Classic dialogue from the second season of Two and a Half Men

Fragment 1:

Judith: Charlie thinks with his lower body.

Jack asked: Where is it?

Allen: Where men have it, women don’t.

Jack: beard

Charlie: lower

Jack: beard (changed to a lower voice)

PS: Cold jokes combined with the innocent talk of perverted children always yield unexpected results.

Clip 2:

Alan is very sad when his pet rat dies

Charlie: We can still be friends in the future...

Alan: What do you mean?

Charlie: When people cry in front of me, I only say this...

Alan: Embarrassing...

PS: Some people just stick to their profession, and Charlie’s profession is obvious.

Clip 3:

Alan and Judith are about to formally sign the divorce agreement.

Jack is a little depressed at home.

Jack: My parents are going to separate.

Charlie: You are lucky. When I was your age I could only dream about my parents being separated.

PS: I don’t know whether I should sympathize with Charlie or despise him.

Fragment 4:

Alan was going out on a date. Because it was rare, he dressed up carefully and asked Charlie to comment. Charlie ignored him without even looking.

Charlie: All men want to be you, all women want to be with you. (All men want to be you, all women want to have sex with you.)

Can’t stand Ai Len begged, and Charlie glanced and corrected.

Charlie: I was wrong, it should be All men want to be with you. (All men want to be with you)

PS: Allen seems to be treated as a gay in the play· ··Charlie is not the only one, nor the only time.

Fragment 5:

Charlie is bankrupt. In order not to eat with his venomous mother, he refuses her mother's financial support. At the last moment, Rose's help let him know her wealthy background.

Charlie: I'm sorry, I didn't know that at the time.

Rose: You slept with me because you were drunk, not because I was rich! That's what I appreciate about you.

PS: In all conscience, this is definitely not Charlie’s noble character.

Fragment 5:

Charlie: Why do you never believe me!

Alan: You once told me that if I jumped off the roof of the garage wearing a towel, I could fly to school.

Charlie: You believed it just once!

PS: I am no longer impressed by Charlie's bad taste...I am impressed by Alan's IQ. If you can believe this, what else can't you do?

Fragment 6:

alan: I have nothing left!

Charlie smiled and said: You still have me.

alan: Go to hell!

Charlie: Then you really have nothing.

PS: Charlie, can’t you take pity on this bad brother? Why!

Fragment 7:

Charlie and Jack climbed back through the window together, and were caught by Alan who was waiting for Jack outside the bedroom.

Alan (to Jack): Do you know how much trouble you've caused?

Charlie: I don’t know! Do you know how beautiful you look under the light?

Alan (囧! to Charlie): I didn’t tell you!

Charlie: I didn’t tell you either, except for what I just said. I won’t talk to you again.

Alan was speechless to Charlie: Why don’t you go to bed?

Charlie: OK! (Grabs a pillow and lies down on the spot)

Alan (to Jack): We have to talk!

Charlie suddenly raised his head and said to Allen: Can you have an accurate idea? !

PS: Charlie, even if you are not so pretentious, we still love you very much.

Fragment 8:

Charlie was in the kitchen, someone rang the bell, and Alan went to open the door.

Charlie: Who is here?

Allen: It’s the God of Death.

Charlie: hello, mom!

PS: The power of the poisonous tongue mother is self-evident.

Clip 9:

Ellen: Mom is missing!

Charlie: Stop making me happy.

Ellen: Maybe she will leave us forever!

Charlie looked at Allen affectionately: You are too optimistic.

PS: I am stunned...anything like this is fine.

Fragment 10:

Charlie’s daughter: I am going to attend the funeral of my ex-husband’s mother and spend a weekend there with my ex-husband. Are you jealous?

Charlie: No! How is it possible.

After a moment of hesitation, Charlie changed his words.

Charlie: Maybe a little... I'm jealous that his mother is dead.

PS: I want to lie down... Charlie, your poisonous tongue has been passed down by your poisonous mother. It's just that you don't dare to act poisonous in front of your mother.

Fragment 11:

Once Evelyn was jealous that Jack only spent the weekend with her grandmother, and strongly demanded to take Jack home. After some coaxing, Jack arrived at Evelyn's house and made a mess of Evelyn's expensive home with his outstanding qualities. Evelyn was almost driven crazy.

Charlie: Alan, have you ever thought that he did something that we haven't done in all these years? He swallowed her, chewed her up and spat her out. People call him Jake.

PS: Maybe this is why Charlie insists on keeping Jack around.

Clip 12:

Allen came back early in the morning and pretended to have just gotten up, but he couldn't help but show off to Charlie that he had sex with Katie twice.

Charlie: I found out a very interesting fact, you just slept with a girl who was born when you were in junior high school. (pause)

But you were still a virgin when she lost your virginity!

Alan:...(trying to think of words to defend)

Charlie: (pauses again) I also found an interesting fact, she slept with Women, more than the women you have slept with.

Allen: ·(Continue to work hard)·····YES~(Reluctantly admitted)

PS: Seeing Alan, there are no obstacles in life that are difficult to overcome. .

Fragment 13:

Charlie educates Jack with sincerity and sincerity.

Charlie: You better behave. If there are naked girls basking in the sun, you can't stare at them. (Suddenly excited) You have to run over and tell Uncle Charlie first.

PS: With an uncle like this, what good stuff can Jack come up with? ···We are still looking forward to it.

Fragment 14:

There was a time when Charlie was annoyed by Alan's temper. He kept fantasizing.

Fantasy 1, Allen was chirping from the side. Charlie angrily pulled off one of Allen's arms and beat Allen hard.

Fantasy 2: While eating breakfast, Charlie kept changing the knife in his hand behind his back. After Allen left, Charlie said excitedly: "I'm happy just thinking about it."

PS: With a brother like Allen, why not worry about going to jail.

Fragment 15:

Allen suffered from mental oppression and suffered from mild schizophrenia. He is always with a puppet that looks like himself, talking to himself.

Puppet: He's using you.

Allen: I know...but what can I do?

Puppet: You can kill him.

Alan: I can't.

Puppet: I can solve it for you.

PS: Don’t talk about Charlie, I was scared to death.

Fragment 16:

Charlie suddenly wanted to learn cooking.

Charlie: (asking while cracking eggs): Jack, what eggs do you want?

Jack: In the Easter basket.

Charlie: That’s scrambled eggs.

Charlie: Boda, what eggs do you want?

Bada: Fry the poached eggs on only one side.

Charlie: (hesitating) That’s scrambled eggs.

After Charlie was done, he took out a piece and gave it to Alan to taste.

Alan: Why does it smell like bourbon?

Charlie: The book says "season to taste."

Then I tasted it myself.

Charlie: Damn, there are too many eggs.

PS: 囧···This is Charlie. Even if he is scrambling eggs, they are still the only Charlie eggs! ah!

Charlie called a girlfriend to have dinner.

Charlie: I love you. Huh~ (kissing sound)

Jack: Huh~ (imitation of Charlie)

Charlie: Alan, slap that kid for me.

Alan: Aren’t you afraid of beating his head even more severely?

Jack: (hesitates) Thanks for speaking up for me, Dad.

Alan was speechless.

A while passed.

Allen: I actually went to compete for custody.

PS: Even though he has grown up, Jack’s IQ is still stuck in the first season.