Looking for homophone jokes

When a sexy beauty got out of a taxi, she left her camera on the back seat. Seeing this, the driver quickly stuck his head out of the window and shouted at the beauty: Miss, your camera! The beauty blushed, turned around and cursed: You still look like a fucking duck! When the driver heard this, he drove away angrily. At this time, the beauty suddenly remembered that the camera was still in the car, so she chased the car and shouted: Master, I have the camera

Hostel

A foreigner went to a certain place on a business trip and wanted to find a guest house. Then he asked passers-by: "Do you know where the guest house is?" "Yes. Why are you looking for Mrs. Zhao?" "Sleep," the outsider replied.

In a busy market, a fish seller shouted: "Fresh fish!" At this time, a bubble gum seller shouted: "Paotang! (Soup)" The fish seller shouted After hearing this, he said to the candy seller: "Hey, why did you say that my fish was ruined?" The more they quarreled, the more fierce they became. At this moment, a bean sprout seller shouted again: "Bean sprouts! (Douya)" A security guard came over and asked: "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an oil fruit seller shouted : "Youguo! (I'm here)" After hearing this, the security guard said: "Okay, let's take the four of you away together.

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: Rabbits , shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! Translation: Comrades, villagers, please don’t talk, the meeting is now! After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, please. ! Translation: Let the mayor speak now! The township chief said: Rabbits, everyone is a big bastard! Hey, let me pick up a piece of dog poop and lick it for you. Translation: Don’t talk, I’ll tell you a story

I went to a restaurant to eat dumplings with a foreign friend one day

Beautiful The service lady came to ask. My friend always missed any opportunity to practice Chinese, rushing to ask, "How much does it cost to "sleep"?

The lady was embarrassed and very angry. I quickly explained that he was Asked how much the dumplings cost.

.....

When the dumplings were served, I asked him if he wanted some mustard.

He called for the lady again. There is no "program"?

The lady said cheerfully, "Yes, what kind of program do you want?"

"It's the yellow one..."

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can I do?

2 .Female: “As long as I have money, I can marry anyone. Man: "Are you marrying the bank safe?" ”

3..Patient: “Doctor, you left the scissors in my stomach. "It doesn't matter, I still have one." ”

4. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit bills with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend them. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan candied haws. Well, they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces of 7 yuan.

5. The minimum standard for a college student; a peasant woman, a mountain spring, a bit of land

7. I said you are. Pig, you said: I am a weird pig. From now on, I will call you "a weird pig"! Finally one day, you couldn't help shouting to everyone: I am not a weird pig!

8. Judge: Why did you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently: Because I can't print real money. 9. Thief A: "Quickly count how much money you robbed today?" Thief B: "No, I'll find out by reading the newspaper tomorrow." "

10. The sun was really nice last night.

11. One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he was hesitant because the car dealer did not have an auspicious license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile: "This license plate is good 00544 (let me try it). I guarantee that no one will dare to mess with it. It's not bad."

The rich man was tempted and bought the car immediately. There was a car accident the next day. The rich man got out of the car angrily, thinking that you would hit this car, but when he got out of the car, he immediately walked away in despair. It turned out that the other person's license plate was 44944 (just try it). < /p>

12. The fortune teller said to the lady: "You are not in good luck. "" Why? "Because you carry a bad omen."

"

" Can I take off my bra? "No, once you get rid of the bad omen, there will be two big waves in your life."

Here are your ears

The newly appointed county magistrate is from Shandong. Because he had to hang up the account, he said to the master: "You

go buy two "Here comes a bamboo pole."

The master misunderstood the Shandong dialect for "bamboo pole" as "pork liver" and quickly agreed and hurriedly ran to the butcher's shop to tell the owner. Said: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pork livers. You are a sensible person.

You should know it by heart!"

The shop owner is a smart man and he will understand it as soon as he hears it. Two pig livers were immediately cut off and a pair of pig ears were given as a gift.

After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "The master asked me to buy pork liver, of course these pig ears are mine..." So he wrapped the hunting ears OK, put it in your pocket. Returning to the county government office, he reported to the magistrate

"Report to the master, I bought pork liver!"

The magistrate saw that what the master bought back was pork liver, and said angrily: "You Where are the ears?"

When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied:

"The ears...the ears...are here...in my...my... In your pocket!

Made after seeing chickens

Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved to eat chickens. The tenants rented his land and had to pay the rent alone.

I had to give him a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay rent to the landlord at the end of the year and leased the land for the second year.

When he left. , he put a chicken in a bag, paid the rent, and then told the landlord about the land for the second year. When the landlord saw that his hands were empty, he raised his eyes to the sky and said, "This field No three types of information will be given.

Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took out the chicken from the bag. When the landlord saw

the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "I won't give it to Zhang San, but I will give it to him." who?

Zhang San said: "Your words become so fast!" "

The landlord replied: "The sentence just now was 'nonsense (chicken) talk', and the sentence now is 'made after seeing an opportunity (chicken)'. ”

There are “aircrafts” available

A salesman went on a business trip to Guangzhou. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to go there by plane

but was afraid that The manager did not agree to the reimbursement, so he sent a telegram to the manager: "I have an opportunity, would you like to take it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought that the "opportunity" to close the deal had arrived, so he immediately called back: "Take advantage of it if you can."

When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager did not agree to reimburse the air tickets because he was not of a sufficient level and had not been reimbursed for taking a plane.

The salesman took out the manager's call card and called back. The manager was dumbfounded.

Related to the place name

On New Year's Day evening, my younger brother brought two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more

reticent.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: "He is from

Myanmar, so he is quite shy." Then he raised his glass. Toasted everyone, raised his head and drank it all

and then said: "I am from Yangon."

The principal got angry

The principal was at the end of the semester At the school affairs meeting at that time, I was furious about the low efficiency of personnel administration.

He said: "The person who is responsible for the director's business is ignorant; the person who is responsible for personnel management is unconscious;

The person who is an officer is not an officer!

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said : “Pickles, sausages and pickles please! "

(Translation: Let the township chief speak now!)

The township chief said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's rice, everyone is a big bastard! ”

(Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, everyone should have a big bowl!)

No pickles, I will pick up some dog poop for you to lick. . .

(Translation: Don’t talk, let me tell you a story...)

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, Xiami We, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

(Translation: Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, the meeting is now!!)

The coach said: "The first class kills the chickens, the second class steals the eggs , let me make porridge for you. ”

(Translation: The first team shoots, the second team drops bombs, I will show you.)