Humorous jokes in Sichuan dialect

humorous jokes in Sichuan dialect

humorous jokes in Sichuan dialect: the plane shakes violently. Flight attendant:? Ladies and gentlemen, the plane is always in trouble, and the two engines are broken. We may be late. "Passenger:" When carrying your mother, it was a wave. If all four engines are old, aren't we going to spend the night in the sky? More wonderful jokes are in the joke column, welcome to enjoy!

humorous jokes in Sichuan dialect (1)

1 One day, when we were discussing how tall Yao Ming was, Sichuan PLMM, who usually loves to wrangle, wrangled again. What is Yao Ming's height? There is a man in our hometown who is much taller than him.

　? Who? We asked in unison.

　? Leshan Giant Buddha? She said proudly.

everyone was dizzy, and two glasses with glasses fell off?

one GG is unconvinced: Isn't it more than 7 meters?

but was interrupted by this Sichuan MM:? Is it only over 7 meters?

another person said with confidence: It is 71 meters. ?

so, you people don't even know some basic knowledge? This MM is eloquent. People sit 71 meters, so how to stand up?

everyone fell to the ground?

　? Let him stand up! ? This GG is still unconvinced

　? Well, people have been sitting by the river for more than 1 years, and they have already got arthritis because of the wind and rain. Try it for a few years if you dare! ? Everyone is completely speechless?

2 Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together.

The sparrow said, What kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am Phoenix Thine!

Sparrow: How can there be a phoenix as black as your turtle son?

crow: you know a shovel. I'm a phoenix sulfur burning boiler.

We have a culture in Sichuan: white, not white, fast white; Black, don't say black, say dark; Light, don't say light, say light; Heavy, not heavy, heavy ingot; Fast, don't say fast, say fast; Sweet, not sweet, but sweet; Bitter, not bitter, bitter; Sour, not sour, sour; Spicy, don't say spicy, say good chicken is spicy.

3 A man from other provinces went into a restaurant in Sichuan and ordered a fish-flavored eggplant, so the following passage happened:

? Boss, boss! ! ?

　? What's up?

　? Why didn't you get fish from this fish-flavored eggplant?

　? Fish-flavored eggplant has no fish in the first place! ?

　? Why is it called fish-flavored eggplant when there is no fish?

　? R, are you an ancestor? According to your baby, if you want one? Tiger skin and green pepper? , Lao tze have to get you a tiger skin? ; Order one? Old lady cake? , Lao tze give you a wife? ; You p people order one? Husband and wife lung tablets? Don't I have to kill two people for you? ! ?

4 what is the homework assigned to students by a teacher? Begging? And? Requirements? Make sentences.

after the exercise book was handed in, one of them answered all his life: Yesterday, my mother stewed a pot of pig's feet, and when it was not ripe, my father ate a piece and said: Begging not to move? . Mom said:? Ask you to chew! ? Sichuanese humorous jokes (2)

1 There was a lot of people on the plane, some people were carrying snakeskin bags, some people were carrying live chickens and ducks, and the security inspector was sweating profusely: "If you don't have enough money, you have to make up the ticket. You are overweight and old." "With what? Last time, two sacks of potatoes made me too old. " Another passenger leaned in and said, "Come on, brothers, have a cigarette. Look at my bags of live chickens. If there is no room in the cabin to tie them to the wings of the plane, the balls will be old. Anyway, they can fly by themselves without consuming the oil of the plane?"

2 Before the opening of the Olympic Games, two Sichuanese traveled to Beijing and looked at the map on the bus. Let's kill Tiananmen first, then Zhongnanhai ...? B:? If you want it, we'll kill it all the way along the route you said. ? Unfortunately, he was reported by the people in the same car. After getting off the bus, he was turned over to the public security organ and was released after explaining the situation for N hours. Party A and Party B came to Tiananmen Square and watched people coming and going. They were speechless. .......... A couldn't help it. Are you too talkative (gun)? B:? If you don't even open your mouth (gun), how dare I open it? As soon as the voice fell, it was turned over to the public security organ. A week later, the two walked out of the gate of the detention center. You look at me, I look at you, and A said: Leha is at ease, and her bags are all empty. Where can I get some bullets? ..... The armed police at the gate rushed up and knocked them to the ground.

The Central Committee issued an urgent notice: Sichuanese are not allowed to participate in the Olympic Games, which is terrible. This is another story.

3 CCTV reporter asked the survivors of the bus fire: Is there a hammer on the bus?

survivor: there is a hammer!

reporter: is there a hammer? Why don't you break the window?

Survivor: Mo De! A hammer with a hammer!

reporter: what? There are two hammers?

Survivor: Oh, there is a shovel!

reporter: shovel? That can also be used to smash windows!

survivor: smash a hammer window!

reporter: did you break the window, not the hammer?

Survivor: Oh, let me tell you a hammer!

reporter: I said the window!

survivor: the hammer!

reporter: what's in that car?

survivor: there is a wool!

reporter: oh, no wonder it burns so fast!

conclusion: when you go out, you must bring a hammer. If you don't have a hammer, you should hold it tightly. If you have a hammer, you will have it. If you don't have a hammer, you will have a hammer. Funny jokes in Sichuan dialect (3)

1 One afternoon, a classmate was working in Guaxi, China Construction Bank. A woman dressed in a sloppy way (with mental illness) came to his window and gave him a note to withdraw money. What does the note say impressively? We hereby send XX to withdraw RMB from your bank. Then there are n zeros after l. The signature is * * * C.P. Central Office * * *.

My classmate originally wanted to call the police, but it seems that the woman with mental illness is very serious. I think it's old to call the security guard. (~ I guess the security guard has nothing to do.) Sure enough, the security guard said to the woman:? If you want to withdraw money, you must first go to the police station across the hall and ask the director to stamp it. After he stamps it, you can withdraw money again. ?

that woman didn't think much, and went directly to the police station. (Well, the security guard is really unusual, and he is a little underestimated at ordinary times.) About ten minutes later, when the number of people waiting in line to withdraw money slowly increased, the psycho woman came back happily and held up the note and said: Don't be old-fashioned, the office procedures are simplified and old-fashioned, and you can withdraw money directly without the approval of the director. ?

when my classmate heard this, he couldn't help sighing: * * * * * There are really experts in the team, a word? High profile? I was sent back. My classmate and security guard were a little reckless at that time, and there were many people in the business hall, so I had to call the supervisor on duty for fear that her mental illness would affect the normal order. The supervisor had a chat with the neurotic woman and asked her what she was doing with the money. The neurotic woman said: Take money to buy bread, cakes, food and clothes? . The supervisor pointed to the corner not far away, and the psycho woman was happily k again.

did the security guard ask for advice? Brilliant move? That's what the supervisor said to that woman at that time:? We are China Construction Bank, and only by building a house can we withdraw money from Nali. If you take money to buy food, it must be food. You have to go to the Agricultural Bank of China to buy clothes and other things. You have to go to the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China to get money! ? My classmates really admire wow, who is in charge after all! ! ! !

after the old age, haha, the psycho woman has turned around again. And she brought a few words from banks: The people at the Agricultural Bank of China said that this is the Agricultural Bank of China, and only farmers in Kakali, a township, can withdraw money. I am the head of the city, so I can't do it. The people of ICBC said that we are a public bank here, and only the public can take it, but the mother can't! ! ! ! Call me a bitch and want to withdraw money from CCB?

2 There are two Hong Kong people coming to check in at the front desk, which may not be reserved in advance. I heard the receptionist ask him with Trump. Excuse me, are you from xuan (Sichuan dialect, which means just now, temporarily)? This is not the funniest, the key is behind. Hong Kong people obviously don't understand what xuan means, and their expressions are very blank. So the waiter repeated with emphasis:? I mean, are you spinning here? Hong Kong people still hesitated, and finally spoke: I ... I didn't fly here, I came by plane! ?

The waiter quickly covered his mouth and rushed into the toilet to laugh wildly.

3 First, judge the local accent of the following dialect, and then translate it into Mandarin:

Hey! Yesterday at silly noon, it was Nahaher who blew up, and the leaves returned to the old woman. As soon as they were ashes, they fell on the yellow son at the head of our house and cut it. You go back to your son's place to eat, but the brain-chopping blast didn't even recognize you. I vomited, picked up a charcoal with the size of an egg, and set the stage for the blast injury. As a result, it started to Mao Mao, marking the thinness of my hair.

4 once there was an honest man who made eight friends in front of my father, and I didn't know how to cherish him. I didn't know my back until I got rid of it. Your knife was cut off on my neck, so don't grind it any more. If god can make Lao Tzu take two fires, which tangke will I say: Why don't you stand for me? If she insists on leaving, I will say? Everybody climb? .

in the past year, I had a very comfortable feeling in front of me, but I didn't let it die. Such as Lao tze want to give up, he * * actually didn't get it! ! ! The most unpleasant thing in the world is right under this nose. However, if God gives me another chance, I will definitely say to him: I love you to travel in Shu for a day. ;