Joke PPT title

Humorous speech-self-mockery (Chinese and English)

How does the speaker tease himself?

As a speaker, I get only two complaints from the audience: one is that I speak too loudly and they can't sleep; The second is that I talk too long, and they can't stay awake all the time.

As a speaker, I have only received complaints from the audience twice. First, I speak too loudly, so they can't sleep. Second, I talked for too long, and they couldn't stay awake.

Innovative sentence: Either you sleep or you don't sleep. As long as you don't snore, I'll go on talking.

As a speaker, his speech is always compared with Lincoln's Goldberg speech. When his speech ended, there were also sadness, tears and grief-especially the planning Committee.

As an orator, he is often compared to abraham lincoln's Gettysburg Address. When he finished his speech, there were also sadness, tears and mourning-especially the program Committee.

Humor note: The speaker spoke so badly that the organizer burst into tears.

At the end of the speech, the host thanked you for taking time out of your busy schedule-you were poised, nodded gracefully and smiled, knowing that the only thing on your schedule was to have some coffee after breakfast.

Grace is that when you finish your speech, Toastmasters will thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to participate in their program. You nod and smile gracefully, fully knowing that the only thing on your schedule is a little coffee for breakfast.

Humor note: Some retired veteran cadres have nothing to do after retirement, and they are invited to participate in some activities. He still pretends to be very busy, as if he had pushed off a lot of things before rushing there.

I used to be nervous when I gave a speech, but then I saw a message saying that it would help if you imagined all the audience were naked. At this moment, I stand here and imagine that the audience are all naked, which really works. I'm not nervous anymore, but my eyes are a little tired.

I used to be nervous when giving speeches, but later I read that it helps to imagine all the audience naked. So, at this moment, I stand here and imagine that everyone here is naked. And it really works. I'm not nervous. Eye fatigue. Yes

Humor note: imagining the audience as naked means that I am not afraid of you, so I am not nervous.

Innovative sentence: Most people are a little nervous when standing on the podium. I'm in the minority and I'm nervous.

I'm not conceited myself-I can hardly tell you how much I admire myself.

Personally, I've never been conceited-I can't tell you how much I admire myself for it.

Humorous sentence: He became very proud because he was not conceited.

Innovative sentence: I am not conceited at all. I hope others can see me, too.

I will give a speech in simple English first, and then translate it for the lawyer.

Let me express it in simple English. I'll translate it for the lawyer later.

Humor note: lawyers always like to use complicated language, and they can't understand simple words.

Innovative sentence: My speech has three versions, primary school version, middle school version and college student version. Are you listening to the first-year edition or the second-year edition?

If you have heard this story, please don't interrupt me, I will know it.

If you have heard this story, please don't stop me, because this is the only story I know.

Humor note: Even if you know two stories, you can say the same thing before telling them.

Innovative sentence: I tell a joke. If you have, and you want to pretend you haven't, I will take care of you in the same way.

Speaking is like watering the lawn. If a quarter of the water seeps down, you will be satisfied.

Making a speech is like watering the lawn. If only a quarter sinks into the water, you will be satisfied.

Humor note: Some people snore and some people talk normally. If only a quarter of the audience would listen.

At the beginning of the speech, we had something in common, and you didn't know what I was going to say-neither did I.

First of all, let me say that we have something in common. You don't know what I'm going to say-neither do I.

Humorous sentences: the opening remarks of an impromptu speech.

Innovative sentence: I don't know if you will like my speech or what I will say.

Before we begin, I want to tell you that the following speech has been edited into a TV program. I'll talk less for 20 minutes now so that we can go home in time to watch Channel 2.

Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for TV programs. I cut it for 20 minutes so that we can go home in time to watch the game on Channel 2.

Humor note: Stay at the scene and watch it on TV.

Maybe some of you know that I'm here tonight for two reasons. The first reason is that your planning committee has been trying to find a smart, interesting and experienced speaker, and they have found it. The second reason is that the man was ill, so he called me.

As some of you may know, I am here tonight for two good reasons. The first reason is that your project committee tried to find a smart, interesting and experienced speaker-they did. The second reason is that he was ill, so they called me.

Humor note: at first, it seems that I am awesome, but it is actually a temporary substitute.

Innovative sentence: I thought my speech was funny, but why didn't anyone laugh?

Some people have stage phobia, but I don't; The stage won't be like me, but the audience scared me to death!

Some people have stage fright. I don't know. The stage doesn't bother me at all. The audience scared me to death!

Humor note: Stage fright is stage phobia, not stage scaring me.

Each of us wishes to go back in time. If I can put the clock back 45 minutes, I will be the happiest person in this room. I left my speech on the kitchen table.

I think each of us wished we could go back in time. I know that if I can put the clock back 45 minutes, I will be the happiest person in this room. Because I put my speech on the kitchen table at that time.

Humor note: I was still practicing hard before going on stage, and I left my speech at home. I hope the audience will forgive my mistake.

I don't want to brag, but the last time I spoke, all the audience stood up. They never sat down again until they walked to their car.

I don't want to brag, but the audience stood up and applauded the last time I did this. They never sat down again until they reached their car.

Humor note: the audience stood up and left after listening to his speech, and he was still bragging.

Innovative sentence: I speak at a gentle speed and the audience sleeps soundly.

If I hesitate, you must forgive me. This is my first after-dinner speech-except when I was yelling at my children in Laurie.

If I hesitate, you must forgive me. This is my first after-dinner speech-except yelling at my children at McDonald's.

Humor note: laugh at yourself for not having much experience in speaking.

As you may know, I have formed the habit of speaking after dinner.

I'm not used to speaking in front of so many audiences. What makes me confident is that I am talking about my favorite topic-me.

I'm not used to speaking to such a large audience. One thing that gives me courage is that I am talking about my favorite topic-myself.

Humor note: TV always invites some celebrities to talk about themselves there. These people can say that at first.

People always ask me why I wear a 10 gallon red hat (or some other conspicuous clothing accessories), and I tell them that it is my positive and realistic attitude towards life. I know that no matter what happens, God is always watching us. There are 6 billion people on the earth now. I hope God can pick me out of all the people at a glance.

People always ask me why I wear a big red hat with ten gallons (or other very conspicuous clothes), and I tell them. This is related to taking a positive and practical attitude towards life. For example, I know that no matter what happens, God is watching us. Then again, there are 6 billion of us now, so I want to make sure he can recognize me from the crowd.

Humor note: What a novel idea, cuckolded to attract God's attention.

Innovative sentence: Stop lying before God notices you.

If I am allowed to prepare my speech, I have three reasons: first, my memory is poor-I can't remember the other two reasons.

With your permission, I will read this paper. I'm going to read it for three reasons: first, my memory is poor-I can't remember the other two.

Humor notes: find a good excuse for forgetting words.

Innovative sentence: I have a bad memory and forgot to bring my speech.

I repeat, superfluous words are the bane of a wonderful speech …

Redundant words are the bane of a good speech. Let me repeat ...

Humor note: repetition brings good results at this time.

Innovative sentence: repetition is the most taboo in speaking. I repeat: Never repeat.

Sometimes it's really confusing. You see the representative raise his arm, but you are not sure whether he will vote with his conscience or check for arthritis.

Sometimes it's a little confusing. If you see a representative raise his arm, you can never be sure whether he is voting with his conscience or testing his arthritis.

Humor tip: the person who raises his arm may not really be choosing you.

Innovation: As long as I don't get arthritis in the election, I will definitely raise my hand.

I'm sorry (taking a bill out of my wallet, sneezing at it like a handkerchief, and then throwing it away). If I hate anything, it's showing off.

Excuse me. (Take out a bill from my wallet, touch it like a handkerchief, sneeze, and then throw it away, saying) If there is a bill, I hate to show it off.

Humor note: show off, rich people have the capital to show off.

Innovative sentence: I don't want to show off. Learned people don't like to show off.

As you all know, I only ask employees three things in the company: honesty, integrity and idolatry.

As you know, in these years in the company, I only ask my employees to do three things: honesty, integrity and idolatry.