Change fixed thinking and cross the comfort zone

1. Inherent thinking is difficult to change

I suddenly remembered that I called my brother a few days ago and told him that he was asked to buy books on positive discipline two months ago. Come and watch because I think the way they teach children can be improved and done better. I listened to the class and felt that positive discipline is really good. However, he never bought it, so I asked him dissatisfiedly. , why didn’t you buy it and see it or do it even though I said it? (My own communication style needs to be learned and changed. It is easier for me to question my family members. Although I have good intentions, it feels like questioning).

Then he answered me: "I fell asleep as soon as I read the book and couldn't stand it at all, so I didn't buy it."

To be honest, I was a little unhappy after hearing this. , my mind wants to say "this stubborn brain"; but after thinking about it, I won't say anything, because it is difficult to change a person's inherent thinking mode, and you should not force others to change unless you really I realize that I need to change and adjust. Otherwise, no matter how much others say, it will be useless. Isn't that the same for me?

Think about the same problem in the past. To be honest, when you have not developed a habit, you have to do something that you have never done before, or something that you rarely do. , the first reaction of the brain is to tell oneself and others, "I can't do it", "I'm not good at it", "I haven't done it before, I can't do it", "I don't have time", "I'm afraid I can't do it well".

What classical teachers say about "ignorance and incompetence" is to look at a thing according to one's own vision. When the vision is not wide enough, what you see is the view within the scope of your own cognition.

First of all, the first reaction is the brain's self-protection and resistance, looking for reasons and explanations for myself, because others are asking me and telling me not to do this. (So ??I have to explain that I also want to do it, but I can’t do it. I really didn’t mean it. It’s not that I don’t do it...)

Secondly, I really feel that this It's impossible for me because I'm really not good at it and have never done it.

The third reason is that I am afraid that I am not good enough, not confident, and care too much about what others think.

Fourthly, I really don’t have time. I don’t have time. If I want to change, I can only find a way to solve it. For example, I can choose to get up early, choose to learn time management, improve efficiency, etc.

2. Try to challenge yourself

1. For example, regarding the speech

My heart beats faster as soon as I go on stage and I am so nervous. Dizzy, so I think it is impossible for me to be able to host, comment, and give speeches like other people in the Douma Club. The most important purpose of my participation is to make myself less nervous on stage. (My first speech is about this---I don't expect to be able to speak so freely like you all. I just hope that I can go on stage without being nervous.)

But I really have a heart. The heart to change (the premise of anything must be that you really need to change and want to change before you can follow up), especially overcoming the nervousness of going on stage. At the same time, I feel that it is very valuable to my future self, so I must challenge it. . I participated in Tuma. Of course, I picked simple roles to practice at the beginning. I saw my progress, but I never dared to break through myself. It's been like this for almost two years, and I'm still stuck in simple roles. For difficult roles, I tell myself in my heart that I can't do it, and I'll talk about it later, and then continue practicing simple roles. It wasn’t until I was pushed to be a host that I discovered that it was not as difficult as I thought. I could still do it, but it wasn’t easy along the way. But I had to start simple and persist in making big changes. It will still happen. Only quantitative changes can lead to qualitative changes.

So one day I discovered that I could play any role in a club meeting like everyone else, such as host, general commentator, language judge, these roles that I thought I was not capable of before, and the more I practiced, the easier it became. When I really see the changes in myself, I'm really happy that I didn't give up. (I want to say that the process I went through was really uncomfortable and even painful. I felt like my heart was racing, I was nervous, I was tangled, I wanted to give up, etc.)

2. For example, about Reading is a matter of fact

In fact, I have read very few books after graduation. I am not the kind of person who likes reading. I seem to think that reading is of little use and that experience is more important.

This is also my own fixed thinking pattern of "ignorance and incompetence" (which must be realized and changed). This is also the thinking mode of many people who don’t like to read. They think that reading is of little use. In fact, it is because they do not take action, feel and apply the knowledge in the book.

In fact, there are many great books that can help us change our thinking, bring us many valuable ideas and methods, and enrich our lives. Because I didn’t have a good reading environment and reading habits since I was a child, I found it difficult to read and couldn’t stand it.

I started to challenge myself after meeting a group of friends who love reading. Sister Aihua, Mr. Jiang, etc. are all very smart people who have a good balance in career, family, and personal life. They have read many valuable books and are very wise in applying what they learned in the books. In work and life, and always willing to share with everyone. So I started reading a book every month. At first, it was really hard for people who don’t read very much to read. They would either get distracted or fall asleep and not have the patience to continue reading. After several readings, I learned that the brain has to adapt, so I need to be patient, so I let myself read simple books first. Gradually, I have adapted a lot now. I read with everyone and take notes. Of course, the best Learning is actually about sharing after reading. I still need to continue to work hard to do better. I really feel that I started too late, but it is much better than never starting!

3. Another example is the matter of writing.

This matter can really be described as painful for me.

I have always labeled myself as "my writing is not good", "my logic is not good", and "my writing is not good", so I have never written much. I may write randomly only occasionally to vent my emotions, or I may write a little when I am forced to do so. Therefore, my speech progress is very slow, and I usually avoid writing when I can avoid it. When others ask me to write something, I always say, "But my writing is not good", "But I can't write", "I'm not good, I can't write well"... Anyway, it's just that I'm not good and can't write.

Of course, I will occasionally write some when I am forced to do so, such as work summaries, speeches, etc., but not many, because I avoid doing everything I can. ? It’s quite a sense of accomplishment to write an article once in a while.

At the same time, I feel that some things would be really good if they could be expressed in words. In addition, to give a speech, you must write a manuscript. So what should I do? If I want to change, I can only write. I have told myself and others countless times that I can’t do it. Ask yourself, if you don’t want to do it and feel that it is worthless, then let it go and don’t do it! But if you think it's valuable and you must do it, then start doing it first, regardless of whether it's good or bad!

So recently I have begun to challenge myself, and then I also tried to observe myself, and found that writing can actually be practiced.

3. Challenge your own perceptions

1. Don’t compare with others, compare with your own yesterday

It’s okay to have no foundation, because you don’t have enough reading and practice If you don’t have enough, your literary talent will naturally be poor. If you look at other people’s writing, which is beautiful (others are the result of many years of reading and practicing), your own writing will definitely not be like that, but don’t compare with others, don’t compare with experts, compare with yourself. It would be better than yesterday.

I just learned sketching, and the paintings I drew are really bad in the eyes of those who are good at it (some experts really laughed at me, but I didn’t care at all, I was enjoying myself), with a transition between light and dark. The lines are not too good, but I see that I have never drawn before and now I draw like this. I feel very happy because I am much better than before. I am taking action, I am making progress and I am proud! (By the way, show me haha)

2. I am impatient, eager for success, and reluctant to spend time

Writing is really time-consuming, and I need to be quiet; I found that I am a People who are not easy to calm down, and are not willing to spend a lot of time writing something, because after writing it, they actually have to revise it again and again, and it is not done right away. I found that other people actually also spend time revising it. Because I don’t write much, it always takes a lot of time to write. The time spent makes me feel very distressed. If you are reluctant to let go of your children, you will not be able to trap the wolf. Growth and change certainly do not happen overnight. That is just a dream! We are always too quick to rush for quick results, so it is difficult for us to persist in doing things that can only see long-term benefits. We are more willing to do things that make us happy in the short term.

3. Reluctant to step out of the comfort zone

Reluctant to step out of the comfort zone. I feel happier doing other things. The thought of writing makes my brain unhappy. Because it feels like the brain’s immediate reaction is “It’s so difficult”, “I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do it”, “I don’t have time to do it”. So you need to be aware of yourself and whether you need to cross your comfort zone.

Recently, because I am learning time management, I started to write a morning diary every day, so I started to write my reflections every day. When I get up in the morning, I review what happened the day before and what I have done, and then I have some reflections on myself. I write some reflections on things. Of course, I just write a few simple sentences at the beginning, but later I find that sometimes I have more reflections, so I write more and more. I find that it seems good and I have made progress. I have persisted for 39 days. In addition, I also try to take notes and write summaries when studying and listening to classes. I find that I have made a lot of progress than before. I am no longer so afraid of writing, and I can record my every day. At the same time, you can think and understand from what happened the day before, so that you can look at the problem from a positive perspective. (Small exercise, unexpected gains in positive thinking and writing skills).

Then I found that the more often I write, the faster I will write. For example, the article I am writing now is actually the morning diary I have just finished on the 39th day. Suddenly an idea came to my mind and I started writing. It does take a lot of time. I started writing at 6:30 and it is now 7:30, but I suddenly want to write. Come out and share it with family and friends. But overall it is much better than before, faster, and the logic is better. It will be better if you spend some time to revise it after writing it.

Another very important point is that because I started to get up early, it is really quiet and quiet to write things early, without interference. Recently, I have written a lot of study summaries, lecture notes, Tuma meeting reviews, and MVP assignments. I write them all when I wake up in the morning. And I am very happy to write, seeing the results, I no longer have the painful feeling before, I find that getting up early is really very valuable, reading, writing, and exercising. Because if you spend your working time writing during the day, on the one hand, it is not easy to think about things calmly, and on the other hand, because it takes a lot of time to write, not being quiet takes even more time, and you will definitely have to work during the day and be reluctant to waste this time.

4. Bravely cross the comfort zone

If you want to change, you must take the first step, step out of your comfort zone, and change your fixed way of thinking. The so-called "I can't do it", "I'm not good at it", "But, but", "My writing is not good, I can't write", "I don't have time", now it seems that this is actually my fear of difficulties, fear of not doing well, and reluctance. Get out of your comfort zone.

Improving any new skill is bound to be a long and unpleasant process, and may even be painful. If you are not willing to give up time and practice, will this skill develop into you in a few years? Of course not! In this process, there is no breakthrough, and we can only stay in the original position forever.

If you are not willing to give up time and make yourself uncomfortable, then you will never be able to get out of your comfort zone, and you will always be the person who says "I am not good at writing, I can't write" or "I don't know how to write". If you are good at "but..." thinking and strategies, you will never improve.

Then either give up and don’t do it, don’t envy others or feel sorry for yourself. Either stop making excuses, take action, and take 0.01 action first.

"I can't sleep early", "I can't do it" and "I won't" are just excuses because you don't really want to change, your desire to change is not strong enough, and you haven't found its value and motivation. If someone says I will give you 1 million and you get up at 5 o'clock in the morning, what if you can't get up?

The step out of the comfort zone is really not an easy process. For example, if you are afraid of speaking, you have to speak more and practice more, but most of the time it may be a constant struggle with yourself or Escape, next time, next time. In fact, you have to take this step next time. You have to have this experience and you have to cross that painful critical point before you can make progress.

If you want to break through, don’t worry too much. Don’t be afraid of making yourself uncomfortable. The feeling of rapid heartbeat, nervousness, etc. is really not good. The feeling of anxiety is really not good. However, if you don’t make a breakthrough , I always look like this bird. When you need to use it, you will still regret it and say, Oops! I should have developed this skill earlier. If I didn't challenge it, I would still be like this next time.

Growth and change require going through that painful process. When you break through, you will find that everything is worth it!

And we often like to put ourselves in a comfortable state, see the comfort in front of us, browse WeChat, read chicken soup articles, satisfy the short-term happy feeling of "I seem to understand", and forget these consequences. If you don’t change, you forget what you really want to change.

Try to change the inherent thinking mode, change the words in your life, remove those negative words such as "but, but", "I can't", "I'm not good at", and try to believe For yourself, try to expand your horizons, try to listen to other people's advice--not blaming others for help (persuasion still requires skills and learning), try to be aware of what you really want inside.

Find ways to break through the pain of crossing your comfort zone, discover your small progress in time, think about your goals and what you want to be every day, and imagine how you will feel and scenario after reaching your goals. Be more motivated! Let’s move forward with pain and happiness together! (In fact, there will be pain if you don’t change, such as anxiety and other hidden pain)