Why communicate?

Drucker, the father of modern management, once said: Know what to say, when to say it, to whom to say it, and how to say it.

Drucker revealed the essence of communication in one sentence. As human beings with language function, they naturally have different needs from other animals. It is this unique demand that makes communication very important in everyone's life.

Communication is the most important communication tool in our daily life and work. In order to let us know more about the importance of communication, the author puts forward the following points in the book:

Communication is a physiological need.

If communication is a matter of life and death, it may sound incredible. In the book, the author tells us a case in which a prisoner risked his life to communicate.

Former US Senator John McCain was captured in the Vietnam War and held in solitary confinement for six years.

After his release, McCain described how prisoners of war risked their lives to keep in touch with others. The punishment given by the prison to prisoners of war for secret communication is quite severe, and some prisoners of war are tortured for secret communication.

In prison, McCain claimed that "cruel torture or punishment is not as good as loneliness and pain." If you cut off contact with other American prisoners of war, it is equivalent to death.

Therefore, when he hears the knocking on the wall next door, he will knock on the wall to respond, even at the risk of being tortured.

Former American journalist Terry Anderson was held hostage in Lebanon for seven years. He once said with emotion: "I would rather get along with the worst people than be without company."

A comprehensive analysis involving 65,438+050 studies and more than 300,000 people shows that people with close family and friends live an average of 3.7 years longer than those with social isolation.

It can be seen that communication is the physiological demand of human beings and indispensable.

2. Communication is the need to gain recognition from others.

If we are deprived of the right to communicate with others and live alone in the wild, is our existence still meaningful?

/kloc-in 0/800, a boy was found in the Averon forest in southwest France. The poor child was abandoned by his parents. He can't talk, he just makes some strange noises, and he doesn't behave like a human at all.

This child is called "the wild child of Avilon". He has been living alone in the wild, completely unaware that he is alone.

When people gave him some care, the boy changed and he gradually understood who he was.

We can see ourselves in the mirror, but that's just a manifestation. What are we? Smart or clumsy? Beauty or ugliness?

We often get real answers in communication with people.

3. Communication is the demand of society.

Experts confirmed: "Communication can meet our social needs, which include entertainment, affection, friendship, boredom, leisure and control."

Some studies also show that communication is closely related to happiness. According to a survey of 200 college students, the happiest 10% college students think their social life is rich.

Therefore, communication is an important source to satisfy our emotions and happiness.

In order to let people avoid the dilemma of interpersonal relationship, there are the following points:

1. The more times of communication, the higher the quality of communication.

In fact, too little communication and too much communication are not good. The former will cause problems such as mutual understanding and incomplete information. The latter will be counterproductive because of overexertion, from the original positive communication to negative communication.

For example, apply for a job, just say a few key questions. If you haggle over every ounce and communicate too much, your employer will resent you and lose the idea of hiring you.

2. The meaning is not in the text.

Communication is not just about saying words, but also considering whether there is a problem of words not expressing their meaning. The two sides have completely different understandings of the same sentence, but you don't confirm it, which usually leads to misunderstanding.

We are used to thinking that communication is just about saying things. As long as I express my views, whether others understand them is not my consideration, but in fact it will only lead to low communication efficiency and the other party is unwilling to communicate.

The author also points out that some relative words should be used with caution, such as "fast" and "slow", "long" and "short", "smart" and "stupid", because without comparison, these words will not play their due roles.

For example, you say to a person, "Your school is so small." Maybe this school is not big enough compared with some schools, but it is big compared with some small colleges.

So, if you don't convey your meaning, try to say as little as possible.

3. Successful communication does not mean mutual understanding.

Irish playwright Bernard Shaw said: "The problem of communication ... is to think that communication has been achieved, which is an illusion."

In fact, misunderstandings between people are very common. A satisfactory relationship, to some extent, depends on the flaws in understanding.

Research shows that some people who "think" their spouses know themselves are more satisfied with their marriage relationship than those who "actually" know their spouses' behavior. In other words, a satisfactory relationship sometimes comes from incomplete understanding.

Generally speaking, mutual understanding is a sign of successful communication. The author tells us: "Sometimes communication is successful, but two people still can't fully understand each other."

For example, if your friend asks you, "What about my new tattoo?" You might implicitly say "Wow, this is really special" instead of "That's weird."

It is more helpful to maintain the relationship between the two sides to avoid asking questions.

4. Communication will not solve all problems.

When your friend spent thousands of dollars on a high-end fashion and asked you to comment, would you honestly say something like "I think this dress makes you look fat"?

Few people show their feelings directly regardless of others' feelings.

For example, you tell the stylist that "just trim your hair a little", and then you are very surprised to find that his "a little" is actually your "a lot". You are discussing something with each other passionately, only to find that you are not on the same channel at all.

Communication cannot solve all problems. We can say that everything needs communication, but this does not mean that we can reach an agreement or even solve problems as long as we communicate.

In the book, the author reveals some myths in communication for us, so as not to get into the dilemma of communication.

These myths will be very helpful for us to communicate with others in the future, so that we can know when communication should be enough and what we can't say directly, and sometimes the answer we want is not the real answer.

For some people with weak communication skills, they may find it difficult to change. The author tells us: "Communication skills can be learned the day after tomorrow."

The author's definition of communication ability is that effective communication must include "being able to maintain or enhance relationships in most cases, so as to achieve one's own goals".

Since communication skills can be acquired through acquired learning, what abilities do you need to be a good communicator?

First of all, it is necessary to have a variety of behavioral response abilities, and communication experts can make different responses in the face of different situations, rather than the same.

Secondly, I have the ability to choose the right behavior. I can choose the right behavior from all kinds of communication behaviors and know how to be flexible.

For example, an acquaintance has been telling jokes in front of you. This joke is about geographical discrimination or sexual suggestion, which you think is offensive to you. How should you handle it?

Several ways:

1. Keep silent for fear of causing conflict.

2. You ask a third party to remind an acquaintance who tells a joke to make that person pay attention to his words.

You imply an acquaintance who tells jokes, and his jokes make you feel uncomfortable.

4. You can use humor to resolve your language aggression through jokes of acquaintances.

5. Speak frankly about your discomfort.

6. Tell your acquaintances not to talk.

Of the above six responses, the author suggests choosing one or two that are most beneficial to oneself and do not hurt others' feelings.

A master of communication, knowing how to say the most appropriate words on the right occasion; They will also monitor their behavior language at any time in communication with others, which will not lead to disaster; A good communicator should have an open mind and a certain knowledge of communication topics, so as to achieve barrier-free communication.