Crosstalk, five minutes, funny.

Three-person crosstalk "One Servant and Two Masters"

(A walked on the stage and looked back, almost falling down. After a pause, I walked to the center of the stage, then took out a fan from my pocket and slammed it on and off.

A: I told you a cross talk today. The name of crosstalk is "One Master and Two Servants". what did you say ? Where are the two maids? To tell you the truth, two servants are busy doing housework for me. Can't come. Sorry, everyone (fuels). Guess what? I'll tell you a stand-up comedy today. What did you say?/Sorry? (At this moment, two ladies appeared on the stage) I gave you a poem, "I didn't bring my gun, and the first light appeared on the stage. Today, while the two women are away, I want to use that man (bang) as a pawn. "

(At this moment, two ladies are standing next to A, who learns the flavor of Dan Tianfang's storytelling. Speaking of today's cross talk, it's quite nice. Just say "one master and two servants", don't ask? That's definitely the servant standing on both sides and the master standing in the middle. What's the owner's last name? (I woke up with a bang, turned around and saw the ladies on both sides, pretending to be timid)

Go ahead, go on.

A: (hesitating) I said, where did I just say?

B: You said that the servants stood on both sides and the master stood in the middle.

C: What's the host's last name? Dad, what's your last name? Say it.

A: You don't have to ask. Guys, I thought you knew.

B: C: (hesitating)

A: Huh? Think about it. Isn't this "one master and two servants"? No, it's "one servant and two masters"?

B.C.: (patting the shoulder) Your mouth changes quickly. Good for you? (Back to your position)

A: Well, where are these two aunts from? They almost scared me to death.

B: Huh? What are you talking about? C: louder?

Ah, nothing. I said: these two days … my grandmother, from the countryside … jumped over and almost … didn't find a home, which scared me to death. (Wipe the sweat) OK? What kind of ears are they?

B: I tell you, this young lady is on the stage today, so you should be careful what you say.

I know, I know.

C: Listen carefully. Princess Ben is here today, so you should give priority to your speech.

A: Yes, yes.

Now that you know, why don't you introduce this young lady to everyone?

Captain: Now you see, why are you still standing there? Why not introduce this princess to everyone?

A: OK? They are more anxious than I am. Ok, I'll introduce you first. I'll introduce you. (Right) Who is this young lady?

C: (Cough)

A: Ah, this princess is (going to C)

B: (Cough)

The lady is walking (towards B).

C: (Cough)

A: Ah, this princess is (going to C)

B: (Cough)

A: I can't introduce you. Do you two have asthma? Huh? Tell yourselves who I should introduce first.

Who do you want to introduce first?

C: Who do you think should be introduced first?

A: OK, OK, OK. How's this? (to the audience) I'll see who makes more money and who makes more money. Let me introduce you first. (turning to B and C) Did you two listen carefully? Let me ask you now, how much do you earn a month?

B: Eight thousand.

A: What? Eight or eight thousand dollars. What about you?

C: One thousand.

A: A thousand? Bah, how dare you say that? . He's 8 thousand, you're 1 thousand ...

C: Dollars ...

A: Ah, beauty, dollars. 1 equals 8 yuan RMB, 1000 equals 8000 RMB ... People just ... pay. Isn't this the same amount?

B.c.: (glancing at each other)

Let me ask you one more time. Did you listen carefully? What's your occupation?

Let me tell you something. I am in charge of all employees in this unit.

A: Cadres? All right. All right. What about you?

C: anatomist.

A: Doctor? Angels in white, ok, let me ask you again, how old are you this year?

This young lady is 23 years old.

C: The princess is 24 years old this year.

That's her big ...

C: The difference is 365 days.

A: Isn't that nonsense? (to the audience) I don't think this is a good question. Why don't I just ask them their last names? What position? (turning to B) Hey, can I ask you something? What's your last name?

Me? Last name is Dan.

A: What's your last name? What's your name?

B: One person.

A: Do you have a room next to a single room? Well, this emotion is the radical of Chinese characters. I'll tell you, the last name is Shan, okay?

B: Why not?

A: You want to. Last name is Shan, right? Huh? "Independence is independence, independence is loneliness, and loneliness is widowhood."

B: How can you talk?

A: Anyway, the surname list is not good, so change your surname quickly.

That must be approved by my parents.

A: Huh? Just now, you said, what do you do?

I am in charge of all employees in this unit.

A: You see you? Why didn't you say so earlier? Ha ha laugh ...

B: This relationship is about people's conversation.

You said you were in charge of all the people in the company.

B: Yes, if I tell him to go up, he has to go up. If I tell him to go down, he has to go down.

Look at my mouth. Are you a cadre? The cadre's surname is single, good, good.

B: What's the cadre's surname? It's good.

Ok, this cadre's surname is Shan, right? Ah, "a bachelor is also a head, and a head is also an official." Surname single? All right.

B: what kind of personality?

A: Huh? Let me ask you again, what exactly are you responsible for in the unit?

Me? The person in charge goes up and down.

A: Great. It's for the personnel department I will need it in the future. Hey, let me ask you, are you in charge of personnel transfer?

B: personnel transfer? You're talking about transferring jobs.

A: Yes, yes, that's right.

No, it doesn't belong to the personnel department.

Which department are you from?

Me, elevator department.

A: Well, you said you were driving the elevator with such a lively feeling. Go, go ...

B: dogs look at people.

A: (to C) Hello, Princess. Ignore that. I'm telling you, (laughs) she drives the elevator.

C: I have seen it for a long time.

A: Yes. Let me ask you, what's your name?

C: Me? Surname "Shuang"

A: Why are their surnames so strange? What's your name?

Captain: Zyrnior

A couple? Well, it is also the radical of Chinese characters. Let me tell you something. Last name is Shuang? Not so good.

C: What's the matter?

A: You want to. Last name is Shuang, right? Ah, "Double is right, right is eye, and right is defect."

Who is right? Look carefully before you speak.

A: You're not cross-eyed? Oh, then you are corny.

Captain: You are the corn. Do you have corns on your head?

A: Huh? Where did you say you were from?

C: anatomist.

Scalpel, anatomist?

C: Yes, where do you want to dissect?

A: I don't want to cut anywhere. Well, a good living person, why should I dissect myself?

Anatomist? Last name is Shuang, good, good.

C: Is there any good way?

You think the anatomist's last name is Shuang? Ah, "double is even, even is like, idols are celebrities."

C: What a mess.

A: Huh? Let me ask you, how much do you dissect a day?

C: how much is it? I haven't calculated this, but it's all piecework anyway.

A: Anatomy? Segmented?

C: Yes, not only pieces, but also the heart, liver and lungs are packaged separately.

A: Wait a minute. Are you going to sell human organs? I'm telling you, this is illegal.

C: against what? Who are you scaring? Our prices are set by the Price Bureau. Heart has a price, liver has a price, and lung has a price. Even the bones are divided into big rows and small rows.

I am confused by what you said. Let me ask you, what exactly do you do?

C: I'm a butcher in a slaughterhouse.

A: Pig slayer, bah, is that an anatomist?

C: Are they all knives anyway? Doctors dissect patients, we dissect pigs, almost?

A: much more serious? Go ahead, go ahead. This feeling is not as good as the elevator driver. (go to b). Did you hear that? I'm telling you. Who is across the street? She's a butcher in a slaughterhouse.

I already know.

A: You can see that.

It looks like raw pork. To tell you the truth, I don't drive the elevator now. I'm up.

Have you been promoted?

B: Yes, it's ready.

A: Up? You mean, now you drive a crane instead of an elevator.

Well, I mean, I'm a senior three now.

A: What? Please say it again.

I was promoted to a senior position.

Congratulations, auntie. (shaking hands excitedly)

B: All right. This time, even my life has grown.

Actually, auntie, I know you can't drive the elevator. I'm so happy and excited to know you, so what? (wiping tears with B's hand)

Hey, whose hands are you going to wipe?

Excuse me, didn't I bring a handkerchief?

B: Can't you wipe it with my hand without a handkerchief?

A: What about my hand?

B: Well, I can't even find my own hand.

A: Auntie, since I met you, it seems like I hit it off. I've met you for a long time, and I saw money when I met you ...

B: Ah.

A: No, I mean, when I see you, I will-money will be clear, money will be boundless, and I am at a loss.

B: what's the word?

Aunt, let's meet. Let's give you a hug and a kiss.

B: Go ahead. You talked for a long time, but I still don't know your last name.

A: What's my last name? Can you guess?

B: Then where can I guess?

A: You guess. Guess what?

B: Ah.

I mean, you guessed it.

I guess so? I guess? Your surname is Wang, right?

A: Alas? Or are you the director? I guess it's right. My name is Wang. Am I the king? Did I complain?

I suppose so? You must be sixty years old this year.

A: Alas? You're right. I just turned 60 this year and just retired yesterday. I don't even have a job yet.

Let me guess. Are you a man?

A: Alas? Aunt, it's amazing that you should see that I'm a man. Is this a guess?

B: I also guess you belong to "shrimp".

A: I'm a shrimp?

Right, huh? Are you a shrimp? Or sea shrimp?

A: Me? Aunt, you forgot. What about me? Am I not a "choking shrimp"? I will strangle you first.

I also think that,

A: Auntie, stop guessing. I have to go there. Over there?

B: Which way?

A: Which way? Well, what will she guess? (Walking towards C) I said to you, "Which way is that? See? "

B: Yes,

She got a promotion,

C: "Really?" Born so soon. Is it a boy or a girl?

A: What boys and girls? I got a promotion.

Well, she got a promotion. What is this? I'm telling you, I got a promotion, too.

You were promoted, too?

C: Yes, I don't kill pigs now.

A: Kill cattle instead.

You just killed that cow? I am in charge of killing pigs now.

A: Isn't that the same?

C: I'm in charge of the slaughterhouse now.

A: What? Please say it again.

C: I am now the head of a slaughterhouse.

A: Auntie! Congratulations. (shaking hands)

C: here we go again

A: Actually, auntie, I knew you didn't kill pigs. I'm so happy and excited to know you, so what? (Wipe your tears with your hands and then wipe them on C's clothes)

Hey, where should I put it?

Excuse me, didn't I bring a handkerchief?

B: I don't have a handkerchief. Why don't you put it on your clothes?

A: Then what? That's not it? Do I have to wash it myself?

Well, this is really bad.

A: Auntie, I saw your feelings, just like seeing you at first sight, for a long time, and then I saw your money.

B: Ah.

A: No, I mean that seeing you will give me a bright future and my money will keep flowing.

B: what's the word?

Aunt, let's meet. Let's give you a hug and a kiss.

B: Go ahead. You talked for a long time, but I still don't know your last name.

A: What's my last name? Can you guess?

B: Then where can I guess?

A: Guess. Everything you guess counts.

I guess so? I guess? Your surname is Wu,

A: Alas? Or are you the director? I guess it's right. My name is Wu. My surname is Wu since I was a child. Am I still a man?

I suppose so? Are you five years old this year?

A: I'm 5 years old? Alas? You're right. I just turned 5 this year, and I just took off my pants yesterday. Well, I'm in the nursery again this time.

Let me guess. Are you a woman?

A: I'm a woman? Alas? Aunt, look, I'm a woman. You are really something. What's that look? Why are men and women the same?

B: I guess you also belong to hairtail.

A: I'm hairtail?

Right, huh? Are you braised hairtail? Or sweet and sour hairtail?

A: Me? Aunt, you forget, what am I? Am I not a "salty hairtail"? (whispering) If I get salty, I will kill you first.

I guess you ...

B: "Xiao Wang, come here."

Call me there? Alas, here I am.

C: "Wu, come here."

A: Call me, alas, here I am.

B: "Xiao Wang, did this lady call you here?"

Oh, (running to the second side)

C: "Wu, did this princess call you back?"

Well, where are these silly children? . (Standing still in the middle)

B: Xiao Wang, didn't you say your surname is Wang?

A: Yes.

Xiao Wu, didn't you tell me your last name was Wu?

A: Yes.

B: So is your surname Wang or not? Still surnamed Wu?

C: Are you surnamed Wu or not? Still surnamed Wang?

Here's my situation. I, my surname is Wang, and my surname is Wu.

What do you mean?

A: This is my compound surname. Have you ever heard of Wang Wu and King Gou?

Sounds familiar ...

A: As early as the Eastern Zhou Dynasty, when wuyue was fighting for hegemony, there was a story about Gou Jian, the king of Wu.

Wu Wang Gou Jian? I only remember a man named "Gou Jian, King of Yue".

A: Is that right? Gou Jian, the king of Yue, is Gou Jian, the king of Yue, and I am talking about Gou Jian, the king of Wu, so it is called "Wu Gou Jian". Well, I'm not exhausted.

B: Xiao Wang, you told me that you are 60 years old and just retired yesterday, right?

A: That's right.

C: Xiao Wu, you told me that you just turned five this year and just took off your pants yesterday. Is it true?/You don't say.

A: It's true.

So are you 60 years old? Or five years old?

My what? I am 60 years old in name, but 5 years old in fact. It sounds awkward to me.

B: Xiao Wang, you told me that you are a "shrimp", and you are still a "choking shrimp", right?

A: Yes.

C: Xiao Wu, you told me that you are hairtail or salty hairtail. Is that so?

A: Yes.

B, C: So, are you "choking shrimp"? Or "salted hairtail"?

A: I am both a "choking shrimp" and a "salty hairtail".

B: I see, you belong to "choking shrimp and salty hairtail".

C: I see, you belong to "salty hairtail choking shrimp".

A: Is there such an attribute?

I guess you are a man.

You guessed it.

I guess you are a woman.

Your guess is too accurate.

So are you a man or not? Or a woman?

A: I guess I'm a man.

B: That's right.

A: I guess I'm a woman.

C: That's right.

A: That is to say, look at the left, I am a man?

B: That's right.

A: Look to the right. I'm a woman?

That's right.

A: That's right.

How is it right?

A: Think about it. You see me as a man on the left and a woman on the right. Doesn't that just reflect the "male left and female right" in me?

B.c.: he used it.