Please give me some short jokes in English. . . With translation. . . I have a speech tomorrow. . . Urgent, urgent. . .

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother My two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You are such a good boy," my mother said proudly. "Just two more cents for you. But why are you so interested in that old lady?"

"She's a candy seller."

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked .

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest? " my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v. tell

(2) nest n. nest; nest

(3) description n. description

(4) encourage v. encourage

(5) resemble v. similar; similar

18. Bird's nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" my sister asked her.

"I didn't see the bird, teacher, only the bird's nest." the child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest to us?" my sister encouraged her.

“Oh, teacher, just like your hair.

”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj. poisonous

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue. Cause in the sentence is the shortened form of Because.

I just bitten my tongue. Tongue

“Are we poisonous? " asked a young snake to its mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied. "Why do you ask? "

"Because I just bit my tongue. ”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

Falling Woman

During rush hour, I hurried to New York's Luxury Center Station to catch a bus. As we approached the door, a fat middle-aged woman rushed over from behind. Unexpectedly, she lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia brought her close to my feet. But she got up on her own. She calmed down, winked at me, and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet? ”

English Jokes (1)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

What is the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may immediately think that they are one big and one small. But other than that, monkeys can have fleas. , but there can't be monkeys on fleas. Isn't this an interesting answer?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

If you step on the farmer's corn or grains, he will definitely be angry; and if you step on the corns on the soles of the farmer's feet, he will be even more angry. Corn Corn can mean both "corn/grain" and "corns". meaning.

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

Because snail (snail) A house is always carried on its back, so it is no surprise that snails are the strongest creatures in the world. What do you think?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

When you see the phrase make faces, you can Don’t think that people who work in watch factories make faces all day long! Because in addition to this meaning, it can also be interpreted literally as making clock faces.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

How to stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? What about sleepwalking (walk in his sleep)? The easiest way is not to let him sleep. Although this is not a treatment, if the sleepwalker is kept awake, he will indeed stop sleepwalking.

English Jokes (2)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

He is really somebody.

-- My uncle has 1,000 personal.

--He's really a big shot. What to do?

-- Cemetery keeper.

English Jokes (3)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

They are brought directly from the United States

A Shortly after returning from visiting her daughter in the United States, an old Chinese woman went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter had given her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked each banknote to see if it was counterfeit.

This approach made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't bear it and said: "Believe me, sir, and please believe these banknotes. These are real US dollars. They are directly from the United States." brought.

”

English Jokes (4) my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

My dog ??can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs. Smith: But you should put an ad in the newspaper! Ah!

Mrs. Brown: It’s no use, my puppy can’t read”

English Jokes (5) Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

Give me the winner

--Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

--Sorry, sir, this one must have been in a fight.

-- Oh, then give me the winner.

English Jokes (6) The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh, " was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

A Stingy Man's Treat

A notorious stingy man finally decided to treat himself to a treat . When explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said: "You go up to the fifth floor, look for the middle door, and then use your elbow to ring the doorbell. When the door opens, use your feet to push the door open."< /p>

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"You have to use both hands to carry the gift. God, you don't come empty-handed, do you?" replied the miser .

English Jokes (7) Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, "Get the kid."

Advice to the "young"

Here I would like to give some advice to those who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old,

Never enter a retirement community. Because everyone there is in their seventies or eighties or nineties.

Whenever something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they shout, "Let the little one do it."

English Jokes (8) Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit. When I finally entered the house, I called out." The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

Which woman?

One night I drove my husband's car shopping. When I came back, I found the car body covered in dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally walked in the house I yelled, "The woman who loves you most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom "Coming?"

English Jokes (9) The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second , your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor" she shouted after rushing into the room.

"I want you to be frank about what disease I have."

He looked at her from head to toe, and then said loudly: "Madam, I have three things to say to you. You say. First, you need to lose about 50 pounds. Second, if you were to use a tenth of the rouge and lipstick, your beauty would change. Third, I'm a painter - a doctor. Live downstairs.

"

English Jokes (10) One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

Only one engine left

When a 747 passenger plane was crossing the Atlantic, The captain's voice came over the loudspeaker: "Passengers, please note that one of our four engines is missing. But the remaining three engines will take us to London. It's just that we have to arrive an hour late because of this. "After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Everyone, guess what? We just lost our third engine. But please believe it. We could still fly with only one engine, but we would be three hours late. At this moment, a passenger said angrily: "For God's sake, if we lose another engine, we will be in the sky all night."

”

Answer: lovemydream - Senior Manager Level 7 7-5 10:08

The questioner’s evaluation of the answer:

Heehee

The review has been closed. There are currently 8 reviews

Good

50% (4) Bad

50% (4)

Comments on the best answer

GOOD!

Commenter: YABNV - Magic Apprentice Level 1

Other answers*** 2

Logic Reasoning

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can' t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

Logical reasoning

The fourth-grade primary school teacher was giving a logic lesson to the students. She gave an example: "There was a situation where a man was fishing on a boat in the middle of the river. Suddenly. He lost his center of gravity and fell into the water. So he started struggling and yelling for help. His wife heard him shouting and knew he couldn't swim, so she hurried to the river bank. Can anyone tell me why this is? "A girl raised her hand and replied, "Are you going to withdraw his deposit? ”

[Note] In English, in addition to the “bank” that we are familiar with, bank also means “river bank”.

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife? Have you stopped beating your wife?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel, who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent’s witnesses．

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．

“I want ‘yes’ or ‘no,’” thundered counsel. "There is no need for you to argue the point!"

"But there are some questions which cannot be answered by 'yes' or 'no,'" mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer．

"Oh," said the witness, "answer this then: "Have you ceased beating your wife? ”

This story is about an aggressive defense attorney who had a habit of trying to intimidate the other side’s witnesses.

One witness was somewhat inclined to give lengthy explanations before answering questions. .

"I want you to answer 'yes' or 'no,'" the defense attorney snapped. "You don't have to argue the issue." ”

“But some questions cannot be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no’. "The witness responded gently.

"There is no such problem! "The lawyer interrupted him sharply.

"Oh," the witness said: "Then please answer this question: "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: There are two birds here, one is a sparrow. Can anyone point out which is a swallow and which is a sparrow?

Student: I can’t point out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell me.

Student: Next to a swallow is a sparrow, and next to a sparrow is a swallow.