Ask for the latest joke, I smiled, and this is yours!

1. In recent months, I always feel that my assistant has a lot on his mind, and there are no answers to insinuations several times. Unexpectedly, I had a few more drinks with him today and he spoke.

The assistant's hometown is Chongqing. When he was in junior high school, the boys in the class played four-person games. I won't say much about the details of the game. In short, the loser will be punished.

One day, four boys proposed a new punishment: say a compliment to F, the ugliest girl in the class!

The new punishment quickly swept the whole class, of course, it was hidden from the girls, so every day the boys kept going to the girls' F to find a topic …

At first, the boys pretended to borrow something from F, and then they said thank you smoothly. Later, after much contact, I found that F loved reading bosom friends and story meetings, so some boys praised the people who read these two publications for their extraordinary taste, and these two publications became the most tasteful reading materials for boys …

At that time, junior high school boys and girls still had the consciousness of "differences between men and women" and there was not much communication. Girls never know this secret, just curious why ugly F is favored by boys in the class!

Girl F also realized this, and one day her deskmate took her pencil.

I found a note written by F to myself in the box: Xiao F, with so many people chasing you, you should choose carefully!

Boys realize that they have played too much, but F behaves abnormally, and many things seem a little … lacking in self-knowledge!

At that time, junior high school was over, and everyone regretted it a little. I didn't mention it when we met, and the assistant gradually forgot about it.

After listening to my assistant, I finally understood the crux of the problem.

"Have you heard from her recently? Bad news? "

"Yes!" The assistant nodded painfully. "She is now a network sensation! Very hot! "

"Is that her?" I almost fainted. ...

"yes! Others say that she is hype, but I know that it is a crime committed when I am not sensible. I have been confessing every day recently! But I don't know what to do ... "

2. It seems that the national football team has never lost since the combination of heaven and earth …

Last summer, at 23: 30, I played computer games and ran out of cigarettes. I went downstairs to buy cigarettes. When I came back, I took the elevator with my neighbors. MM is good-looking and confident. She usually looks at the sky while walking. Today, she has slippers, pajamas and instant noodles in her hand. She seemed hungry in the middle of the night, so she went downstairs and bought something to eat. Just as I was flirting with MM out of the corner of my eye, the elevator stopped. Ring the bell and call the property manager. He came soon, stood at the door and said, "There is a restart button on the skylight. Please click first! Just by the window! " Elevator designed by MLGB and SB. I can't help being angry. I looked at it and it was a little high. I'm afraid I can't climb up. I said to MM, "I'll lift you up and press it." MM vowed not to agree. At first, the property was still urged outside, and then there was no sound. I scolded, MM cried. After tossing for an hour, MM said, "You can lift me up, but you have to close your eyes!" " "I want to open my eyes, but my verbal promise didn't stop me from collecting wind. Then I lifted MM's leg (from behind). This MM is really not covered. I opened the skylight and pressed the button in one go. At the moment when the elevator started working, MM suddenly leaned back, and I sat down unsteadily, but what happened next was incredible. MM gorgeous sitting on my face. I instinctively. This MM went downstairs to buy something, and NK didn't wear it, so I really gave her a KJ. MM stood up, blushed and apologized. I wiped my face and said, never mind. . . . . . . This MM will lower her head when she sees me again …

4. go to the ATM to save money at noon. When I was waiting in line, the beautiful woman in the back asked me, "Save money?"

"hmm"

"I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me without waiting in line. "

I gave her the money as soon as I thought it made sense.

5. I passed the canteen in the morning and heard a report from Yang Guang Yushu. The reporter pulled a little girl whose father died and her mother was seriously injured, and said with great expectation: Sing us a song of the Tibetan people! The little girl refused several times and had to stop pushing and singing. Then the reporter screamed excitedly: This represents that Yushu is full of hope! I have no idea how you feel. Anyway, I really want to scold the reporter: how about singing a song for us after your mother died to show that you are full of hope for the future? MLGB nonhuman reporter

6. Downstairs opposite ... 1 1: 55 ... A little girl screamed, cried, slammed the door and told her father to open the door. She dare not sleep alone. She wants to sleep with her father. The dead old bean is deaf, and the child has been crying and screaming and slamming the door, crying ... half an hour has passed ... very good. Aunt, open the door! I'm going to bed ... "

The whole world suddenly became quiet.

7. Yesterday I went to see my friend in the inpatient department of the hospital ... It is said that I was beaten, concussed and fractured my right hand. I also want to ask who hit me and find someone to avenge him. ...

As a result, he told me that he got it while playing SM with GF. I'm curious. Didn't you tie her up? Besides, why does SM still have a concussion? Dude, you value taste.

And I almost laughed when I asked ...

"Grass, I just tied her up, took off my clothes and was about to get down to business when her dad pushed the door and came in! What's more … her mouth is blocked … her father is a soldier, so he picked up the stool and smashed it without saying anything! ! ! "

8. What should I do? Yesterday at noon, my husband and I were taking a nap. Then the boudoir called, and we chatted, and the middle husband had been sleeping. All the above are prerequisites. . . Halfway through the conversation, my girlfriend said, come to my house. I want to say: my husband is back, maybe next time. . . Just said the first six words, suddenly my husband woke up suddenly, and then put on his clothes desperately to rush out. . . At that time, I still smiled mercilessly. . . When we all reflect, there is a dead silence. . . .

I watched TV at home that day. This TV is about how to treat children in danger. So, I want to test my two-year-old son. I pretended to faint to see what he would do. "Mom, mom, what's the matter with you?" My son shouted and broke my eyes with his hand. "Mom, are you really dead?" Then I waited for a long time and heard nothing. Through my narrowed eyes, I saw my son counting the money in his wallet.

Oh, my God, stop pretending and just faint!

10, I share a room with a colleague. There is only one computer in the dormitory, but this computer is unusual and pure, and there is no pornographic storage so far. One day, my roommate said, "None of the boys have been on the porn net, and they have never saved any porn. Either there is something wrong with the computer or we have something wrong. " . I thought, yes, so there are two people, Baidu and SAO Fox. Half an hour passed and nothing was found. . . . I was bored when my roommate snapped his fingers. That's a plan! Then he sent qq to a college buddy and said, send me some films as a treasure of the town! It's refreshing over there: how much is it? Roommate said: The more, the better! After a while, a 2.5g compressed package came. After the transmission, I opened it. There are so many pictures and dozens of folders. I found a folder named xf when I was reading it. I clicked in and saw a woman with many photos and a thick waist. She is like a toad. . Send the qq screenshot to that buddy: Which actress is this, so ugly? The last sentence: fuck my wife, delete it quickly! . . . .