Can anyone tell me some funny jokes?

1: One day, the mosquito and the mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. The mosquito said proudly: Look, I bit her twice in front of her brother ten years ago, and now the swelling is so big; the mantis didn’t She was convinced and said, "What's the matter? I chopped a knife between her legs ten years ago, and she still bleeds every month..." 2: In the hospital, a family was blessed with a baby boy. As soon as he was born, he spoke back. The child said: "Grandpa." Grandpa died with a cry. The child said again: "Grandma." Grandma died with a cry. The child said again: "Dad." His father said "ah" and saw that he was not dead. At this time, the child's old uncle said "ah" and died.

3: The kangaroo and the frog went to Shaolin to float chickens. The kangaroo finished the job three times and two times, and the frog next door just listened to the one, two, three hey all night long! One, two, three Hey! The kangaroo was so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said: "Wow!~~Brother Frog, you are great!" The frog said: "cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!~~"

4: An elephant asked the camel: "Why does your dick grow on your back?" The camel said: "Stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face!" The snake listened to the elephant nearby A burst of laughter after the conversation with the camel. The elephant turned its head and said to the snake: "What a joke! You have a face on a penis, you have no qualifications!"

5. The mother taught her daughter: "Choosing a husband is a lifetime event, how long will it take?" A few thoughtful things. Look at your dad, he can fix everything: cars, appliances, faucets, he can even fix a broken wardrobe..." The daughter interrupted: "I understand." "I understand, sister. Ah, if you find a husband like your father, you will never use anything new in your life.

6. There was a fire in the Sutra Pavilion of Shaolin Temple. After the fire was extinguished, the old monk sat down. The young monk burst into tears in front of the Sutra Pavilion. The young monk was puzzled and asked: Why is the master so sad? The old monk said: Lao Na has dysmenorrhea!

7. There are 5 eggs in the refrigerator. One said to the second one: Hey, look, the fifth egg is hairy. It’s so scary! The second one said to the third one: Hey, look, the fifth egg is hairy. Good. It’s so scary! The third one said: Look, the fifth egg is furry. ．The fifth egg is a kiwi!

8. Wukong! You are such a bastard! It’s a good thing that you don’t have a mother or an uncle, otherwise I would have scolded you! How many times have I told you that the banshee would catch me? From now on, wait for my signal, wait for my signal to come to rescue you! Look at my teacher, I am shocked by your sudden intrusion every time. If I do this a few times, I'm afraid I won't do it again. It's so sad that they were saved by the law! Wukong loves his disciples and swears by looking at his master's tears, okay?

9. On the mountain road, a car approaches, beside the roadside temple gate. , a young monk held up the banner of "Look back to the shore" and shouted: Donor, look here! A young man in the car laughed and yelled: Awesome! 10 seconds later, the collision and screams were heard. In the Zen room, the young monk said to the abbot: Master, would it be better to just write "The bridge ahead is broken"? 10. There was a boy in the junior high school class who injured his finger and shouted: "I'm in trouble!" Another boy B immediately said kindly: "I told you not to compete with dogs for food." A replied angrily: "Damn C, how the hell did I know your dad was so cruel." ”

11. Father: “Whenever guests come, you must listen to me carefully whether I ask you to take a cigarette or not.” Son: "I don't understand what you mean." Father: "That is to say, when guests come, if I say, 'Bring me cigarettes,' you will take them; if I say, 'Bring cigarettes,' you will leave and never come back."

12. In winter, the farmer found a snake that was frozen. He felt sorry for it and put the snake in his arms. When he got home, he found that the snake was still awake, so the farmer put the snake into a jar. In order to make the snake recover as soon as possible, the farmer put 30 grams of ginseng, 500 grams of wolfberry, 100 grams of Rehmannia glutinosa, and rock sugar into the jar. 4000 grams, 5000 ml of liquor.

13. Wife: Do you want to do some activities in the evening? Husband: I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.

Wife: Then you are not allowed to say you are tired after get off work or that you have no energy at night. You can’t fool around with it and that’s it. Husband: It’s necessary. Wife: Then wash all my clothes that night.

14. Today, a friend suddenly said, you said... the first guy in the world who knew that milk can be drunk, what did he do to cows? /

15. Guanyin Bodhisattva, please cancel the accounts of the black bear monster, green lion monster and yellow-browed old monster. We can’t afford to play anymore. Damn it. You sent us against Tang Seng and his disciples, but you raised their level so high, how can we fight? Especially Sun Wukong, with good equipment, high attribute points, and summoning skills. The most annoying thing is that physical attacks are invalid, fire-based attacks are immune, and magic-based attacks are immune... Let alone us alone, we can't beat him as a team! No more talking, it’s 88.