Classic funny jokes

Classic funny jokes, in life, many people will watch some funny jokes to relax themselves when they are bored or in a bad mood, and there are many funny jokes. The following are the classic funny jokes I compiled for you!

Classic joke 1 1, 25 to 45 years old. Some post-90 s and post-95 s receive and absorb information faster than post-80 s, so they have gradually become one of our main audiences.

2. Some famous talk shows abroad mainly focus on guest interviews, which is difficult to do in China. Therefore, our interaction with the guests is more like a sketch. The two sides agreed to each other's requirements and we wrote the script. Among the guests participating in the program, foreign big names are particularly willing to cooperate, such as Lyon? Ricky and Adam. Lambert; Hong Kong and Taiwan artists also have a high degree of cooperation, such as Taiwan Province hosts Akon, Fang Datong and Lu Guangzhong; The mix ratio of mainland artists is poor, but Laure Shang is quite good.

No matter who you hurt or who you are hurt by, we should try our best to tolerate others. When you hurt others, you have an obligation to say "sorry" to them. When they tolerate you, you must also say "it doesn't matter". Of course, not everyone in this world is so open, and not every "sorry" can get a "it doesn't matter", but every "uncle" can definitely return an "uncle"!

4. An immature man and an immature woman are doomed to be a farce; An immature woman and a mature man may be a serious drama; A mature woman and a mature man are a comedy; An immature man and a mature woman ... that's a rich woman!

In fact, ordinary people have no requirements, just want to live the same life as employees of state-owned enterprises. If I am in a ravine, I will endure it all my life. You said that I would not be wronged if I lived in a village in Beijing. I am a native of Erhuan, a pure Beijinger. Now I live in Huilongguan. I drive home every day to sing "Bell and Drum Tower": "My home is in the Sixth Ring Road."

6. What is the use of driving a Maserati? What's the use of driving Lamborghini? Should I make it for you or make it for you? I'm not a person who hates rich people, but I don't like it when I see a good car ... Is that car forbidden to soak in water? Sometimes I see Maserati in the street, and it is made in matte paint. Boy, stop next to me and wait for the red light. I think, shouldn't you stop, too? The girl in the car was beautiful, so I said,' Hey-hey-hey!' You are sick! Why? The girl replied. The back door is not closed ...' Pretend to remind others. Our two cars! Then he said,' Excuse me, excuse me, is this car expensive? how much is it? You can't afford it anyway! How can you not afford it! I just asked you how much you spent. Everyone donated! '

7. Watching cartoons won't delay children's study. It's really not a great thing to delay children's study. Study, let him learn while playing, and spend his childhood more easily. One day he will know that you can't go to any door, and there are no bamboo dragonflies, saints and Athena. All the innocence in this world, only those years, these years are very short.

8. The phrase "money is willful" is very popular recently, which is simply nonsense. Think about it, we were all willful when we were young. We are all poor, and we are still poor. Since I have known money since I was a child, I am no longer willful, because I only know money.

9. My nose is stuffy and I can't hear clearly.

10, three vultures live in the hearts of three vultures forever.

1 1. I have always said that jokes are a loser's game. There are beautiful women to see, who will listen to jokes! Who can tell jokes when there are beautiful women to see!

12, earning money to sell cabbage, with the heart of selling white powder.

13. The dog that walked downstairs for more than half an hour just now gained a pound and a half when he got home.

14, at the entrance of Beijing food market, the prisoner who is about to be executed is kneeling. "It's three o'clock at noon, execute!" The words sound just fell and the masked executioner stepped forward and pulled off the prisoner's mask. . . . . . . ?

15, I finally realized Tagore's artistic conception. "The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but I am holding your hand in the street of Beijing, but I can't see you."

After several days and nights of breathing by 20 million people in Beijing, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The new Beijing spirit was born: "The fog of virtue, self-improvement, hard work, and then create a gray yellow!" Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck! …

17, it's not that I'm depressed. I think those mask manufacturers are responsible for the air pollution.

18, the scenery of the imperial capital, a thousand miles of dusty, Wan Li ash floating. Looking inside and outside the ancient city, the fog is boundless. Up and down the tall buildings, the haze is surging. Cars dance like snakes, chimneys are everywhere, trying to compare with poison gas. On weekends, I watched myself lying at home with my nose and mouth wrapped tightly and begging for mercy. The air is so bad that countless citizens dare not invite them. SHEN WOO, the foggy city, has long been trampled by me; The reputation of Grey City is no longer coquettish. A generation of Tianjiao, CCTV underpants, only the trouser legs are short of waist. Go to the same place, count the sad people and see China. @ Lao Xu Times Review

19, add a few points: we should fully understand the complexity and uncertainty of pollution control, be alert to the subversive activities of foreign forces using pollution, and pay attention to the so-called topic used by public opinion leaders. Moderate pollution actually has its rationality and inevitability, and people should adapt to pollution rather than oppose it. @ Xie Wen

20. Beijing drifters turned out to be the pain of breathing. You are the real warriors of this era. For a Beijing hukou, you are risking your life and youth for tomorrow!

2 1, this is everyone's life. This food is poisonous. Let's make a fish, don't eat and drink water! Later, the water was also poisonous. Let's be a shrinking turtle, breathing without eating or drinking! Finally, air is poisonous. In order to live, we no longer regard ourselves as human beings.

22. Xu Qiang's girlfriend is a character of Little Red Riding Hood, because her grandmother was eaten by a wolf. ...

23, as long as willing to open skills, willing to crack the mixture, there is no immortal paladin.

24. 040 (Lin Chi-ling) used to be a big drum, but this year, it has changed.

25. An immature man and an immature woman are doomed to be a farce; An immature woman and a mature man may be a serious drama; A mature woman and a mature man are a comedy; An immature man and a mature woman ... that's a rich woman!

26. Crosstalk can be divided into disc version and gun version. This is a gun version because we have laughter here.

27. Girls in their twenties now marry old men in their forties and fifties. What should we do? We will wait until we are 40 or 50 years old before marrying people in their twenties.

28. "Dad, what happened to my boyfriend? Although he has no car or house now, he has an enterprising heart. As for the appearance and height, they are all external, I don't care, I hope you ... ""Stop that now, son, and continue to eat.

29. One day, someone met three big men and wanted to hit him, so they got into a fight with them. "I fried the cow when I came back:" I let them fight for two hours, but they didn't knock me down. "Someone asked what's going on? He said, "Tie a tree and hit it. "

30. "I always feel that I will cry when I watch TV dramas, movies and cartoons, but if the same thing is staged in reality, I won't feel so much or even be indifferent. What's wrong with me … "God replied: There is no background music in real life.

3 1. When a train passes through the countryside, its speed is unbearable, and it keeps stopping at station after station. When the train stopped at a small station again, a passenger jumped out and said to the conductor, can't you walk faster? Sure, but I can't leave the train.

32. Just now WeChat shook it. A buddy added my best friend. I was shocked and thought I was gay. Then I asked him what it was. He said: women can't shake. She always shakes you. If you add it, you won't shake it again.

33. I saw a lovely child when I was shopping. Then I looked at my husband and sighed. Say to your husband: if you give birth to a baby that looks like you in the future, it's over! My husband paused and gave me a hard look: if you don't look like me, you are finished! ! !

34. My best friend is a fan of Korean dramas, and her husband is also a fan. There was a ball game one night, and they fought over the TV remote control. She cried angrily to me, and I asked her, "Who finally owned the TV remote control?" She cried and said, "Lao Wang." I wondered, "Who is this Lao Wang? Never heard of it. " She cried even louder: "A TV repairman ..."

For me who is overweight, moderate exercise is still effective. The most obvious thing is that I can eat one or two more bowls after every exercise.

36. If one day I change Weibo's real name, my photo to myself, my signature to the front, and all the previous words are deleted, it probably means that I will start a new life or my mother will pay attention to me.

After all, I can't catch up with that BMW, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

38. Son: "Mom, why am I here?" Mom: "Your father planted a seed in my stomach, and then there was you." The son turned and left. After a while, he took a gourd seed and said, "Mom, eat it and give me a gourd baby."

39. African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my mother, it's all burnt and running so fast.

40. My wife and I were walking in the street with a crumpled leaflet in our hands. After walking for a long time, I finally saw a trash can. I quickly threw it away. I didn't expect my wife to pull me from behind and say, honey, that must be terrible. Don't pick it up. I paused and found that there was half a watermelon on the top of the trash can.

4 1. Take my son out to play by bus. After getting on the bus, my son and I sat behind a girl in a halter top. Seen from the back, the girl's skin is white and tender. Suddenly, my son patted the girl and said to her, Aunt, you are so beautiful! The girl smiled sweetly and said to my son, little friend, your mother is the most beautiful! The son shook his head and said, no way. My father has never stared at my mother for so long.

42. I can't sleep at midnight. I got up and went to the living room for a cigarette. I found a cockroach and talked with it for a long time. I vented my views on life, my dissatisfaction with my boss, my pressure on life, and my squeeze on life. I ran out of cigarettes and trampled to death. There is no way, it knows too much.

Classic joke 2 1, I didn't quite understand it when I first used QQ. In a chat, a netizen asked me: How to upgrade QQ software? I don't know how to pretend to understand. Answer: Please uninstall this old one first, and then I'll tell you how to do it! So, half a minute later, the netizen's head turned gray. Since then, this person has disappeared. ...

I was brave when I was a child. Once in kindergarten, the doctor vaccinated us, and the teacher taught us earnestly: "Which child is brave? Let's see where the bravest child is, the first one to come to the doctor's aunt? " After asking for a long time, no one paid attention to her and everyone shrank back. Later, I strode to the doctor. The teacher said happily, "XXX is the bravest …" Before I finished, I grabbed all the needles on the table and threw them out of the window. My father told me all this when I grew up.

Everyone loves gloves when taking the bus in winter, so that they won't feel bitten when holding the cold handrail, but I don't have this habit. I never wear gloves. I took the bus, and two middle-aged women came up at one stop, chatting loudly, and one of them said, "The Spring Festival is coming, there are many thieves, so pay more attention to thieves by car." The other said, "Yes, I tell you, thieves don't wear gloves no matter how cold it is, just for the convenience of work ..." After listening, I saw that I was the only one in the whole car who didn't wear gloves.

4. We practice in the Fifth Hospital. Once, seven brothers went out to eat, and they had an argument with three gangsters, which turned into a fight, and three gangsters were beaten by us. Later, they were sent to the Fifth Hospital. As soon as we got the news, we put on our white coats and jumped on them. When the three of them saw that the doctor standing in front of them turned out to be the man who had just hit himself, they showed a desperate expression on their faces ... unforgettable!

In a jewelry store, I thought of a silver bracelet in buy buy, which is in the shape of a big ring. When I saw a satisfactory one, the clerk showed it to me and asked me if I should buy it myself or give it away. I said I would buy it myself. Then he asked me if I wanted to have a try, so I compared it on my wrist and said I didn't have to try, so I compared it. The clerk asked me again whether to buy it for myself or give it away. Just try it yourself! I said buy it myself! Then try it! So I started to put the bracelet on my hand, and the clerk looked at me in surprise (I didn't see this because I tried to put the bracelet on my hand again). After dozens of seconds, the clerk finally understood and said, miss, this is an earring.

6. In a math class in junior high school, the teacher is talking about a classic geometry proof problem. Speaking of the wonderful part, the teacher pointed to the blackboard with a pointer and said in a low baritone, "Please pay attention!" Suddenly, a sweet female voice outside replied, "Stand back!" " Everyone was shocked! It turned out that there was a truck reversing outside the window, and it automatically typed "Attention, reverse!" "The whole class burst into laughter.

7. Once I came out of the market and took a bus, a minibus. There were too many people, so I casually raised a vertical pole (metal). There were so many people that the car kept shaking. Suddenly I found that the pole I helped was shaking with the car. I think the car is shaking so much that the pole can shake with it. In this way, after one stop, many people got off the bus, and I found that I had been holding a mop with a metal pole. A woman stared at me with a mop in one hand and a baby in the other.

8. Go to a martial arts restaurant for lunch, where the taste is average and the price is relatively cheap. The characteristic is that everything there has a martial arts style. Call the customer a guest officer and the waiter a junior. The name of the dish is also a martial arts style. Braised pig's trotters are eighteen palms of the dragon, and the mutton pot is called Jiuyang Magic. At noon, while eating Jiuyang magic, a Xiao Qiang was running around the table. As soon as he got angry, he called Xiao Er over. When Xiao Er saw it, he shouted: There is an assassin!

9. Once, I was walking in the street when I suddenly got a call from my friend, so I chatted with him and left. After a few people, I subconsciously reached for my pants bag and found that my mobile phone was gone. I didn't touch anything all over (how can it be, sweat ~). I was so anxious that I broke out in a sweat that I shouted at my friend: Oh, no! My mobile phone is missing! Dizziness.

10, once, I contacted a classmate because of something, but his number was not stored in my mobile phone. I sent a short message to another classmate who was very familiar, "Do you have XXX's phone number?" Then I waited patiently for a reply. After 5 minutes, I finally received a reply. I couldn't wait to open the short message and wrote a "yes". In desperation, I can only send a short message to this big brother again, "So, please tell me?" I waited another five minutes and received a reply. I can't wait to open it again, and two other words are written impressively: "good"!

1 1, I am a freshman in medical college, and my anatomy class is very tense, especially when I hear my classmates praise my parents as top surgeons or have relevant experience. After two hours of practical operation, the teacher praised my good operation ability and asked me if I had a family history. I replied shyly, "Yes, my grandfather killed pigs."

12, in class, the teacher asked questions in class, but there was no response below. The teacher said, will you give me some response? I sing a monologue on it. What are you doing down there? A classmate blurted out and went to the theatre.

13, the woman in the dormitory, with a powerful ass sitting on her mobile phone, can't find it. Let me shake it with my mobile phone. As a result, I can't get through, and I can't get through for the time being ... What a terrible ass? I can't even get a signal. ...

14, I dreamed of the end of the world yesterday. Aliens invaded the earth. We hid behind a tanker. Still being discovered. Honey, cover for me. Got shot several times. Bloody. There were blood drops on the body. It's extremely cold, I thought silently. Oh, my hero. I will treat you well in the future. Wake up. I found the reason why it was cold was that the goods swept the quilt away. Theo. Instantly disillusioned.

15. Yesterday, the sister in the dormitory discussed the end of the world on 2 1 ... One sister said, "I don't believe the world will die. How can you say that there is no such thing as human beings? " At first, everyone was discussing it, but suddenly a weak voice came: "Dinosaurs thought so …" The dormitory was silent for an instant.

16, class starts on Monday, and the teacher calls the roll. "Zhang San?" "here." "Li Si?" "here." Wang Wu? "Go ..." Obviously, all three voices came from the same person. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the classroom froze to freezing point and the teacher was livid. He rushed to the windowsill in one step: Uncle Wang, can you direct the reversing later?

17, resigned and went home to change a local number. It's been two months, and this number is really deceptive. Strangers called me to chop people up. Tell the boss that I made a fortune and forgot my brother. Let me send the young lady there. Ask me to send powder. I said I used this size before, big brother. How rich your life experience is!

18, my mother called yesterday, and the first thing I asked was is the end of the world true? What if I say it's true? She said, come back quickly and kill the pig first. ...

19. In class, the teacher said, "There is no word' failure' in my life dictionary!" Just after that, a dictionary came out from the bottom. Xiao Xin said, "Teacher, I have to lend it to you!" "

20. My mother is in charge and my father is poorer than me. Today, I called the handsome guy, and the handsome guy said to me happily, "Son, I saved 100 yuan and rushed to punch you in." I burst into tears in an instant.

2 1. Yesterday afternoon in the library, a boy's cell phone rang. In order not to disturb everyone, he rushed out at 80 mph. However, the phone kept ringing, and this guy ran back and said, I forgot my phone. Hit the table instantly!

22. In front of the meat stall, the city hall took 2 Jin of meat and paid 100 yuan. Butcher: I can't find it, I'll give it next time; In front of the food stall, the city hall took two bags of vegetables and gave them 100 yuan. Vegetable vendor: I can't find it. I'll give it to you next time. Before the fruit stand, the market kiosk collected 1 watermelon, and handed it in 100 to find 85 yuan. People have never seen the fruit seller again. ...

23. A man saw a note on the ground that said, "Dig 5 meters underground and you will find the treasure." So he dug a pit 5 meters deep. As a result, he found another note, which said, "Dig down 10 meters and you will find the treasure." So he dug 10 meter again. Finally, he found another note that said, "I'm just joking with you." Now try to climb up. "

24. On the bus, a pair of twins came over and wore the same clothes. The four-year-old son saw it and asked faintly, "Do you want to watch it together or find a different one?" The whole car laughed, and his father was black.

25. Walking down the street with a buddy, suddenly a girl with long curly hair in front started dancing, shaking her head and cursing, feeling like a ghost. Dude, push me and say go, go, go! ! I thought he was afraid of touching porcelain, so I quickly followed him and left. After walking away, he panted ... I ... just ... I didn't ... bounce very far ... and she hit her head. ...

Dear, I've always wanted to learn from the Monkey King, so that I can take good care of you on Halloween, no matter what monsters, take them with you!

27. Is your gentle face as beautiful as spring, as warm as summer, as gorgeous as autumn and as bright as winter? When I saw you, it was like an ancient shadow in my heart, which made me fall in love with you without hesitation

28. I think the first thing I see when I wake up every day is you. I want to take your hand out and go home every day. I want you in my life forever.

I like you, so I don't want to give up easily. I like you, so I am willing to give up. In my memory, you are so beautiful. In my heart, I will remember you. Like you, I don't expect to continue, as long as I can see you every day, even on my back. Looking at you, the distant sky, my heart sinks to the bottom of the sea. I don't know when you will remember. I have been waiting for you in the same place. I don't know when you can turn around and see me who likes you.

30. In this happy world, there is a happy me, and I will send you short messages with happy time. I am very happy to tell you that the happier thing is that I love you "happily", just like "Big Wolf loves Hong Tailang"!

3 1, I want you to know that there is someone in this world who will wait for you forever. No matter when and where, you know there will always be such a person.

I hope that even if I show unreasonable behavior again, I will still be the best baby in your eyes. I hope you can always be with me, regardless of status and age, as long as the person around you is always you.

33. What's it like to like you? Sometimes it takes a long time to cry, and sometimes it's too hard to like you, because you fly happily.

34. You are a deep cave, a treasure that needs to be explored constantly, a distant galaxy, an underwater moon that can never be touched, and a gentle summary of the world.

35. If I want to leave this world one day, I hope that the final destination is your arms, so that even if I drink the bowl of Meng Po soup next to Naihe Bridge, I can find you in the afterlife with the memory of your arms.

36. I hope we can last forever. There will be no quarrels, and there won't be too many differences. If there is a problem, we will discuss and solve it. Don't hide it, so we will be together for life.

I want you to know that in this world, there is always someone waiting for you forever. Whenever and wherever, there will always be such a person.

38. If I have you in my dream, it will be very sweet; If I have you in my heart, I will become very substantial; If you are by my side, I will be extremely happy.

39. If love can be advanced, I would like to dedicate all the love in the next life to you. If love can be reserved, then I would like to fix love in the afterlife first. Things change, everything can change, and what remains unchanged is my deep attachment to you!

40, the paper will wrinkle, and the feelings written will remain the same; Years will slip away quietly, and you will always be the source of my happiness; As if the left and right atria are together, the true feelings flow for you; You are my lifelong desire, holding your hand and never looking back!

4 1, I look at you silently, just like an anemic star, I can't see your footprint when you come; The mood at the moment is like that coin, half storm and half flower; How I want to: exchange my life for your beauty.