Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Midnight song
Midnight song
one
Wei Wuxian opened the curtain of the tent and happened to have an unpleasant experience with the cold wind. As soon as his front foot stepped out, his back foot took root in the warm camp and refused to leave.
The white moonlight splashed on the endless snowfield, as if in ambush on all sides.
In the past, no matter how cold it was, he didn't listen to the teacher elder sister and didn't tie his fur collar, but let a large piece of skin on his chest sway with the wind. Before going out, there is a bowl of hot lotus root ribs soup to warm your stomach, and you should stay away from the arrogant cold.
At that time, he was still a young man who didn't know the taste of sorrow. Neither Jiang Gong nor Yu Ji praised him very much, but Prince Jiang Cheng had to contend with him for everything. When it was warm and cold, both of them were the same, wearing thin armor and riding a red horse. Starting from Lianhuawu Wharf, they pulled bows, chased the tallest colorful kite cruising in the sky and rode away.
People are so cold and full of natural and unrestrained power. He turned his horse's head and hit a long sword on the kite that fell to the ground, about half a man's height. He laughed wildly: "This time, both altars laughed, dare to gamble?"
As soon as the words sound just fell, the boy in purple let go of his horse and chased him up. He raised his eyebrows and snorted, "Who's afraid!"
Shuofang at this time is like a broken bellows that has been in disrepair for a long time. From time to time, strong winds and angry snow leaked through the cracks in the wall. The "Wei" flag, which was cut off by half, is still bared its teeth in Chengtou.
Wei Wuxian stood at the gate, dressed in mysterious hunting clothes, flying like a lonely crane flapping its wings. He opened his palm and tried to catch the first snow in early spring, holding them in his fist for fear of losing them.
But it backfired. After the snow melted, only a pool of sticky sand remained in the palm of your hand. When the wind blows, it freezes into an ugly scab.
Looking back, it's been a hundred years.
You don't have to go out to bask in the sun in the west, you can give away all the willows for no reason.
two
A string of long camel bells approached from a distance, as if it were the sound made by the only creature in this ghost town.
The old camel head led a group of brothers in Chang 'an. The city has been closed by heavy snow for several days, and the desert is full of ice. Let alone people complaining, even camel hooves are frozen. This slender team pulled all the way from the endless snow, like a tired ink line.
Seeing that place, the sheepskin bag full of water is empty. The crowd sat around the gate in twos and threes, basking in frozen cotton-padded clothes around the campfire.
I don't know who had the cheek to get an altar of jokes from General Wei. Dozens of people handed jars one after another like parcels, and spirits were poured into them like water, all of which were smoked with alcohol. They talked nonstop and talked about their wife and children in the Central Plains.
"Brother, is this your first time to the Commissioner? I don't want to scare you, but the wind here is great. Take a sip of hot wine to warm yourself up, lest you fall asleep in the middle of the night and freeze to death in the desert. Come up the next day, it's freezing and snowing. Who can find you? "
The old camel kindly advised him, but the young man thanked him and refused to reach out and pick it up.
With his head down, most of his face was hidden under his hood, and the only jaw line exposed was sharp, just like Jin Cuodao standing in a pool of moonlight.
Wen Ning is directing the monks to transport boxes of goods into the warehouse in an orderly way.
Wei Wuxian leaned against the gate with his arms crossed, Gherardini picked a pair of peach eyes and looked thoughtfully at the busy caravan-27 people before departure and 27 people after return.
However, an unexpected guest came in.
three
Wei Wuxian was in a daze in front of a sand table when Lan forgot to open the tent.
He seems thinner than when we last met, with his waist bent into an arch and his fingers wrapped around his waist like five bamboo branches. Empathy scarlet knot hanging under the dark flute, at first glance seems to be tears of blood.
"LanEr brother-"
Wei Wu Enwei greeted him with a cheeky smile and said, "I'm afraid it's not a long night. I must see you in person before I go to bed."
No wonder Wei Wuxian laughed at him. He is a charming and beautiful son in troubled times. He is so elegant and upright on weekdays that he wraps his cloak and hood when he meets him. The only chin he showed was covered with charcoal ash because of several black marks.
If the blue teacher in imperial academy, who is famous for being stuffy, sees this scene, he must shave his beard.
"Come with me."
Blue forgot to take off her hood, revealing icy eyes and a narrow white scratch. He ignored Wei Wuxian and made fun of himself. He only took a half step forward slightly, gripped the man's wrist with one hand and pulled him into his arms.
"Gee ... haven't seen you for half a year. I am good at learning bad things, including Ichinomiya Hikaru. Dare to rob people in this general's camp. " Wei Wuxian played a lip-service hooligan without changing his face. He reached out his other paw and scratched Lan's forgotten waist.
"Come, let me personally measure, brother. How much does this Iraqi think the skirt I want should be widened? "
"Stop it."
Lan forgot to lose weight on the plane and couldn't help blaming him. His tone is exactly the same as when Wei Wuxian was angry at school.
"Wei Ying ..."
Blue forgot to call his name when he didn't answer the phone. Those shallow eyes always remind people of the glazed tiles on the palace wall in the sunset. They seem cold and unreasonable, but they can vaguely feel the temperature of their palms.
"Before the end of the year, Prince Tatar once brought an envoy to Chang 'an to appear before the emperor. Open and closed are all tea-horse exchanges, with annual interest 10% and open borders. Whether it is war or peace is inconclusive in court for several days. Jin Guangyao means ... I was sent to Mobei by imperial decree to appease Wen Chao and the Tatars first; Then the three northeastern provinces mobilized 100,000 soldiers to wipe out the northwest in one fell swoop. "
After a pause, he added, "The leader of the army ... is King Ke Qing and the newly appointed marquis of Wuwei-Yang Xue."
"Oh, to the point of burning eyebrows, he finally can't sit still?" Wei smiled enviously, pulled through the blue forger and locked the fingers on his wrist with four or two dials.
"In those days, I tried to persuade him not to go wild. And the result? Wen Chao fled to the deserted desert and colluded with the Tatars. Looking around, 800 miles north of Jinwuguan, the mountains and rivers of my girder have been renamed barbarians! "
Lan forgot the machine, but shook her head disapprovingly. There was a flicker of pain in those old eyes. He said, "Do you know ... why Yang Xue?"
Jealous of Zheng, the playful smile on his lips gradually disappeared and was replaced by thin lips.
At that time, General Yiling played a ghost flute and led 8,000 ghosts to gallop on the battlefield, like nobody's business. However, the city that never sleeps is invincible, and the walking dead under his seat are crazy and out of control, killing the whole city overnight.
When the army returned, he went to Jinlintai alone to disarm himself, repented of his sins, and threw Yin He into the bronze furnace in front of everyone. I thought the past was forgotten, but I didn't want Yang Xue to dare to obey Jin Guangyao. He spent ten years in a dungeon before recovering a piece of Yin Khufu.
If one day really and teamed up, Chen and Yin are suppressed, not to mention who the murderous corpse in the desert is willing to listen to. If Yang Xue can't control these ghosts borrowed from the underworld, he will follow in his footsteps and kill Sifang.
four
"Why?"
Wei has no envy of a cold heart. He only feels that a blunt knife is slowly unplugging his spine, and the taste of bones and meat being stripped alive has forced him to wake up.
Of course, he is not a good bow in the world, and it is not a problem to catch birds and hunt rabbits. It's just that the feat of shooting at the sun in those days was too dazzling, which not only scared off the barbarians all over the world, but also scared off the prime minister who had sex in the imperial court. When requisitioning his three points, he should be alert to his seven points.
If one day Haiyan River is clear, Liang would rather bend his bow than give him a chance to live.
"What about you?" Wei Wuxian suddenly leaned towards him and asked sharply, "Does it mean that the palace light has three heads and six arms, and he can rush back to Wenchao Hexi Khufu without delay when his old friend is here and the rabbits have fallen?"
"... it's my brother. "
Wei is not jealous.
In the past, he had several contacts with Lan Xichen, king of Wu Ze, and knew that the Blue House in Gusu had two treasures. Whenever the winding water flows, the two brothers will play the piano and play the flute at the water's edge, and each will become famous. Except that the color of the blue pupil is slightly lighter, its appearance and personality are exactly the same. No wonder Wen Chao won't be suspicious when he sees it.
Blue forget machine suddenly out of control miraculously hugging wei without envy, very anxious to present the whole embedded into his ribs. He closed his eyes and murmured, "Wei Ying, come back, through these clouds, how can I know? Come with me first ... I won't let others hurt you. "
Wei Wuxian shook his head, held up this handsome face that he had kissed countless times in his dream, and laughed angrily: "What a blue room ... you are really stupid. In order to intercede for me in the palace, I haven't played enough dozens of whips in the Blue Family Ancestral Hall. It's so quick to get over the scar and forget the pain, huh? "
"You can protect me for a while, but you can't protect me ..."
Wei has no words and no envy. He can't seem to bear to see the blue forgetting machine look so miserable and helpless. He raised his hand and stroked his eyebrows that had not been stretched for a long time, trying to say something to ease the atmosphere between them.
"Lan Zhan ... Anyway, thank you."
"It's a pity that I have life and death. Don't keep it, give it up early. "
Before the word "abandon" could be said, Wei Wuxian opened his eyes in surprise.
Blue forget machine stretched out his hand and pinched his chin, leaned over and kissed his lips. The last bit of reason was annihilated in an instant, and the sweet blood mixed with body fluids crossed the two populations, much like a fierce and lingering fight.
"No."
five
This is too much.
Wei Wuxian was stunned by the kiss. It was not until the whole person was turned over and pressed on the undulating sand table that he realized that he had long been a glistening fish on the chopping block, called the "Blue Forgetting Machine".
There is a flame beating uneasily in the lantern at the top of the tent. Amber light sprinkled on Wei Wuxian's sunken waist, and with the ups and downs of the connected bodies, like a pair of grapes and wine that could not be filled in the luminous cup, the eyes of Lan Forgot, who was hugging his waist behind him, suddenly became dark.
"Yes you LanZhan, waste I treat you like a gentleman for so many years. Tell me honestly, have you plotted against me? If you want to tie my hand with a trowel and press it on the table, you can only manipulate it hard, like now, huh? "
Wei Wuxian turned his head and smiled at him, his eyes moist. He picked a bunch of colorful peach blossoms and put them on his forehead. The endless nonsense was smashed by a fierce top of Lanji, so I had to clamp my legs hard and softly beg for mercy from the people behind me.
"LanZhan you be good enough ... don't, don't take me there ... you leave my life, let us have a longer time. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, as long as you are here, I will spread my legs and let you gather in the dark to fight for three hundred rounds ... "
"Shameless."
"Good good, you know shame best. Don't do this to me ... Okay, that's enough ... Ah ... "
"yes."
"I hope you can be alone, I know you can't."
"If you want to kill the bodhi old zu Yiling, don't say hundreds of army is not enough, is to restore a piece of Yin is not enough ..."
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