English spelling of bad jokes

I have a perfect son.

Does he smoke?

No, he didn't.

Does he drink whisky?

No, he didn't.

Did he ever come home late?

No, he didn't.

I think you really have a perfect son. How old is he?

He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Perfect son

I have a perfect son.

Does he smoke?

A: No.

Does he drink whisky?

A: No.

Will he come home late?

A: No.

I think you have a perfect son. How old is he?

It will be six months by next Wednesday.

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" The young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue!"

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" A young snake asked its mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue."

Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. One of her students told her that a bird has built its nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What bird?" My sister asked.

"I don't see any birds, madam, only a bird's nest," the child replied.

"Then, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Well, madam, it's like your hair."

Bird's nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once, a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" Sister asked her.

"Teacher, I don't see any birds, only a bird's nest." The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, just like your hair."

Bring me the winner

Waiter, this lobster has only one paw.

-I'm sorry, sir. It must be fighting.

-Well, then bring me the winner.

Give me the winner.

Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

Sorry, sir, but this one must have been in a fight.

Oh, then give me the winner. Dick is seven and his sister Catherine is five. One day, their mother took them to their aunt's house to play, while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four, their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a beautiful cake and a knife, and said to him, "here, Dick, here's a knife. Give me this cake." Cut this cake in half and give it to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman. "

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How can a gentleman do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to others." He menstruation answered at once.

Dick said "Oh". He thought about it for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her, "Catherine, cut this cake in half." .

Dick is seven and his sister Catherine is five. One day, their mother took them to their menstrual home to play and go to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour. At half past four, menstruation led Dick into the kitchen. She gave Dick a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Here, Dick, here's a knife. Cut this cake in half and give it to your sister. However, you have to remember to act like a gentleman. "

Dick asked, "Like a gentleman? What did the gentleman do? "

He Jing immediately replied: "A gentleman always gives a big piece to others."

Dick said "Oh". He thought for a moment, then he took the cake to his sister and said to her, "Catherine, cut this cake in half."

I'm trying to stop it

"Son, why did you plug your ears with cotton? Is it infected? "

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I'm trying to stop it."

"Son, why did you plug your ears with cotton? Is it infected? "

"No, teacher. But you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I'm going to plug it up. "

"Sorry, madam, I have to charge you $20 for pulling your child's tooth."

"Twenty dollars! Why, I understand you said you only charge four dollars for such a job! "

"Yes, but the young man shouted and scared the other four patients out of the office."

"Sorry, madam, I have to charge $20 for pulling your child's tooth."

"Twenty dollars! Why? I didn't say it was only 4 yuan. "

"Yes, but your child made a hullabaloo about and scared all the other four patients away."

The lecturer of evolution has been talking for nearly two hours. Then he started again. He said, "Let me ask the evolutionist a question-if we have tails like baboons, where are they?"

"Let me try," said an old lady. "We have worn them off by sitting here for so long." .