Begging for funny jokes!

A three-year-old child is talking to an adult. The man smiled and said, you look like your father. Please repeat it. Listen, the boy casually asked, "Who do you look like?" ? The child said "like your father" without thinking, which caused passers-by to laugh.

A person is particularly afraid of his wife. One day, his wife said that he would go home early after work. He ran home after buying food from work because he missed the bus. As soon as his wife came in, he happily said to his wife, "I missed the bus to buy food today, so I ran back with the bus and saved a dollar." Hearing this, the wife became angry. When she went up, she was slapped and scolded, "You waste. If you come back by taxi, you can save a few more dollars. " Tokyo, Japan

In the crowded Ginza Square, a Japanese man accidentally scratched the miniskirt of a single Japanese woman. Before the Japanese man could speak, the Japanese single woman bowed 90 degrees: "Sorry for the trouble, it's all the poor quality of the skirt …" Then she took out a pin and left in a hurry.

New york, USA.

In the busy Times Square, an American man accidentally scratched the miniskirt of an American single woman. Before the American man could speak, the American single woman immediately took out a business card from her body: "This is my lawyer's phone number. He will talk to you in detail about your sexual harassment. You can get ready and see you in court ... "Say that finish, write down the name and phone number of an American man, raise your head and walk away.

Paris, France.

In the world-famous Arc de Triomphe Square, a French man accidentally scraped off the miniskirt of a single French woman. Before the French man could speak, the French single woman giggled and said, "If you don't mind, send me a rose to apologize …". A French man bought a rose from a flower shop and invited her to a bar for a drink. Then they went to a small hotel to study the contents of the miniskirt. ...

London, England.

In the church square by the Thames, an English man accidentally scraped off the miniskirt of a single English woman. Before the British man could speak, the British single woman quickly covered the open part of the skirt with the newspaper in her hand and blushed and said, "Sir, can you take me home first?" My home is not far ahead ... "Say that finish. The Englishman took off his coat and put it on her. I ordered a Tixe and sent her safely to another dress.

Chongqing, China.

In front of the crowded Jie Fangbei, a man in Chongqing accidentally scratched the miniskirt of a single woman in Chongqing. Before the Chongqing man could speak, the Chongqing single woman raised her hand and gave him a loud slap. She also grabbed the man by the neck collar in Chongqing and said, "You are a treasure! Dare to eat old niang tofu, come with me ... "Chongqing sister don't scold me, just a turn. " ..............

Where did the dog come from?

The six-year-old daughter pointed to the puppy on the road and asked her mother, "Where did the puppy come from?" . Mom said, "It was born by his mother." Then where did its mother come from? The daughter asked again. Mother replied, "It was born by its mother's mother." "Then where did its mother's mother come from?" The daughter asked again. "It's its mother's mother,,,,,,,,," mother took pains to answer. Where did the last mother come from?

Mom: speechless.

On the first day, the rabbit went fishing and didn't catch it. The next day, he went fishing again and returned empty-handed. On the third day, the fish jumped out and said, "If you use radish as bait again, you will die in the palm of your hand, son of a bitch."

A tourist goes to a restaurant for dinner. He ordered a chicken. He found that the chicken was missing a section and asked the boss, "why is this chicken leg missing a section?" The boss said, "Do you want to eat chicken or dance with chicken? Xiaogang always gives nicknames to his classmates. It's strange to call a pig this week.

This class, physical education class, is called off by the teacher! Xiao Xin chased Xiao Gang to run on the playground and said; "I am not a pig!"

A farmer's uncle went to town for the first time, suddenly felt abdominal discomfort and was eager to find a convenient toilet, but he forgot the name of the toilet in the city. Suddenly, he felt as if he had heard of it as a public place, so he stopped a buddy in the street. "Eldest brother, how to get to this public place?"

When a man hears this, what is a public place? It refers to the cinema, so I casually pointed and said, "Over there."

The farmer's uncle came to the cinema and just wanted to go in, when he was stopped at the door. "buy a ticket!" "Said the conductor.

The old farmer thought in surprise, "This city is just different. You have to buy a ticket to go to the toilet. "

"How much is it?"

"Twenty."

Hearing this, the old farmer was even more surprised. It costs twenty yuan to go to the toilet in this city, but he couldn't stand it, so he paid for a ticket. The conductor gave him a ticket, and the old farmer reached out and said, "Twenty dollars for so much paper?"

So I went in and came to the door. The ticket inspector took the ticket and tore it in half with a swish. The old farmer took it and said, "This little piece of paper is still torn in half."

So I went in. This city is just different. This cabin is really nice, so big, and there are so many people together. So I sat down and asked the people behind me, "When will it start?"

"Start when the lights go out."

After a while, the light went out, and the old farmer took off his pants and began to relax. As he did it, he thought, it's nice to be in the city, and there is such a big TV when you shit. Suddenly, he felt someone pushing him behind him, so he said impatiently, "Don't move! Mind your own business! "

The people behind are still pushing the old farmer, and the old farmer is even more impatient: "I told you not to move and mind your own business!" " "

The man behind was anxious and said, "Grandpa, I want to tell you that your baked sweet potato fell on my foot!"!

A male netizen got his wish and married a beautiful female netizen.

In the bridal chamber on their wedding night, they took off their clothes affectionately.

The groom said, "Since we are husband and wife, we should be honest with each other. I have a few little secrets to tell you, please don't be surprised. "

The bride smiled charming: "Who doesn't have a few little secrets?

Since you can tell me your privacy, I decided to tell you my little secret. "

The groom grabbed the hood from the top of his head and said to the bride, "Actually, I am bald ..."

Unexpectedly, the bride took off her long hair and said, "What's the fuss? I was born bald. "

……"

When I saw the groom staring at his bald head,

The bride volunteered: "Do you think my double eyelids look good? Is actually a manual cutting ... "

The groom is not surprised: "It's nothing, look at my left eye ..."

As he spoke, he took his left eyeball out of his eye socket. It turns out that his left eye is fake.

The groom went on to say, "Not only is my left eye false, but my teeth are also false ..."

The bride disagreed: "Never mind, my nose is magnified five times." ...

The groom said, "to tell you the truth, the wrinkles on my face are caused by."

The bride hesitated,

After a while, he said, "I won't tell you the truth." In fact, my beautiful face has been shaped eight times. "

……"

The groom took off his coat and said, "My heart is kept beating by a pacemaker ..."

The bride also took off her bra: "I am so plump after breast augmentation surgery ..."

The groom paused: "Since you are so frank, I will tell you my biggest secret."

Due to the outbreak of the economic crisis, I almost went bankrupt ... "

The bride seems to have made up her mind: "I didn't want anyone to know, but you are so kind to me."

I'll tell you well-in fact, I'm not a woman. I had sex-change surgery ... "

"Great!" The groom cried excitedly, saying that he had peeled off his skin and exposed the black hair inside.

He hugged the bride tightly and said, "honey, don't treat me like a human being."

Actually, I am an orangutan. Come back to the forest with me and live. . . . . . . "

The bride said, "Bah. People want children. What if I can't have them? "

The groom said, "That's easy! Take the funny-looking piece back to the Woods to raise. ...

There are problems: good eating, good picking up girls, good smoking and good drinking.

Cause analysis: delicious, good girl, good cigarettes and good wine.

Sum up experience: eat well, pick up girls well, smoke well and drink well.

Rectification measures: eat well, soak well, smoke well and drink well.

Direction of efforts: eat good food, pick up girls, smoke well and drink good wine.