Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Funny jokes wanted! Be shorter

Funny jokes wanted! Be shorter

"Bi" said to "Bei": If we are just a husband and wife, why should we get divorced?

"Jin" said to "Coin": My son. When you put on your doctorate hat, your worth will be a hundred times greater.

"Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the results are out. You are pregnant with twins.

"Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. I have three bedrooms and two living rooms.

"Jing" said to "Pin": Isn't your home decorated?

"Lü" said to "Chang": Compared with you, my family is nothing.

"Zi" said to "Mu": Your company has laid off employees?

"Qian" said to "Shai": The sun is out, why don't you wear a straw hat?

"Ge" said to "人": I am no younger than you. It is difficult to walk a few inches without a cane.

"Do" says to "Wei": Balance is the last word!

"Bing" said to "Qiu": Look how cruel the war is, both legs were blown off!

"Zhan" said to "Dian": Have you bought a car?

"Qi" said to "Dan": You are so timid, why do you still hire a bodyguard?

"Big" said to "Tai": A hernia operation is actually very simple.

"Ri" said to "Yue": It's time to lose weight.

"Ren" said to "Cong": Why haven't you had separation surgery yet?

"Ugly" said to "ugly": Don't think that shawl hair makes you look good. In fact, you are still old-fashioned at heart.

"Cun" said to "Guo": Old man, have you bought a recliner?

"Yu" said to "A": Isn't it tiring to practice one-finger meditation like this?

"Mu" said to "Shu": If you have a mole on your face, consider yourself a beauty.

"Cha" said to "You": When did you get plastic surgery? What about that mole on your face?

1. Only eat one ton? The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown in the countryside. The man’s father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city and asked: “How many people can come? So we can make preparations.” The in-laws called back and said: “Not many people can come, just prepare a ton of rice.” He wrote “dun” as “ ton". ? Soon I received another telegram from the countryside: "The wedding date has been postponed for one month because it is difficult to get a ton of rice."

"?

1. Widow

Daughter: "Mom, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow, so what should the queen be called? "

Mother: "Silly girl, of course the queen is called a widow! ”

2. The fox is sad when the rabbit dies

The son asked his father: “How do you say the idiom ‘the fox is sad when the rabbit dies’? "

Dad said: "If all the rabbits die, the fox will have nothing to eat. Wouldn't it feel sad? ”

3. Cat and dog language

American: “My dog ??can speak English!” ”

Chinese: “Can it speak English?” ”

American: “Yes, I asked it, what is the top floor of the house?” It will say 'ROOF! ’”

Chinese: “That’s not surprising. I have a kitten that can speak Chinese.” American: “Can it speak Chinese?” ”

Chinese: “Yes, whenever I ask it, ‘Where do we in China pay our respects? ’ It will answer ‘Temple! Temple'"

1. The newly appointed magistrate was from Shandong. Because he wanted to have a child, he said to the master: "You buy me two bamboo poles." The master called the "bamboo pole" in Shandong accent Hearing the word "pork liver", he quickly agreed and hurried to the butcher shop and said to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pig livers. You are a sensible person and you should know what you are doing!"

The shopkeeper was a smart man and understood immediately. He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave a pair of pig ears as a gift. After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "The master asked me to buy pork livers." , of course these pig ears belong to me..." So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county office, he reported to the magistrate: "I'll tell you, I bought the pig liver!"

The county magistrate saw that what the master bought was pork liver, and said angrily: "Where are your ears!" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "Ears... ears... here... here... with me ...in my pocket!"

2. In a busy market, a fish seller shouted: "Fresh fish!" At this time, a bubble gum seller shouted: "Bubbles!" Sugar! (Soup)" After hearing this, the fish seller said to the sugar seller: "Hey, why did you say that my fish was in the soup?" The more they argued, the more fierce they became. At this moment, a bean sprout seller He shouted again: "Bean sprouts! (Doo!). A security guard came over and asked: "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an oil fruit seller shouted: "You Guo! (There is me) After hearing this, the security guard said: "Okay, let's take the four of you away together!"...

3. I said you were a pig, but it would be strange for you to say: I am a pig. From now on I will call you "weird pig"! Finally one day, you couldn't help shouting to everyone: It's weird that I'm not a pig!

1. A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!" (Translation: Comrades, fellow villagers , please pay attention! Don’t talk, it’s a meeting now!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pick up the pickles and pickles!" (Translation: Now let’s talk about the township mayor!)

The township head said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal, and everyone is a big bastard!" (Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough, everyone has a big bowl!)

“No pickles, I’ll pick up dog poop for you to lick.” (Translation: Don’t talk, I’ll tell you a story.)

2. A Chinese teacher with a strong local accent , read an ancient poem by Lu You titled "Wo Chun" to the students and asked the students to dictate it

The Chinese teacher read as follows? A student dictated as follows

"Wo Chun" "I'm Stupid"

The dark plum blossoms are heard in the dark, I am uneducated,

I feel sad when I lie on the branch, my IQ is very low,

I hear the flowers in the distance and it seems Water, if you want to ask me who I am, I can easily reach the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore is green, I am a donkey,

The shore is green, ?I am a donkey,

The shore is green. I'm a stupid donkey.