Beast, let that girl go! I'll come

1. Give me a point of support and I can pry you up and then fall to your death.

2. Don’t underestimate me. Although I can’t save the people, I can harm the people.

3. Every time the chemistry teacher does an experiment, I always say one word silently in my heart: "explode"...

4. We are good friends. When you fall, I I will give you a hand, but you have to wait until I finish laughing first.

5. The first couplet: Attacking the limitless virtues The second couplet: The limitless sufferings and horizontal criticism: The sea of ??corruption has no limit

6. Virgins are valuable, and mature women are more expensive. If there is a rich woman, the two You can throw it away

7. If I am not married after many years and you are married, remember to tell your children to pay attention after school

8. Beast, let go of that girl! I'll come.

9. "What's the phone number of 120?" "Are you stupid? What's the phone number of 120? You don't know how to call 114 to ask?"

10. Don't dare to take risks. , not for peeing standing up.

11. We rely on the mountain to eat the mountain, and we rely on the water to drink the water. Today we are robbing, and we are not allowed to give it. Anyone who wants to carry it back will give him hell.

12. I am a walking person and sit up straight. . It just twists and turns when lying down...//

13. Only through hard work can you drive a Land Rover. If you are young and do not work hard, you can only drive Xiali.

14. It is okay to be humble, but it is not worthy of being humble. Heaven behaves in a cheap way, and a gentleman will never stop being humble. .

15. I shake the sack without taking away a cabbage. .

16. I ate carrots for dinner and kept passing gas. I tried to hold in a fart and ended up burping.

17. I remember the most domineering sentence when I was a child was: "You are waiting after school."

18. Apart from love, there are also carrots in other people’s fields that you can’t extricate yourself from.

19. Don’t dirty my reincarnation soil by crying in front of my grave.

20. Why does the Buddha’s feet always kick me every time I try to cram them for help?

21. Every child who loves to sleep in has a lover that is hard to let go of, and his name is Quilt.

22. When I am in a bad mood, I make harassing phone calls to others in the middle of the night and wake them up, then I go to sleep

23. You don’t have a medical qualification certificate. Why do you say I'm crazy?

24. I said how long you can love me, you said I can love as long as I live, are you dead now?

25. Chew instant noodles and think of it as you. Since I can’t get you, I will chew you to death.

26. Words are spoken by people, and farts are also made by people. It's all just words.

27. Li Bai was about to set off in a boat when he suddenly heard singing on the shore. The most exciting national style is the big one.

Beast, let go of that girl, let me come first - classic funny phrase

A true friend understands your silence better than your words.

Others laugh at me for being too lewd/slutty and I laugh at them but they are not open to it.

Only now do I know that the word "ATM" on the teller machine is the initial capitalization of Ultraman's English name.

I just received a text message from my girlfriend, saying she wanted to break up with me. When I was feeling sad, she sent another text message: Sorry, I sent it by mistake.

Once you start studying, you won’t be happy. Once you’re unhappy, you won’t study. Once you stop studying, you’ll be happy. Once you’re happy, the day will pass.

Mermaid, I love you. Only you will not cheat.

Two tigers, two tigers, falling in love, falling in love, both are male, both are male, so perverted, so perverted.

Girls! How can there be so many white horses? Just find a donkey to make do. Don't wait until one day all the donkeys are taken away and only a bunch of mules are left.

Wallet, what's wrong with you? Wallet, answer my wallet. Why have you lost weight again? Wake up.

One day a beautiful little girl came over and said in a coquettish way: "Brother, you are so handsome." "I gave her two slaps, TMD nonsense!

Self-destruction, self-abasement, self-pity, self-destruction, selfishness, self-interest, self-sufficiency, self-sufficiency, self-promotion, self-promotion, self-direction, self-acting, self-talk, self-entertainment, self-sufficiency, freedom.

Beast, let go of that girl and let me go first.

While others hold hands, I will hold my dog ??for a walk and a swim, and see who doesn’t like it and bite it twice.

There are fewer and fewer important people, but the ones who remain are becoming more and more important.

When I was a child, my family was poor. I can't afford a bicycle, so I take a taxi to school every day.

After finishing the lesson, the teacher said: Is there anything else you don’t understand? I stretched and said, "Teacher, what's this class?"

Can’t influence you? I will cremate you.

A past story: Some people rise and fall in their graves.

Human is the noun of "cheap", and "cheap" is the verb of human.

When I was a child, I loved playing hide and seek. After others hid it, I would go home to eat.

Have you ever thought about how your underwear feels when you fart?

Whether you are cheap or not, the mistress is there. Infertility. You are two or not two, the two is there, neither three nor four.

When there is SARS, grab vinegar, and when there is nuclear radiation, grab salt! Have you ever considered how you feel about soy sauce?

When a man is dumped, it’s about money; when a woman is dumped, it’s about appearance; when I was dumped, there’s something wrong with your fucking brain! !

So many people like "Uneasy", which is so unpleasant to listen to. What a disdain!

! 34 The ringtone for the end of get out of class is more pleasant than the national anthem, and the ringtone for class is more depressing than anxiety.

The most charming person is Master Kong, thousands of people follow him every day.

Today I received another message from 10086. He still cares about me so much, but I wish he would say "Happy April Fool's Day!" after notifying me of insufficient balance.

Eye exercises: (→_→) ( ↑ _ ↑ )(←_←)( ↓ _ ↓ )(→_←)( ↑ _ ↓ ) (←_→)( ↓ _ ↑ ) ! ! ! ! !

Everyone who says he doesn’t want to fall in love has an impossible person in his heart.

Looking at a temple from a distance, looking at our alma mater from a closer look, there are more than 300 nuns and more than 10,000 monks.

Life is a chess game, and I am willing to be a pawn. Although my movements are slow, who has ever seen me take a step back?

I just want to know, you or 20xx, which one comes first?

Don’t watch AV all the time, and don’t look at what’s behind the letters A and V on the keyboard.

Sleeping in class, making noise after class, and failing in exams.

A confident woman is not necessarily beautiful, such as Sister Feng.

Not long after school started, a friend from the School of Foreign Languages ??told me: There are many boys and girls, and their class is extremely miserable, with only two boys. What’s even worse is that those two boys are better!

I asked my boss to have dinner, but he declined politely because he had something to do. I wanted to say "ok" but he said "fuck" instead. Hell, never write text messages by hand again.

The mixer stirs up my youth, the excavator digs away my dreams, the road roller crushes my hope, and the welding machine cannot sew up my sadness!

What kind of TV are we watching? At the end, the hero and heroine get married, and the TV series ends. What does this mean? Explanation: As soon as you get married, there will be no future.

I picked up 10 yuan on the side of the road and handed it to the handsome guy who ran the network. The handsome guy took the money and nodded to me. I happily said, "I want to be a member."

Something lost and found. Always second hand.

Baidu heard that you understand everything. I ask you, do you understand me?

During class, someone passed a note. When I saw the content, I really wanted to yell at him. What is written is: Are you there?

The beauties were robbed by the post-80s generation, the status was taken by the post-70s generation, and the money was made by the post-60s generation. What else do we, the post-90s generation, have?

Female: What is your opinion on sex? Male: No opinion, but there are many ways to do it.

There is a kind of crash called wrong password input, there is a kind of panic called account login from a different place, there is a kind of feeling called invisible and visible, and there is a kind of loss called you not having access rights.

The price of a grave has risen so fast that I can’t afford to die.

Yesterday I went to the city to participate in a pigeon releasing competition, but I went alone.

Many people come into your life just to teach you a lesson and then turn around and leave.

If you treat me as a game, I will cheat and torture you to death.

Dare you curse me for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets? I curse you for buying instant noodles only with seasoning packets!

In reality, people tell lies under their real names, while on the Internet, people tell lies under false names.

When you are proud, your friends know you. When you are in trouble, you make friends.

In order to work overtime well, I decided to leave all the work at work until after get off work!

I asked Fahai: What is fate? He said: Just wait, I will accept you sooner or later.

If you are not lucky enough to win 5 million by buying a lottery ticket, then try buying a train ticket and winning 500,000. The probability is very high, dear!

Working overtime is not scary. What is scary is not knowing how long you will have to work overtime.

Will there be any surprises on Chinese Valentine's Day~~~?

As Suzhen's nationwide journey begins, she doesn't seem to be looking for Xu Xian.

Bai Yansong is so awesome. He spoke to the Ministry of Railways: Our technology is very good and qualified, and we still have confidence. Bai Yansong said: A person's heart function is good, his liver, spleen and stomach are all good, but he is mentally retarded. Can you say he is a healthy person?

"As for whether you believe it or not, I believe it anyway!" This fully proves that the leader is too pure and lacks lying skills.

If you can’t afford a house when you’re alive, and you can’t afford a tomb when you’re dead, you’d better buy a train ticket and bury it, dear!

My only flaw was having more money, and now I'm almost perfect.

Ministry of Railways: Is saving people the first priority? The question is emotionally hurtful!

Life is like mahjong: falling in love at first sight is called Tianhu, free love is called Pinghu, finding a lover is called concealing the bar, seducing someone else's husband is called grabbing the bar, having a child with someone else's husband is called blooming on the bar, and having a lover is called single hanging. , Not having a lover is called husband-in-law, being single is called self-touching! Ridiculous comment: Stop calling me a beast, get to know me better, and you will know that I am worse than a beast

1. Stop calling me a beast, and get to know me better, and you will know that I am worse than a beast

Not as good as that.

2. Failure is the mother of success, but failure suffers from habitual miscarriage

3. Wukong, there is not enough firewood, please bring more scriptures. Wu Jing, go and see if Bajie is ready.

4. Your wedding has nothing to do with me, I am only interested in your funeral

5. My world was originally gray, but after you broke into my world, Damn it! Totally dark.

6. Why do you drink so much water? I just ate an apple. But what does this have to do with drinking water? I forgot to wash the apples just now.

7. One day I gave my six-year-old son a bath and talked to him about the philosophy of life while washing him. I say: You have to work hard and be positive in your work. The son lowered his head and said nothing, as if in deep thought.

Suddenly he raised his head and asked me: Dad, my cock is always pointing down, how can I make it point up? I fell to the ground and convulsed

8. At the beginning of the month, the dog was very happy. It eats whatever I eat! The dog is also very happy at the end of the month. I eat whatever it eats.

9. Yesterday, I went to the city to participate in the pigeon releasing competition, but I went alone.

10. You can do good deeds without leaving your name, but you have to leave your real name when posting on Weibo. This shows that posting on Weibo is not a good thing.

11. People are having less and less intimate relationships and mating earlier and earlier.

12. The dead vines and old trees are full of crows, the school cafeteria has increased prices, the classmates are starving to death, the sun is setting, and I want to go home.

13. I like to eat when I feel unhappy. I get fat when I eat. I feel unhappy when I gain weight.

14. Asking what money is in the world, it only makes life and death possible.

15. I just heard a girl arguing with someone on the phone, and she said something very sharp: Your IQ balance is insufficient, please recharge before talking.

16. Asking the Buddha statue on the stone steps: We are all stones, why are you worshiped but others trample on me? The Buddha statue sneered and said: You only took four cuts to become a stone staircase, but I took a thousand cuts to become what I am now. If you want to succeed, you have to go through hardships! A few days later, Shijie and a companion found the Buddha statue again: This is my cousin, the chopping board, you can also tell him. Buddha statue:.

17. Congratulations on winning the lottery. Guess the song title. The answer is "Unfortunately It's Not You"

18. If I die, my first words will be: I finally don't have to Afraid of ghosts.

19. Your husband has gone to bed in another location and you have been forced to get out of bed.

20. Why does the earth rotate? Because it was slapped in the face tens of millions of years ago and then ate Xuanmai

21. Prepare to sing: I hope your life is not as good as mine Well, he died earlier than me, he couldn’t eat well or sleep well, and he looked very old. To those who treat me badly

22. We don’t talk about grades during the New Year, we are still relatives.

23. I received an invitation to play the role of Fearless in a movie, but I had to lose weight because the director said I was playing the role of Skinny Fearless. Later I found out that I was playing the role of Salesperson A

24. Anyone who doesn’t want to start school They are good kids, which means they have no one in school

25. The homework is left on the window, and the window is open. It’s up to you to deal with the typhoon!

26. You think you are like wine, the more you put it, the more it tastes. In fact, you are like a fart, and it will lose its taste after a while.

27. Give someone a rose, and your hand will show off.

28. There are many setbacks in life, so I will break your bones.

29. These days we are all talking about strangers, so who is talking about life? Instead, we can talk about human nature, talk about people first, and then talk about sex.

30. A buddy, his mother used to be a member of the provincial track and field middle and long-distance running team, and he has also been a sports expert since he was a child. Every time I made a mistake and was chased and beaten by my mother, the two of us could chase her to the next town and then take a taxi back

31. The only thing that has remained constant since I was a child is that I don’t want to study. Don't tell me I'm arrogant, it's just that I refuse to deal with animals!

1. Eat appropriately to lose weight effectively.

2. When you have money to spend, it is called a mobile phone. When there is no money, your mobile phone is just an MP3 player, no matter how good it is.

3. This kind of idle time has nothing to do. The feeling is worse than poverty.

4. Those things that make me hysterical are always other people’s stories in movies

5. People change their hearts and don’t keep their word. There is no point in being sad when people break up with each other!

6. If you don’t flirt with girls, you are treasonous and unethical; if you flirt with girls, you are doing the right thing for heaven.

7. "I want to marry you all home" I said in front of the cash machine.

8. I must appear in your family’s household registration book, either as your wife or as your stepmother.

9. You always stop and go on the road of love. Are you not in good shape?

10. Zhang Huimei sings: Can I hug you? Xu Liang said: Guest, this is not possible!

11. Time will help you see clearly who is a true friend and who is an unfamiliar dog.

12. When I am particularly sleepy, my moral standards are not awakened. Teachers should be careful

13. For those who don’t like me, you can pretend to be blind or commit suicide.

14. Don’t say I’m arrogant, it’s just that I refuse to deal with animals!

15. I will work hard to save money and buy an ATM.

16. As long as you can dance well with a hoe, is there any corner that you can’t dig down?

17. You rely on mountains instead of rivers to watch cocks die and dogs turn over. 18. I can only let time pass by and let the wounds form scars.

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19. Then I will tell you xx dog xx

20. Guan Yu once said: No matter what the reason is, don’t blame me.

21. Even if your name is yours, I will replace it with someone else.

22. If you meet a robber in the middle of the night and he says he won’t let you go unless he sings, what will you sing? A hero song.

23. Please forgive my fear and timidity. If you don’t like the following story, I will abstain.

24. The person riding the white horse may not be the prince, he may be Tang Monk ; The ones with wings are not necessarily angels, my mother said, they are birdmen.

25. What comes in time is not to strive for your own happiness, but to let yourself start again

26. Happiness is when cats eat fish; dogs eat meat; and bumpy man fights little monsters/ suanming/huangli/

27. People become happy as soon as they are simple, and grow old as soon as they are sophisticated.

28. If you are not full, you will have one trouble, and if you are full, you will have countless troubles.

29. In a few decades, we will meet and be sent to the crematorium, all of which will be burnt to ashes. You will be piled in a pile with me, and no one will know anyone. All of them will be sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer

30. Only when you have concerns in your heart can your life be strong.

31. If you believe it, believe it. If you don’t believe it, don’t believe it. Return the whole WeChat.

32. It’s good to know what you are.

33. He who doesn’t know has no fault. I really didn’t know that I had homework left yesterday!