After reading the ghost story, I was in a mess. Please send some jokes to adjust ~

The source is the children's variety show "Happy Jump" of Shanghai Oriental TV Station.

First of all, the animal world

1. Why is the mouse in the cartoon Tom and Jerry worse than the cat?

A: This mouse must have eaten spinach. (Popeye blood splashes five steps ...)

Because this cartoon was written by a mouse. (Cat blood splashes five steps ...)

2. Why do you say "the tiger's ass can't be touched"?

Answer: because touching the tiger's ass, the tail will throw people's hands to the ground, which is very painful.

Tiger's ass is too big.

Touching the tiger's ass is uncivilized behavior. (The world has its own meaning ...)

3. How to stop mosquitoes from biting us?

A: please ask a nanny at the door. (Nanny's blood splashes five steps ...)

Put some oil on your body, step on it and the mosquitoes will slip away.

Put some glue on your body and mosquitoes will stick to it.

If you play a lullaby, the mosquito will go to sleep and stop biting.

4. Why do crabs spit bubbles?

Crabs are sweating from the heat.

It's hungry and drooling.

5. Why are there no dinosaurs now?

A big earthquake destroyed the dinosaurs.

The dinosaur went to make a movie. (... I see. )

6. Why does the white rabbit like to eat radishes?

Because its eyes are red.

Radish is rich in nutrition.

Because rabbits can't afford meat. (White rabbit blood splashes five steps ...)

7. What does a giraffe's long neck do?

A: You can see its good friends.

It looks good to wear a gold necklace around your neck. (……)

This can spy on farmers growing vegetables.

8. What will the fish do if there is no water in the sea one day?

A: Let the water in the river flow into the sea, and add some salt to turn it into the sea. Understand the difference between seawater and fresh water! )

Tell fish to learn to breathe on land. (Animals evolved from sauce purple ...)

9. What is the function of the bird's tail?

A: You can cover your ass. (shameless ...)

It's good to open it when dancing.

10, what's the use of a squirrel's tail?

Answer: when the quilt is covered.

As a parachute.

You can sweep the floor.

As a pillow.

Second, human learning.

1. What is a child's face for?

A: My face can be used to wash my face. (Knocking on the ground ...)

Without a face, your tongue, teeth, nose, eyes and mouth will be exposed.

Scrape the old dough.

My face was pinched by my grandparents.

2. Why don't people hatch from eggs?

Answer: Because my mother is a human being, not a chicken. She can only give birth to people, not eggs.

Chickens have sharp mouths, but people don't. We can't get out of their shells.

Winged animals are born from eggs. There is some truth in this statement. )

My mother carried me out after she died.

3. Why is the child born from the mother's stomach, not from the father's stomach?

A: Men give birth to boys and women give birth to girls.

Dad's belly is full of beer, and all the children born are drunk.

Dad doesn't have maternity leave, but mom does. (Dad's blood spilled five steps ...)

Dad is a man. If he has children, it will be difficult to have them. (Dad continues to spill blood in five steps ...)

Dad couldn't be born because grandma didn't teach him

4. Who remembers what he looked like when he was born?

A: The head is very small, like a table tennis ball.

I was bald when I was a child, and my hair didn't grow out yet.

Small, like a thermos.

I can crawl when I was born.

5. What's the use of human nose?

Without a nose, you can't smell food. It tastes strange.

Without a nose, nose hair and snot have no place to live. (Hold your head ...)

You can't sell perfume without a nose.

6. What's the use of hair?

I won't be hit by snow in winter.

Give the barber something to do. (Barber's blood splashes five steps ...)

7. Why does Dad shave?

A: It's inconvenient to drink porridge with a long beard.

His face hurts when he grows a beard.

When the beard grows, it will turn into hair.

If my father doesn't shave, my mother doesn't like him. (Dad is still bleeding for five steps ...)

8. If children grow into adults one day, ok?

A: Time flies too fast. It's time for dinner, and my stomach hasn't digested yet.

If time flies and people die quickly, then there will be no one in the world. (... well, so far-sighted. -o-)

If you are older than mom and dad, how do you call mom and dad?

9. When does a person have four legs?

A: When hitting a puppy.

Two people embrace together. (Knocking on the ground ...)

10, is there any way to make fat people lose weight and thin people gain weight?

A: Thin people fight more, and fat people are the targets. (Fat blood splashes five steps ...)

Tell the fat man to drink more water, and his stomach will become very big. When he presses it, he will lose weight. (Fat man continues to spill blood in five steps ...)

Third, the world is really wonderful.

1. Why are so many people grabbing a ball on the football field?

A: They have no money and can only afford one ball.

There are too many balls to kick.

Because the ball is beautiful.

2. Why should Children's Day be held in June 1?

A: Mom and Dad celebrated many festivals, so we should celebrate some festivals for the children.

I'm not free on other days.

3. How did the name of the train come from?

His mother gave him this name.

Because it's angry.

4. Why do some balloons fly?

A: Balloons that can fly to the sky are all light skeletons. (……￣□￣; ; ; )

Balloons fly when they are angry.

5. Why is it called Pudong?

A: Many ducks jump in and plop, so they are called Pudong. (... all the mysteries are solved! !

!

Come out and crush the duck! ! ! )

6. where is the money better?

A: At home, because no one knows that you have saved money.

Hidden in leather shoes.

7. What are the two streamers behind the navy hat?

A: For beauty.

The more streamers, the bigger the official.

Because he wants to wear a braid.

Fourth, I'm hungry.

1, why do you want noodles for your birthday?

A: Noodles grow fast after eating.

Noodles are cheap.

2. What part of chicken do children like to eat?

I like chicken because I exercise my muscles every day.

I want to eat chicken feet, because I can walk after eating them.

3. Why is jiaozi round?

Because its name is Tangyuan.

If you can't eat a square jiaozi, it will get stuck in your throat.

Because the mouth is round.

4. Where does the milk come from?

A: It was washed out with milk powder. (over there! ! ! )

Cow urine is small. (My blood spilled five steps ...)

5. Where does coconut milk come from?

Answer: Give the coconut to the cow, and the milk squeezed out is coconut milk. (over there! ! ! )

A new explanation of verb (abbreviation of verb) noun

1. How do the children feel after listening to the music of Blue Danube?

It seems that the puppy is wagging its tail.

It feels good.

I feel a little. A tortoise is crawling.

2. What is the story of the music "Spanish Matador"?

A: Titanic.

Sister Xiao He is knitting her hair. (Sister Xiao He's blood spilled five steps ...)

Someone is fighting.

An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

That horse will definitely come back, because it knows its footprints.

I think Ma has gone out to get married and won't come back. (Good, so romantic ...)

I will come back, because my grandfather still has savings. (Good, good reality! )

What would your parents do if you killed a rabbit in front of your house?

My mother will take it to the hospital.

My father will drool with joy. (Dad: ...)

5. What can Taishan do when he comes to the city?

A: Fishing for the moon. (strong! This is called mastery, do as the Romans do! "

Sixth, reading the text makes sense.

1, kid, who knows what "heart-to-heart" means?

A: Talking is like feeling so weak.

Two people are sitting on the sofa talking about business.

Heart-to-heart conversation is a person talking about his heart with the opposite person.

2. What is a laity?

A: Just sweating.

Hercules stood outside.

3. What does the threshold nature mean?

A: This is a threshold made of gold.

There is a monster sitting on the threshold.

What do you mean by "gossiping"?

A: Say it when you shouldn't, and don't say it when you should.

Stick out your tongue.

Eight people are noisy and seven people are quiet.

5. What does parrot talk mean?

A: That is, it wants to catch eight snakes and go home.

Parrots imitate snakes.

6. What is a "scholar"?

A: People who catch mice. (Scholar's blood splashes five steps ...)

Uncle's child. (Uncle's blood splashes five steps ...)

Seven, whimsical

1. What do aliens look like?

A: His eyes are like his brother's, his nose is like a hippo, his mouth is like my mother's and his ears are like ghosts.

The alien wears a glass cover on his head, in which fish can be put.

2. Brother Yan asked an uncle to give his seat to his grandmother, but he didn't. Why?

He is pretending to sleep.

His trousers are torn. (……)

3. Is there any way to let children know if they snore at night?

Ask mom to do me a favor and look in the mirror. You can tell when you snore.

I listened with my eyes closed.

Is there any good way for your uncle to direct traffic without danger?

A: Wear a sign that says "Don't hit me!" .

Put an umbrella on my uncle's head and hang him in the air so that the car won't hit.

Uncle can stand on the tree.

Uncle can wear armor, and it doesn't matter if others hit him.