Listen to some jokes.

Some people study hard, so they write couplets in front of their new houses to encourage themselves.

The first part is: sleep in a thatched cottage and close the door.

Bottom line: playing the flute while lying down.

Horizontal criticism: Willing to obey fate

One day, when a friend came to visit, he was curious to see this couplet, so he read it out loud in Sichuan dialect:

"Who fucked my ass?"

"I hurt him,"

"Hey, there are horizontal batches!"

No.2 but this time he read backwards: "Ming, Tian, Heavy, Dry!" "

There are two lunatics in a mental hospital. One day, one of them fell into the water and the other jumped up to save him. After that, the doctor went to the madman who saved lives and said, I have two pieces of news, one is good news and the other is bad news. The good news is that you know how to save people, so you are well and can leave the hospital. The bad news is that you hanged yourself. The madman laughed at this. I hung the man to dry.

NO.3 a Shandong student and his northeast roommate went to the grocery store to buy instant noodles. On the way, Northeast China said to itself, "What's the smell of the whole? The whole cow with onion flavor ... "Shandong people don't know what all means, so they ask the northeast people, and the northeast people tell him that all means eating. Once two people went to the toilet together, and it happened that the toilet was shut off, and there was 22 thousand gold in it ~ ~ ~ The Northeastern patted his thigh: "What a mess!" ~ "Shandong people listened forward and vomited with their hands on the wall. ...

NO.4 someone keeps a parrot. No matter how to teach it, it can only say two words, "Who?" One day this man went out, and a water meter inspector came, knocking. The parrot said, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." The parrot asked again, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." ..... Two hours later, the host came back and found a man lying at the door, foaming at the mouth and fainted. He asked, "Who is this?" The parrot's voice came from the room: "Check the water meter ..."

Pastor No.5 said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage: "This horse can only understand the language of the church, and it will run as soon as it is called' Thank God'; It stopped when it was called' Praise God'. " Farmers are skeptical about this. He tried to shout "Thank God" and the horse ran faster and faster at once. A frightened farmer ran to the edge of the cliff and remembered that the password of "Praise God" had stopped him. Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmers who survived the accident breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God ..."

NO.6 The little boy was beaten by his father and ran to his mother in grievance: Mom, what would you do if someone bullied your child? Mother is furious: I'm going to beat his child up!

NO.7 someone just learned to ride a bike when he was a child and ran into the street unconsciously. When he saw an old man walking in front of him, he felt he was going to hit him and shouted, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, and as a result, he turned around and ran into it. The old man stood up and said, did you aim?

A farmer was walking on the ridge of a field with two loads of dung on his back. A man went up and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce a catty? The farmers made no noise. The man reached out his hand, dipped a little into it, put it in his mouth and tasted it. He thought, if you don't tell me how much it costs a catty, I won't tell you that your sauce stinks. ...

On the 9th, it is said that on a dark night, on the longest and scariest road, a taxi driver drove there, and a woman waved to get on the bus at the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Here is an apple for you." It was delicious ... the driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked: Is it delicious? The driver said: delicious! The woman replied: I remember I liked eating apples before my death ... The driver stood up and ate all the apple cores! I saw the woman slowly tilt her head to the front and said to the driver, but I don't like it after giving birth. .....