Journey to the West, please make more jokes and make them longer

1. Sun Wukong once organized and led a criminal gang of a mafia nature. He recruited many idle members of the society in Huaguo Mountain and engaged in various illegal activities, which caused extremely bad effects and seriously damaged the local social order. . During the arrest process, he violently resisted the law many times and openly provoked our heavenly court. Our Heavenly Court showed great restraint and retreated in order to advance, which greatly dampened his arrogance and finally arrested him and sent him to the West for ideological re-education.

2. Zhu Bajie, once served as the head of the Tianhe Water Conservancy Bureau. After getting drunk at a public banquet, he attempted to rape Chang'e at the front desk of Guanghan Palace. Chang'e recorded a voice in the process of resisting his violence, and then reported it to the heaven. When the relevant departments of the Heavenly Court investigated the matter, Zhu Bajie offered him a hush fee of 10,000 taels of gold, but his ugly behavior was eventually exposed. Because of his confession and repentance, the Heavenly Court considered that it was a "temporary attempted rape" based on the facts of the crime and gave him a lighter punishment as appropriate.

3. Bodhisattva, I really quit! After all, I am also the third prince of the Dragon King of the West Sea! It’s fine for Master to ride on me all the way, but whenever Master meets a pretty girl on the road who wants to hitch a ride, he will pull her on me and let’s go together. Many times he took a woman to ride on me and go to secluded places where there was no one to play horse riding! The most annoying thing is that the names my master and several senior brothers gave me are so disgusting. Instead of calling me Bai Longma properly, they actually called me Bai Mengmeng...

4. Wukong! You bastard! It's a good thing that you don't have a mother or an uncle, otherwise I would see how my teacher would scold you! How many times have I told you that after the banshee catches me, wait for my signal and come to rescue you again! Stop smiling so playfully! Look at me, my master. Every time I am shocked by your sudden intrusion, I will fall into pieces. If I do this a few more times, my master... I am afraid that I will never be able to save them anymore. What a tragedy! Wukong loves his disciple and swears by looking at his master's tears. He won't do it again, okay?

5. Guanyin Bodhisattva, please cancel the accounts of the black bear monster, green lion monster and yellow-browed old monster. We can’t afford to play anymore. Damn it. You sent us against Tang Seng and his disciples, but you raised their level so high, how can we fight? Especially Sun Wukong, with good equipment, high attribute points, and summoning skills. The most annoying thing is that physical attacks are invalid, fire-based attacks are immune, and magic-based attacks are immune... Let alone us alone, we can't beat him as a team! No more talking, it’s 88.

6. Bajie! You idiot! We've traveled ten miles, and you can't change your song! Keep singing "Seeking Buddha", look at how it makes Master cry!

7. Amitabha, monks do not lie. Female benefactor, you are indeed the most beautiful and sexy woman that this poor monk has encountered since his journey to the east. Look at your hair, your jade hands, your skin, this feel...

8 . Donor, the poor monk came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Please stay here for one night... Huh? donor? Donor, please open the door, Donor? Hold!

9. Queen, I, Tripitaka, have arrived at the Kingdom of Lions and Camels. I miss you and kiss you. Don't reply to text messages. It's inconvenient for my apprentice to be here.

10. You douchebag, you don’t respect your teachers. Why did you wear a leopard print apron to look sexy in front of that spider spirit? Why do you steal the limelight from being a teacher? Shut up! I don’t care if you have leopard print or tiger skin! Do you still know who you are? You, a person who has been released from prison, are you pretending to be stupid in front of me? Look, you dye your head yellow and carry a steel pipe to pretend to be young and Dangerous? Damn it...hehe, Ami Camel Buddha, that's so good, my teacher is a little out of sorts.

11. Wukong, let Bajie go into the water to catch the carp spirit. You are not good at water. If you drown, how can you afford the salvage fee? Oh, no, no, Bajie is fine, he will float on his own.

12. Bajie, Wukong is not here, go and make some fast food. Wu Jing, go and drink the horse first. ... Bajie, Bajie, come here. remember! Let's go to the house we passed by just now. Yes, it's the house where a village woman and a child live. As soon as we passed by, we could smell the fragrance. She was making soy pork elbows. It was so delicious! Go ahead, it’s just a mother and son, if you don’t give it, take it! Go and come back quickly!

13. Brother Monkey, did you propose to Fairy Zixia with this ring? You are so funny! You don’t even have half a carat diamond, no one else would be interested in you! At the beginning, Chang'e was so embarrassed and said to me: Don't tell me whether you love me or not, first look at how big the diamond ring is! Alas, fairies nowadays are so realistic. I'm telling you, this fairy daughter, if you try to beat her to death with a diamond brick, she won't even cry out for help!

14. Haha, the market here is really lively. I haven’t passed through such a busy area for a long time.

Hey Wukong, look at those little kids from the Western Region who have been following us since just now. They have curly hair and big eyes, and they are so well-behaved! It's so simple and cute, hahaha... Huh? Bajie, where is your rake? Hey Wujing, where is our luggage? ah! Where is my white dragon horse? !

15. Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing came to the teacher. Sigh... I am definitely not blaming my teacher, but have you all forgotten my teachings? You and I, master and disciple, are all members of the Buddhist sect and have many taboos and precepts. You should always keep this in mind: don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t speak harshly, don’t be greedy, don’t be angry, and don’t be delusional! Since your heart is devoted to the Buddha, if you don't practice self-cultivation, how can you achieve true enlightenment? Okay, I’m here to ask you, who the hell is that? Last night, while I was sleeping, you secretly logged in and stole my food? !

16. Look, Junior Brother Sha, if you just catch a cockroach spirit, Brother Monkey will invite all the gods in the sky? Seriously, have you ever seen this monkey catch a goblin on his own so many times? Every time, he screams at the goblin: "Don't leave! Don't leave if you have the guts! I'll blow the whistle and call for people to chop you to death!" Hey, he has so many magical powers! Hey, look at how many gods have come to the sky. There are also a few people riding brooms. Wow, all the sanitation personnel from heaven are called here.

17. . "Wukong! Don't be rude! Oh, old man, the poor monk came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. He passed by here today. I wonder if the old man can open the door for convenience...Old man, please stop insulting me. The poor monk apologizes for the big disciple... ...Old man, please don't hit me with your stick...Old man, please calm down...Old man, can you try to touch me again?...Oh my god? Wukong! Go ahead, you guys, too! Knock out the eyes, blind the legs and get a discount! ”

18. Wukong bastard! Don't make a move! Those donors are not monsters, so how can you refuse to change despite repeated admonitions and kill animals at will? ! ……oh? Are they businesses that buy land and build buildings? Amitabha——Wu Jing, help me get the Five Buddha Crowns; Wukong, lend me the golden cudgel! No, Bajie, give me your rake! Damn you...

19. Master——, I’m back! Being told right by this idiot Bajie, Junior Brother Sha was indeed so sultry! Ya didn't go to beg for alms, but went to an Internet cafe. He was posting on the forum when I turned into a flying insect and snuck in! What about "Rough and handsome guy travels to Chi Country, huge PP, please hit lightly"...

20. Ahaha! The eminent monk of the Tang Dynasty was polite and courteous! I am the magistrate of this county, and these twenty-five colleagues are the deputy magistrates of this county. Oh, and those more than a hundred people outside are all assistants to the county magistrate. In exchange for customs clearance documents, isn't it urgent? First, please invite an eminent monk from the Tang Dynasty and four eminent disciples to accompany me to the Yingge Garden above the county government office for some entertainment. Of course! There are all of them, they are all the great ladies of yesterday. Safety! Absolutely safe! It was opened by my uncle and brother...

21. MSN signature of the King of the Daughter Kingdom: The elder’s surname is Tang, which is so sweet and sad.

22. Brother Monkey, did you propose to Fairy Zixia with this ring? You are so funny! You don’t even have half a carat diamond, no one else would be interested in you! At the beginning, Chang'e was so embarrassed and said to me: Don't tell me whether you love me or not, first look at how big the diamond ring is! Alas, fairies nowadays are so realistic. I'm telling you, this fairy daughter, if you try to beat her to death with a diamond brick, she won't even cry out for help!

23. Wukong, are you okay? Wake up! Bajie Wujing, don’t run away! Come back and save me as a teacher! Ah... stop fighting, stop fighting! ...The poor monk really went to the West to obtain the true scriptures... He just came to the Yamen here to exchange for customs clearance documents! Right! That one is a customs clearance document, not a report letter... Those are my apprentices! We really are not here to petition collectively...ah!

24. Wukong, bring me the purple gold alms bowl and chopsticks. Wujing, go to the kitchen and see if Bajie is cooked.

25. Master, just get on the horse. How can you maintain your figure by just taking these two steps? Monk, why are you pretending to be an idol? Look, you asked Brother Monkey to pick wild fruits again. Can you improve the food? My existence has fully demonstrated that vegetarianism cannot reduce weight.

26. Dear friends, if you love, please love deeply. At this moment, I burst into tears. Although I have said to myself more than once: "Jade Rabbit, you must be happy!" However, he is a man like the wind, which shattered my elegant dignity and made me as lonely as a firework... Can you stay? Elder Tang, will there be a female demon in the West who will love you for me?

27. Wu Jing, look at you, instead of drinking the horse, you are taking selfies with your mobile phone. My teacher once said that if you have a big face, a broad mouth, and a lush beard, you will never look cute no matter how much you pout.

Come, take some pictures for me, and I will teach you some scissor hand styles.

28. Bajie, your senior brother has been driven back to Huaguo Mountain by me, but you are so embarrassed to take on this important task! You still haven’t changed your bad habit of being a leader in Heaven before being Shuanggui! My master asked you to go into the cave to find out the details of the female goblin, but you came back with a bellyband! You scoundrel! If I had known that I was such a teacher, I should have changed your nickname to Jiujie! ...Show it to my teacher. Is it original?