See through but don’t tell the truth (there is a kind of wisdom called seeing through but not telling the truth)

I believe that many people are very tired of complicated interpersonal relationships and hope to be able to communicate with others simply and focus more on work and study.

However, the wishes are full and the reality is very skinny. In addition to engaging in a single technical job, engaging in other jobs will encounter complex interpersonal relationships. We often feel like we are living in an invisible net. If we are not careful, we will be disgraced; if we are not careful, we will offend others unintentionally; if we are not careful, we will be isolated by others.

We live in complex interpersonal relationships. We want to be simple but cannot. It is too complicated and tiring. We have to need a kind of wisdom in dealing with things. We are often criticized for not being too tactful in dealing with things. However, the world is inherently complicated, but we blindly rush forward, acting smart, sharp-tongued, and aggressive everywhere, which will only leave us bruised and bruised. Therefore, not giving in on issues of principle, using your brain more on minor issues, being moderately diplomatic, and having some wisdom in dealing with others will prevent us from suffering unnecessary harm.

One of the wisdoms is to see through without telling the truth.

Everyone is not a fool and will quickly capture other people’s inner thoughts. But there are always some people who think they are very smart. They always like to think of others as Adou and themselves as Zhuge Liang. They like to make plans no matter how big or small they are, and then go around and around in circles to get others in. If we expose these people’s true intentions as soon as we see through them, we will basically be unable to gain a foothold in our work units and society.

For example, the work tasks assigned by the boss to employee A are complex, tiring, and not easy to be understood, while the work tasks assigned to employee B who has a good relationship with him are relatively easy and visible on the surface. of. The boss said to employee A: The reason why I assigned these tasks to you is because you are very capable. I trust you and believe you can do it well. But what the boss actually said to employee B was: We are close buddies. That complicated job is very complicated and takes time. Let A do it well. You can do something that is easy and visible to others. That's it.

However, Employee A still accepted the task, worked many overtime shifts, stayed up many nights, and completed the task with high quality.

Is it possible that employee A doesn’t know his boss’s true intentions and that his boss regards him as an easy fool?

Employee A knows very well, but Employee A will not expose his boss or refute him.

Because: After employee A receives this information, he must first make an evaluation: first, whether he can complete this task by himself despite the difficulties; second, whether performing this task can increase his talents. .

After employee A thinks quickly, he will accept or reject the task, but he will not expose the lie that his boss said that he trusted him to give him the task.

If Employee A can overcome difficulties within his own capabilities to complete this task, Employee A will agree. He is able to grow himself up by completing one difficult task after another, and his abilities become more and more outstanding. By then, it will be impossible for his boss to suppress him. If it is really unsatisfactory, employee A can move to other units, because capable people are needed everywhere.

If employee A is indeed unable to complete the task, he will choose to tell the leader the reason in a pragmatic and sincere manner, instead of mindlessly exposing the leader and quarreling with the leader.

Regardless of whether employee A continues to work in the company or chooses to change jobs, he needs the wisdom to see through without telling the truth, so as to save face for his boss. Because he has encountered more than one boss with this style now, there may be countless. If he exposes others once he encounters them, and exposes others once he encounters them, even if he has superior abilities, he will not be able to do anything in the workplace. Popularity has been a very bumpy road.

On the surface, employee A is at a disadvantage and is a doormat in the workplace. But in fact, employee A is the winner in life.

He has grown up rapidly in the arduous training, and the abilities and talents he has grown are in him, and no one can take them away. He will eventually become a backbone or even a pillar of talent, able to stand firmly in his own industry and field. On the contrary, Employee B, who was accommodated by the leader, seemed to have a smooth sailing and was favored by the leader in the unit, but in fact he did not have the real ability to do practical things. Once this boss who doted on him stopped being his boss, there would be a lot of trouble. Pour the hozen powder and live in a less dignified manner.

For example, we clearly know that a certain boss has a very good personal relationship with middle-level cadre A. He immediately understands the boss’s gestures. He has won the boss’s heart and is considered by the boss to be his successor. Unfortunately, middle-level cadre A spends most of his time studying interpersonal relationships and how to please his boss, and his management and business abilities are mediocre. The boss has to rely on another middle-level cadre B in management and business, who is unwilling to figure out the boss's thoughts and only wants to speak with his work performance, but he will not promote this middle-level cadre B who only knows how to work and not flatter.

In order to win over this middle-level cadre B, who has strong practical work ability, to work wholeheartedly, the boss will often praise him as a middle-level cadre B for his ability and political integrity, and make many promises to him in the future. When he retires, he must fully recommend middle-level cadre B to take his place.

When faced with praise from his boss, middle-level cadre B would smile and nod every time to express his gratitude, and then work hard as always.

Did middle-level cadre B believe his boss’s words? Is it because middle-level cadre B doesn't know his boss's intentions and his relationship with middle-level cadre A? No.

In fact, although middle-level cadre B will not please his boss, he is not a fool. He fully knows that his boss praises him every three days just because he hopes that he can support the business work of the unit and often verbally praise him. Make him promises and raise his hopes without actually promoting him.

But why didn’t middle-level cadre B expose his boss’ lies?

I would like to ask: What are the benefits of exposing it? This will only make the boss unable to step down or even make him angry. The boss will ignore his excellent performance and give him a shoestring at every turn, making him unable to work with peace of mind and falling into a very difficult interpersonal relationship.

His boss often praises him and makes promises to him. Although he has other purposes, it at least expresses a kind of goodwill and affirms his work. Why tell the truth, embarrass your boss, and put yourself in trouble?

Middle-level cadre B is very aware of his shortcomings, that is, he despises flattery and is not likely to abandon his principles for promotion. The path I want to take is to be a strong person with outstanding work ability. The reason why I still work conscientiously even though I know there is no hope of promotion is because I want to prove myself in terms of ability and performance.

For people like middle-level cadre B, their livelihood depends on their professional ability. It doesn’t matter whether they are promoted or not. It’s good to have a boss who appreciates them and affirms them so that they can do their work with peace of mind.

For example, a subordinate came to ask for three days' leave because a family member was sick, but he was actually applying for a job in another unit. Does the boss need to expose the lies told by his subordinates?

The key to handling this matter is whether the boss allows leave. If you allow the leave, you can only pretend to be deaf and dumb to his false reasons. If you don't allow the leave, he will not agree no matter what the reason is. If the boss exposes the lies of his subordinates face to face, it will also make the subordinates unable to come to the stage. At least they will have a big quarrel, and at worst, they will hold a grudge. It will also be more detrimental to future relationships and work development.

For example, if you are a capable person working in a private company, your boss will appreciate your talents. When you want to resign, your boss will tell you that you are his forever friend and he hopes you will stay and help him. But once you stay, he will not treat you as a friend, but will give you more work if he can, and take less money if he can give you less.

When your boss tells you that you are his forever friend, you are actually very sober. The relationship between the part-time worker and the boss is an employment relationship.

The reason why he said you are his forever friend is that your utilization value is relatively high and he hopes you will not leave; and once your utilization value is weakened or partially replaced by others, the boss will no longer need you, let alone I won’t say that you are his forever friend.

Then why don’t you expose the lies your boss told you? Same thing: What’s the benefit of telling the truth?

The boss said that you are his eternal friend. Although it is a word to win over people, it is always a good word, indicating that you are still valuable. Why tell the truth and embarrass your boss? When people say good things about you, no matter whether they are true or false, why do you expose them in a way that has no wisdom at all?

Although you will not believe that your boss regards you as a forever friend, but after your boss repeatedly tries to persuade you to stay, the key to your weighing is whether you are moved by the emotional card he played and whether you still want to stay. There are some reasons to stay.

Also, we met an acquaintance on the street whom we hadn’t seen for many years. It was obviously a chance meeting, but the acquaintance would say: Oh my, I came to see you today. I didn’t expect to meet you on the street. It’s your turn. Can we expose this acquaintance's lies and end up on bad terms? Or, do you treat other people’s enthusiasm with a cold face?

In our work and life, we often encounter people telling lies, and people often insult our intelligence. But in addition to cheating money, cheating, sex, cheating children, etc., we can only pretend to be confused about ordinary trivial matters, and we can only see through but not tell the truth.

The relationship between people in this world is too complicated. People have various purposes and interests, making everything complicated and confusing. Especially for people who have experienced a lot and read a lot of books, we will know the true intentions of others as soon as they speak. Perhaps, people with straightforward personalities will get straight to the point and talk about the purpose in interpersonal interactions. But no matter how straightforward and open-minded our character is, we cannot directly tell everything we see through.

Because "If the water is extremely clear, there will be no fish, and if people are careful enough, there will be no disciples." If the water is too clear, there will be no fish. No one would dare to be friends with a person who speaks out everything he sees without mercy and hits people's pain points directly.

A person should see everything clearly and be a wise and understanding person, but he cannot explain everything he sees clearly. Just like an X-ray scan, you can see all the internal organs of a person clearly, but you can only provide treatment based on the person's health condition, but you cannot see every organ or rib of the person. Tell us the size, shape, whether it looks good or not.

On the premise of being aware of things, having a bottom line in your heart, and having principles in your heart, you can also see through but not tell the truth, and you will also be a wise and understanding person. Seeing through something proves our wisdom; seeing through something but not telling it away also proves our wisdom.

We despise some people who play tricks and are cunning in their interactions with others, and we abhor these behaviors. But we can't be like Leng Touqing who doesn't know the basic ways of being in the world, making others unable to get off the stage and making ourselves annoying at every turn.

Therefore, Zheng Banqiao, a calligrapher, painter, and writer in the Qing Dynasty, lived a life of integrity, selflessness, aboveboard, and noble character. He did not surrender to the powerful. In his later years, he resigned and returned home to make a living by selling paintings. However, even a noble man like Zheng Banqiao had to sum up his experience as a person and an official, and wrote the eight characters "It is rare to be confused" and "Suffering a loss is a blessing".

In dealing with people, on some non-principled issues, a kind of wisdom is needed. This kind of wisdom is called: pretending to be confused, seeing through but not telling the truth.

July 9, 2020