Son fighting with father?

Well, what can I say? I have been like you for a few years, but before I got married, I had been doing a small business with my parents and had a younger brother. Since I was a child, I have been compared to someone who is going to get shot. If I die for the good guys sooner, I will go to jail sooner or later. , He scolded me at every turn and said I was worse than anyone else. As long as something happened, no matter if it was my fault or not, he would hit me first and not allow me to play with other kids. He always felt that I would hurt others. At that time, I had my grandma to protect me and I could play with them. Grandma went to talk to her about the pain in her heart. As I grew up, I gradually felt unwilling to communicate with others and felt inferior. I used to do some small business with them, then went back to my room to play alone, and became obsessed with the Internet. Only on the Internet can I feel safe and safe. Comfortable, I fought with him again today. Yes, you haven’t seen it. It’s just another little thing that made me cook. If you don’t like me, then I’ll tell you that my brother didn’t even know how to make instant noodles before. He started acting like he stepped on his tail. When he was scolding me and I heard him start calling me a loser again, I couldn't hold back my anger and we started arguing. Then he poked me in the butt with a rolling pin. I don't know if he did it on purpose because I was in 11th grade last year. When I was discharged from the hospital for hemorrhoid surgery, he deliberately punched my anus and started to fight with him. When I realized one day that I could resist, I started to fight with him. After all, he was old and his head was locked in a triangle lock with my arm. Sometimes I wanted to die together. But I couldn't let go of the beauty of this world. I watched him panting heavily and let go. At that moment, my father hit me more than a dozen times and said that I was going to hit him. I felt that I was wrong at the time, so I didn't fight back. He felt aggrieved and sat down. He was crying on the ground and I went to comfort him. Then my mother appeared and told us to break up. I told him at that time that there was something we couldn't resolve. I also felt aggrieved at that time. I would change my behavior and return it again. She would not let me go. Whatever I do, I just do it without asking why, but I can never get the results I want. No matter how much I suffer, no one tells me. I am also a human being. I spent the best ten years of my youth on my own small business at home and watched others do it. I also want to go to karaoke and drink, but they always tell me not to spend money on useless things. I also want friends to go out and brag with, but because they didn’t let me interact with others since I was a child, they gave me one every month at 26 and 7 I don’t want to spend all the hundred yuan of pocket money. I have nothing now except to find some unknown friends on the Internet to play games and feel relaxed. I have nothing. I even feel that I have gone crazy. I have been fighting in my body to keep me awake, but he always treats me worse than others, saying that I have nothing. He also told me that home is not his, which makes me feel that I have no concept of home. I basically never sit at the same table with them. After dinner, I sometimes hear his voice and I am afraid. In his eyes, my younger brother can do anything. I can’t give anything to my younger brother first. In their eyes, maybe I don’t need it. My younger brother is one year younger than me. I have been with him since I was 13 or 4 years old. They even acquiesced in calling me by my first name instead of calling me brother. Maybe my brother is the dragon in their eyes. I'm just a piece of dough. Don't worry about my feelings. I'm not afraid of your laughter. My uncle found me a job. If he doesn't think it's good, I won't. Let me go today and he said that I am not as good as my brother because I don’t have a job. I don’t know if he is too stubborn or if he is really belittling me and calling me worthless. Sometimes I really go crazy and want to go out but don’t dare. Maybe I’ve been ruined in this life. I don’t have a job or a partner. From now on, I’ll probably have to rely on odd jobs to live alone. I come and go alone.