NeiHan Xiaohua

The city routine is deep, so I'm going back to the countryside. Some classic jokes can make people laugh and make you feel sad when you are unhappy. The following is the relevant information I have compiled for you for your reference!

Connotation joke article 1 1, I remember when I was in college, everyone was poor at the end of the month. My roommate struggled for a long time and decided to save money for dinner and go out to surf the internet all night. I bought a bucket of instant noodles in the middle of the night, and suddenly I felt two green lights staring at me. My roommate said a big sentence, give me some soup ... soup, so I had to reluctantly say to him: be careful, don't pick noodles.

My buddy told me about his divorce. The couple quarreled as a bee, and when his daughter-in-law was in a hurry, she shouted, "Divorce if you can't pass!" "My buddy was angry at that time, and stared at Zhuzi without hesitation:" If you leave, who is afraid of who! ".So, two people pushed and shoved, pandered to the Civil Affairs Bureau, and quickly completed the relevant procedures. When the two sides signed the ring, his wife picked up the pen and was about to start work. The buddy was frightened and broke out in a sweat, saying that he had a big game this time. Just as I was about to kneel down and beg for mercy. Suddenly, his daughter-in-law threw the pen aside with a bang and cried with a wow: "Wow, you idiot, you don't know how to fool me." You don't know that what women say in life is not true. Wow. " The buddy wiped the cold sweat on his head and breathed a sigh of relief.

My father walked more than ten miles in the company yesterday to pick me up from work. I felt sorry for him and said, "Dad, I just need to go home by car, so I don't have to take a detour to pick me up." My father kindly said, "In my father's eyes, you will always be a little girl, and my father will protect you!" " "at this moment, I feel warm in my heart ... at my door, my father shook my hand and said," son, it's time for you to repay me. You must protect your father! "Pushing open the door and seeing my mother's homicidal face, I immediately understood that my father must have offended my mother again.

4, my wife is a little tired of doing family hygiene! So, write down the words "family hygiene is everyone's responsibility" on the family blackboard. At noon, my son added the word "A" after school, and his wife found that the blackboard became "family hygiene, and adults are responsible". In the evening, my husband added a horizontal bar after work. The wife found that the blackboard became "family hygiene, and the wife was responsible".

Once I was playing legend in an Internet cafe, and my best friend came to my house to find me. When she saw that I was away, she took my nephew to the Internet cafe to find me and asked me to get off the plane and have dinner with them. I was forming a team to fight monsters, and I refused. I saw my girlfriend patting my nephew's ass. My nephew pulled his neck and shouted, "Mom, I'm hungry. I want to eat." Later, the owner of the Internet cafe and my teammates at YY Voice suggested that I take my children to dinner.

The second part of the connotation joke 1 I brought my girlfriend home for the first time yesterday. My girlfriend is both beautiful and diligent. My father intends to smoke. She picked up a lighter and was busy lighting a cigarette for her father and pouring wine ... When my father was happy, he took out 1000 and said that we met for the first time. His girlfriend took the money and said thank you, boss, board. ...

Yesterday, the train went to the toilet and many people lined up. Finally, it was my turn. A beautiful girl came out. When she came out, she dumped her hands and threw a drop of water in my face. I didn't care at the time. The key is that I didn't find the water pipe after going to the bathroom.

3. Going home by bus, the young woman next to her caught fire with a doll about 3 years old. She cried/kloc-more than 0/00 kilometers, still crying! I said: Sister, you feed some milk, and you are crying like this! Look at the friends around you and feel that you are doing the right thing!

4. Once, I went to the bathroom, just as the cleaning elder sister was mopping the floor. Me: "Ah, are you dragging (taking off)?" Big sister: "Yes, it's over." Me: "Oh, it's so clean that I'm embarrassed." Big sister: "Nothing, you go, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, come in." Me: "You're welcome." Big sister: "Nothing. If you don't do it, others will do it. "

5. A person steals instant noodles at work, eats chewing gum in a hurry after eating, and accidentally swallows it. He's not worried. I'm afraid the gum will stick to my stomach and won't come out. Colleagues comforted him and said, "It's okay. The row can definitely be arranged, but I am afraid. " The man asked anxiously, "What are you afraid of?" A colleague said, "I'm afraid of farting", and a bubble jumped out.

6, the wife has nothing to do with her husband's mobile phone accidentally fell! The battery of the mobile phone case fell out! And the hidden 100 yuan! The wife looked at her husband and said, explain! My husband panicked and said, Oh, my God, the phone bill is fucking off!

7. A schoolgirl and her father bought a mobile phone. The girl insisted on buying an apple. 6. My father is very sad. He has smoked. Finally, even the staff couldn't stand it anymore, so they couldn't help but go forward and persuade them: Sir, you can't smoke in this place.

8. Open a shop in my circle of friends to sell clothes, shoes, bags, watches, masks, daily necessities, Maca and lovely bosses ... It's the end of the year. Please pay the rent on time. Thank you for your cooperation! It's not easy for me either I've endured it for a year!

9. My wife is a woman. One day, she came home from work and shouted, "Honey, I'm home. Today, I met a thief on the bus. As soon as I passed by, I found that my mobile phone was gone. Ha ha! So I got off and chased him for two stops. After I caught him, I was beaten, but he refused to admit that he had searched his whole body and couldn't find my Nokia. The thief cried and begged me to say, sister, just pick one of these phones. So I brought an apple 6 back. " I said in surprise, "Wife, you didn't bring your mobile phone today. Isn't this Nokia on the coffee table? "

10, a man invited several classmates to the hotel where they often eat. The hotel owner asked, "My wife didn't come today?" A female classmate slapped the table and shouted, "I'm his wife!" " Who is the woman you are talking about? "The boss hurried out. The whole table burst into laughter. The man was embarrassed to ask her why she was joking. The lesbian said, "Just wait for the discount. "After dinner, I went to check out, and the boss said apologetically," I didn't know you had a lover before, and told my sister-in-law that I mistook you for someone else. This meal is on me. I'm really sorry! "

Connotation joke 3 1, chase

"What do you think of the incident of the old people chasing young people on the bus?"

"I heard for the first time that paid players can't beat free players!"

2. Grade

My friend's daughter is in a private school. No matter how hard she tries to rank, she belongs to the lower middle class, especially when the top three or four students are in the same dormitory. She feels miserable and has an inferiority complex.

Friends played an important role through communication with the class teacher: the daughter finally regained her self-confidence and rose to the upper middle class-since the original good class became a poor class.

3. inspiring

A very inspirational thing: once a male classmate liked a female classmate.

Male students are a little fat. In order to catch up with girls, I only eat one steamed bread every day and exercise crazily. After the holiday, they were as thin as a different person.

Later, he finally dared to confess to the girl. The girl said, "I don't like you if you lose weight."

Step 4 work hard

My girlfriend said she would marry me when I was admitted to graduate school. I worked hard to get in through the line, and then my girlfriend dumped me and said I didn't have a job.

I was hehe at that time. Will I have no job as a graduate student?

It's been half a year since I graduated, and I really haven't found a job.

Step 5 force

I have read a survey that said that "girls are very happy when they are forced by boys", and the top ones are "strong kiss", "strong hug", "going out on a date and forcibly setting all the schedules", "holding hands tightly", "grabbing arms and taking them away" and "rolling".

Then I did it, and the other party caught me.

Step 6 apologize

Walking in the community park, I saw an aunt with a child so cute, so I went to tease her.

The child's head tilted: "Aunt is so ugly!"

Aunt slapped the child: "apologize to aunt!" " Why do you talk like that? "

The child cried and said, "Aunt, you are so beautiful!" "

Aunt slapped again: "Let you apologize! Who told you to lie? "

7. Distribution

The couple went to court to ask for a divorce. Judge: "You have three children. How are you going to divide them? "

After a long discussion, the husband said, "Well, I'll have another one next year."

Nine months later, my wife gave birth to twins.

8. Fake products

One day half a year ago, the boss was not in the company, and I accidentally broke the teapot on his desk.

I rushed outside and spent more than 300 yuan to buy an identical one.

When chatting today, the boss pointed to the teapot and said, "I didn't expect these dozens of cheap goods to be quite useful."

9. Touch porcelain

Walking back to work, a car turned around in front of me and I wanted to pass in front of him.

The embarrassing scene happened, just like people: he thought I was leaving, and I thought he was leaving, so I stopped. He thought I was going to stop, I thought he was going to stop, so I moved on.

After several rounds, the driver rolled down the window and said, "Brother, please leave me alone, I'm just a Li Xia!" " "

Selected classic jokes

10, reason

Xiaoming was late for class. The teacher asked, "What did you do?"

Xiao Ming: "I just arrived at school and my stomach hurts." I went to the toilet. "

Teacher: "Really?"

Xiao Ming: "If you don't believe me, go to the toilet and have a look. The shit is still there."

1 1, dependent

"It seems that there are fewer people criticizing the dependence of mobile phones recently?"

"Everyone is busy playing mobile phones. Who has time to manage those things? "

12, feeling

I love cooking, and I like the feeling of careful preparation, careful preparation, frying and simmering, making a lump of shit, just like my life.

13, tragedy

Decades of hard work is nothing more than a 500-yuan engineer in the Red Police, a 50-yuan dog killing one piece, a sudden death soldier, and a tank running over one piece.

As long as he enters an industry, or a laboratory, or a factory, or a military camp, or an oil field, or builds bridges and roads, he will be enslaved there for life. It's really sad

14, the truth

Buddhism believes that people who don't believe in Buddhism can only do good deeds with good results, and the highest realm of good deeds is giving and preaching.

Christianity believes that all glory belongs to the Lord, and father and mother are not as close as the savior.

So it makes sense to say that Sakyamuni Jesus Christ is Korean, otherwise you can't explain why all the three major religions think that all the beautiful things are theirs.

15, dog abuse

I just saw a couple in the street. They were wrapped in scarves to show their love for the dog.

As single dog, I pretended to look at my mobile phone and forced my way through them. ...

Joke recommendation with classic connotation

16, description

What an anorectal doctor sees every day can be described as "various".

17, express delivery

I'll go downstairs to the security room to get the courier. Just arrived at the door, I heard the security guard Xiao Wang sigh and said to his colleague, "Winter is coming, and the scenery is not beautiful."

I can't help secretly praising his taste. Just listen to him and say, "Look at this monitor, no girls are throwing garbage in the corridor in underwear."

18, robbery

The gangster cornered the girl, took out a knife and gestured in front of her, and the girl cried with fear.

The gangster put the knife away and said, "Let's go, you are the first girl to cry for me."

19, arrogant

My buddy works in a factory and wants to quit. The boss won't let him go until the end of the year.

So the witty young man shaved a particularly exaggerated airplane head and dyed his hair golden yellow.

When I went to work the next day, the boss looked at him like this and said to him, "You can leave now before the end of the year."

He happily returned to the dormitory, and was beaten to the hospital by several gangsters on the way because of his arrogant hairstyle.

20.culture

I worked in a company with the healthiest corporate culture and worked there for one year. I haven't heard the word "corporate culture", but I feel very happy working there.

2 1, liar

"I was cheated of 3000 yuan!"

"Didn't go to the police station to report the case?"

"Yes, the police said that you can't file a case below 5000!"

"Then forget it?"

"How can you forget it! I gave the liar another 2000 yuan! "

"Is that a case?"

"no! The liar called me back another dollar! "

22. Differences

Every day when the battery of your mobile phone is 5%, you will be scared.

When you have 5% time left every year, you will revise your plan and motivate yourself to "be better next year".

23, professional

Apple has really done something that other companies can't.

That is to line up when buying and line up when repairing.

24, the bottom line

Everyone has a bottom line until someone finds out that the bottom line can be bought with money.

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