What is it like to be very young but very old?

My husband is a young but very senior person in a big family. I remember when he just got married and returned to his hometown, a man who looked to be in his 50s came in and called him uncle. My aunt was really shocked at the time and felt very embarrassed. She felt that she was being called old all of a sudden. If it were not based on seniority, but based on his age and appearance, we would have called him uncle or grandpa. Later, my husband said that our family Or neighbors in a village must be addressed by seniority, regardless of age. As the saying goes, "Pimples don't grow until one's seniority" is the truth. Although I don’t go back to my hometown often, when I go back during the New Year and holidays, I never take the initiative to greet people who are older than me, for fear of making a joke by calling them by mistake.

Since Southwestern Shandong is the birthplace of Confucian culture, special emphasis is placed on seniority. Not only the family members must be called strictly according to their seniority, but also the people with foreign surnames in the village must be called according to the rules passed down, regardless of age. Big or small, as long as they are senior to you, you must respectfully address them by seniority and do not call them by their first names, especially between relatives. Moreover, there is an old rule in the southwestern Shandong Province that people of different generations cannot get married. Although they have different surnames and no blood relationship, as long as they are of different generations, the parents will not agree to the marriage. The reason is that it is difficult to call each other relatives, otherwise they will It’s a mess. It seems that seniority is a deep-rooted thing and an insurmountable gap between people.

The seniority of the first-generation families in southwestern Shandong is generally determined based on the middle character of the name specified in the family tree. For example, in the male name of the family surnamed Li, the middle character is divided according to the seniority, and the grandfather's generation is The word "chao" means "shu" for sons, "xian" for grandchildren, and "wei" for great-grandchildren. You can tell what generation you are by just looking at your name, and you won't make a mistake in how you address others. It seems that seniority does have some scientific truth.

Regardless of age, naming according to seniority can also be regarded as an intangible cultural heritage. I hope it can be passed down from generation to generation and retain our roots.

After searching, I found this problem indeed. Will answer later.

My point of view: This situation goes against natural ethics. Sister, I have always been a loner, and I have gone my own way. If anyone objects in the comments, I will scold you~ This issue actually involves the hierarchical identity system. It is what we use as a yardstick to classify a group of people. Age comes first, that is, no matter what ideas you hold, there will naturally be an age gap. Even in an era when one knows one's mother but not one's father, there will still be differences in age. And our nation happens to be very respectful and caring towards the elderly. Age constitutes a natural status difference. There are many examples in this regard. For example, when official history records about Sebari people, they often mention that some ethnic groups value youth and despise old age. This kind of record itself has a sense of moral superiority, just like saying that the folk customs of some ethnic groups are lewd. Another example is that the emperor's father is responsible for the three elders, and the brothers are responsible for the fifth watch. Everyone is familiar with it. Recently, I have seen scholars discussing the issue of ancient pension ceremonies. The hierarchy of seniority is different from the hierarchy of age. It is a product of the development of human society to a certain stage. So, is it really appropriate for us to violate the natural order in this way? While you are emphasizing the so-called family ethics, you are violating the natural order of human beings! Someone in the comments said that governing the world requires fame and religion. You want me to say that we are not governing the world now, right? Don’t try to make big news~ It’s not that we don’t value fame and religion, right? Do you use etiquette and righteousness as your backbone? Then what is the result? The Dagukou fort was lost, and the Eight-Power Allied Forces came to the city. The invulnerable Boxers at Langfang Station rushed towards the foreign guns and cannons with their flesh and blood! I also have such relatives. A person who is ten years younger than me, I want to call her aunt. My understanding of this matter is that the reason for this phenomenon is that my grandfather could not control his lower body and his desires, so that he violated the natural order. So, I pretend they don’t exist!

There is a saying that goes like this: When you are young, your elders are older.

No matter how young you are, you are still there!

In fact, we don’t need to think so much. If we think too much, we will find many troubles ourselves.

There is nothing that can be done about it. My husband is the youngest in his family, and his eldest nephews are all more than ten years older than my husband, almost a generation older than me. When they came to Beijing and we went out to play together, some called me aunt and some called me aunt. They all called me gray-haired, which made me feel unnatural.

Regardless of age, as long as there is a generational difference, the younger generation should call the older generation. This is polite and a symbol of civilization!

I have a deep understanding of this [laughing and crying][laughing and crying][laughing and crying][laughing and crying][laughing and crying] When I was ten years old, someone called me grandpa, and I was a little bit If you are shy, you must be called grandpa. Later, I told my mother that I don’t want them to call me grandpa. How will I find a wife in the future if I am old? [Cover face] [Cover face] [Cover face] [Cover face] [Crying] [Crying] [Crying] [Crying] My mother laughed when she heard this. How could she be called old because of her seniority? Later, when I thought about it, I picked up my grandson for free just by following their call? Later, when I got married, I was happy for them to call me that, but my wife was not happy to call her grandma, but my wife would be embarrassed and say: Tell the boy that your mother and I have the same surname, and just call me aunt. I said : How can that be done? My seniority is grandpa and you are my wife. It is only natural to call you grandma! Otherwise, the seniority will be messed up!

I feel a little troubled by both the young age and the seniority.

My husband is over 60 years old this year and is the second most senior person in the village. There may be four or five more generations below him. The neighbors around me are basically the same age as me, and there are many people of the same age in the village. Nowadays, we are rarely called brother or sister-in-law when we go out, and not many are called uncle or aunt. However, there are many people who call them "grandpa" or "grandma". Over sixty is not very old, so people who are four or five generations apart cannot call us: master or old lady, but also call us grandpa or grandma.

It’s not easy for others to call us different names, but it’s not easy for us to address people when we go out. Anyone who is the same age as me, who is younger than me, and who has a lower generation, I will call them by their names. If you are older than me or younger than me, I will call you: nephew or niece-in-law.

When a son goes out and sees a person of lower rank, it is even more difficult to address him. It is impolite to call him by his first name. It is not polite to call his eldest nephew or niece-in-law. Therefore, when my son goes out, regardless of whether he is three or four generations younger than him, I always call him brother or sister-in-law. Calling them this way makes the hierarchy even more confusing.

My husband pays attention to seniority and always thinks I teach my son random names. Therefore, I feel a little annoyed about being the elder in the village.

Embarrassing, embarrassing, in addition to embarrassment, it is still embarrassing...

He is not old, but he has seniority. In our rural dialect, he has strong bones. Are you not convinced? You don’t have to address them by name, but you can’t help but acknowledge the seniority. When there are outsiders present to introduce you, you still have to introduce them by seniority, for example, this is my aunt, or this is my uncle...

Take me for example, I am 34 years old this year, my youngest My aunt is 7 years old and is in the first grade. My son is eight years old and is in the second grade. His aunt is 7 years old and is in the first grade. Where can I go to reason?

My youngest grandfather has been a bachelor for half his life. When I was in my 50s, I was introduced to someone and spent money to buy a daughter-in-law from Yunnan. This so-called "grandma" is a bit demented. In the words of outsiders, he just lacks a woman to warm his bed.

What is even more puzzling is that this woman was pregnant and gave birth to a smart daughter. The result is that as a man in his thirties, I have no choice but to call a newborn baby aunt. Who told this little girl to be so hard-boned?

When I went home for the Chinese New Year two years ago, I would occasionally meet her on the street. I would take her to the supermarket to buy some snacks. My son called her sister.

I said, sister? The joke is on. You can't call me sister.

My son said, well, if she is younger than me, what would she be called if she were not called sister?

I said awkwardly, call me aunt!

My son said, Dad, you lied to me. She is younger than me, how could she call her aunt?

I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I said, you don’t have to shout, but just remember it.

What is even more embarrassing is that when I took my aunt and my son to the supermarket, the supermarket owner said, you are so lucky, you have a son and a daughter!

I was just about to explain, but my son rushed to say, uncle, you are wrong, this is not my sister, this is my aunt, my father's aunt.

The supermarket owner gave me a meaningful look...

I helplessly responded with an awkward smile, old age has children, old age has children, you know...

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You are young, senior, and have hard bones, what should you do? Accept it! However, it’s quite embarrassing! Ha ha!

When I was 17 years old, I went to my boyfriend’s house for the first time. As soon as I entered the house, several children gathered around me and called me "Bamarana". Among them was an old lady in her 60s, who also pulled me and said: Oops ! Is this the BMW woman? So handsome! I was stunned at the time. I was only 17 years old and I called me mother-in-law. How could someone of such an age call me mother-in-law?

My husband and I met after a blind date with a matchmaker. After our blind date and parents agree, we will give a meeting gift, and then three days later, the boy will pick up the girl and go to their house to marry her. It means introducing the girl to his parents, brothers and sisters, so that everyone can get acquainted with her.

As soon as my boyfriend and I entered the house that day, there were six or seven boys and girls surrounding me, shouting: BMW, BMW. I was very surprised when I looked at these lovely children and heard them calling me mother-in-law. Then my boyfriend’s sister-in-law came over and said, we are very senior. After you marry, all the old men and women in their sixties or seventies will call you mother-in-law. .

It turns out that my boyfriend’s family has the highest seniority in the village. There is no one in the village who calls them uncle or aunt, everyone sees them as father and mother-in-law.

Later I got married. From the beginning, I felt very uncomfortable hearing them call me mother-in-law. They always smiled and refused. Later, I gradually got used to it. Until now, the gray-haired old man touches me. I also call her mother-in-law. I have been hearing people call me mother-in-law for decades since I was 17 years old.

Rural people pay special attention to seniority, and whether they are old or children, they are all qualified. They can be called whatever they want according to their seniority, and they will gradually get used to it.

It’s normal for us to be young but very senior. My family’s seniority is very low in the west. Basically, I just call my grandparents when I go out. Sometimes I call my grandpa and wife. My neighbor is very senior. His daughter is about the same age as me. I should call her aunt. His grandson is only six years old this year. I have to call him "Dada" (meaning uncle), but the neighbor doesn't allow me to call him. , just call him by his grandson’s name. He is a child to begin with, so I call him old. To be honest, I don’t want to call him old. To call a child Dada, I really can’t say it out loud.

In the east end of our village, my family’s seniority is pretty good. Once when I went to play in the square at the east end of the village, there was a woman in her forties named “Mama”. At that time, I looked around. Looking around, I was thinking that there was no one else here, who was her name? As a result, my family stood on the floor and said, "They called you, why didn't you say anything?" It was then that I suddenly realized that those who called me "Dada", "Mama", "Grandpa" and "Grandma" were not the ones calling me when I finally went out. It turned out that my family's seniority was not the lowest in the village. , and there are a few old ladies in their 80s at the east end of the village. According to their seniority, I should call them "sister-in-law". You think they are magical? Since then, I rarely go to the square at the west end of the village to play. Most of them are Go to the square at the east end of the village to play, hahaha.

Speaking of people’s younger generations, I actually experienced something. When a friend of mine got married, I went to see her off. The groom had a wedding banquet at his home, and the relatives of both men and women were eating together. The banquet, after all the wedding procedures were completed, it was time to have the banquet.

As the girl’s family, we just used chopsticks. When we were eating, we found that no one in the boy’s family used chopsticks. At that time, everyone was confused and didn’t know what was going on. Everyone was whispering, We were talking quietly, and then a teenage boy walked in at the door. This kid had a red scarf tied around his neck and was wearing a school uniform. He must have just finished school. He sat at the C seat of the wedding table at the groom's house and picked up some vegetables. , the groom's family saw the child using chopsticks, and immediately picked up their chopsticks to eat.

At that time, someone at my table said that this kid was too senior. Finally, I found out after asking a friend that this was really the case. The child's family had the highest seniority in their village. His parents were unable to come that day because of something, so his seniority was the highest among those people, and the people there were more traditional. , so no one dared to touch the kid who didn’t move his chopsticks until he was at the table. At that time, I thought it was great to be senior.

In fact, talking about seniority is more common in rural areas. Rural areas have retained many old Chinese traditions, and they have always retained their essence in social development. More and more old traditions and old craftsmanship have been lost. We should protect it and pass it on. After all, what our ancestors left behind has the task of passing it on to future generations, passing it on from generation to generation.

We also have a saying here that is "the grandson of the eldest son, the last master". Do you know what it means?

This is something that can’t be helped. Normally, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just a matter of vaguely saying “Hello” when we meet.

When there are weddings and weddings and waiting at the wine table, those sitting there follow the order step by step and are ranked according to seniority. They are very particular about it. Regardless of their age, they should not hesitate to drink a glass of wine when they should respect the elders. I have become accustomed to it over the years. When family members get together, they don’t feel embarrassed, let alone embarrassed...

As the saying goes, the carrot is not always on your back. There are also: the grandfather wearing crotchless pants, and the grandson using a cane. This is not true at all.

Especially in rural areas, people are called according to their seniority. A family cannot be called randomly. Even if they have different surnames, they should be called according to the generation passed down by the family.

People in the early days did not have family planning, and every family had more children. Many of them were born to the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and the daughter also gave birth to the mother. Even the nephew was older than the uncle (aunt). There are many cases where a nephew is older than an uncle (aunt). Therefore, people must be called according to their seniority and cannot be called randomly. As a result, a new daughter-in-law, especially an older daughter-in-law, will be very embarrassed if she doesn't know the situation at first. I know this personally. As time goes by, you will get used to it. Adapt yourself slowly.