What if parents quarrel?

How can children stand by when their parents quarrel? However, the result of persuasion is either the escalation of contradictions or the long silence and sulking of the old couple. The quarrel between the old couple is really a headache. We summed up the following common ways for children to deal with their parents' quarrels and see what experts say.

Interviewed experts:

Peng Guoqiu, Deputy Chief Physician, Department of Psychosomatic Medicine, First Affiliated Hospital of PLA General Hospital.

Dong Zhang, psychologist, Department of Psychology, huilongguan hospital.

Deputy Chief Physician, Department of Geriatrics, Beijing Anding Hospital

Attitude one:

Children are always indifferent.

Mr. Xu's parents have been arguing about this for more than 30 years. Their feelings have not changed much because of the quarrel. It's normal for him to have some minor frictions and contradictions. As long as there is no big problem of principle, they won't care about their quarrel. When his parents quarrel, he either goes out or does his own thing, and it never happens. And now life is very stressful. I hope I can have a happy meal with my parents when I get home. If I get involved in my parents' quarrel, it will easily affect my mood, so I will ignore it.

Expert comments:

Children can't completely ignore the quarrel between their parents. Sometimes the quarrel between parents is also a sign to attract children's attention. So when parents quarrel, we must analyze the reasons for their quarrel.

Of course, in most cases, bickering between parents is unnecessary, because * * * has lived together all his life, especially when he is old, and friction is inevitable. Moreover, some old people make trouble simply to adjust their lives, just like greetings and greetings in our daily life. You don't frown when you say a word, but there are some jokes, concern and warmth.

In addition, parents' arguments can allow them to fully express their views as long as they do not involve issues of principle. If there are contradictions in the quarrel, the children should still intervene to prevent the quarrel from escalating into a cold war or even violence. In the case, it is not advisable for Mr. Xu to ignore his parents' quarrel. Children can coordinate in a humorous way, tell a joke, dilute a person's shortcomings or faults, enliven the atmosphere, change the subject, make the atmosphere harmonious again, and prevent parents from quarreling for a long time to create new problems, especially for middle-aged and elderly people, because emotional excitement may lead to dangerous events.

Once the quarrel is forced to open.

Attitude 2:

Parental quarrels are mostly unimportant things, and if they are not stopped, they will get louder and louder. When parents are old, quarreling can not only solve any problems, but also cause some unnecessary troubles and even hurt feelings. Therefore, Mr. Han doesn't want to see his parents quarrel. Every time he sees them arguing about a trivial matter, he always tries his best to persuade them. If they think they are serious, Mr. Han will forcibly separate their parents to ease their emotions, otherwise the quarrel will escalate, but this is no joke. Maybe the cold war will last for a long time.

Expert comments:

This way is not desirable. When children participate in the quarrel between their parents, they first need to find their own position and grasp the discretion. It is not convenient for the younger generation to interfere in their parents' affairs. On the other hand, everyone has different values and views on the problem. There is bound to be a generation gap between parents and children, so it is easy to put yourself in the position of referee without consultation. When the referee's ruling can't convince both sides, both parents may bury their incomprehension of each other in their hearts, and it is easier to dig up old scores in the next quarrel.

In addition, forcibly pulling apart parents who are quarreling can prevent parents from quarreling and escalating to a certain extent, but it is also equivalent to forcibly depriving them of the opportunity to express their opinions and communicate with each other. Some things can be made clear in an argument. After the forced withdrawal, there may be new misunderstandings before the words are made clear, which will deepen the contradictions.

When parents quarrel, the best way for children is to finish housework and then easily ask, "Is the quarrel over?" I've finished all my work ","Let's go to dinner after the quarrel "and" Let's go out for a walk after the quarrel ",which is easy to ease the atmosphere, divert the mood of quarreling and save face for parents. It can be said that this is a better way to deal with it.

The child leans to one side.

Attitude three:

Ms. Xiong doesn't have much time to go back to her hometown because she works in Beijing. When she comes home, if her parents quarrel, she usually takes sides with her mother. Her reason is that her father's main energy is spent on work, and he rarely cares about family affairs and doesn't know his troubles. If it is because of trivial things at home, it is obvious that his father is unreasonable. In addition, compared with the father, when there is a dispute, the mother is in a weak position both in momentum and voice, and the daughter will naturally turn to the weak side. And emotionally, the father is in a dignified position in the daughter's heart, and the daughter is naturally closer to the mother, so when the parents have a dispute, they will definitely favor the mother.

Mr. Hao, on the other hand, believes that parents quarrel because of family chores, mostly because their mothers nag too much, and a small matter always nags for a long time, so it is inevitable that their fathers will be angry. And many times when quarreling, my father agrees with me, so I favor my father and let my mother compromise.

Expert comments:

First of all, it is unwise to take sides when parents quarrel, and sometimes it may intensify contradictions. Because when parents quarrel, if children are present, one case is to stop quarreling for family harmony, and the other case is to win face. If it is the latter, the child will participate and be biased towards one side, and the other side will be disappointed and even more angry.

From the case, the daughter is more inclined to the mother, and the son is more inclined to the father, which inevitably brings emotions, which has a lot to do with the child's view of things. Women are naturally sympathetic to the weak and naturally stand on their mother's side. But if the father and daughter are eccentric, it will make the father feel wronged, and in the long run, it will lead to the alienation of the relationship between father and daughter. Because the son is similar to his father in many viewpoints and understanding of things, he is inevitably biased towards his father. However, if the son is biased towards the father, it will hurt the mother more, because when the parents quarrel, the mother prefers her son to stand on her side, because the son will be one when he grows up.