What are the hilarious jokes in life?

I really played a big joke that I can't forget so far. The thing is this: I once went to the grassroots unit for audit. When I was about to go to work, I saw a lesbian who was the office director of the work unit. Because I often go there, everyone is familiar with it. Usually he is humorous and playful, and he has always maintained a childlike innocence, which is the so-called old urchin. I walked behind her gently, suddenly learned a dog bark, and pulled her trouser leg with my hand (as if bitten by a dog), which scared her to scream. Because I am good at ventriloquism. The key is that her back, figure and height are exactly the same as those of the office director. Turns out to be a complete stranger. I really wanted to have a hole to drill down. I hurried to accompany you sincerely over and over again, chanting, I saw the wrong person, I saw the wrong person. Excuse me, excuse me. This is a very embarrassing joke. Because it attracted the laughter of passers-by downtown.

One day, I met Xiao Wang on the road.

Xiao Wang: Sister, I haven't seen Lao Zhang next door for a long time. Where did he go?

Me: He really went away this time.

Xiao Wang: He went back to his hometown?

Me: He has completely returned to his hometown.

Xiao Wang: This man, he just left.

Me: Doesn't that mean leaving and never coming back?

Xiao Wang: Hey, it's a pity that such a good person has left.

Me: What a pity? I am too old to do any more, so I was taken home by his son to support the elderly.

Let me talk about my funny colleague. I talked with him about intelligent robots that day.

I said that banks now have intelligent robots, because our job is mainly to serve users, and we can't argue with customers, no matter whether users are right or wrong.

My colleague has occupational diseases. He said, "Bank users are not satisfied with their products and so on. Are they looking for this robot to scold? " .

The point is, "If that person scolds too fast and the robot can't respond, isn't that smoking?"

Smoke from being scolded ... smoke from being scolded ... hahaha, the picture is really strong.

1 When I was a child, I played with dogs and my teeth scratched my skin. At that time, he didn't take a vaccination because he was afraid of an injection. My mother said that when he grew up, he became a dog without an injection. I didn't believe it at the time. But today I finally believe it. If I had listened to my mother, I would not be single dog now.

Yesterday, I waited for the bus after work. I've been squatting on my cell phone for too long. I waited for the bus for a long time, and then my legs went numb. I limped onto the bus with difficulty. A beautiful woman offered me her seat and asked me if I forgot to bring my crutches when I went out. How can I explain it?

I got up late on Saturday, so I caught my daughter dressed in a hurry and sent her to kindergarten. The door was closed, so I quickly called the teacher and said, "Sorry to be late, please open the door." Then the teacher said, isn't today Saturday?

When my niece came back from the exam, my sister looked at her and said angrily, "Look at what you do at school every day, and you only got so few points." Only 76 points. " The niece took the test paper and said, "Mom, you are mistaken. It is 26 points. "

I went to the pedicure shop to wash my feet yesterday. A new technician came to the shop for a massage. The technician's hand is very strong, and it hurts when pressed several times. I said it lightly for more than five times, but I couldn't help saying it again. The technician said shyly, "I just touched it."

6 Examination subject 2, the security officer asked, "Are you ready?"

I said, "I'm ready."

The security officer asked again, "Are you really ready?"

Me: "I'm really ready."

Security Officer: "Say it out loud. Are you ready? "

I wondered why the security officer was so slow, so I said loudly, "I'm ready."

The security officer said helplessly, "All right, you drive." At first, I only heard the voice broadcast: "Not fully worn, unqualified." Omega, 10,000 grass mud horses galloped past me.

My department has always had the worst sales performance in the company. The leader talked to us and warned us: "Learn from the department with the highest performance and strive for the equality of the two departments."

Deeply inspired, I volunteered to be transferred to the first department. After my unremitting efforts, the department with the first performance is now the department with the worst performance in the whole company.

Grandpa learned to use a smart phone. Today, he sent a message saying that he wanted to do something and let me take a photo of my ID card. I took photos and worried that he wouldn't be cheated, so I called my grandmother to ask what was going on. After a while, my grandmother said, "What can he do? He forgot who you are and was embarrassed to ask. "

I made crabs last night. After the water boiled, I threw them in one by one. The crab was fresh and moved in the pot. My wife is kind-hearted and can't see this. She hid behind my arm and dared not look. I was relieved to "wife, am I too cruel?" Wife: "Mm-hmm, did you put salt?"

10 My neighbor aunt came to my house to play during the Chinese New Year and saw two durians on my desk. She asked me if this fruit was expensive. I said it was quite expensive, but my aunt said it was a pity that her daughter bought some a few years ago, thinking about eating it at the family reunion during the Chinese New Year, but the next day she found that the fruit smelled bad, so she went to feed it … to the pigs.

One,

A friend said to drive back first. I said, how can you drive back after drinking? He proudly said: absolutely no problem, I know the people in the traffic police team! Wocao, you have a lot of contacts! Do you know who it is? My father was just caught drunk last week!

Second,

There was a barber who shaved someone's head, and it hurt in several places when he started. So he stopped the knife and said to his master, "Your head is still too tender to cut. After a while, let's talk about it when he is old. "

Third,

Parking downstairs in the community, I saw a young woman coming across the street, walking forward with a five-or six-year-old child. A word made me laugh ... the child said, mom, are you awkward when you walk, and you always bump my head?

Fourth,

When my eyesight was tested for the first time in primary school, the doctor took a stick and pointed to the eye chart and asked me, "What is this?" I remember I answered, "Mountain … Mountain …"

Five,

One day, the grandson thoughtfully pulled his grandfather's beard with one hand and stroked his bald head with the other, saying, "Grandpa, when people grow up, will their hair transfer to their chin?"

Today, when I arrived at the company on the morning of my first day at work, there were five hundred-dollar bills on my colleague's desk with a small note "Come on" and the name of the leader. At that time, my colleagues were jealous of us and worked hard all day. In the afternoon, the leader came back angrily, and the document fell on the table, another meal. I told you to hurry up, hurry up, where is the oil? . Where is the oil? . . . oil