Warm jokes to make people happy (10 jokes to warm your heart)

1

A man asked his friend: "Why do you laugh when you smoke? Is the smoke very fragrant?"

The friend replied: "I I read in a book that smoking a cigarette will shorten your life by 5 seconds; smiling will make you live longer by 10 seconds, so every time I smoke, I will smile and gain 5 seconds back in my life.”

2

I asked my mother: "If you could go back in time, would you still choose to marry your father?"

My mother said: "Yes!"

I was very touched. , although my mother often complained about my father's minor problems, she still loved my father deeply

Then my mother said to me: "Why don't you ask, if time goes back, will I still give birth to you?"

3

While chatting with my husband, when I got excited, my saliva splashed all over his face.

Then he instinctively wiped it away with his hands.

I was a little embarrassed, but I deliberately changed the focus and pretended to be angry:

"What are you doing? You dislike me."

He had a gentlemanly smile on his face Said: "No, just wipe it evenly!"

4

I went to get an intravenous drip for a cold, and it cost more than 100 yuan for a small bottle of medicine.

So I asked the nurse Miss: "Nurse, medicines used to be in big bottles, why are they only in small bottles now?"

Nurse: "Save water, start from the beginning!"

5

Donate blood in the school square and get a pair of manicure tools for 200CC and a watch for 400CC.

A girl in the next class felt very happy when she heard about it.

She ran over and asked the nurse: "What are you giving me for 1000CC?"

The nurse said calmly: "Give me a gift. A coffin..."

6

The professor and the farmer sat opposite each other on the train.

When I was bored, the professor said: I will ask a question, and if you don’t know it, give me 5 yuan; if you ask a question, and I don’t know it, I will give you 500 yuan. How about that? Farmers agree.

Professor: How far is the moon from the earth?

The farmer said nothing and handed the professor 5 yuan.

The farmer asked: What kind of animal is it that goes up the mountain with three legs and goes down the mountain with four legs?

The professor was thinking hard and had no solution, so he had no choice but to give the farmer 500.

The farmer took the money and prepared to sleep. The professor asked: What animal is it?

The farmer handed the professor 5 yuan and went to sleep!

7

The father wanted to teach his daughter how to cook, but the daughter refused to learn.

Father: "You must learn if you don't want to learn, and don't get married if you don't learn."

Daughter: "What does cooking have to do with getting married?"

Father: "It doesn't matter. Your grandpa didn't teach your mother to cook. Your mother still doesn't know how to cook. It's exhausted me. I can't harm others like your grandpa."

8

Child: Mom, the teacher praised me for my progress!

Mom: Why do you praise me?

Child: In the past, when I wrote essays, the teacher’s comment was “bullshit”.

Now the teacher’s comment has been replaced by “bullshit”.

You said, didn’t the teacher praise me for the smoothness of my composition?

9

Ever since I got a mobile phone red envelope, it has completely destroyed my values. Not a penny comes easily!

It is noon on the day of hoeing, which is not as painful as robbing money.

I spent the whole morning poking at my broken cell phone.

After poking all morning, I still have to poke in the afternoon.

I asked you how much you grabbed, the total is *** twenty-five cents.

After checking the traffic fee, it cost thirty-five dollars.

Ah, what a painful realization!

10

I went to have my fortune told: "Master, what do you think I can be in the future?

Director or village chief?"

The master calculated with his fingers: "Young man, it's hard for you to be a parent!"

Hahaha! So funny!