Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Zhong Wuyan (34 years old)
Zhong Wuyan (34 years old)
For the first time, I feel wronged to be a monarch. No matter what, you can't escape from her. After several attempts, the bald old woman firmly blocked her way and looked at herself jokingly: Your Majesty, where are you going?
My heart ached: Chunyu Kun, you old boy, are you kidding? What choice is marriage better than accidental marriage! I was so humiliated that I was forced to marry this old woman as the queen. I will settle this account with you sooner or later. How are we going to spend tonight? Fighting can't beat her, and reasoning can't beat her. I don't like her being old and ugly with little hair. This woman is really thick-skinned! I can't believe I can smile and say that she has been waiting for me to get old. She also said that "an ugly wife is the treasure of the family, and the ugliness is the blessing of the country" and "the gentleman's head will not be pressed again", which makes people speechless and angry. At present, we must try to get rid of her.
He suddenly turned to sex with a smile, not the groom who ran away unnecessarily. He said in a strange voice, "Miss Zhong is a strange girl who is frank and honest, and her behavior will not be unconventional. Look, this month is round and bright tonight. Why don't you and I drink 300 cups of stories in this month? "
Zhong Wuyan said with a smile, ok. I know what this boy means. Play with him.
Qi Xuanwang said, Bitch, see how I can get you drunk and treat you well.
Imperial secretary set the tables, Qi Xuanwang waved and made a circle of jars.
Two people each bosom idea, smile at one another.
That hip flask has been tampered with. Qi Xuanwang was secretly pleased, but Zhong Wuyan said, "My little daughter has been used to being rude since she was a child. I'm afraid I can't get enough of this small glass. Your Majesty will not blame Yanwu for being rude. " Said, and grabbed an altar of wine, 1 of "pa" hit on the clay in Kaifeng, holding the jar, head up "bang bang" to drink.
Seeing this posture, the king of Qi is really a man without tears: what a sin! How can such a woman call me? I've seen her.
Zhong Wuyan vigorously wiped her mouth with her sleeve: "Good wine, after all, is the wine in the palace. This is real wine. Happy! Your Majesty, if I come to another altar, you will drink 300 cups. Don't cheat Let me count it for you. You and I will get married tonight. Come on, let's do this wine first! "
"Wedding candle?" Qi Xuanwang smell speech straight bitter hold glass almost tears. Swallow cup after cup painfully.
He drunkenly pointed to Zhong Wuyan and shouted, "Why should I make you queen? I don't want you. You are ugly and old, and people don't want you. You must be ugly and crazy to hit my swing. My life is really bitter! "
Zhong Wuyan smiled: "People like me, that's simply too useful! Most people are unhappy. I didn't move until I met you. No, it's not. It is because you appeared in my dream for twenty years and seduced me for twenty years that I barely became your queen and your bride ... "I said, and leaned in and kissed Qi Xuanwang with my thick lips.
"Don't! Help! " The King of Qi tried to dodge, scratch and kick.
"Your Majesty, your Majesty!"
Qi Xuanwang suddenly opened his eyes and suddenly sat up. It was a dream! I can't help but feel relieved for a long time, thinking of something again, and quickly touched myself. Fortunately, my clothes are well dressed and I haven't lost my virginity!
He was very happy and asked the maid-in-waiting standing by, "Is that woman gone?"
"Back to your majesty, the queen went to the imperial garden early in the morning."
Qi Xuanwang heart way: don't go at this time, when?
Put on your shoes and go to live. You don't need a maid-in-waiting to wait and wash.
"Your Majesty, the queen left a letter."
Hum open the white silk, good word! Qi Xuanwang said: How can this ghost woman write such good words? Envy, jealousy and hatred, my handwriting can't compare with hers. If she sees it, she will definitely be laughed at and teased again. Hell, why should I care if she smiles? What does it have to do with her! She drank so much wine last night that she seemed to say a lot to me. I have no recollection of what she said. Anyway, as long as she doesn't sleep with me.
"I didn't know I had so much to say. Xie Jun was with me last night. Although you didn't listen to anything, I was still very happy. I wanted to tell you everything after all these years. I like the way you fall asleep. I've been watching you for a long time. I'm waiting for you. Anyway, I've been waiting for you for so many years, and I'll wait until the day when I enjoy the snow with you.
I will try my best to provide you with silk. Now, Qiang Qin is eyeing up in the west, while Han Chu is waiting for an opportunity in the south. You don't practice the vassal ceremony outside, regardless of domestic governance, sages avoid other countries, sycophants are around, and the people are not sincere to you. But I want to believe that you are not in a coma. Please remember what you should do that day, and I will collect my blessings. "
Is a very talkative woman, gold temperament let Qi Xuanwang feel a little sinister, magnificently.
In the imperial garden, when he saw the ugly queen falling from the sky, Xia Yingchun was furious: he left his family and lover to come to this other country, so he worked so hard and carefully to get along with this peerless appearance and elegant figure. He thought he would wear the crown of the queen firmly, but he didn't expect that the position of the queen would be taken away by such an old and ugly woman in one day!
See you across the street. Enemies meet.
Zhong Wuyan just smiled and said, "Your Majesty was tired last night. It's getting late, and he can't afford to stay in bed. " Is to block every beautiful mouth in Xia Yingchun.
In my dreams, I always see myself who is not full and warm. Hungry and sleepy, I can't wait for anything to fill my stomach, so I can only keep drinking water, and my stomach is so hungry. It's snowing again, and the reeds can't resist the cold. My mother always said that willows will be warm when they are placed by the river. But willows are always so dry and bare. I don't see the meaning of releasing a little green.
The man threw her a cake and pushed her into the dark carriage with broken curtains.
She heard the creaking of the bed. By the dim light in the dark, I saw my mother with a piece of cake in her mouth and she was crushed by that man.
She's scared. Forgot to be hungry. Curled up in the corner, clutching the cake.
The man came out wearing a belt, gave her a look and smiled evilly.
Woke up from a nightmare again, Leng Yue through the window, cold.
I hate poverty and snowy days.
When she was a child, her hands were covered with blood. The mother who was beaten looked at the blood dagger in her hand in shock.
Blood kept flowing from the man's chest.
Mother took her and fled in a hurry.
It snowed all over the sky and fled in despair.
Mother was taken away.
When she woke up, she saw a boy.
Son, son.
Hunger deep into the bone marrow and helplessness on the way to make a living filled my heart with hatred for the world and a strong desire for power.
Although unkempt and scrawny, we can still see that this is a beautiful blank. Absolutely beautiful.
The little businessman who has been thinking about how to eat for half his life suddenly ignited a burning hope.
Stop the car and stretch out a hand that is not easy to get out at ordinary times. Under the surprised eyes of his wife and children, he picked up the hungry little girl.
When I woke up, I first saw the boy's smile.
Such a warm room, soft bed, hot soup and sincere smile are like a dream.
It's hard to get up early and get greedy for the dark, drink cold water and eat dry food, just pickle, earn a knife coin, blush with shame and have a thick neck, but I'm willing to let my children go to private schools and ask teachers everywhere. At the same time, she also taught the girl some words, joined a famous actress to learn gold embroidery, and also learned walking etiquette, singing and dancing. He cursed his wife in his heart: "Women have long hair and short knowledge. I have my own plans, and you will be indispensable in the future. "
Young men and women grow up, get along day and night, have a heart, and are lovers. Do things secretly, hear, and live up to this life.
On March 3rd, Yishui Tang Tang outside the East Gate was crowded with tourists.
Naturally, the King of Qi was in high spirits and excited under the guise of "having fun with the people".
A clear song, with a beautiful voice, came through the noise.
Innocent dress, waist-length hair, simple hair clasp, a song, a turn of eyes, holding the soul.
How many vows of eternal love, two of a kind, but at the sight of wealth. After all, it is not enough love.
At the moment when the legs were apart and the man came in, another man cried blood in the same night sky.
Let you be happy in other people's arms!
Suppress anger, hatred and pain and try to take revenge step by step. Even if it is robbed.
Goodbye son, this little businessman has become the prime minister of Yan.
How much hate, how much resentment, just because I still have you in my heart.
I haven't seen you for so many years, but my body still wants you so faithfully.
Originally loved, or this person. No matter what she did.
After years of hard work, nothing can hurt your heart, because your heart has become petrified.
I just want one seat.
four
Gradually, the construction of Taiwan Province stopped, and the musicians' singing skills were broken. The demolished civil engineering built high-rise residential buildings, and celebrities such as Mencius, Shenzi and Xunzi were awarded the position of "doctor". "Gong Xue, Xia Ji" is famous all over the world, and it is full of talents, which opens the grand occasion for a hundred schools of thought to contend.
It seems that Zhong Wuyan trains female soldiers recruited by himself every day, wearing armor and wielding spears. Qi Xuanwang snorted disapprovingly.
When Zhao invaded the border, he made a narrow decision and appointed Chunyu Kun as the army supervisor. In fact, the joke he wants to see: I have spared your suffering, but the female soldier you brought may not be able to stand so much suffering. I know that the former Mufu Queen of Wuding Dynasty also trained and led troops to fight the battlefield, but those soldiers were real men. I also know that your brother has trained female soldiers, just temporarily testing his ability. It depends on what level of tricks you can play in Zhong Wuyan. When the time comes, hum, don't blame me for reducing the crime. Chun Yukun, the old boy, is fighting badly, and the prison army cannot escape the responsibility of reducing the crime. At this time, I want to catch my breath!
However, this Zhong Wuyan won the first battle and won the contract of never aggression and peaceful coexistence in World War II. The ugly queen and her female army are famous.
Qi Xuanwang heart way: this ghost woman! So promising! I'll just find a way to keep her away from me so that she won't sway in front of me when she is proud. If I can't mess with her, just keep her away from me.
So Taishi Gong was ordered to make a grand coronation for the queen one day, and named Empress Wuyan as the salt-free king. There are 3,000 salt-free households in the food city.
The scene is grand, and Taishiling is busy with all kinds of etiquette words. The bored King of Qi smiled and said to Zhong Wuyan, "Look, you are joking. I have agreed to your terms. Now, I have to trouble the queen to patrol the border for me. One is to show my respect for the royal family, and the other is to let neighboring countries know that I am the Queen of Daqi and dare not speak lightly. What do you think? "
Zhong Wuyan took a white Qi Xuanwang and said, "It's good for you. Your little mind can only deceive yourself. However, I should accept you because you are a king who is not fatuous. Because you pretend that others don't know, I want to kick you. " The king of Qi made a flash of power and did not forget to show his poor smile: "Help, this evil woman is going to murder her husband!" " "
The two men whispered side by side on the high platform, smiling at the children of ordinary people, making the courtiers below smile at each other. I didn't expect the king and queen to be so loving.
Since the Duke of Huan, Qi has been diligent, accumulated some rich capital, respected talents, attached importance to education, retained some talents, opened up roads, and traded, ranking first among the seven rich countries. It's not easy to persist. Although he likes to have fun now, he can still restrain himself. He is not a clever gentleman, but he is not an asshole. It is not unreasonable to like unification. Xia Ji Gong Xue, ugly and ugly, has won the attention of all countries, and I am the pioneer!
Qi Xuanwang, King of Qi, happily stays in Xia Yingchun every day, very much in love. Enjoying the beauty's condensed fat and soft smoke, the powder is greasy and crispy.
Hold the beauty in your arms and never tire of seeing it: little fool, tear down the stage, send singers, send actresses, and reduce the number of hospitals. Do you think it's really because of that woman in Zhong Wuyan? The lone king just borrowed her mouth to do what I had long wanted to do. Since I met you outside the East Gate that day, I feel that everything in the past is to meet you better. I know all the tricks you use to please those noble concubines in my harem. But I never blame you. The harem is like the sea. I know it must be so that I won't be trampled on. I sometimes stay away from you and neglect you, which is to better protect you from being jealous because of my love. Actually, I should thank Zhong Wuyan. If it wasn't for her, how could I find a reason to do those things? Her appearance greatly improved my reputation, which is a small matter. The most important thing is that I can accompany you wholeheartedly, love you and care about you. Like ordinary people, we will always be together and love each other until we are old.
The King of Qi fell asleep sweetly. Yingchun gently took off from his arms, looked at the king who was sometimes romantic like a child, and sighed in her heart: Unfortunately, you are late.
When the secret door was opened, people were suddenly hugged and bitten by a cruel kiss, almost choking: I want you.
He fell asleep. "I won't wake up until noon tomorrow." "Will it be all right?" "You learn to worry about him and fall in love with him. Also, he is the king of a country, what am I! "
Yingchun turned her head: "Zizhi, don't say that. In my heart, there is only you. " "Only me? Only me, you ... "Their hearts are very painful.
Perhaps the best way to forget someone is not to let yourself have a little leisure.
Since the year you left, I have been deliberately suffering from human suffering. I am very tired, so I can forget you. But I know I haven't forgotten you for a moment Whether I eat with chopsticks, lean on rivers and lakes, or lean on other women, my mind will always be on you. I hate it. I want to kill the man who took you away. I don't want to kill that Qi Xuanwang for a moment. He took away what I loved. I killed the fish intestine sword, but it fell short.
I walked step by step to the position of Prime Minister of Yan State, and tried my best to promote good communication with Qi State, only thinking that I could meet you one day. Yingchun, I'm sure you haven't forgotten me either.
How can I forget you? Just because the adoptive father wants you to be a powerful person, he is afraid that you are addicted to children's affairs. He knelt down and begged me. How can I tell you?
Zizhi, I just want to grow old with you.
Years later, the initial love has turned into a revenge.
Qi Xuanwang, Qi Xuanwang, you are holding your beloved concubine wholeheartedly, moaning happily under my legs, kneeling like a slave and licking me and letting me play. What will you look like when you see this scene? I am really looking forward to that moment! Noble Tian Zi first Wang Qi!
A sense of revenge filled the whole body.
The woman down there doesn't matter anymore.
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