I always want to give you the best in the world, but I find that the best in the world is you.

1. Do you know why 520 cannot be divided by 3? Because love cannot tolerate a third party.

2. If there is someone who can make you forget your past, that person is your future.

3. I am not good at words and always want to talk nonsense with you.

4. I always want to give you the best in the world, but I find that the best in the world is you.

5. Love cannot make your world colorful, it can only bring you to a world different from the past.

6. Deleting everything about your predecessor is a sign of respect for the next one.

7. Mentioning any word of your name makes me look up and around.

8. Love is a kind of encounter, but it cannot be foreseen.

9． His heart has already changed seasons, but I am still standing on the day he made the promise.

10． Why do you have to fall in love if you like someone, but how can you be willing to be friends if you like someone?

11. I can't bully you anymore because my heart will hurt.

12. Some people you look at for a lifetime, but ignore them for a lifetime; some people you look at once, but miss them for a lifetime.

13. I like the new and hate the old, but I have loved you for so long.

14. I am the soft-hearted person who was tortured many times by you and then coaxed with just a few words.

15. How many wrong people do I have to say goodbye to before I can meet the right you.

16． I don’t have procrastination. I will open the package as soon as I get it. I will press the alarm clock when it rings. I will eat the snacks as soon as they are opened. I will laugh when you appear.

17. In love, either we go back to our own homes, or your mother becomes my mother.

18. You can choose to love me or not, but I can only choose to love you or love you more.

19. If you're not going to do stupid things for love, you don't deserve it.

20. Your name is the most beautiful Chinese word I have ever heard, the most beautiful font I have ever seen, and the warmest words I have ever said.

21. I've been in love for three minutes, but I've liked you for a long time.

22. Your position in my heart is so high that even I am jealous of you.

23. How can you have love and refuse to be hurt at the same time? Remember, Cupid shoots arrows, not roses.

24. There is always that one person in the world who is deeply engraved in your heart.

25. When a person who loves you deeply changes for you, it is because he loves you; when you meet someone, he puts away his stubborn temper for you, it is also because he loves you; he changes your interests into If you lose his interest, it's because he loves you. If you find such a person around you, please cherish it. The little fish that escapes is always the most beautiful; the lost lover always understands you best. The Funniest Jokes in the World

The Funniest Jokes in the World

1. I bought a bag of oranges and before I could eat them, my roommate peeled them open and put them in his mouth without saying hello. , I kindly remind you, don’t eat too many oranges, as they can easily cause you to get angry! He didn't take it seriously and was fine. After saying that, he reached out to get it again, with no intention of stopping. You're not done yet, are you? Losing my patience, I picked up the bench and threw it at him. I told you that eating oranges makes people get angry easily, but you don’t believe it, Cao!

2. A comedian told people that every time he asked his mother for money when he was young, her mother always said, "What do you think I look like, like a bank?" In fact, the actor said, for a teenage child, parents are the bank. If you really go to the bank and ask for money, the teller will definitely say, "What do you think I look like, like your mother?"

3. My son is eighteen and will take the college entrance examination this year. Study every day and talk about it every day.

He said, "If you can't get into college and can't even find a wife, don't even think about having children." My son said, if you want to watch your child play, hurry up and have a baby with my dad. I have to study and don’t have time to have a baby.

4. I forgot to put the air conditioner remote control there. After searching around, I had no choice but to find it on Baidu. Enter what to do if the air conditioner remote control is lost, and the first result is, check if it is placed on top of the air conditioner (please keep the reprint from). I suddenly realized it, climbed onto the bed and touched the air conditioner, and it was actually there! Du Niang You are indeed omnipotent!

5. My friend’s son was eight years old and he was learning Taekwondo in his spare time. One day, he got into a fight with a classmate at school and got three stitches on his head. The friend was called to school and was raped. The parent of the child who was beaten apologized and paid for the medical expenses. He went home at night and beat his son hard. While beating him, he angrily asked his son, "Have I spent so much money to send you to learn Taekwondo in vain?" Are you using bricks?

6. I got lost in the wild with my girlfriend. I didn’t eat for three days and three nights. Looking at my girlfriend’s desperate expression, I bit into her mouth with hunger. Face, don’t tell me, this fan is pretty strong.

7. The reporter went to visit the master. The master meditated for 4 hours every day. When the reporter got there, he said to the master, Master, you meditate for 4 hours every day. , why, the master said, I absorbed the essence of the world for the first two hours. The reporter thought that the master had nothing to say, so he said shyly. , couldn't stand up...

8. I bought a scratch-off ticket and won 400. I ran home happily and told my wife. After we were happy for a long time, my wife said. , Hand it over. .

9. A said to B, "My son often does some improper things recently and refuses to listen to me. He said he only listens to idiots. Please give me some advice." My son! B.

10. A. Donor, I came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty and want to donate something to you! B. Oh, I wonder what the master wants to donate? Female donor, have you heard of it in broad daylight?

11. There were two people in the dormitory betting on quitting smoking. Whoever wanted to smoke first would give the other 100 yuan. At nine o'clock in the evening, one of them finally couldn't help it. I smoked one in the bathroom, and another idiot said: I don’t want the 100 yuan, so you can let me smoke one too

12. His father is a big boss in the military, and his brother works in a Western company. His job and favorable conditions fostered his domineering character. Once, he caused trouble in the bathing city and beat to death the security guard and the boss's son who came after Wen Xun. He blocked the boss at the door of the court and beat him severely under the pressure of public opinion. Forced to commit suicide, he suddenly appeared again. He was Nezha.

13. Many people prefer C when they don’t know how to answer multiple-choice questions. Some analysts say this is because C stands for Correct. It gives people a strong psychological hint. ---I think this statement is far-fetched. The real reason is that C represents Cao. I choose C just to vent my dissatisfaction. I don’t know how to choose C! !

14. I have an 11-year-old son at home. Today I told him that the red tickets he earns when he grows up and goes to work should be given to his mother for safekeeping. My son stared at me and said, "No, then I will lose all my food money." I said I would give you change, and my son replied, Oh, then I will change all the red tickets into zero.

15. A. I think I am afraid of heights. B. Then take it out and let me see it! A. I said, I am afraid of heights. B. Yes! Take out your certificate!

16. Kidnapping, I cover your eyes quietly; Heart disease, you are the eternal pain in my chest; Gloating at one's misfortune, when the old cat is kicked out by its owner, the mouse comes out to see him off; Killing with a borrowed knife, It's about a robber who was so poor that he didn't even have a knife; the generation gap, he just got used to his son's long hair, and he shaved his head; the apple, its most glorious moment was when it hit Newton on the head;

17. The doctor told me to hold my urine for color ultrasound at 3:30 in the afternoon. I was very obedient and couldn’t hold it in any longer. . .

Sir, tell me what the twenty people in front of you are doing? You want to suffocate me to death! ! !

18. Just now my dad sent me a text message and heard from my colleagues that there is a neon Christmas tree more than ten meters high in front of the station. It is very beautiful. I will pick you up in the car to have a look at it tonight? I was just beautiful, and suddenly I received a text message from my mother, "You can eat by yourself tonight, Mom is out." Just as I was wondering, I received another text message from my father three minutes later. I sent it wrong just now. It was sent to your mother. Just find a fluorescent lamp and see for yourself.

19. In the morning, my wife and I went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the marriage formalities. On the way out, I accidentally asked, "Is this where you can apply for the divorce certificate?" . . I'm kneeling on the washboard at home right now.

20. It is said that a prisoner was executed because the bullets were produced by a counterfeit factory. The first shot was not fired, the second shot was not fired, and then the third and fourth shots... . The prisoner couldn't stand it anymore, so he cried and said a classic saying, "Brother, don't waste bullets anymore, just strangle me to death. This is so damn scary!"

21. My daughter is getting smarter and smarter. I was eating out today and I was walking back with two pieces of cream cake. I accidentally dropped one on the way. When my daughter saw it, she immediately yelled, "Dad, you've lost that piece!"

22. A gentleman drank a glass of brandy at the bar. When paying the bill, the waitress looked at the money carefully and said with a serious face, Sir, the money you paid is fake! The gentleman raised his head and asked casually, "Is this brandy real?"

23. Question: How can I praise the goddess for her beauty in one sentence and also express my feelings in a weak way? Reply: If my mother had a wife like you, she wouldn’t have to worry about her grandson being ugly.

24. A candle died in an accident. The police investigated and found that the match was the biggest suspect, so they took the match away. In the police station. Police, matches, why do you want to kill the candle? Matches, Mr. Policeman, I am not guilty. We went camping that day, and the candle said that it could not be seen at night, so I had to light it.

25. I plan to go to get the certificate with my girlfriend. I just had a good talk with her and I said, have you thought it through? Are you sure you want to collect the certificate from me? She nodded solemnly, and I felt relieved. I also said, if you get angry after a quarrel, you can't break up casually. She said, I know, I want to divorce.

26. I’m really sorry. My mysophobia is really serious. I saw a girl in the bar who was too dirty, so I forcibly dragged her to my house and gave her a bath. This is what happened, Judge.

27. A disabled man went to the car to beg and met an insurance seller. When he asked for money, the insurance officer in turn sold him insurance. . . Disabled people say insurance is good, but I have no money? The insurance officer replied, "It's okay. If you want it, it will be available later. I'll wait for you!"

28. The foreign ambassador originally planned to present a pair of precious and rare canaries as a gift. However, one died before it could be delivered to the king. The ambassador had no choice but to catch another local canary to replenish his supply. The king was very happy to see the precious canary, but he didn't understand why there was a local one in the cage? "Because this canary is abroad... ..." The ambassador replied

29. It was raining heavily and I hurriedly took a taxi back to the hotel. After getting out of the car, I found that my phone was gone. I couldn't care less about the heavy rain. I ran after the taxi and shouted, "Master." After I parked the car and ran for more than a hundred meters, I found that I was holding the phone in my left hand.

But at this time, the driver had stopped the car and asked me, what's wrong? I stood in the heavy rain and shouted to the master, "Please drive slower when the rain is heavy." Later, the master married his daughter to me

30. Manager, after reading your resume, it is true that you have been hired by our company. Hired! Thank you, manager! Manager, you have many advantages, tell me what others you have! I want to get to know you better so I can assign work! My, my shortcoming is honesty! Manager, honesty? This is not a shortcoming! I, really? Damn fat man!

31. My mother called me and said, your cousin brought a girlfriend home yesterday, when will you bring one back too? I put down the phone and immediately rented a girlfriend to take home. When my mother saw her, she said, "Isn't this the girl your cousin brought home yesterday?"

32. A. If you could travel to the past, what would you do? B. I want to plant a durian tree in Newton’s yard. C. Go and replace Edison’s hens with roosters. Ding persuaded Lu Xun to study medicine.

33. The doctor asked, how did the patient fracture? Answer: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook. Someone thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks. The doctor asked, how did the patient break his fracture? Answer: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook. Someone thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks.

34. My sister and I were watching TV together. My mother came over with two apples. My sister grabbed them and said, they are all mine. Mom said angrily, one for each person. Then Liz happily snatched one from her sister's hand and said with a smile, "Mom." My mother snatched it back from my hand, took a big bite, and said expressionlessly, I'm not talking about you.

35. The reporter went to the scene to arrest the suspect in a car with pol.ice. In the car, pol.ice told the reporter that our captain was already at the scene investigating. . . Then the reporter pointed to a person outside the car and said, the big fat man wearing a vest, shorts, slippers, and holding a fan in his hand looked suspicious. Could he be a suspect? Pol.ice said, that is our captain. . .

36. I had an infusion in the hospital for a cold. When changing the dressing, I asked the nurse if your nurse uniforms were not as good-looking as those on TV. The little sister said without looking back, what you are looking at is the Japanese and Korean version of the nurse uniform, not mine.

37. A. I wanted to find out what kind of person my goddess was, so I followed her trumpet. B. Then what? A. She slapped her in the face and kicked her out of the toilet. It turned out to be the trumpet!

38. Long jump The PE teacher asked a very fat man to do long jump. The students were surprised. The teacher asked if he could jump into the pit. The fat man proudly said, "Teacher, it doesn't matter where I jump. What's important is that I jump there. Those are all pitfalls."

39. Three children chatting together about what is the most poisonous thing! Child A, mosquitoes are the most poisonous. My brother’s hand was bitten by a mosquito and it was red and itchy. Child B: Wasps are the most poisonous. My brother was stung on the face by a wasp and it is still swollen and painful. Child C thought for a long time and said, I don’t know what hit my sister. Her belly is swollen and round!

40. Husband, how much blessings did I have to go through in my previous life to find such a good wife like you! Wife, it’s not your blessing, it’s the evil I committed in my previous life!

41. I just finished washing my socks and underwear and went to the restroom. When I came back, I saw that my roommate was holding my underwear and sniffing it! I'm scared. . . Just then, this guy said, "Fuck, you're using my fucking laundry detergent again." . .

42. Exercise can really change a person's destiny. My wife followed the teachings of Lao Wang next door and started running with him in the morning five years ago. She has not come back yet.

43. Opposite the building where I live is another residential building. Yesterday morning I was watching the scenery on the balcony and saw a beautiful girl in the building opposite waving to me with a handkerchief through the window, so I waved to her too.

Then she ran to another window and waved to me again, and I waved to her again, and then she left again. It was only when she waved to me again at the third window that I realized that she was cleaning the windows.

44. At dusk, I jog on the industrial road. A young man ran up from behind me and shouted in my ear, "Run!" What happened? I asked the young man next to me. Run quickly. The young man ran ahead of me. After I quickly chased for 500 meters, I asked breathlessly, what happened? You are running too slowly. The young man left me and ran forward on his own.

45. A man and woman went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register. The office staff asked, have they had a pre-marital physical examination? The girl shyly whispered and checked, she is already three months old! Talk about romantic love: I want to give you the best in the world, but I find that the best in the world is you

1. Suddenly I like the word "jingkong glance". Love at first sight is too superficial, and love over time is too pale. , while others glanced at you, I only peeked at you.

2. When people don’t get it, they don’t mind anything. After they get it, they will mind a little bit about everything. This is love, please don't mind.

3. In the past, I thought love was love at first sight, then I thought love was a steady flow, then I thought love was a sense of security, companionship, dependence, an inability to let go, and a reluctance to let go. Now I feel that love is what I love. You love me too, it's that simple.

4. Stop regretting what you missed. Only others will have the opportunity to meet the people and things you miss, and only you will have the opportunity to have them if others miss them. Everyone will miss it, everyone has missed it, but what truly belongs to you will never be missed.

5. I want to give you the best in the world, but I find that the best in the world is you; I don’t want eternal youth, I just want a lover who can’t be stolen.

6. There is really no reason to like someone clearly, it is just a feeling, just seeing the right person. It's like wanting to be with each other for a long time and live out this life.

7. When I wasted my time and wasted my time, I felt that the world was just like this. But after falling in love with you, I began to long for a long life. The world is not worth it, but you are.

8. It’s not that I think I’m good enough, but that no one but me would be blind enough to fall in love with you. There is a kind of love that is so blindly confident.

9. If love can be explained, vows can be modified, and if the encounter between you and me can be rearranged, then life will be easier. If, one day, I can finally forget you, however, this is not a casual legend, nor is it a drama that will be staged tomorrow. I can't find the original and erase you with one stroke. ——Xi Murong's "Error"

10. We have to go to the end, get married, live together, stay with each other, and join hands for life... I am with you with this thought, in order to reach the age of sixty. I still say I love you. I can't give you the best thing in the world, but I will give you my best

1. I can't give you the best thing in the world, but I will give you my best All for you.

2. Where does your bullshit good temper come from? It’s not all because I love you.

3. Growing up, I have never been afraid of the police, gangsters, or parents. The only thing I am afraid of is my wife!

4. What I want to say the most is In my eyes, in my draft box, and in my dreams.

5. You send me anonymous messages and like me? Stop making trouble, how could you do that? Just stop making trouble, you are the only girl in QQ.

6. I hope that one day in a certain year, I can post a status and say: Holy shit, I actually married him.

7. You have kissed my lips, but I am not the person you love most.

8. If what you gave me is given to others, then I would rather not have it. It’s not terrible if you don’t get it, but it’s a joke if you can’t keep it.

9. Do you dare to let me live one inch inward from the fourth rib of your left chest?

10. I can’t say that I can only love one person in my life. This is simply impossible. However, there must be one person who can make you smile the brightest, cry the deepest, and remember the deepest.

11. When you call your husband, you will behave yourself; when you call your wife, you will be responsible to the end.

12. Didn’t the teacher teach you that if you don’t know how to solve the problem, just skip it and do the next one? If you can’t catch the person, chase him in another way!

13. You slapped me, but I asked you why your hands were so cold. Classic QQ love talk sharing

14. If you can’t quarrel with your wife, just hug her or press her against the wall and force her to kiss her.

15. Boys are subtractions. At the beginning, every girl seems to have 100 points. When they find their shortcomings, they gradually reduce them until they fail, and they break up! Girls, on the other hand, are additions. At the beginning, they all seem to be better than boys. Low score, slowly increase the score after getting along, and fall in love more and more! So in the end, most of the people who are hurt the most are girls.

16. I will stay with you for a long time. How long will it take to bury you next to you?

17. Search and search for friends, find a boyfriend, salute, Shake hands, and you can leave after being single.

18. I want to make you scream when you are drunk and sigh when you are sober.

19. The most vicious curse: I hope that many years later, you will die of a broken heart because you think of me.

20. You never know how much you can love someone until you watch him love someone else.

21. When you are with the person you like, it doesn’t matter whether you have WiFi or not.

22. I will remember every word you said, every look back, every smile.

23. If he doesn’t care, then you have to learn to care less than him.

24. Only when we meet again after a long separation do we realize how much I can’t let you go.

25. One day you will definitely thank the person who abandoned you, and thank the person who you loved deeply but ignored you. His giving up prompts you to find a better next one.

26. From a friend to an ex-boyfriend, what steps did you make in love?

27. I am not afraid of being alone. I am just afraid that when I get used to being alone, someone will disrupt everything for me.

28. You will find someone and trust him as yourself.

29. The secret to any long-term relationship is to find beauty in imperfection.