Begging for a hilarious joke

1, the wolf is coming! The pigsty is a mess! Mother pig said: "pig, you close the door, pig, you close the window, pig, don't read the text message, you are the most beautiful!" " You seduce the old wolf! "

2, tired of going to work, promoted to queue up, saying that he was drunk after eating, and his lover was not in place. He doesn't want to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. It doesn't matter to me. The most unbearable thing is to wish you happiness and charge you money.

It's my fault that I made you angry yesterday. How about giving you a chance to vent your anger on me now? Take out a hundred-dollar bill, fold it in half and then fold it in half, and then throw it at me:) What animals and plants are like chickens? Three ... two ... one ... time is up, fool, so you can't guess. The answer is trees and horses. Because digital cameras (trees and horses are like chickens)! scold

4. Work Summary in 2009 and Work Plan in 2007-Question: Delicious. Analysis reason: The wine tastes good. Sum up experience: drinking is good. Rectification measures: drink well. Direction of efforts: drink good wine.

5. Colleagues go to dinner together. One of them came late: waiter, did you see where our colleague went? Oh, they are on the second floor. "What floor is the second floor?" "On the second floor. ....

6. If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

7. Your sudden loss of love made me lose myself. I am immersed in an unforgettable moment in my life. I can't let you go. I shouted: Stop thief!

8. In the history class, when the teacher reviewed The Rule of Zhenguan, the process asked, "Water can carry a boat, but it can also overturn it." A student signed back loudly: "You can also cook porridge". The audience laughed their heads off.

9. "Driving a Mercedes-Benz and riding a fine horse is really chic; Traveling around the world with beautiful couples, Wan Li is picturesque! Tell stories in a famous car, and return to China with clothes and clothes; Parents are happy, and friends boast that they have Mercedes-Benz! "

10, one million hours, reach out and ask the sky. I don't know if my salary can go up. Is my dream far away? I want to get rich by speculating in stocks, but I'm afraid I'll lose all my money. Things are so difficult.

1 1, "ACTS: Master, I want to hear your story. Teacher: In retrospect, I punched Nanshan Nursing Home and kicked Beihai Kindergarten. I put it under one meter and stamped my feet in the morgue. Nobody dares to gasp! To you who failed in college: this is a professional course, which contains high credits and good quality. One subject is the best in the past five subjects, and it is easy to fail in one breath. It is better to fail professional subjects! "

12, my husband is reading the evening paper. After reading an article entitled "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife, "I really don't know why men leave first?" The wife said, "Someone has to stay and collect the clothes!" "

13, a turtle walked through a pile of shit, leaving only three footprints on it. Why? Because it held its nose with one hand! ! !

14, friend, are you okay? Every time I turn on my cell phone and see your name, I'm trying to resist the strong impulse to contact you immediately, but ...... alas! Throwing caution to the wind anyway, isn't it 1 cent? We are not stingy people!

15, nearsighted squatting beside a pile of cow dung, asking with his nose that it seems to be cow dung. I tried it with my hand and said it should be cow dung. Taste it with his mouth. Seriously, it was cow dung, so myopia jumped up happily. Luckily, he didn't step on it.

16, "A group of matches huddled together to keep warm. When the firecrackers saw it, they pushed over and said, hey, brother, I also ... I heard a bang before I finished. The match said, brother, don't dig out your heart to keep warm. "

17, "A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived! "

18, one night, my husband was awakened by his wife's dream talk. He asked the reason, and his wife replied, "Dear, I dreamed of a prince charming, and slowly approached me!" " Husband: Wife, sometimes the Tang Priest also rides a white horse and drags a BMW tractor. After the police found out, they reported that the speed of the two cars had exceeded 180 km. The best one is a tractor, which has been following Mercedes-Benz, turning on the turn signal and asking for overtaking.

19, mother hedgehog complained: My child's clothes often leak. Mother centipede sighed. I bought two specialty stores, but I haven't bought half the children's shoes yet.

20. I was born to be useful, but I can't understand it! One day, Wang Di woke up from a dream, got up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and understood after eating the cake (reading the third word of every sentence is a surprise). Baby, you have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

2 1, Lao Wang likes watching boxing. Every time he sees someone hitting his opponent in the mouth, he cheers loudly. When he saw it, he asked, are you a boxing coach? Oh, no, I am a dentist.

22. "Dad, what will happen if you put mp4 in the water?" "That's broken." "Dad, you are so smart. I didn't know until I did the experiment. How do you know? "

23. A person travels abroad. He asked for a taxi full of luggage. The driver told him that he wanted 7 yuan and his luggage was free. He said quickly, please take my baggage to the railway station.

24. Four people were playing mahjong. When the police came, they took five people away. Do you know why? ............................................ (because one of them is called Mahjong)

25. Why do you smoke? A: Aunt Yu married a daughter yesterday! Cha Yue: What does my aunt have to do with my smoking? Answer: If so, what does my smoking have to do with you?

26. You are wanted! The following are your crimes: being too kind to your friends, not loyal enough, innocent and caring, and being sentenced by this court! I will punish you for being my friend for life. No appeal = O(∩)

27. "Sausage (township head) said:" Cold air is coming, pickles are getting cold (now), and shrimp (villagers) are going to make zongzi (seeds). In order to keep the temperature of zongzi (seed), remember to pack a few more layers ~ "

28. Xiaoming pushed his bowl to Xiaojie's side: "Try my rice …" Xiaojie scooped up a spoonful and fed it into his mouth. "Did you see it?" Xiao Ming added.