Who has a funny joke to share! I am in a bad mood recently! Have fun!

1. The second brother in our dormitory is a devoted person, including sleeping ... One night, everyone slept for a long time, and suddenly the second brother fell out of bed and everyone woke up. But they didn't bother to open their eyes for about five minutes. Just when everyone was about to fall asleep again, I heard my second brother get up from the ground. Shout: Damn it, I fell down. ...

Snow White escaped from the palace and came to the forest. She saw a small room with seven small beds arranged inside. Snow White lay down and fell asleep. At night, the seven dwarfs came back. Snow White said, "You are the seven dwarfs I shot." The seven men looked at each other and said, "You're in the wrong place. We are cucurbits. "

3. There are still 100 days, dear! There are 100 days of pure freshmen and student sisters coming! There is also a 100 day sophomore with a discount promotion, dear! There is also a 100 day junior who will buy one for free, dear! There are still 100-day-old women coming off the shelves ~ dear ~! Hang in there ~ honey ~

4. The Sixth National Census Office counted the most hilarious names in China: Lai (still male), Fan Jian, Ji, Xia, Zhu Yiqun, (thanks to parents' imagination), Pang Guang, Du Qiyan, Wei, Jiao Hougen, Shen Jingbing and Du Ziteng. First place: Shi.

I just look at the ceiling at night, and then I count my fingers and predict that a terrible thing will happen in a few hours-I will be late for work again!

6. I especially want to praise myself when I get off work every day: awesome! Another fucking day!

7. You are fat, and your man's love for you has not changed, but the average love for each piece of meat is less. ...

8. At 4 o'clock in the middle of the night, a friend called and said, "Well, I just saw a missed call on your mobile phone last year, so I'm calling to ask what you want?" I was speechless at once. ...

9. See a girl's signature: When you point out your index finger to accuse others, please don't forget that the other four fingers are pointing at yourself. -Girl, this is really good! How profound! How philosophical! I'm just curious. How long do you think your thumb is?

China's final teams are: South Korea, Philippines, North Korea and Japan.

1 1. Gongsun Ce loves to lick his pen when he writes, and licked his mouth black in one day.

Zhan Zhao: Mr. Gongsun, I don't know if I should ask.

Gongsun Ce: You ask!

Zhan Zhao: Did you just kiss an adult?

Gongsun Ce: …

12. female: you should be kind to me, or I will be jealous ... male: you are not beautiful, not smart, not diligent and don't care what you eat. Are you sure there's someone over there after you leave the wall?

13. 1987 Philippine president's visit to China: "at least geographically, those islands are closer to the Philippines." XXX took a deep breath of his cigarette and said, "We will fight once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move, once if you move. The boundless horizon is my love ... "

14. Weekly work summary of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of China: expressing dissatisfaction on Monday; Protest on Tuesday; Strongly condemned on Wednesday; Solemn representations on Thursday; I'm sorry about Friday. Rest on Saturday and Sunday. Organize suburban activities on holidays: go to North Korea to transplant rice seedlings. ...

15. China on the tip of the tongue Part II: Winter is coming. When Nanjing people in the southeast used blue alum to keep leeks fresh, Fucheng people in Hebei Province on the North China Plain were busy making old leather shoes into capsules. Not far from Shijiazhuang, people use Sudan red to process red heart duck eggs. Shandong people like to add formaldehyde to cabbage, while Liaoning people like to add some sodium nitrite to bean sprouts. Across the country, delicious waste oil is sweeping across the land of China.

16 someone asked, "If someone from Taiwan Province Province confidently said,' I'm from Taiwan Province Province, not China'." What would you say? Answer: "You speak more forcefully, and everyone is from Taiwan Province Province!" !

17. Three things for township cadres: eating, taking and arresting abortion; Three things for county-level cadres: selling land, maintaining stability and collecting some money; There are three things for provincial cadres: speaking, investigating and acting. People do three things: pay, work hard and be in a daze.

18. Degang Guo: "the Monkey King is stupid and naive. He is a monkey and will never be a man. He was guarding the flat peach garden, and the seven fairies came to pick peaches. He shouted, "All seven fairies are here. "He turned to pick peaches! It can be seen that monkeys are monkeys! " Yu Qian: "What if you?" Degang Guo: "I have to get a basket."

19. The customer specially invited me to dinner today to thank me. A year ago, the third party was getting older, and the forced marriage failed, claiming tens of millions. I suggest the client send her to a high-end EMBA. He spent 600 thousand to send her to school. She suddenly became a heartthrob in her class. I ignored my client in less than two months. -Actually, it was inspired by Zhao Shiceng, a Hong Kong playboy. He said that if you want to dump a woman easily, you should introduce her to a better man than yourself.

20. Confess to the goddess who has been secretly in love for a long time. Goddess: I like being alone. Me: Who? Goddess: I like being alone! Me: Who is it? Goddess: I like being alone! ! ! Me: Who is it? ! Goddess: I like being single! ! !

20 hilarious jokes will be popular in May: Gan Lulu will never show up after reading it!

1. Idle egg hurts at night, send an event message to a lesbian. I wrote: Are you busy? I have opened a room, waiting for you! She replied: Don't be ridiculous. I replied: really, everyone says you are good at technology, and I want to try the truth. She replied: Where are you? I'll go back: Happy Landlord, Room 1 12 of Netcom, Table 22, come quickly. She replied, get out ...

Several students got up late on the day of the exam. They lied that the bus had a flat tire, so they missed the exam. The professor agreed to make-up exams and arrange them in different examination rooms. There is only one question in the test paper: "Which wheel has a flat tire?"

3. Husband: How many blessings have I received in my last life to find such a good wife! Wife: You didn't fix it, I did! Husband: .....

4. The teacher said, "Daxiong, the teacher gave you 90 yuan, and then you borrowed 10 yuan from Pang Hu. How much money do you have?" Nobita said, "0 yuan." The teacher said, "You don't know math at all!" Nobita said, "You don't know Pang Hu at all! ! "

Grandpa KFC said to Uncle McDonald: The most romantic thing I can think of is always appearing within 300 meters around you, silently watching you, and then selling your chicken wings for one yuan more than you. This is love!

6。 A boy said to a girl, "Do you want me to chase you?" The girl blushed and said shyly, "Bah ~ ~ OK ..." The boy said happily, "Then run!"

7. 127 Road-Forum users found that after watching Conan, a famous detective for more than ten years, today they noticed that the Japanese pronunciation of "I am Kudou Shinichi" turned out to be: O Leiwa drum washing machine ~ ~ ~

8. "Tao is extraordinary. What you pursue, care about and persist in your heart is your Tao. Some people are infatuated for a lifetime, and it is infatuation that is cultivated; Some people are filial, and they are also filial; Some people are addicted to killing, and it is a way of killing. " Lao Tzu turned to a teenager and asked him, "What do you pursue, teenager?" "Be admitted to a book." "That's a book!" Lao Tzu said kindly.

9. A secret has been discovered. In order to make China never compete for hegemony with it, the United States hired a large number of people to flatter and deliberately keep China backward, making it unable to become a country ruled by law, democracy and freedom in the political system for a long time, with unclear economic property rights and cultural arrogance and indulgence. An ironclad proof is that these people, known as fifty cents, have a headquarters in the United States called the Pentagon.

10. Reading comics in self-study at night has become a fashion. One day I was studying physics at night, and the teacher was drooling on the stage and suddenly rushed at the MM in the back row of me. The comic books in MM physics books were confiscated on the spot, and the children's shoes in the class were shocked, exclaiming that the teacher had developed a perspective eye. Who knows the teacher said on the spot: "I want to cry when I read a physics book, but you laugh while reading it!" " 」

1 1. There is a very tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character. The answer is: 1, monkey, which is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's Harmo's disease; 4. King Kong is a fool with his head caught in the door. Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

12. A gluttonous guest posted that there was a buddy who was very serious. Once he ate noodles in the canteen and got an unknown black object, he told the canteen master that he was scolded, so the buddy bought noodles silently every day, ate them quickly, and then spit them out in public ... Three days later, the noodles in the canteen were completely sold out, and the canteen master knelt down and begged on the fourth day.

13. A couple went to Century Park by subway. After leaving the station, they argued about which entrance was near. Boyfriend insists on entrance 1, and girlfriend insists on entrance 2. As a result, my boyfriend had no choice but to turn to the staff at the information desk. Aunt took a look at the boy and only said: To go to Century Park, take Gate 1, and to have a girlfriend, take Gate 2.

14. Look at the hairstyle, look at the nose in the middle, look at the face with bangs, look at the temperament with oblique bangs, look at the facial features without bangs … and I … am suitable for masking!

15. A beautiful woman saw an ultra-low-cut evening dress in Chanel and tried it on immediately. After coming out, she asked the shopkeeper and boss if this dress was too low-cut. Boss: Excuse me, Miss, do you have chest hair? The beauty said angrily, what are you talking about? Why do people have chest hair? Boss: That's really too low.

16. In the history class, the teacher asked my deskmate, "Who is the king of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom?" I'm at a loss at my deskmate. I whispered below: "Shi Dakai, Shi Dakai, ..." He said with a puzzled face: "Really ... 18? "The whole class laughed, and the teacher glanced at him and said," It's 24 ... "

17. Yesterday, my colleague bought a BMW X6, which made other colleagues envious. Beautiful appearance, fine workmanship and sufficient horsepower, but there is one disadvantage, that is, the battery is not powerful. ...

18. A buddy invited me to drink, and everyone drank too much. He insisted on taking me home by taxi. Holding the pull ring on the co-pilot door all the time in the car, I walked to a downtown area and said to the driver, master, drive slowly, it's too fast, and it hurts. The driver replied helplessly: traffic jam, brother!

19. While eating, my son suddenly left the table and ran to the mirror, pointing at his teeth and nagging angrily. When I asked him why, my son smiled and said, "My tongue was bitten by my teeth. I was criticizing!" " "

20. I just went to the library and climbed up in the dark corridor. By the side light, I saw a white boy walking beside me. I deliberately went to the middle to block his way. He said that my classmate was embarrassed to give way, so I didn't move and continued to block his way. He paused and said that his senior had lent it to me. I was unhappy and thought, am I so old? So I turned around and smiled strangely and said to him, can you see me? He froze for a few seconds, then jumped up and ran away. ...

Laugh and get angry! How many people fantasize that everyone in China can get rich by giving him a dime?

1. A male classmate sent a status: "My brother's smile is less than Baidu." Next comment: "Well, sogou can."

The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death. It's that I'm standing next to you and you're playing with your fucking cell phone.

I don't know much about QQ. In a chat, a netizen asked me: How to upgrade QQ? I don't know how to pretend to understand. Answer: Please uninstall this old one first, and then I'll tell you how to do it! So, half a minute later, the netizen's head turned gray. Since then, this person has disappeared. ...

A girl in the dormitory is usually a fool. Once, this sister drank water with a cup, and then watched the whole glass of water spill on her. Everyone wants to know what happened to her. She calmly said: nothing, I forgot to open my mouth when drinking water.

The third computer in the dormitory always crashes, and the sixth computer asks, "Are you completely dead?" The third answer: "not completely, but especially annoying." Old six: "buy a big plastic bag and put the computer in it to suffocate!" " Next to the second child: "Does Nima need a plastic bag? How cool it is to drown directly in the water! !

6. Ten years of life and death, Android prosperity, Saipan death. The low-end market is bleak. Even if you don't know when to meet, you will die, Apple King. Motorcycle Samsung suddenly returned to China, fighting for the low end, really busy. ZTE pro, Huawei New, Meizu Strong Innovation. Htc is out of the plane, and the girder is changed every day. The mobile phone industry has been impermanent, and everyone is busy changing careers. There are thousands of tears in the cottage.

7. When the teacher criticizes the partiality, he always takes the wooden bucket as an example and talks about the short board principle or something. But ... can't you hold the bucket sideways? Obviously more talented in some ways, but not biased in that direction.

8。 Xiao Ming, floating spring, I heard that it is easy to get an appointment with a certain software installed on the mobile phone, but I can't get an appointment with a girl after I install it. So he had a brainwave, changed his gender to female, accompanied by photos of hot girls, and watched how other men accosted him, so as to learn from his experience. A week later ... he checked in with another person.

9. "You told this house about the night of the murder!" "Bao's adult, that night, it was dark all around, and the waning moon was hanging in the sky ..." "Bold and unruly, how dare you despise this temple and slander the court! Come on, drag it out and play twenty boards! "

10. Little sunflower mother started her class. The child always has a bad cough. Most of them don't want to go to school to pretend. Have a casual meal.

1 1. Living in this Tetris building is really annoying-just after someone moved into the empty room next door, the whole floor suddenly disappeared!

12. Q; Whenever a fly rubs its hands there, what goes on in its brain? The netizen answered; It's singing sorry, sorry, sorry. .

13. A greedy netizen went to a restaurant for lunch and glanced at the next table. Facing the delicious food, people at the table put their hands on their chests to pray. They think they have a religious meeting. Looking closely, they found that everyone at your sister's table typed with both hands. It is estimated that it will be sent to Weibo after taking photos. ......

14. Gao Fushuai: the only thrill; Diaosi: Mr. Right Hand

15. After reading 100' s list of writers who plagiarized speeches, a netizen said with relief: Fortunately, I didn't see Shi Tiesheng. . .

16. Eight documentaries, Chemistry on the Tip of the Tongue, are being prepared: the first episode, The Gift of Chemical Industry, the second episode, The Story of Poisoned Rice and Milk Powder, the third episode, The Periodic Table of Eating Elements, the fourth episode, The Taste of Leather Shoes, the fifth episode, The Secret of Waste Oil Workshop, the sixth episode and the seventh episode.

17. Someone asked on Gourmet.com, "If someone from Taiwan Province Province confidently said,' I'm from Taiwan Province Province, not China.' What would you say? Answer: "You speak more forcefully, everyone is from Taiwan Province Province!" ! "

18. How many people have ever imagined that China people can get rich by donating one yuan each?

19. Girls often say that men do not have a good thing. So when a girl tells you that you are a good man, you are basically hopeless, because you have officially withdrawn from the ranks of men in her mind, thus losing the possibility of further development. Only when a girl says "you are a dead fool" can you play.

20. In order to verify whether my dad really quit smoking as he said, I left the gas on when I went out this morning …