Help me find that squint joke.

How blind can the sentences made by primary school students be?

Riddle: If a riddle can make people smile, it can also belong to a joke.

Brainstorming: If a brainteaser can make people laugh, it is also a joke.

[Low-level joke]

Low-level jokes, also called dirty jokes, often take various taboos as the theme, mainly sex. These jokes may contain unpleasant sexual hints. Many low-level jokes are related to gender discrimination, but other types of jokes may also contain low-level and obscene content.

There are three women eating ice cream, one licking, one biting and one containing. Do you know who is married? Who's not married?

[Cold joke]

A cold joke refers to a joke that was originally very funny. It is more difficult to laugh because of homophonic words, translation, omission of themes, different logics, different judgments, special content and other issues, or because of the mood or expression of the performers, but it does not mean that it is not funny, but it is also a manifestation of humor.

Some cold jokes will find many subtleties after careful consideration, and sometimes the only joke is not funny. Nowadays, cold jokes are widely popular on the Internet, TV programs, books and magazines, and there are many experts in cold jokes.

[Edit this paragraph] joke set

1. A dying man made a will to his wife: "When I die, I hope you can marry our neighbor Mr. Ed." The wife was puzzled, so she explained, "Two years ago, the cow that this bastard sold me couldn't milk at all. Now I want him to feel cheated!"

Dad told the fish that he was often hungry when he was a child. Fish and fish had tears in their eyes: "Well, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"

3. A train passed a mountainous area, and farmers came to watch along the way. A female guest on the bus had a holiday and went out of the window after changing the paper.

Flying head-on in a farmer's face, the farmer took it off and said, "Wow! ! ! The train is fast, and a piece of paper can make my nose bleed.

My three-year-old daughter often says to me, "Dad, don't you understand what you are planting?" I said, "Yes, you reap what you sow." The daughter said happily, "Then I grow jelly. I want a lot of jelly."

The two fathers and sons are violent and never let people down. One day, the father ordered his son to buy meat to entertain guests. When I came back, I met a man who refused to give way at the city gate. After standing for a long time, my father ran over: "Good son, you take the meat first, and I will stand next to you!" "

A joke may be just a phrase, a short story or a series of words, which makes the speaker and communicator feel funny or humorous. The difference between action jokes and oral jokes is that action jokes affect people's vision and make people feel funny.

6. One day, there were many people on a bus. When the conductor was buying a ticket, suddenly a person farted, and everyone on the bus felt uncomfortable breathing and scolded the uncivilized man.

At this moment, the conductor shouted, "Who didn't buy a ticket?"

A passenger replied, "The man who farted just now didn't buy a ticket!" " "

Then a man stood up and shouted, "Who said I didn't buy a ticket!" " "

7. Mom told Xiao Shuang to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! "

Xiao Shuang said, "What does a cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

Bush inspects nursing home

One day, Bush decided to go to a local nursing home in Washington.

The president went in from the lobby of the nursing home, and a little old man came face to face, who didn't seem to notice him.

Unhappy, Bush turned to catch up with the little old man and asked, "Do you know me?"

The little old man looked at Bush and said, "I don't know you. You can go to the nursing station and they will tell you who it is. "

1- Teacher: Xiao Xin, please use "dilemma" to make a sentence. Xiao Xin: I was in a dilemma during the exam. Teacher: Are you in a dilemma because you can't answer the question? Xiao Xin: No, left and right students have different answers, which puts me in a dilemma.

2- A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

3- Sister: "Little sister, what are you doing?"

Sister: "I am writing to my good friend Dawa."

Sister: "Can you write before school?"

Sister: "It doesn't matter, because Dawa can't read."

4- A hunter went hunting in the jungle with his wife and mother-in-law, walked all day, and camped in the depths of the jungle that night. The next morning, my wife woke up and found her mother gone. She quickly woke the hunter and went out to find someone together. As a result, in the open space not far from the camp, they saw a shocking scene: the mother-in-law and a fierce lion were deadlocked face to face. "What shall we do?" The wife asked in panic. "No need!" Mr. Wang replied: "This lion has provoked the wrong person himself, let it find a way to solve it!" " "

5- Reporter Interview with Panda: What are your wishes in this life? Panda said: Two ideals. First, I have time to see Chinese medicine to cure my dark circles. Second, I just want to take a color photo.

6- When a swimming pool is built in one place, the staff will mobilize everyone to donate. The staff said to an old farmer, what are you going to donate to this swimming pool? The old farmer said, "I donate two buckets of water!" " "

7- Kitten: My mother is a master and my father is a doctor. Xiao Xin: What's the big deal! Kitten: Who are your parents? Xiao Xin: My father is a man and my mother is a woman.

A gecko got lost in front of the securities company. At this time, a big crocodile just crawled over and prepared to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " The crocodile was shocked and then burst into tears: "Son, you just lost half a month in stock trading!" "

9- something seems to be wrong. I lost three wives in three months. "

"What's the matter?"

"The first lady died after eating poisonous straw mushroom."

"What about the second wife?"

"I also ate poisonous straw mushrooms and died."

"What about the three?"

"She refused to eat the poisonous straw mushroom and died because of a broken skull."

10-at least you.

One day a pig said to another pig, "If all the pigs in the world are dead, then play a song." The pig said angrily, "At least there is you!" " "

1 1 rabbit

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

The judge asked the defendant: Are you sure you are not lying?

Defendant: What do you mean?

What the judge can't understand is: You told me that you only had one brother, why did your sister say that she had two brothers?

A gentleman said to the repairman, help me check the tire.

The mechanic checked for a long time and said, you have four tires.

The airport tower asked a plane about to land: Please answer and tell us your altitude and location. I didn't expect to be the first one.

The pilot of the second pilot replied: My height is 5 feet 10 inch, and my position is in the right driver's seat.

Patient: I have a splitting headache.

The doctor didn't know what he was thinking at that time, and said something that he didn't even understand: try sticking it with glue.

2。 Customer: "Buy a catty of meatballs."

Shop assistant: "Please pay eight Liang food stamps."

Customer: Why do I have to pay food stamps to buy meatballs?

Salesman: "There are eight or two buns left in a catty of meatballs."

There was a young man who didn't want to join the army and pretended to have bad eyes during the physical examination.

Doctor: Where does this road lead?

Young man: what e?

Doctor: This one on the chart!

Young man: That can of eye chart?

Doctor: This one on the wall.

Young man: Which wall?

The doctor thinks that the young man's eyesight is very poor.

In the evening, the young man is watching a movie in the cinema. In the dark, he saw the doctor who examined his eyesight today come in. he

Sitting next to this young man. So the young man quickly said, madam, there are so many people in this car.

Ah!

Highest order

A friend went to Shaoshan to visit Chairman Mao Memorial Hall and asked about the fare. The concierge replied:

"Five dollars!"

"So expensive! ! "

"Look at the statue of the chairman."

I saw the chairman's left hand behind his back, his right hand with five fingers apart, waving (chairman's unique movements, such as waving a hat)

The child is rocking back and forth.

"Cheap ..."

……

"You are struggling enough. Well, let's go to the back."

? "Come back"?

The porter walked up and down behind the statue of the chairman.

"See for yourself, shall we?"

"yes."

The thumb of the chairman's left hand is bent.

sea-burial

In the promotion of funeral customs, a TV station interviewed the wife of the deceased on the spot: "Are you going to adopt sea burial?"

The woman shook her head again and again and said, "No, he can't swim."

There are many thieves.

A young man from other places went to a city in northeast China on business; Ask a local how many hotels there are to stay in.

Northeasters replied: there are many thieves, and there are many thieves! Scare the young man back again and again and get out of here.

Buy tapes

A person went to the audio-visual bookstore to buy tapes. The salesman asked him if he wanted light music. He said, it doesn't matter. I came by bus.

Yes

Police and criminals

A policeman escorted a prisoner to prison, and suddenly his hat was blown off by the wind.

"Can I help you with your hat?" Please ask the prisoner.

"Do you think I'm that stupid?" The policeman said, "You stand here and I'll get it." ...

Get to the point

Coach: There are two things that will stop you from becoming a good football player.

Player: What is it?

Coach: Your left foot and right foot.

curse

A beautiful woman married an ugly man. When a woman is pregnant, she watches her husband complain.

Say: If my child looks like you, you really should be cursed.

Her husband replied that if my children are not like me, you should be cursed.

Madame

Father: You are too old to find a wife.

Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for?

Watch orangutans

Xiaohua's father is Xiaoming, the twin brother of the city zoo. On this day, I took two babies to drive orangutans. Xiaoming and Xiaohua wanted to see them.

Carefully ask dad to take them to feed the orangutans.

Xiaoming: Wow, so many orangutans.

Xiaohua: That's the biggest and that's the smallest.

Xiao Ming: It seems that there are no white orangutans.

Xiaohua: That one is grinning at us!

Orangutan A: Come and see, everyone. I brought two new foods.

Orangutan B: It's white.

mineral water

One day, when old friends got together, I couldn't help talking about all kinds of drinks on the market. A jun said that our company is going to make a plan.

Taste mineral water, please join us. When this language came out, there was an uproar.

Note: A Jun works in a waterworks.

Birthday information

One day, Chen Weng celebrated his birthday.

Xiao Wang also brought gifts to celebrate his birthday …

Everyone who arrived at the factory said a few auspicious words of congratulations to the birthday boy.

Xiao Wang is no exception.

When he said: I wish you a long life. ...

Then he was kicked out. ...

You know why?

Because Chen Weng was just ninety-nine years old that year. ...

Drivers and violations

It is said that drivers in Xi, Beijing and Shanghai will have different reactions after being caught by traffic police in violation of regulations:

Drivers in Xi 'an usually have to fight for a red face.

The Shanghai driver admitted that he was unlucky.

Drivers in Beijing generally beg for mercy: "Uncle, aunt, aunt, just be a fart and let me go."

equal treatment

A man is complaining about his marriage: how nice it was when he first got married. Every day when he comes back from work, his wife and puppy come to see him.

I opened my mouth to greet me, my wife brought me slippers, and the dog barked at me. Now, the dog brings me slippers and my wife barks at me.

Two little swallows are flying low in the air.

A swallow says it's going to rain. One is very skeptical: how do you know it will rain?

Haven't you heard that it's going to rain when the swallows fly low? The first swallow replied.

Poems mocking myopia:

Gigi Lai looked into your strange eyes with a smile and asked who he was.

The sun shines through the window lattice to get marbles, and the moon moves to get sticks.

Looking at the painted wall, my nose was blue, and I pinched my eyebrows for locking the book box.

There are laughing things, blowing lights and burning lips.

One orangutan looked at the palm of another orangutan and said sadly, your fate is tragic, and you will evolve into a human being.

Miss Zhang was hospitalized due to illness, and colleagues came to express their condolences!

Teacher Zhang: I'm really sorry. I have to bother to share my work with my colleagues these days!

Colleague a: actually, it's ok!

Mr. Wang makes tea!

Mr. Fang reads the newspaper!

Miss Lin is flirting with manager Li!

Great!

A gentleman said to Miss Wang: A beautiful woman doesn't need makeup …

Teacher Wang said shyly, thank you.

Unexpectedly, the genius added, I think you should put on some makeup!

Miss Wang: ...

Drunk

Gentlemen can't drink, good wine. Go out one day and get drunk at night. Q: "Is the sun in the sky? Or the moon? "

Answer: "This is not my home, how should I know?" Everyone laughed.

Hospital occasionally

The Admissions Office of the Third Hospital of Beijing Medical University has a revelation:

"The patient can't go through the hospitalization formalities until he goes to the hospital."

A nosy person can add a few strokes:

"If the patient fails, he can't go through the hospitalization procedure."

It's interesting.

A kindergarten aunt, husband and wife love each other. One day, the husband came to visit his wife, and all the children knew how to please their aunt, and they all scrambled for her.

Shout in front of him: "Auntie, Auntie, your father is coming to pick you up." The aunts spray rice.

Game poisoning case (1): rpg syndrome

Do you have the following symptoms?

If there are more than half of the symptoms, it means that the poisoning is serious, so you should pay more attention in the future.

If you persist in not changing, you will not rule out the possibility of sudden tinnitus, blue face, forgetfulness and other complications in a few years.

Symptoms 1: idleness.

It is manifested by pretending to be idle and walking around the map even if there is a clear task.

Symptom 2: thief addiction

Whether it is a table, a bed, a wall, etc. We should investigate. In severe cases, we will make such meaningless adjustments everywhere in our lives.

Check.

Symptom 3: gambling addiction

Gamble tirelessly in the casino in the game, save the progress if you win, and read the progress if you lose.

Symptom 4: collector addiction

You must have something you like in your name, such as paladin armor or village demon knife. This is for the charm of the treasure.

And poisoned.

Symptom 5: Refining addiction

As long as you are your own companion, you must refine to level 99 anyway and show off. And never exercise in life.

can't bear/stand

Why is there always endless housework? The wife complained to her husband. I can't help it You won't let me marry another person.

The husband replied.

I really can't tell.

Woman A met her old friend, woman B, looked at her carefully for a long time and said, "What happened to your hair? Just like wearing a wig. "

Embarrassed B looked around and whispered to A, "To tell the truth, I did wear a wig."

"Really?" A said, "I can't see it at all."

Vending machine! !

On the bus in the morning, two middle-aged office workers were chatting.

Yesterday, a new vending machine was displayed in the supermarket near my home.

Have you seen it?

A: Hmm! ! Put ten ten-dollar coins in and a new wife will come out! !

B: Wow! ! Great! !

A: However, there is a better machine.

B: Oh! ! What kind of machine is it?

A: Just put your wife in and ten ten-dollar coins will run out of the machine! !

There is a Shanghainese, different from other Shanghainese, who is broad-minded and obese, weighing 200 Jin, so he got the nickname Arafat, that is.

Arafat.