What should I do if my child's emotional intelligence is low? The five "wrong behaviors" of parents are cultivating children with low emotional intelligence.

I remember Daniel Gorman, a famous psychologist, said in his book Emotional Intelligence: "Family life is the first school where we learn emotions." However, after the child is born, parents seem to pay more attention to the child's performance, that is, the child's IQ, and the cultivation of emotional intelligence has never been put on the agenda.

John Gottman, known as the godfather of marriage, observed the emotional interaction between parents and children by studying more than 100 families. He found that parents' behavior has a great influence on children's emotional intelligence. Children's low emotional intelligence is often closely related to the wrong behavior in their parents' lives.

If parents have the following five behaviors in daily life, it means that you are cultivating a child with low emotional intelligence.

Common behaviors:

Children, like us adults, need an emotional outlet when they encounter difficulties. However, when the child told us, we thought she was just a child. She often either forces her children not to cry, or amuses them with jokes, or even treats them coldly.

This is because parents pay more attention to their children's academic performance and never care about their emotions, which is more common among left-behind children. However, when children have negative emotions, parents' failure to respond and transfer emotions will not solve the problem, but will only make children more negative and less good at expressing. Parents should not think that children are really "better" without expressing negative emotions. Only when the child didn't get a response from his parents for a long time, he restrained his emotions. However, if this emotion is not responded for a long time, when the child faces fear, sadness and anger, the fear, sadness and anger he experiences are doubled.

Coping methods:

When children tell you their emotions, what parents should do is to respond in time and comfort their children. When a child finds an emotional outlet, he will learn how to adjust and resolve his emotions.

Expression form:

If a couple often quarrel, slander each other, or even fight with each other, it is very unfavorable for the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence. The abuse, beating and slander between parents will make children very painful, and divorce will make children's young psychology worse.

It is found that children who grow up in a family where husband and wife are not harmonious will have problems in physical health, mental health and social skills. Even if it is a baby, the tension between parents will make him feel uneasy and scared. Children who grow up in this environment often become anxious, depressed and introverted.

Coping methods:

It is inevitable for couples to quarrel and complain when they live together, but don't criticize and insult each other's personality.

"You always say that you are busy at work and don't help me with my children. I am very tired. " This is a complaint.

"As long as you are busy with your work and don't care about your children, you are so selfish!" This is criticism.

Expression:

When children make mistakes, the most common ways for parents are abuse, corporal punishment, satire and belittling. Studies show that these methods are useless to educate children and can only destroy their self-esteem.

Abuse, corporal punishment, irony and belittling, many parents don't think there is anything wrong with this, because he is a child and has done something wrong. But children like to get identity from their parents. When you think "she's stupid", she really becomes stupid. When you belittle them, they will not work hard because of it, but will only get worse.

These practices not only destroy children's self-esteem, but also destroy their trust in their parents.

Performance behavior:

When the child doesn't do housework, you say, "Why are you so lazy!" .

When a child does something wrong, you say, "How stupid!"

When the child hesitates, you say, "Why are you so timid!"

When the child makes a little progress, you say, "How can you be so smart!" " "

Lazy, stupid, big, timid and smart are our favorite labels for children. Some mothers even habitually compare their children with others, which is also very hurtful.

If parents don't know how to respect their children, their pressure will increase and their behavior will be problematic.

How to deal with it

When a child makes a mistake, we should criticize the behavior and not denigrate the personality and morality. When children are afraid to do something, parents should encourage them to try instead of saying, "Why are you so timid?" .

Expression form:

Many times, when children express their negative emotions, parents don't care about the reasons why their children are angry and crying, but just feel that their children's behavior makes them lose face.

Most people think that girls should be kind and forbearing, so parents ask women to hide their emotions, not to be angry and not to resist. Boys should be strong and manly, and parents ask their sons not to show fear and worry. If children can't do it, parents will belittle or even punish them.

If children's emotions are not recognized by their parents, they will become depressed and their self-esteem will decrease. When children grow up, they will accomplish nothing in marriage or career.

Coping methods:

Parents should know that there is no right or wrong emotion, and accepting children's emotions is the first. At the same time, parents should draw a clear line with their children's behavior, otherwise they will spoil their children. When children have negative emotions, parents should teach them how to adjust and find the right way to vent.

Whether parents can accept their children's emotions has a great influence on their growth. If parents can accept their children's emotions, children will have good results in their studies, careers and marriages when they grow up. On the other hand, children can't adjust their emotions, naturally study badly, work is not smooth, and marriage conflicts are frequent. How can they be happy?

There are many similar parents around me. They are not good at expressing their emotions, and they don't let their children express their emotions. Are there similar people around you?