Eat the grass and go."

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12, one day my wife went out. She was tired in the subway, so she hung her hands around my neck to rest. Suddenly, the phone rang and my wife grabbed it. The text message reads: "Report Big Brother! I found my sister-in-law in the subway, holding a stupid man dressed in obscene clothes! ! What to do. "

13. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the supermarket to buy drinks. The boss said to my five or six-year-old son, Tong Tong, when you grow up, your brother can wear your pants, so you don't have to buy them. "Who knows, the little guy jumped out with a curl of his head:" I won't give it, I'll keep it for my son. It is easy for anyone to make money now. "Elder sister's drinks are laughing ... how precocious and realistic you are ..."