Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Under the pressure of Wu Zetian, Li Xian ordered the execution of his daughter.

Under the pressure of Wu Zetian, Li Xian ordered the execution of his daughter.

First, Liang Wudi destroyed his three families.

In the later period of his reign, the talented Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty saw that the Xiongnu was beaten out of my wits and sang "Qilian Mountain has no me, and women have no sex". He couldn't help feeling lonely and sighing that he was invincible from then on, so he resolutely put his residual heat into the mysterious spell cause, hoping that he could live forever. One day in the second year of Zheng He's reign, Emperor Wu of Han Dynasty, who worked hard, suddenly had a nightmare, dreaming that many Woodenhead beat himself with sticks and woke up with a serious illness. The sick Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty thinks he has profound Taoism. How can a mere Woodenhead easily fall asleep and commit crimes? So he firmly believed that this was caused by witchcraft, so he sent Jiang Chong, a trusted minister, to investigate. Jiang Chong searched for terrorist organizations in the palace and executed Prime Minister Gong Sunhe, Wu Di's nephew Wei Yuan and Wu Di's daughter Princess Zhu Yi. Later, in order to further eliminate the influence, Jiang Chong adopted the tactics of tracing the source, and even found that the black hand hidden behind the scenes turned out to be the queen and the prince! Unwilling to be humiliated, the prince finally couldn't bear it, and was ready to send troops to arrest Jiang Chong. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty was recuperating in Ganquan Palace at that time, and he was furious at the news. He immediately sent troops to crusade against the prince. As a result, the prince was defeated and killed, the queen hanged herself, and three of her grandchildren were lost, so that the whole Chang 'an was shrouded in a deserted scene.

People say it's unkind and poisonous, but Liang Wudi, who was insane in his later years, brazenly forced his wife, son, daughter, nephew and grandson to death under the provocation of treacherous court official Jiang Chong. Really disloyal and heartless. It seems that an emperor has ruled for too long, and it is hard to say whether it is his luck or the country's luck.

Second, Liu Yuli is an idiot as a prince.

After the Western Jin Emperor Sima Yan succeeded to the throne, relying on the rich family property left by his ancestors, Sun Hao, the Lord of Wu, bound himself and surrendered himself, and the great cause of reunification was as easy as blowing off dust. Emperor Wu of Jin admired SHEN WOO's wisdom and plunged into the harem to develop the tertiary industry. Under the example of the emperor, almost the entire ruling class of the Jin Dynasty was immersed in the prosperity of big parties, competing for novelty and beauty, each of which could stimulate domestic demand. After several years of kindness, Emperor Wu of Jin decided that it was time to choose an heir, so with a stroke of a pen, he made his eldest son Sima Zhong a prince. This thing is ridiculous enough, because even ministers know that Sima Zhong is an out-and-out idiot. How can such a person be a prince? So many ministers have written a letter of advice. After a long time, emperor wu of song himself made a whisper. Is my son really like what they say? In order to verify the authenticity, Emperor Wu of Jin one day sent a stack of official documents to the Prince for approval. As a result, the official documents approved by the prince were sent to the desk the next day. Looking at the words written on it, Emperor Wu of Jin relaxed his mood and said happily to the ministers that they all said that the prince was stupid, and I think he, like me, gave up the idea of abolishing the prince. However, Emperor Wu of Jin did not know that the official reply of the prince was written by people in the East Palace. The ridiculous Emperor Wu of Jin made an exemption check and concluded that the prince was not dementia. It is ridiculous that state affairs are so hasty.

In this way, the famous idiot emperor boarded the historical stage that did not belong to him. The performance turned out to be a mess. Not only did he lose his life, but more than half of the stage was taken away by ethnic minorities to rehearse "Five Flowers in Chaos", which was probably unexpected by Emperor Wu of Jin.

There are not a few parents who don't understand their children. Children are born with dementia but can't see it. Emperor Wu of song is the only one.

Third, the former emperor Liu may not be human.

Liu was only sixteen years old when he ascended the throne, but on the day he ascended the throne, he gave his officials a scare: when he received the imperial seal in front of his father's coffin, he behaved very calmly. Not only was he not sad, but he almost smiled. Don't you think it won't be scary for a person who is indifferent or even cheerful even after his father died? After Liu acceded to the throne, he really lived up to his reputation. In just one year, he has made great achievements in two aspects, one is fornication, and the other is bloodthirsty.

Let's talk about fornication first. We can't be too young to be sensible. In order to exchange experiences, Liu first set up a brothel with an exclusive court to recruit princesses and princesses. So that the lucky minister had sex with him on the spot and took turns to commit adultery. These women are all his elders or sisters, and those who don't obey will be killed immediately. Liu was tired of playing this game, and let the ladies mate with monkeys, sheep and horses. He was complacent and took pains to record all kinds of experimental data, which was really touching and chilling. After watching other people's performances, it's his turn to entertain himself. The first thing he found was Princess Yin Shan. The princess is Liu's own sister. She has a husband. Liu did not care about the evil feudal ethics that bound human nature. A note called her sister into the palace and slept with her openly. Then, she gave Princess Yin Shan 30 handsome men, and everyone was happy together. Liu's second object is Princess Xincai, who is his aunt. Because of her beautiful appearance, Liu called her into the palace for himself, named Princess Xincai as your wife, changed her surname to Xie, and thanked the queen. As for his harem, as usual, there are more than 10 thousand ladies-in-waiting, which is really envied by future generations.

Besides bloodthirsty. Some emperors regard talents as treasures, but Liu feels that capable ministers don't kill them, which seems to be sorry for their ancestors' inheritance. Therefore, ministers such as Liu, Yan Shibo and Shen Qingzhi, famous ministers and princes, either kill or wither, and one dies for one day and the other for two days, which makes courtiers panic all the time. Not only is the courtier to be killed, but he feels that his uncles and grandfathers should be killed more. The prince's children are often blamed and many people are killed. He also called back all the prisoners in the town, that is, his uncles, and gave them names: king of pigs, king of killers, king of thieves, king of donkeys and so on. And put them in a pigsty, let them stand naked in front of a trough and lick some leftover soup with their mouths like pigs. Liu's mother, the Queen Mother, was seriously ill and wanted to die. She sent a maid to call Liu. Liu refused: "There are many ghosts in the ward, so I can't go." The angry queen mother was furious: "Cut my stomach with a knife and see why I gave birth to such a son."

Liu was killed by a coup less than a year after he took office, but his lewdness and absurdity are too numerous to mention. Looking around the whole history of China, he couldn't find a second person because of his unadulterated and single-minded fatuous tyranny, so there is reason to suspect that he may be the first person in human history who hasn't fully evolved.

Fourth, Liang Wudi Xiao Yan and his "five good families"

Liang Wudi Xiao Yan was the founder of Liang Xiao in the Southern Dynasties. He lived to be 86 years old, worshiping Buddhism and Taoism, and being a vegetarian every day. As the head of a royal family, he cares about the members of the royal family from the bottom of his heart, even to the point of "three noes" that he doesn't care about intimacy, reason and principle.

Liang Wudi is an advocate and practitioner of building a harmonious royal society. In his mind, there are only backward emperors and no backward royal family. One year, his younger brother, Wang Xiaohong of Linchuan, led an army to attack Wei, but because of poor command, he chickened out and suffered a shameful failure. However, after he returned to Korea, he was miraculously promoted instead of being punished. More surprisingly, Xiao Hong tried to murder Liang Wudi several times later, but Liang Wudi forgave him. In the history of China, this is definitely the only one without semicolons. Later, Xiao Hong's son Xiao Zhengde surrendered angrily to the Northern Wei Dynasty because he was not a prince. Soon, because the Northern Wei Dynasty didn't pay attention to it, he had the cheek to flee to the Southern Dynasty. Liang Wudi taught him a crying lesson and still trusted him. In six years, Liang Wudi's second son, Xiao Zong, surrendered when the Northern Wei Dynasty came to attack, which led to the fall of Xuzhou, an important town, and heavy casualties among soldiers, but Liang Wudi still named Xiao Zhi, the son of Xiao Zong, as the Marquis.

Liang Wudi took great pains to maintain the good situation of the royal family's stability and unity, thinking that by implementing such blood relationship, we can avoid killing each other. However, contrary to expectations, this group of spoiled royalty has regarded the old emperor as a toothless tiger. Finally, during the uprising, the above-mentioned small and mutual collusion made the insurgents March in, and finally starved the 86-year-old to death in the Wende Hall of Healthy Taicheng.

There is nothing wrong with Liang Wudi Xiao Yan's kindness to the royal family. What is wrong is that he only rewards and does not punish. Once the royal family loses its restraint, it has no power to compete with it. Liang Wudi shot himself in the foot and paid a heavy price for his connivance policy.

5. Pleasure is my first life.

Chen Houzhu was the last emperor of the Chen Dynasty. He was dissolute and corrupt, and achieved considerable accomplishments, at least filling the historical gap of the Chen Dynasty.

Don't want to imitate his predecessor Liu's naked fornication. In his opinion, that kind of life is too emotional. Knowledgeable, he likes to hold grand banquets. First of all, he and his 1000 beautiful women sang and danced to set off the atmosphere. Then he held his favorite eight ladies and slowly sat on the throne. Of course, in order to show his poetic skills, prime minister Jiang Zong, Shang Shu Kong Fan and other literary elders must accompany him. After the banquet officially started, everyone stayed up all night drinking and writing poems. You sang his drunken bright moon, and the decadent Manchu language flew out like snowflakes, and then gave it to those 1000 beautiful women to sing live, and the voice was endless. The whole court was in jubilation, and the future seemed bleak.

Chen Houzhu was in a high position, drinking and having fun all day long, and didn't smell foreign affairs, but somehow he didn't want to offend the imperialist Sui Dynasty. Emperor Wendi brazenly wrote a letter detailing the 20 major sins of the deceased, and wrote 200,000 letters, all over the river. Chen Houzhu was in distress situation after receiving the newspaper, thinking that how I spend money and have fun at home is none of your business. It's really meddling, so I ignore it. After a period of time, Emperor Wendi of Sui Dynasty, who was determined to unify, sent a 5 1 10,000-strong army to attack the south of the Yangtze River in seven ways. When Chen Houzhu learned this, he smiled and said to his ministers with fearless revolutionary optimism and historical materialism: "The southeast is a blessed land. Three attacks in the former Northern Qi Dynasty and two attacks in the Northern Zhou Dynasty failed. There is nothing to be afraid of when Sui soldiers come to die this time. " So everyone said a word, I said a word, and completely ignored the attack of Sui soldiers. After joking for a while, they still asked the singer to play music and drink. It's not easy for Chen Houzhu to be so calm, so it's really unreasonable if Chen Chao doesn't die. Two months later, Sui Jun scored health, Chen Houzhu finally became a prisoner.

Six, the boring struggle between the rich.

In ancient times, due to backward productivity, the total amount of social wealth was relatively small. In the case of natural and man-made disasters, the basic life of ordinary people even faces enormous problems. Under this condition, the rich are unpopular, because one person's wealth may lead to ten people's poverty, so the enlightened feudal rulers always regard thrift as the first priority in governing and rejuvenating the country. Even if not, few emperors openly encouraged everyone to be extravagant and wasteful. But less doesn't mean no. Emperor Wu of the Western Jin Dynasty and Xiaoming of the Northern Wei Dynasty are two famous exceptions.

As we all know, during the period of Emperor Wu of the Western Jin Dynasty, Shi Chong and Wang Kai were two puppets vying for wealth. According to the current point of view, although they all contributed to the GDP growth of the rulers, they could not make up for the negative impact. Because the material conditions in ancient times simply could not bear the 40-mile travel barrier made of purple yarn, I made a 50-mile barrier with brocade. The demise of the Western Jin Dynasty had a great relationship with the competition among the rich.

During the next year of filial piety in the Northern Wei Dynasty, history staged reincarnation, and Wang Yuanchen's struggle for wealth took place in Yonghe River and Levin, Wang Yuan. It is said that Chen Yuan said to another imperial clan, Zhangwu Wang Yuan Rong, "I don't hate that I don't see Shi Chong, I hate that Shi Chong doesn't see me." Poor Rong Yuan saw the property of Chen Yuan and Yuan Yong. They were both very rich. With envy and jealousy, he fell ill and stayed in bed for three days. In fact, Rong Yuan has a lot of property in his house, but he is not satisfied. One thing that can best reflect the dirty laundry of these nobles is that Hu Taihou, the mother of Ming Chengzu, once took them to the front of the Imperial Silk Library and joked that she could take as much as she wanted. So everyone is scrambling, and you chase after me and forge ahead. Among them, Yuanhe Li Chong, a big bureaucrat, ate too much, without considering that his gluttonous body could not bear it. As a result, one fell and the other sprained his waist, which was a big loss. It is estimated that the silk taken out is not enough to treat yourself.

Once the rich people who are arrogant and extravagant start to compete for wealth with each other without shame and pride, it often indicates that their dynasty is about to collapse: after Shi Chong and Wang Kai competed for wealth, the Western Jin Dynasty died in just over 20 years; The comparison between Yuan Zhen and Chen Yuan ruined the foundation of the Northern Wei Dynasty nearly 150 years later. However, after the country's demise, those wealth just became the spoils of others. It seems that our rich people are only senior wealth collectors of latecomers in the end, which is really sad and ridiculous.

Seven, how did the word "Yang" come from-Emperor

Yang Guang was a promising young man when he was young. In 589, at the age of 20, he was awarded the rank of Marshal, led 565,438+/kloc-0,000,000 troops to the Southern Dynasties, and captured Chen Houzhu alive, who was said to have committed crimes against humanity. In fact, Yang Guang's specific work was only to visit Chen Chao Palace after Sui Jun occupied Jiankang, but Chen Ping's great contribution cannot be denied.

If Yang Guang can lead a comfortable and stable life, it is obviously a desirable choice for him and his country to burn high incense for the 18th generation. However, born in the royal family, he is clever and cunning. Is he willing to sit back and watch his eldest brother Yong Yang become the throne, and he can only be a sacrificial prince? There is no doubt that this is impossible, so Yang Guang has played his superb acting skills in rain or shine for ten years. He knew that Emperor Wendi was not satisfied with the luxurious life in Yong Yang, so he put on a frugal face that he didn't know the meat in March. He knew that Queen Dugu was jealous, and he didn't like the emperor's concubine very much, so he matched Xiao's with his Yuan and pretended to be disgusting in front of people. He still pretends to be very filial in front of the Queen Dugu, and every time he visits and leaves, he acts like he wants to leave life and death, with tears streaming down his face. Finally, God will repay those who help him. In 600 AD, Emperor Wendi of Sui Dynasty, who was blinded by Yang Guang, ordered the abolition of Yong Yang as Shu Ren and the replacement of Yang Guang as Prince. Four years later, Emperor Wendi, who became a stumbling block to Yang Guang's accession to the throne, was also killed by Yang Guang in his illness. Yang guang successfully ascended the pole, and the disaster of Sui Dynasty began.

After Yang Guang ascended the throne, he immediately mobilized the people's enthusiasm, tapped their potential, and prepared to establish a feudal new Sui Dynasty quickly and expensively. For a time, the Sui Dynasty became a huge construction site, and a large-scale production scene was in full swing. The main projects hosted by Yang Di are: Ren Xian Palace in the southwest of Luoyang; The Royal Garden is located in Fiona Fang, more than 200 miles away in the western suburbs of Luoyang. Dig five thousand miles of Beijing-Hangzhou Grand Canal; Open a trench connecting Luoyang and Chang 'an; Building the Great Wall of Wan Li; Xiuchi road is thousands of miles away; Building a big city and so on. These are nothing. Yang Di felt it was a pity not to see the great rivers and mountains, so he was keen on public travel: he traveled to Yangzhou in the east for a while, Qinghai in the west for a while, and sent troops to crusade against North Korea for three times. As a result, many soldiers were killed or injured.

What Emperor Yang Di did was beyond people's ability. During the ten years of his rule, more than 1000 million people served in labor and military service, while the national population was only over 46 million. As a result, there are few rural laborers left, the land is barren, the people live in poverty, and anti-Sui uprisings are surging everywhere, and the buildings of the Sui Dynasty are about to collapse. In 6 18 AD, Yang Di, who was desperate, was hanged by his subordinates, and the prosperous Sui Dynasty was thus destroyed.

The obituary law says: good manners are far away from home; Go to the ceremony, go to the public; Go against the sky and abuse the people When Chen Houzhu, a prisoner, died, he was solemnly called Emperor Chen. Unexpectedly, after his own death, he was ruthlessly canonized as Emperor Yang Di by Tang Gaozu Tang Gaozu. Why didn't the shrewd Emperor Yang Di learn from the previous lessons and repeat them? People who shine in the light of history are always unpredictable.

Eight, rude, shameless-the leader under the royal lady skirt

Simply put, the head of the team is a handsome guy for ladies to play with. Face refers to face, first refers to hair. There seems to be no essential difference between the aesthetics of ancient women and that of modern women. They also like men with outstanding faces and thick hair. The word "giving and receiving" comes from the famous Liu. In order to take care of his sister Princess Yin Shan's physiological needs, he gave her 30 handsome teenagers to enjoy at one time according to the basic principle of one post a month, and creatively invented the name "Shoushou". From then on, people call these male employees who struggle in the front line of reproduction every night the first face.

However, face-to-face teaching also has an industry entry threshold. If you want to engage in this business, you must first be handsome, secondly, you must be comprehensive in skills, and of course, you must be in good health. Finally, you need to be broad-minded and turn a deaf ear to those gossip. With the above points, coupled with timely coincidence, we can show our glory and embark on the glorious road of "fame". Practicing beauty is also the absolute truth of productive forces.

However, due to the above conditions, there are not many famous soldiers in history. I have to give an example. The first one is Ai, the head of Qin Shihuang's fucking Evonne. This man is famous not because he wants to launch a coup, but because he publicizes his private parts in the street-he can lift wheels! In addition, Hu Taihou of the Northern Wei Dynasty also had several super titles. The most famous leaders in history are Xue Huaiyi, Zhang Yizhi and Zhang Changzong brothers under the rule of Wu Zetian. It is said that the two films are better than Ai's, and your performance in the street is so poor. Our brother took out a shorter one directly in court, which is better in terms of sensation and audience quality. And Xue Huaiyi is not a vegetarian, fighting for power, killing people and setting fires. Finally, the angry Wu Zetian grabbed him with a knife.

In the final analysis, the existence of noodles is the inevitable product of power and wealth, and it is a portrayal of the distortion of human nature in feudal totalitarian society. In order to get more benefits, many people do not hesitate to sell their bodies and souls, but they have become a walking corpse and will inevitably end up in a tragic end. What kind of ending can you expect from a person who doesn't even care about himself or herself? I hope that the black comedy in the first act in history will never be repeated in today's society!

Nine, Tang Zhongzong Li Xian's cowardly life

Tang Zhongzong Li Xian's life was really outstanding. He is the emperor himself, his father is the emperor, his younger brother is the emperor, his son is the emperor, his nephew is the emperor, and more importantly, his mother is the emperor. This dream family combination is absolutely unique in history and has a patent right. According to common sense, Li Xian must be a majestic emperor who came from all directions, but in fact, on the contrary, Li Xian, who had a distinguished life, has always been mediocre, passive to Nuo Nuo and Nuo Nuo, and even a coward. In fact, the cultivation of his character can not be separated from the strict education of his mother Wu Zetian.

Wu Zetian's way of educating his son is absolutely unique and inspiring. Wu Zetian believed in the dutiful son and didn't like his son's behavior, so she cut it off with a knife. Li Xian's two brothers, Li Hong and Li Xian, died in this way. Under such education, won't the virtuous be honest?

In 683, Tang Gaozong died, and Li Xian ascended the throne before the coffin. After he ascended the throne, Zhongzong felt it was time to show his majesty as an emperor, so his temper became stronger every day. One day, Zhongzong wanted to please his wife, so he was ready to promote his old Taishan Wei as prime minister. After the imperial edict was issued, another prime minister, Pei Yan, resolutely refused to carry it out and stubbornly told Zhongzong that Wei had not been recommended by democracy and organized an inspection, so he could not be promoted for the time being. When Zhongzong heard this, he was very angry and said angrily to the stubborn Pei Yan, "What's wrong with me making him prime minister? Give him Jiangshan as soon as I am happy, what can I do! "

Pei Yan listened to the pale, afraid to report this sentence to wu zetian. Hearing this, Wu Zetian thought this was not bad, even if you gave it to your mother. So she immediately called the security forces to martial law in lightning speed, and called all the ministers to Gan Yuan Hall to publicly announce the order to depose Zhongzong. Li Xian asked his mother aggrieved, "What crime have I committed?" Wu Zetian thundered, "You want to give the world to Wei. Is this a petty crime? " Poor Li Xian was emperor for two months, but before all the ministers recognized him, he was demoted to the king of Luling and went to Zhou Fang for tea.

After Li Xian was abolished, he remembered the tragic deaths of his two brothers and his own misfortune, and finally understood his mother's terror, so he worried day and night and cried all day. On the other hand, Wei Ruyun has strong willpower. She often scolds Li Xian loudly for not promising. After scolding him, she exhorts him with gentle words, explaining to him that the road is tortuous and the future is bright. Li Xian was both grateful and afraid of her. Under the double pressure of his mother and his wife, he finally finished the final shaping of his character in the long years of exile.

In 705 AD, Prime Minister Zhang Jian staged a coup while Wu Zetian was seriously ill, forcing her to welcome Li Xian back. Eighteen years later, she finally miraculously ascended the throne again, and Queen Wei naturally mastered the power of the imperial court by virtue of her control. Wei Ruyun, who was in power, lived a dissolute life, hooked up with Wu Zetian's nephew Wu Sansi and corrupted state affairs. After learning the situation, the Prime Minister Zhang Jianzhi secretly met with Zhongzong and asked Wu Sansi to be killed. But instead of listening, the cowardly Zhongzong told Wu Sansi everything, which led to the murder of Zhang Jianzhi. What is even more incredible is that Zhongzong not only didn't mind the affair between Wei Ruyun and Wu Sansi, but also adopted a conniving attitude.

Later, Wei Ruyun wanted to learn from Wu Zetian, and Princess Anle, the daughter of Zhongzong, also wanted to be the wife of the emperor. Mother and daughter together sent a poisonous but delicious pie to Zhongzong one day in June of July10. After eating it, Zhongzong died of poisoning that day. Under the conspiracy of his wife and daughter, he died of cowardice.

Life in Li Xian is extremely miserable. First, he has a tough mother who was unborn for 5,000 years. Then he has an promiscuous wife who doesn't care about himself. What's more, he has a heartless daughter who sees herself as a stumbling block to the throne. Mother, wife and daughter, the three most important women in a man's life, have become synonymous with cold-blooded, vicious and cruel. It seems that in the court struggle of feudal society, there is no affection at all. I don't know how Li Xian felt when he fell to the ground with poison. Perhaps it is his greatest wish to end this life of shame and indignation that life is worse than death!