Funny classic quotations mocking life

Funny classic quotations mocking life (selected 160 sentences)

In real life or work and study, when it comes to quotations, everyone is certainly familiar with them. Quotations are short and concise. What kind of quotations are heart-to-heart quotations? The following are the funny classic quotations that I collected for you to ridicule life, for reference only. Let's have a look.

The funny classic quotations that satirize life are 1 1. Rome was not built in a day, and neither was its belly.

If you are not good to your wife, don't blame others for being good to your wife.

3. In fact, the rainbow is a white cloud!

4, heartless, can live to a hundred years old, have a clear conscience, not tired.

I don't know music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

I took your promise to feed the dog last night and found the dog dead the next morning.

7. There was an activity in a shopping mall yesterday. I heard there was a song by BiBi Zhou, so I went there. I didn't know there was a man named Zhou Bi until I got there.

8. It is not difficult for me to trust you. Let me look at you first!

9. I counted my fingers and found that I was missing in your life.

10, in this fickle age, the best way to make others remember you is to owe money and not pay it back.

1 1, I won't commit a crime unless someone else commits a crime against me; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

12. Fart is the unyielding soul of the food you eat.

13, I used to be young and energetic, but now my youth is gone, and I am so energetic.

14, there are no fat people in the world, and there are many thin people, so there are fat people!

15, I often wake up from my dreams because I had a hungry dream, a hungry dream.

16, the three things I fear most in my life, the first is fear of death, the second is fear of illness, and the third is fear of life and death.

17, three points are doomed, seven points depend on hard work, and ninety points are at the teacher's place.

18, never argue with the same fool, because in the end, you will never know who is a fool.

19, eating life is like a train. To sum up, just eat, eat, eat.

20. Every time I see a couple, I will sing the song "Happy Break-up, I wish you happiness".

2 1, a woman in the new era, went to the hall, climbed over the fence, fought for a mistress, and beat a hooligan, but she couldn't get out of the kitchen.

22. If you don't want to answer my phone, just say so, and don't always let others move around to help you tell me you're sorry.

23. After breaking up, I shook my head smartly and threw away my wig. ...

24. I can resist anything except money and beautiful women.

25. I think it's good to call. Everything I say is valuable.

26. Last Singles' Day, a bachelor ate hot pot together. I swear: "I will leave you next year!" " "As a result, I did it, and now I am the only one left.

27, you and he said civilization, he gave you barbarism; You reason with him, and he plays rascal with you.

28. You don't need too many good friends. Two is enough. Someone is willing to lend you money. He asks you for a debt, and the other party is willing to kill him. If anyone bullies me, I will carve his name on the wood and light two white candles. ...

29. Why have I never seen a ribbon float when I eat Dove? Why can't I see a big piece of beef when I eat Master Kong?

30. It's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's life that makes me a bitch.

3 1. When I was particularly sleepy, my moral standards didn't wake up. Teachers should be careful.

Don't say that the wolf didn't eat mutton in 2008. Cats and mice have stopped eating mice since 2008.

33. I always feel that a bed that is made too neatly will mean a little peace in my old age. Well, it's still messy and energetic.

34. Being in a daze, doing well is called profound. If you can't do it well, you are likely to fall asleep.

You play with others in front of me, and I watch quietly like a stranger.

36, the teacher said that you can't eat or drink before the physical examination, and the last row comes out silently. Can the teacher swallow saliva? ...

37. My mother told me not to be an irresponsible person, so I have always been an idiot.

Don't cry there every time you are sad, crying won't solve the problem-you have to die.

39. Today's love is like two people drinking, I propose a toast and you are free.

40. What do you think is the most hurtful sentence for fat people? How many months? Can you cross your legs? Someone gave you socks. ...

4 1, a man's promise is like an old lady's teeth, few of which are true.

University is a place with strong academic atmosphere. When there is no class, we collapse on the bed like Zhang Haidi, and when there is class, we collapse on the chair like Hawking.

43. For men, women are sheep and careers are grass. If the grass is well planted, it is good for the sheep, but if the grass is not well planted, it is only a matter of time before the sheep eat the grass planted by others.

44. Modern women have three obedience and four obedience: three obedience, never gentleness, never thoughtfulness and never reason; Fourth, say no, fight no, scold no, and provoke no.

45, the wife is a periodical, you have to pay if you choose her; Ernai is a novel, and it is very tiring to read it from beginning to end; Xiaomi is a prose poem, which is meaningful and long; Miss is a cartoon, which is readable by everyone and cheap!

Funny classic quotations mocking life 2 1. Not everyone can live a low-key life, and the basis of low-key is to be high-key at any time. "

2. Bad women give me trouble. Good women bore me. This is the only difference between them.

When you fail, you will be surrounded by a group of people who care about you. They will ask you what happened, listen to your story of failure, and then leave with satisfaction.

Ignorance is like a delicate flower: touch it and it will disappear.

5. Women are meant to be loved, not understood. -"The Sphinx Without Secrets"

There can be no friendship between men and women, only love and hate.

7. Being good-looking can really be eaten as a meal. Do you understand why you are always hungry?

8. The only fair thing in the world is that we will all die.

9. I have an important discovery-if I consume enough alcohol, it will have all kinds of intoxicating effects.

10. Cinderella married the prince, but please don't forget that she is also the daughter of the count.

1 1. "People who are well-born and capable work hard for success, because others may also succeed. What are we trying to do? " "To survive."

12. Almost everyone in the world watches TV, but no TV series presents real life. If you spend 30% of your time watching TV plays every day, you will find yourself increasingly disappointed in the world.

13. If you are good-looking and fall asleep on the bus and subway, rest your head on the shoulder of the person next to you, and the person next to you will accompany you until you wake up. If you are ugly, once your head rests on the shoulder of the person next to you, he will wake you up immediately and warmly remind you to take care of your belongings.

14. Actually, it's almost the same to find a girlfriend, and the two of them are also quarreling.

15. The foundation of optimism is completely fear.

3 1, as long as you work hard, you shit seriously.

2. since ancient times, no one has died, and those who die early and late have to die.

3. Although I am not beautiful, I still can't find you.

The biggest sorrow in life is that youth is gone and acne is still there.

I don't want to go to school for 30 days in a month.

The best way to deal with those who use silence to cover up their ignorance is to deal with a man as he deals with you.

7. Listening to English songs is good. I haven't been bored after listening for half a year. Because I don't understand.

Since Einstein discovered the theory of relativity, there is nothing absolute in the world.

9. Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing it.

10, the cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you!

1 1. What is love in the world? Everything has its vanquisher.

12, do bad things with good intentions.

13, one person is happy, two people live, three people live and die.

14, I have never been cheated, because no one of the people has cheated me.

15, when arguing with others, take a step back; When chasing a girlfriend, take a step back and go to an empty building.

16, my father expressed his opinion on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong was ill.

17, don't worry about running with her, I'll keep watch for you.

18, so many people despise me, who are you?

19, if God wants to make people perish, he must first make people crazy; God wants people to be crazy. He wants them to buy a house first.

20. You'd better not hate me. There are so many people who hate me that you can't rank first.

2 1, let the future come and let the past pass.

22. If the teacher didn't say you can't litter, I would throw you out.

My world. No one is allowed to intervene. There you are. Please sit inside.

24. Brushing your teeth is a mixed blessing. Cup in one hand and washing utensils in the other.

25. It is better to send roses than cauliflower on Valentine's Day, which saves money and can be eaten.

26. Why is RMB so expensive? Because grandpa Mao spoke for him.

27. At first, I was your oxygen. Later, I was the air. Finally, I became carbon dioxide.

28, white-collar workers calculate a fart, raising pigs is foreign.

29. I like you so much that you will die.

30. When buying baked sweet potatoes, please ask the boss loudly what the stuffing is.

3 1, build roads by yourself, dig other people's roads, and let others build roads with me.

32. Others laugh at me for being crazy, and I laugh at others for being cross-eyed.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

34. Women are tools to make human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.

35. Valentine's Day is not terrible. The scary thing is that you don't have the same person with you every year.

Believe it or not, I patted you on the wall and couldn't get it off.

37. Take other people's road and leave others with no way out!

38. As long as the hoe jumps well, is there a corner that can't be dug down?

39. God created virgins and men created women.

40. I don't know that oil, salt and rice are expensive.

4 1, the weather is cold like a joke, and life is like nonsense.

42, even believe in advertisements, reading is stupid!

We will know about tomorrow the day after tomorrow.

44. Looking at the lotus lantern, I found that Chang 'e was a house girl.

You may not study hard, but you must not review well.

46. The wisdom of the school is that it won't let you do whatever you want.

47. Live the blues spirit of hip-hop like erhu.

48. In this era, Wukong pursues leopard fashion and sexiness.

49. If you fall, stand up, change your posture and fall again.

50. Others eat longevity noodles on their birthdays, and I eat dried noodles on my birthday.

4 1. Love is light love; Love is deep love.

2. Salted fish turns over, or salted fish.

3. A woman with a variety of amorous feelings is a lighter, and a woman who doesn't know amorous feelings is a fire extinguisher.

4. Take other people's road and let others have no way out!

Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are simple, I can only say that you are not human!

6. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

7. In abstinence, please don't disturb! Or I'll break the rules.

8. South Korea's plastic surgery, Thailand's shemale, can't compare with Inter Milan's Xiu Xiu.

9. Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

10. The National People's Congress finally stood in front of Tsinghua Peking University-the aunt who sold the tickets shouted: "Wei Gongcun, the National People's Congress, Huang Zhuang, Peking University, Tsinghua-get on the bus quickly!"

1 1. Don't think that a girl can seduce me just by being beautiful, at least she is stupid enough!

12. Wash your face, only brush your cheeks and teeth, only your front teeth.

13. Mortgage is to push you to the ground and peel off your skin layer by layer …

14. Beijing University of Science and Technology cheated me for four years, so I plan to cheat the society with the knowledge of Beijing University of Science and Technology for life!

15. Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?

Funny classic quotations mocking life 5 1. People who are not officials cannot be bad.

No one knows himself when he is frustrated and he doesn't know himself when he is successful.

3. Once the declining aristocrats are down and out, they will be worse than death; Beggars will not feel pain even if they smash property again.

4. Love is like sneezing. You can always sneeze inadvertently, but when you try to sneeze intentionally, it's always unsatisfactory.

5. For men, the most beautiful woman is an unattainable woman; For a woman, the most handsome man is the man she already has.

6. I went to the canteen to make potatoes and beef. As a result, I accidentally dropped a piece of beef, so I only ate potatoes.

7. Put the used toothpick back into the toothpick jar and shake it. Later, I went to a restaurant for dinner and found that many people have the same habit.

8. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

9. People's fake ability made me give up the idea of fake.

10. Men are walking genitals!

6 1, I was too lazy to get out of bed and turn off the lights, so I put a pair of sunglasses beside the bed.

2. It is also the basic principle for us lazy people not to eat fish with thorns.

If you fall, get up and cry again.

I don't think about it in the morning, I am very hungry, so I lie in bed and have breakfast. Unexpectedly, it was so hot that I threw up all over. I still didn't remember, so I took off my socks and used them as paper wipes.

When I went to the interview, I walked in backwards, because I was too lazy to turn around in case he didn't accept me.

6. Today, my wife asked me to eat in a pan in order to wash dishes less.

7. My roommate spent 5 minutes peeling a small apple with a knife. I asked her why she peeled it and didn't eat it directly. She told me: I'm too lazy to wash!

8. The key at the same table is always hung around the neck with a black rope. One day I found it turned bright red. I asked him why he changed a rope. He said, no need to change it, just wash it!

9. While watching a TV series, my cat jumped in front of the TV sensor. I'm too lazy to move. Watch the news.

10, the spoon for eating fell into the bowl, so I had to ask the hotel waiter to send another one.

Funny classic quotations mocking life 7 1. The other half of ordinary people's marriage actually doesn't appreciate themselves, but they just can't find someone better. They really appreciate what they like, and there are others.

Now parents let their children take part in various interest classes from childhood. In order not to let their children lose at the starting line, as we all know, some people were born at the finish line.

35 years old is a very attractive age; London's social circle is full of women who have remained thirty-five for many years, and they are free to choose.

4. "I … like you." "I know." "... then how can you pretend not to know? ""Haha, because I don't like you. "

When I was a child, I felt that rich people were depressed and dark inside. When I grow up, I find that many rich people know more, have rich experience, do things seriously, choose rationality and get along better than the poor.

6. There must be pure friendship between men and women. Every girl I know says that I can only be friends with me at most.

7. Women represent the triumph of material over reason, just as men represent the triumph of reason over morality.

8. Do you know why beautiful women have been unlucky since ancient times? Because no one cares how long ugly people live.

9. Don't give advice to women; Never give a woman anything that she cannot wear at night.

10. When God closes a door for you, he will also clamp your brain.

1 1. Spiritual pursuit should be a natural reaction after material pursuit is satisfied. Instead of seeking a placebo after the reality is frustrated.

12. The advantage of emotion is that it will lead us astray.

13. The advantage of emotion is that it leads us astray, and the advantage of science is that it is not emotional.

14. The happiness of married people comes from those who he didn't marry.

15. When you feel ugly, poor and useless, don't despair, because at least your judgment is right.

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