Begging: A hilarious sketch that a student can perform! ~

Bian Que Meets Cai Huangong Historical Adaptation

A mute came from the south, carrying a trumpet in his hand; a doctor came from the north, carrying a syringe in his hand. The doctor from the north wants to exchange the syringe in his hand for the trumpet in the hand of the mute from the south; the mute from the south is not willing to let the doctor from the north exchange the syringe in his hand for his trumpet!

This doctor is the famous miracle doctor Bian Que.

Mute: "I won't change! Don't think I'm afraid of you because you're wearing a white coat! Why do you want my trumpet?"

Bian Que: "This trumpet of yours is very suitable. It’s the earpiece I use when I see a doctor!”

Mute: “Retarded! Traditional Chinese medicine focuses on ‘observation, hearing, questioning, and palpation’. Do you think it’s useless?”

Bian Que: "'Wen'" means listening!

Mute: "You think I grew up eating gnocchi! I just listen when I smell it?! Then listen to whether I have armpit odor"

Bian Que: "Stop making trouble ! I am a famous doctor and will not fool you."

Mute: "Famous doctor? Can you cure me?"

Bian Que said nothing and smiled. And walked away.

Mute: "This guy is really shit! He's still trying to be cool! He's like a dog! Don't let him go and continue to play the trumpet. Huh? What was I doing just now? Talking? Talking to a doctor?! Wow ! Mom, I can speak!”

Mute mother: “Foodie! You can’t speak until you’re twenty-six, so you’re so embarrassed!” "Shout!"

The mute knelt down in the direction where Bian Que had left, crying and shouting: "Miracle doctor Bian Que! You are such a top in this world——"

Hua Tu: "Holy crap! What are you shouting for! That should be called 'Hua Tuo is alive'!"

The mute then shouted: "Oh! Bian Que! You really are Hua Tuo is alive!" ——"

Hua Tuo: "Holy shit! What are you talking about! I wasn't even born in Bian Que's time!"

Mute: "Your nose is hairier than other people's. Ah! You dare to find fault with me before I’m even born!"

Bian Que came to a village again to see a doctor.

Patient A: "Doctor, I have a sore back and leg cramps."

Bian Que: "Damn! This is my first time meeting someone like you! Don't you have a TV at home? ? If you have a TV, you will definitely know how to treat it! Okay, the prescription is ready - next!"

Patient A looked at the prescription: "Huh?"

Patient B : "Doctor, I have stomach acid, stomach pain, and bloating. What should I do?"

Bian Que: "Little case! Here is the prescription. Next!"

Patient B reads the prescription : "Ah? It's another TV?"

Patient C: "Doctor, I'm dribbling, waiting to urinate, and lingering - don't tell me you want to turn on another TV!"

Bian Que: "You are really smart! Okay, I won't turn on the TV for you. Okay, I'll give you the prescription!"

Patient C read the prescription and read: "Go home and prepare for the funeral. Damn it! I'm afraid of you! Let me turn on the TV!"

Bian Que: "Next!"

Patient Ding: "Doctor, I have a cold. Why don't you turn on a TV for me?"

Bian Que: "That's not necessary - just have an operation!"

Patient Ding: "Okay, okay! Please turn on the TV."

Bian Que: "OK!"

It's so easy to be a doctor these days! Television is such a good thing.

Bian Que's deeds attracted the attention of King Cai Huangong of the country. On this day, he took advantage of Bian Que's visit to the palace to treat the queen's illness and cordially summoned him. In the main hall, Duke Huan looked at Bian Que for a long time.

Cai Huangong: "What a flat magpie!!"

Bian Que: "The king is making fun of you.

"

Cai Huangong: "How is my wife's condition? ”

Bian Que: “Congratulations to the king, congratulations to the king! Your wife - oh no, she is pregnant! "

Cai Huangong: "No way! I haven't touched her in two years, how could she be pregnant?

Bian Que: "The joy is not that I am pregnant, but that I have an appetite for food!" "

Cai Huangong: "Tch! Oh, by the way, Bian Que, I want to ask you: What is the most serious disease nowadays?

Bian Que: "Your Majesty, according to modern medical standards, all diseases are serious." For example: colds, rhinitis, AIDS, cancer, syphilis, onychomycosis...anyway, if it can't be cured, it will cause diarrhea! ”

Cai Huangong: “I don’t think so. I think the most terrifying disease nowadays is feces wandering!” ”

Bian Que: “Shit is wandering?” What a strange problem! I get dizzy just hearing the name, please explain. ”

Cai Huangong: “I don’t know if you, sir, have this feeling. After finally squeezing out the stool, and wiping it down to the last piece of toilet paper, I suddenly felt the urge to poop again, so I had to stick my butt out to get more.” Toilet paper, squat down and continue. At this time, you find that you have to exert all your strength to squeeze out a small piece, and then you rub it again until the end, and the feeling of shit comes again. If you keep going like this, when will you be able to make a breakthrough? Therefore, it is called shit wandering. ”

Bian Que: “Hey! This is a new topic - I wonder who has this disease?

Cai Huangong cried and said: "To be honest, sir, it's me, it's me, it's still me." ”

Bian Que: “The king is really impressive. He even poops like this. It’s unprecedented. Let me show it to the king.” "

Cai Huangong: "Mr. Youlao. If my husband can cure my disease, I will give up my country! ”

Bian Que: “Oh! You scare me! Just cure a disease and you will be given away the country? ! The king really doesn’t love the country but loves shit! "

Cai Huangong: "I am telling the truth. ”

Bian Que: “Let’s discuss this in the future.” I'll see the king first. The sky is spirited, the earth is spirited, Bian Que, I look really graceful - let me see! alright! Your Majesty, I have finished reading. "

Cai Huangong: "..."

Bian Que: "Your Majesty, I have finished reading! "

Duke Huan of Cai: "..."

Bian Que: "Your Majesty, why are you looking at me like that? "

Cai Huangong: "Ahem... I think... I think you are like a witch doctor.

Bian Que: "You are joking again. According to my observation just now, the king's "shitty wandering" is not serious. The virus is still in the subcutaneous tissue. As long as a small movement is Surgery can cure it.

Cai Huan Gong breathed a sigh of relief and said: "Oh - how small is a minor surgery?" "

Bian Que smiled and said, "I just need to make a cut in your belly and put a Band-Aid on your lungs and that's it!"

Duke Huan of Cai was shocked. Said: "Asshole! How dare you stab me in the stomach? ! It’s a minor surgery! Someone is coming! Pull this quack out, cover himself with knitting needles, and pretend to be a hedgehog for tourists to watch! ”

Bian Que: “No, Your Majesty!” I'm doing this all for your own good!

Minister Lin Changzhi stepped forward and advised: "Your Majesty, please calm down. This man is indeed a miracle doctor. Let him go back and think about it. Maybe he can come up with a safer treatment method." "

Cai Huangong: "Okay! Get out! These quacks make money by scaring people. "

Bian Que was kicked out of the palace. After thinking for a month, he still couldn't think of any other way, so he had to bite the bullet and go to see Cai Huangong again.

Cai Huangong: "Bian Que Sparrow, here we go again.

Bian Que: "The king looks very bad!" ”

Cai Huangong: “Nonsense, if you stay in shit for a month, will your complexion be good?”

Bian Que: "According to my observation this time, the virus has penetrated into your intestines and stomach. Now it is no longer possible to treat the disease by puncturing your stomach." Now... Your Majesty, you stare at me like this, I'm so scared! ”

Cai Huangong: “It’s okay, go on.”

Bian Que: "Now I have to make a cut on your head, and then put a drop of Fengyoujing on your brain to cure it!" "

Cai Huangong: "Get out! "

Bian Que crawled out of the palace. A month later, he came to the palace to see Cai Huangong again. At this time, Cai Huangong's face was already dark. Bian Que took a look and quickly Escape!

After another month, Cai Huangong was bedridden. He wanted Bian Que to come to operate on him, but Bian Que had already gone abroad. It didn't take long for a generation of kings to die. His death was unjust, and he added a new way of death to the world--that of dying without a cure!

Later, Minister Lin Changzhi met Bian Que abroad. .

Lin Changzhi: "Sir, you came to see Cai Huangong for the third time, why did you run away after taking one look? Did you know at that time that there was no way to cure it?

Bian Que: "To tell you the truth, I was already infected by Duke Huan of Cai at that time." I was in a hurry to go to the toilet, so I left before I could speak. ”

Lin Changzhi: “Then can you put a band-aid on your lungs and it will be cured?” What a miracle doctor! "

Bian Que: "Where, where. How could I be stupid enough to stab myself in the stomach and put a Band-Aid on my lungs? I went home and drank a bag of isatis root and recovered. "

Lin Changzhi was shocked: "Damn it! You old sparrow! A disease that can be cured by drinking a bag of isatis root actually requires an operation on our boss! "

Bian Que smiled and said: "Tch! How to receive more red envelopes without surgery? Rare and strange! ”

Lin Changzhi: “Ah, hit!” You are so dark! I originally wanted you to perform an operation on me, but it seems there is no need now - go back and drink isatis root! ”