Who will tell me some funny jokes about campus? urgent

One day, on the bus, a lady left her seat to buy a ticket. When I came back, I found that my seat was occupied by another woman. I was very unwilling and said loudly: It's not easy to lay eggs, but it takes up the nest quickly. When the woman sitting in the seat heard this, she quickly stood up and said with a smile: I'm sorry for delaying your laying!

One day, all the teachers in a class in a middle school collectively submitted their resignation applications to the Academic Affairs Office. The reason for this is the following：

Chinese teacher: during class, a classmate was reading a magazine, so I confiscated his magazine and hit him on the head ... but when I turned to continue the class, his deskmate actually burst out laughing, and the class couldn't go on, so I asked him, what are you laughing at? Do you know what he answered me? The boy took out a book from the drawer and said to me, "Teacher, it's a good thing you didn't find me reading, or you would have killed me."

Math teacher: A student who has never failed in a unit exam can actually use high school knowledge in his homework ... I asked him if he did this homework himself, and the classmate replied that I didn't know. Tell me, this is ridiculous. I continued to ask him who helped him. Hey, he has a reason. He replied, "Teacher, I really don't know who did this homework."

Physics teacher: Do you know how many classes I have taught, one clockwise and the other counterclockwise? Five classes! !

Yes, that's what I told them. I told them to look at their watches if they didn't understand. Clockwise hands are clockwise wherever they go, and vice versa. However, if the whole class counts, it's either a mobile phone or an electronic watch ... I will teach them these two words for a semester unless I resign.

PE teacher: Why don't I quit? Those boys gave me presents! ! No, it's right to give gifts. I'm not saying that they gave me a wrong gift, but that they gave me a wrong gift.

I'm getting confused. Let's just say that although I'm a little thin and my skin is a little white, I'm still a male teacher, right? But a few days ago, on March 8th Women's Day, those boys gave me a box of depilatory cream ... and told me not to wear woolen pants in summer. Shit, that's my leg hair!

Biology teacher: I really don't want to go, but ... you know, I have a heart attack and can't stand being excited, but can I not be excited? Yesterday's unit exam, according to the requirements of the syllabus, I asked the students to look at the bird legs in the teaching pictures and write down the names and living habits of birds. But as soon as I said I wanted the content of the exam, a classmate stood up and walked out, muttering, "Shit, there are such questions, too." I won't take the exam. " Do you think such students need education? I stopped him and asked him his name. He actually pulled his trouser leg and exposed his leg and said to me, "Come, look at my leg and write my name ..."

Art teacher: You know, I have just been assigned to this class. Yesterday in class, I heard several students shouting "beauty" as soon as I entered the door. Do you find it irritating? I am a teacher. How can they be so rude? ..... Yes, it was wrong for me to resign because they called me "Beauty", but when I wanted someone to call me "Beauty", those classmates shouted to me again ... "What are you looking at? I'm not calling you! "

History teacher: Those students really can't teach. In class, I asked a question: "Do you know who Wu Zetian is?" The first classmate replied that she was not familiar with her, the second classmate replied that it was one of his netizens, the third classmate said that she had her QQ number and asked after class ... Another classmate even took out his mobile phone and said to ask her out immediately!

Geography teacher: Look at their papers yourself. The top of the five famous mountains in China is Zhao Benshan, and the most famous river is Pan Changjiang. The coal in China is black, and the iron in China is hard. How can I attend class?

English teacher: When I was talking about the paws of cats and the structure of life, I specially taught them an example according to the requirements of the textbook: "Our teacher came into the classroom with a book under his arm" (our teacher came into the classroom with a book under his arm), but during the exam, all the students translated it as "The teacher came into the classroom with a book under his leg". ...

Music teacher: I was in class, demonstrating a song ... After singing, all the students applauded. I am very happy. I was thinking that other teachers might have wrong teaching methods ... but they gave me a negative answer before I finished thinking about it. They shouted, "Teacher, that's great. You are the best ventriloquist among all the teachers. This is the first time we have heard such a duckling! "

Chemistry teacher: Me? Are you asking me? I haven't started class yet, and other teachers have been forced to resign. I'm waiting to bear their pain, if I don't quit.

Thirty years later, Xiaomei, a girl in my class, wrote, "It's a nice day today. I take my children to Da 'an Forest Park to play. We are driving the Rolls Royce that my husband bought me, wearing a big diamond ring on our fingers and a gold chain that we just bought me last month. I took my lovely children for a walk in the park, and people everywhere envied me. Suddenly, a smelly, muddy and homeless old lady rushed out of the road. I looked at it carefully ... oh, my god! She turned out to be my fifth-grade Chinese teacher! "