Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Excuse me, master, what's your unique skill?
Excuse me, master, what's your unique skill?
Mr. Ma Zhiming's performance manual
Lines:
You see, no matter what job you do, you must have a good physique.
Well, you are in good health.
How is my health?
B Your figure, your figure is average.
Answer?
B almost.
A Do you know what I do?
B I dare not say so.
Jajaly An Zi.
What are you?
Martial arts practitioners.
Are you a martial arts practitioner?
A: Ah!
B what have you practiced?
A: I have practiced sword and fist.
B: Oh, what's the weapon practice?
What are swords, spears, halberds, axes, forks, whips, hammers, clubs, kidnappers and meteors? Use a hook, use a tip
Yes, with the blade, with thorns, with Emei needles, with chains, I am everything-
B proficient!
Relax.
B that's normal, isn't it? This is not good.
A is common, that's them.
B and you?
Hey, you put these weapons in front of me. I can put them together-
B practice!
A sells.
B sell-sell scrap iron? Then I will!
A: No, showing off and practicing.
B Oh, that's what it means.
This is a weapon.
Where's B's fist?
That's a lot, too
B What boxing have you practiced?
What do you mean by big red boxing, little red boxing, Eight Immortals boxing, Lie boxing, Tongbi boxing and arhat boxing? Away from the long fist, near the colorful flag, small shelf monkey fist.
B hey! Now that you mention it, you really look like a practitioner.
A training family should invest in famous teachers and visit friends.
B that's true.
When it comes to me, it almost comes to me.
B is it?
Ah, I want to mention my master, but he is very famous.
Oh, who is your master?
Let's talk about his hometown first. I'll scare you away.
Hey, is that worth pawning? Tell me where he comes from.
My teacher lives in Xiakaner, Xuanpingpo, northwest of Beijing. There is a Tiger Ridge, where his old man's house belongs.
Come on, come on, don't be an old man. Isn't it Tiger Ridge? I know that place, there are about 100 families.
Ok, are they all selling zongzi?
A: That doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense.
B what's wrong?
Hundreds of households sell zongzi. Who will they sell it to?
B So is it. Anyway, there are a lot of zongzi sold in that place.
Besides, listen to my master's name. He doesn't look like a zongzi seller.
Oh, what's his name?
One surname is Jiang.
B surnamed Jiang.
A His old man's surname is Jiang Mingmi, and the word is Xiaozao.
B or zongzi! Ginger millet jujube
Teacher Jia Jiang is very famous in the society, which can be said to be a household name.
B that's true. Who can't eat a few on May Day?
A what's the problem?
B ah, I see.
I mean, he is a martial artist, and he is great!
Oh, capable.
One * * * wants two apprentices.
Who is Yidu?
My brother and I named both of us.
What is your brother's name?
A My brother's name is sugar and my name is stuffing.
Two jiaozi! Hmm, how interesting ...
A: My brother and I learned all kinds of martial arts from my master. What do you mean, cat running, dog flashing, rabbit rolling, eagle turning, camel jumping and toad jumping? It's over.
What's the use of learning B?
One has studied martial arts, sold goods and knows his family.
Oh, are you invited?
A: Of course!
B is it?
One day, my brother and I were practicing martial arts at home, and a stranger called to open the door: "Sorry, there are glutinous rice dates here."
Apprentice, sugar and stuffing? "I said," yes! I'm stuffing, and there's sugar in it.
..... How? "
B ok, here comes the zongzi buyer.
This is an invitation from Xingshun Escort Agency. Their old shopkeeper asked us two brothers to be bodyguards.
B bodyguard?
A bodyguard, okay?
Tell me.
A rich man went out with gold and silver. He was afraid that the road was unsafe, so he had to find an escort agency, which invited us.
These talented people escorted him-bodyguards.
B Oh, are you going?
Nonsense. What am I not going to eat? You can make a lot of money by insuring darts!
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Can you two brothers stand the robbery?
You are a layman, a layman.
B what's wrong?
Where is a? Let me catch up. Generally speaking, one out of ten darts may not be robbed.
B No, what if we meet?
A What if we don't meet?
B stop arguing! Lucky psychology.
A family sent a car to pick it up.
B Then go and have a look.
Go ahead and get off at the gate of the escort agency. The old shopkeeper was waiting there with a lot of people. He handed it to him with his fist: "Two heroes!
I'm sorry I came, but I didn't meet you far away. "
How polite!
I said, "How dare you? Our brothers came in a panic and didn't bring you local products. "
B Yes, you should bring some zongzi. Don't you have this there?
As soon as I entered the gate, there was a wide yard with all kinds of weapons on both sides.
Escort company
The first room has five living rooms, with a dining room above it, a platform above it, and stairs at the back.
Oh, there are no stairs ahead.
Old shopkeeper Jia got off the stage: "Two heroes, come upstairs with me for a drink!" " "Go upstairs. He doesn't take the stairs.
B Then how do we get up there?
A well, a little kung fu. After talking, such a short man made him "pull onions in the dry land", hey! Go up.
B hey! That's really something.
I am ecstatic.
B Hey, what are you happy about?
A: It's nothing!
Oh? How did you get up there?
Look at me! Show me my kung fu.
Let's take a look at him.
(action)
Oh, hold the hand of the cloud.
(action)
B hey! All right!
Jiaxuan! Go up.
B You went up, too?
My shoes are on.
Oh, are your shoes on? !
A there are no spikes.
Come on, silly boy.
I said, "Hello!"
B what?
A "move the ladder and give me enough shoes."
Oh, no, no, why move the ladder?
Nonsense, how to practice without shoes? What should I do if I go up and prick my feet?
B Oh, right, right, right, it's better to be safe.
I moved a ladder and put it up. I said, "All right, don't bother a few people. Do it yourself." Dude, stop staring and go! "We?
Both brothers climbed the ladder.
B that's easy!
I'll have a look at it when I reach the top. Wow! There is such a whole sheep mat.
B good.
A. eat!
B eat!
After three rounds of wine and five flavors of food, the old shopkeeper said, "I invited two brave men for nothing else." There are South Road darts, North Road darts and West Road darts today.
There are still some people who dare to protect the dart, but there are too many robbers on this East Road. I wonder if you two would like to go? "
Well, I'll ask you two brothers if you dare to go.
I said, "Old hero."
B.
"Don't kill the thief."
B yes!
"Kill our own spirit!"
B: Yes!
A "Isn't there a thief in the East?"
B not afraid of him!
"Let's go west."
B ok, hey, where is the west side? !
A go around.
B if you don't go around from the west, you have to go east to meet the thief!
A met a thief?
B that's right!
What about a?
B nonsense! What do you do? Not a bodyguard's!
Tell a joke.
B I'm talking about it!
Old shopkeeper Jia said, "You don't have to sell yourself short. Please go downstairs and sweat. "
B good.
What do you mean by "sweating"
B is also called bright dart. Let's see what your two brothers have.
Downstairs, the old shopkeeper stood up and walked to the edge of the platform. He made a "swallow three mouthfuls of water" as light as a fallen leaf.
When I landed, there was no sound.
This is called lightness skill.
What do you think of his age? How many years has he been practicing? It makes sense to practice so far.
Ouch, yo, yo
A Yes, yes, not bad.
B Then how do you get down?
I-I stood up, stepped aside and looked down.
what are you reading?
Jia Kui, it's high enough!
B yes.
I made one. ...
B what is it made of?
A I'll have a glass-oh, no! I'm holding my urine.
B hi!
A weight, how to practice this? I said, "Dude, take us two brothers to the bathroom. Where is it? Huh? Under the building? You take it.
Road. "We two brothers followed the man downstairs.
He went around again.
A went to the yard to show off darts. My brother reached out, swish! Took the fireworks from the weapon rack.
B, practice guns.
You don't understand this.
Is it?
A it's very special.
B what do you say?
Seven feet is a gun, Qi Mei is a stick, and the big gun is ten feet and eight inches. Inch by inch, inch by inch, inch by inch, my brother is going to take a trip to Liuhe Cannon.
B What is liuhe gun?
A is divided into three parts and the other part is three parts.
B, this three-in-one
A heart and gallbladder.
Three in one?
One hand, one foot and one eye.
Oh?
Eyes and heart are in harmony, qi and force are in harmony, and steps and strokes are in harmony. There is praise to prove it!
What did b say?
The little eyebrow saves two stab wounds, three stab wounds on the belly button, four stab wounds on the yin, five stab wounds on the knees and six feet, and seven stab wounds on the shoulder well. The thorn is a gun,
The scrubber is a stick, the front handle is a gun, the rear handle is a rudder, and the big stick accounts for six characters.
Which six words?
Nail collapse, poking, pressing, covering, picking and stabbing.
B ok!
My brother is about to puncture liuhe gun. I said, "Brother, you just caught a cold. Be careful not to repeat the same mistakes. " My brother, listen.
After that, he nodded: "That makes sense." Put the gun back where it is and stand there. Really angry, don't change color.
B nonsense! He never practiced!
Didn't he practice?
b!
He didn't practice. I must practice.
Oh, you practice.
A I'll go over there, swish! Copy a single knife.
B Well, I need to practice my knife.
Hold a knife in your left hand and hold the moon in your hands. This is called looking forward at the blade, looking back at the back of the knife, looking up at the tip of the knife and looking down at the silk ear.
Look at your hand with a single knife, your elbow with a double knife, and your hand with a big knife. I'll do a "hidden knife in the dark"
B ok! Like this ...
A, follow the trend.
b!
A it's all about posture.
B: Yes!
A no posture.
B yes!
A (becoming timid) is not a gesture!
B (timid) is not bad!
All talk and no practice.
How about b?
First, that's called the thief first.
B yes!
Practice lightly and don't say.
What about b?
A: That's silly!
Oh!
A box of medicine, even work materials, you took my powerful pills.
How about b?
Answer: You let the knife cut, the axe cut, the car run over, the horse involved, the cow arrived, the dog bit, the eagle grabbed and the duck kicked. ...
B stop! Stop. How did you find the drug seller?
A It's so fresh. Please take me there. "How about it?" "How about it?" Isn't that what I sell?
B Oh, it's my fault.
A don't blame you?
B let's keep practicing knives.
A I was just about to practice my knife here when suddenly a dark cloud came and there was a loud noise. "Shua-"It began to rain.
The weather has changed.
Jiahao! I am very happy here.
Why are you so happy?
A: Only in this way can I show my skills!
B is it?
Look at my knife. It flies up and down, left and right, up and down, just like a mountain. See the knife, see no one, see no one.
I'm soaked to the skin. I don't even have a drop of rain.
Oh, you practice knives in the yard?
I took shelter from the rain in the house.
B ok-shelter from the rain! Where is the knife?
A Throw it in the yard.
B: I said I can't see anyone except the knife!
Old shopkeeper Jia said, "Forget it, I don't think you have to wait. This rain can't stay a little longer. "
B save it and practice.
A "Then ask two children in the backyard to check the darts."
Look what you're escorting.
A, take a look at the back. Sixteen dart cars.
B there are too many.
Armored suits are so big (hand diameter is about one foot), Huang Chengcheng's-
A golden lump!
Old pumpkin.
Old B- old pumpkin! Hey ... don't hire a bodyguard, I can deliver it.
A: Did you send it?
B that's true.
You don't understand.
B: Why don't you understand?
You don't understand. This is called "pumpkin dart".
B pumpkin dart?
A looks like a pumpkin, which has been hollowed out and filled with gold and silver, in order to hide people's eyes and ears-this is called a dark dart.
B Oh, that's a lot of attention.
A is walking!
B good.
A: My brothers and I took this escort car out of Qihuamen in Beijing, took Bali Bridge to Tongzhou, crossed the river with earth dam, took Yanjiao and took summer.
Seats, Feng Run, Yutian, Bianshan, Zaoliner, Duanjialing and Hazelnut Ridge. It's getting dark in hazel ridge, so my brother is staying at the hotel.
B then have a rest.
I said, "No."
What about b?
A: "Staying in a hotel is even more unsafe. We are going to stay up all night! "
Yi Ren is bold!
Although the road is rugged, it is good to have a hazy moonlight.
B I can still see some.
A walked to midnight and passed a Huangshagang, in front of which was a dense pine forest. At this time, just listen to "soft-bang!" an arrow
Ring, choke, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
B what's wrong?
A There was a thief (sound: then).
Hey ... don't be catchy, there will be thieves.
A there's a thief!
What about b?
My brother and I ran to the front to have a look.
B.
Jiahao! Boy.
What does b mean?
One was beaten in the forest, chengcheng! There are more than 200 subordinates.
So many people?
One person has a ghost knife, swallows scatter, lanterns and torches shine like day.
B Look at this battle!
One of them had a big black face riding a horse, an iron bar in his hand and a folk song on his back.
What did b say?
Jiayou!
B hey!
Jiayou!
B hey!
Son a!
B: Hey! Hey-? What's going on here? This?
The thief came out with his father.
B one, not a thief!
An unwanted thief?
B no!
A said, "I opened this mountain and planted this tree. If you want to pass by here, stay and buy the fare. Dare to say no, stick it and bury it! "
B how awesome!
My brother saw a thief.
B yes!
A was so angry that "the three gods of death stormed and the five spirits flew around", and when it was in neutral, it was hard, poof!
B is out?
A piece of shit.
Did you pull it out?
A I said, "Brother, why is it so smelly?" My brother: "Nianyan, it's gone."
B hi! Don't adjust the hurdles!
A little thief made my brother shit!
Is that gasoline? It's so scary!
"Brother, back off."
b!
"When my brother dies!"
B ok-hi! Is it appropriate to die? That's called catching a thief to death!
Say "Come!"
b!
A "pull me!"
Pull your-hey, no, no, no, no, no. People ride horses when they go to war.
A has never ridden a horse, so I'm afraid of instability.
B There are no cows riding there either!
Ah, riding an ox is an antique.
B Oh, is this still an antique?
I think that Sun Bin rode an ox because the Seven Kingdoms "fought wits with Sun Pang".
B Hi, Bin Sun, that cow is a colorful cow. It can walk on the clouds.
Did you get a look at him? You saw it? You saw it with your own eyes
B no.
Nonsense. It's all cows anyway.
Ok, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu.
A "pulled my cow."
B yes!
"Lift my shoulder pole!"
B ok, no, no, no, no, no, no! How can a man use a shoulder pole when he goes into battle with a knife and a gun?
A is antique.
Is this an antique, too?
A "strike out to Zhu Zhai", Shi Xiu made a shot.
Well, there is a weapon hidden in Shi Xiu's shoulder pole, and there is a gun in it.
A It's all the same. I bought it in one place.
B oh, no problem!
A has a gun.
Okay, okay, okay.
I rode a pole and led a cow.
Well done-no, no, no, what a pity! That's called riding a flat with a cow ... hey! I was wrong too. Riding an ox and carrying a pole.
Oh, yes I raised my shoulder pole and shouted, "Good thief, good thief!" " "
B yes!
"I lay down my arms, you give me a break! Wow ..... "
B that's great.-no, no, no, please! Stop! Whoa!
A what's wrong?
B surrender before the fight?
Who surrendered?
You surrendered. You said, "I put down my weapon, and you give me a break." Is this more like it? Does it make sense?
A what's wrong? What happened?
B what's wrong? It's backwards!
Is the armor upside down?
B that's true!
A is the opposite. I'm giving him a step. If you were sensible, wouldn't it be over if you let me pass?
B that's not true! What does he do? It's a robber!
A Hey, stop it, I met this thief. He is a cruel thief.
What a fresh B!
A doesn't listen to me.
B yes.
Armour swung up a big iron bar and smashed it down according to my head.
B, hide!
Where can A hide?
B how about that?
My arm supported me, put the shoulder pole horizontally, and made a "push-up brake" to meet his iron bar, only to hear a "click".
Iron bar b flew?
A pole is broken.
B OK-is it a discount? !
It doesn't matter if A is broken.
What about b?
I pulled out the fireworks.
Oh, yes Have a gun.
A I gave him a "cow gun" as soon as I turned around.
B How beautiful-no, it's called "making a comeback".
I ride an ox.
B Hi, I forgot about it. Okay, okay, okay.
Thieves are so fast, swish! Caught the gun head.
Oh, you took it away from him!
Thief A said, "Bring it here!"
B got it!
A I said, "No, I'll give it to you."
B gave up?
Nothing can take him away.
B: Look at this.
One is unarmed, and I am empty-handed.
B then make the cow run!
A this cow is also wicked.
What does b mean?
A not only doesn't run at this juncture, but also makes do with thieves.
B Ha, this cow also eats inside and crawls outside.
A it's over, broken, and my life is over!
B, die.
I hugged his head, hahaha, I am happy again.
Why are you happy again?
A carries a double knife in the back.
B what's the use of that?
I'm not afraid of him now.
What about b?
A: All my kung fu is on the knife.
B is it?
Touch the handle, swish! Both knives are out!
B I used it this time!
The left hand broke the thief's iron bar with a knife, and the right hand made a gesture of "fishing for the moon in the sea" with a knife, only to hear a bang and a red light.
Splash, blood red DC, huge head fell to the ground, rolling around!
You killed the thief?
I killed that cow.
B hi!
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